I'm in love with my husband's best friend

[OMC]

'In a perfect world without human beings nobody would do things that are so selfish.'

 

 

Sheer stupidity.

[aliveagain]

There is trust and blind trust. Blind trust ignores/doesn't see the flags. Sometimes until it is too late. But there were flags and not hindisght flags in order for it to be "blind trust"

 

Let me ask you this.

 

If your spouse is in charge of the finances but you notice a lot of new things around the house do you think to yourself "my spouse is good with money and wants the best for us. They'd never spend beyond our means" do you blindly trust them to keep things on track?

 

If your child is showing signs and symptoms of abuse. Do you blindly trust that it couldn't be your spouse or do you investigate all avenues?

 

If your spouse is spending all their time hanging out with a friend of the opposite sex do you blindly trust they are not forming a bond that crosses the line?

 

Blind trust is NEVER good. Nor should it be mourned when lost. Like I said this is the real workd where imperfect people who screw up live. Or people who are down right evil.

 

 

I am a very smart man. I am in the middle of selling my company and because of the size of buyer required we have engaged Deloitte to facilitate the sale. They don't deal with little companies, they are very selective. Yet with all my smarts my ex was able to deceive me for 2 years, banging some guy that does stucco. She deceived me into believing my son was mine until his first birthday. I named him after my deceased father. Thank goodness someone decided to tell me the truth.

 

Who wants to marry someone they can't blindly trust? Who wants to have children with someone they don't blindly trust? Who wants to go into business/partnership with someone they don't blindly trust? Something's just require a certain level of trust or why do them?

[Selfish]

I am a very smart man. I am in the middle of selling my company and because of the size of buyer required we have engaged Deloitte to facilitate the sale. They don't deal with little companies, they are very selective. Yet with all my smarts my ex was able to deceive me for 2 years, banging some guy that does stucco. She deceived me into believing my son was mine until his first birthday. I named him after my deceased father. Thank goodness someone decided to tell me the truth.

 

Who wants to marry someone they can't blindly trust? Who wants to have children with someone they don't blindly trust? Who wants to go into business/partnership with someone they don't blindly trust? Something's just require a certain level of trust or why do them?

 

But you didn't blindly trust your wife. You just trusted her as one usually does.

 

Blind trust is different than just trust. If it wasn't we wouldn't add the word "blind" to it. You never answered my examples. Would you blindly trust your spouse when all evidence proves to not that they are still faithful?

[aliveagain]

But you didn't blindly trust your wife. You just trusted her as one usually does.

 

Blind trust is different than just trust. If it wasn't we wouldn't add the word "blind" to it. You never answered my examples. they are still Would you blindly trust your spouse when all evidence proves to not that faithful?[/QUOTE]

 

Please note, I mentioned I was smart, secondly I will again bring to your attention that I refer to her as my ex.

[Selfish]

But you didn't blindly trust your wife. You just trusted her as one usually does.

 

Blind trust is different than just trust. If it wasn't we wouldn't add the word "blind" to it. You never answered my examples. they are still Would you blindly trust your spouse when all evidence proves to not that faithful?[/QUOTE]

 

Please note, I mentioned I was smart, secondly I will again bring to your attention that I refer to her as my ex.

 

I mean a theoretical future spouse. I know your story.

 

I believe in trusting people. And if someone betrays you that is on them. But if you blindly trusted them and ignored/missed obvious red flags (not hindsight red flags but like a few of the examples given) you still aren't responsible for your actions. But hopefully you learned to not blindly trust someone anymore.

[aliveagain]

 

I mean a theoretical future spouse. I know your story.

 

I believe in trusting people. And if someone betrays you that is on them. But if you blindly trusted them and ignored/missed obvious red flags (not hindsight red flags but like a few of the examples given) you still aren't responsible for your actions. But hopefully you learned to not blindly trust someone anymore.

 

My next relationship will include a very clear and understandable post nuptial agreement. It is hard to defend yourself against someone you love when they intentionally plan to deceive you. When the person your in a relationship with does everything on Earth to show you they are the best spouse on the planet and deserving of your trust, you trust them, period. My tolerance for infidelity when it pertains to me is zero. You cheat your done with no in between. My standards are very high because I have a lot to offer. I will not get into a relationship with someone I can't blindly trust. Why do it unless that trust is there, it's not like I can't take care of myself.

[Selfish]

 

My next relationship will include a very clear and understandable post nuptial agreement. It is hard to defend yourself against someone you love when they intentionally plan to deceive you. When the person your in a relationship with does everything on Earth to show you they are the best spouse on the planet and deserving of your trust, you trust them, period. My tolerance for infidelity when it pertains to me is zero. You cheat your done with no in between. My standards are very high because I have a lot to offer. I will not get into a relationship with someone I can't blindly trust. Why do it unless that trust is there, it's not like I can't take care of myself.

But that isn't blind trust. You are putting a prenup in place. If you blindly trusted that would be uneccesary. I would say that most posters on here didn't blindly trust. Or at least quickly stopped. Think of how many people discovered affairs because they knew something was off and investigated. Or they saw red flags. Blind trust would not.

