What type of men do women usually have casual sex with?

[Mangina]

Basically to me being the settle guy is where a woman is only with you for the things you can provide for her, but isn't necessarily head over heels for you. She thinks you're a good guy, but imagines being with someone that could be more attractive, maybe more adventurous, amazing in bed, something of that nature. But she goes the "safe" route by being with you because you're the definition of the average good guy where they could at least be comfortable.

 

And I don't got the answers for that man. I got no clue how some of these women can do this **** to a man.

 

I do not think a girl will marry a guy she is not attracted to. She might date him for a while, but go as far as to marry him. (I am ruling out the rich, they don't count) She will always think of someone else just like I will always think of megan fox. I am not sure this is as big of a deal as you are making.

[ascendotum]

What is love? Does love grow? Will she go as far as to marry my ugly butt? How can girls fake it for so long?

 

I do not think it is very common.

 

With women in their 20s I think it is not common, but with women 30 up I think it is more common. How common hard to say as no man or women is going to want to make it too obvious or will admit to except with their best friend. I have friends who I am sure have been settled for and the women did not have to put on a big fake act imo.The women came across as interested but certainly not keen or passionate. The guys were more enthusiastic (lil desperate) and the women seemed to go with the flow, and then it seemed to become more obvious once they lived together for a bit or bought a house or had a baby or got married. Likewise I know a few women who are now dating someone that's not their typical type, (in some cases a guy that would have been a loozer to them 5+yrs ago) and they certainly comes across that they are less happy than they were with the guys (LTRS/STRs/FWB/Flings) they had before. I don't think its something guys in their 20s necessarily need to worry about but for guys in their 30s who have not been a big hit with women should keep their wits about them, but trouble is quite a few are desperate to be settled, and maybe don't even care greatly. Likewise some of these older guys who hate being single could also settle down with a woman they think is 'okay' instead of awesome or hot or tremendous.

[NJ123]

I do not think a girl will marry a guy she is not attracted to. She might date him for a while, but go as far as to marry him. (I am ruling out the rich, they don't count) She will always think of someone else just like I will always think of megan fox. I am not sure this is as big of a deal as you are making.

 

You misunderstood me. They could find you attractive, but not as attractive as the guy they imagine they'd rather be with. It's like for example, a woman is 35 years old & wants to settle down with a family & get married soon. She has the option between a really attractive guy but he has a really mediocre job so he wouldn't be able to provide enough to start a family that she'd like to have. Or the average looking nice guy with a good job that could provide enough to start a family & she thinks he'd make a great dad. So she'd compromise on the lesser looks & "settle" for you.

Edited February 13, 2015 by NJ123

[Mangina]

With women in their 20s I think it is not common, but with women 30 up I think it is more common. How common hard to say as no man or women is going to want to make it too obvious or will admit to except with their best friend. I have friends who I am sure have been settled for and the women did not have to put on a big fake act imo.The women came across as interested but certainly not keen or passionate. The guys were more enthusiastic (lil desperate) and the women seemed to go with the flow, and then it seemed to become more obvious once they lived together for a bit or bought a house or had a baby or got married. Likewise I know a few women who are now dating someone that's not their typical type, (in some cases a guy that would have been a loozer to them 5+yrs ago) and they certainly comes across that they are less happy than they were with the guys (LTRS/STRs/FWB/Flings) they had before. I don't think its something guys in their 20s necessarily need to worry about but for guys in their 30s who have not been a big hit with women should keep their wits about them, but trouble is quite a few are desperate to be settled, and maybe don't even care greatly. Likewise some of these older guys who hate being single could also settle down with a woman they think is 'okay' instead of awesome or hot or tremendous.

 

This is troubling. The reason being is because you don't sound paranoid, but sincere in the way you wrote that.

 

Do women do this intentionally, or subconsciously? I just can't process that there are that many women who use men like that. Leaving out the gold diggers, but those are obvious. So many questions, why on earth would they marry him? Women today make their own money and make good money. They do not need to get married or have kids, I'm just not understanding.

 

Also men today should know about the divorce rates and laws. I honestly do not see a reason to tie the knot.

[Mangina]

You misunderstood me. They could find you attractive, but not as attractive as the guy they imagine they'd rather be with. It's like for example, a woman is 35 years old & wants to settle down with a family & get married soon. She has the option between a really attractive guy but he has a really mediocre job so he wouldn't be able to provide enough to start a family that she'd like to have. Or the average looking nice guy with a good job that could provide enough to start a family & she thinks he'd make a great dad. So she'd compromise on the lesser looks & "settle" for you.

 

Well if you had the option of a really hot girl who made $8 an hr and spent it all on herself or an average girl who made $20, contributed to the bills, picked up the check every now and then and loved kids, who would you take?

[NJ123]

Well if you had the option of a really hot girl who made $8 an hr and spent it all on herself or an average girl who made $20, contributed to the bills, picked up the check every now and then and loved kids, who would you take?

 

The average girl, but the hot girl in that situation