[Spectre]

Actually, blind trust is exactly that... Being blind. It is trusting someone so much you ignore flags. You don't see that your spouse is a fallable human being. You believe them incapable of falling down the slippery slope. You trast them to think and behave like younno matter what. Blind trust isn't just trusting your spouse doesn't cheat in normal circumstances. Blind trust is trust is trusting your spouse wouldn't cheat in exactly the situations above.

 

Nobody should have blind trust. In themselves or others. If a situation is questionable (close friendship) something should be said. Which the OP's husband did when he finally took the blinders off.

 

In a perfect world without human beings nobody would do things that are so selfish. Everyone would be aware of crossing boundaries. But infidelity will never stop. All we can do is control our own behaviour.

 

Okay, but the husband was not blindly trusting them though. Once they began behaving truly inappropriately he booted the guy out. Once the red flags began popping up he DID take notice.

[Selfish]

Okay, but the husband was not blindly trusting them though. Once they began behaving truly inappropriately he booted the guy out. Once the red flags began popping up he DID take notice.

 

Yes i never said otherwise. Imo he should never had moved the guy in in the first place. Not if the OP really did express that it wasnt a good idea. But I am pretty sure he regrets that himself.

[Selfish]

'In a perfect world without human beings nobody would do things that are so selfish.'

 

 

Sheer stupidity.

 

How is that sheer stupidity. It is the truth. You cannot control someone else's behaviour. And you can only know as much about them as a person from the outside looking in too.

[Ralph79]

How is that sheer stupidity. It is the truth. You cannot control someone else's behaviour. And you can only know as much about them as a person from the outside looking in too.

 

I find your quote confusing. In a perfect world without human beings ...

 

What other beings would there be left , that you are alluding to, for there to be any subsequent argument ?

 

Sorry I'm dumb. I didn't understand it.

[Selfish]

I find your quote confusing. In a perfect world without human beings ...

 

What other beings would there be left , that you are alluding to, for there to be any subsequent argument ?

 

Sorry I'm dumb. I didn't understand it.

 

Humans are the ones who create wars, cheat, lie, and break hearts. We betray each other. In order for none of that to happen and the world to be perfect there would have to be no humans in it. There will always be those things. And no matter how wonderfully we live our own lives bad things caused by selfish people can and probably will happen to us. And that is my point on why we should never be blind in our trust.

[Ralph79]

And that is my point on why we should never be blind in our trust.

 

That is a choice. A price you may or may not be willing to pay, for a connection to someone, said trust ultimately gives you.

 

We trust, we risk getting disappointed & hurt. That is the price we pay for trust.

 

I will substitute blind with wholeheartedly because to me, blind means trusting anyone who hasn't EARNED our trust. That I will not do.

 

We trust wholeheartedly, we risk getting betrayed and traumatized. That is the price we pay for wholehearted trust.

 

Some people can't afford our trust. And some demand a price too high for theirs.

 

But trust is needed in society. We are social beings after all. We just have to learn who to trust, how much to trust them and what to trust them with. Knowing there is always a risk for disappointment and betrayal.

 

John Wooden (UCLA Mens Basketball Coach) once said:

 

"Better to trust and be disappointed once in a while, than it is to distrust & be miserable all the time"

 

I believe those words.

 

This is my opinion, but i can completely see how some may be more much more cautious, specially when life has consistently showed them reason to.

[Selfish]

That is a choice. A price you may or may not be willing to pay, for a connection to someone, said trust ultimately gives you.

 

We trust, we risk getting disappointed & hurt. That is the price we pay for trust.

 

I will substitute blind with wholeheartedly because to me, blind means trusting anyone who hasn't EARNED our trust. That I will not do.

 

We trust wholeheartedly, we risk getting betrayed and traumatized. That is the price we pay for wholehearted trust.

 

Some people can't afford our trust. And some demand a price too high for theirs.

 

But trust is needed in society. We are social beings after all. We just have to learn who to trust, how much to trust them and what to trust them with. Knowing there is always a risk for disappointment and betrayal.

 

John Wooden (UCLA Mens Basketball Coach) once said:

 

"Better to trust and be disappointed once in a while, than it is to distrust & be miserable all the time"

 

I believe those words.

 

This is my opinion, but i can completely see how some may be more much more cautious, specially when life has consistently showed them reason to.

 

I wasn't talking about trust, or whole hearted trust. Just blind trust.

[aliveagain]

Selfish just as an example because I don't know your story. Assuming that you and your husband spoke the same vows to each other and your both in the same marriage, you cheat but he protects his vows by honouring his word. Did you trust your husband while you were cheating on him? Was he wrong to trust you or were you wrong by allowing another man to soil what is most revered by your husband? It all comes down to what we all believe and what we perceive as being important to us. Just as honouring your vows is a choice, so is deciding to cheat. You do both because you want to not because you have to. Without trust no relationship will work.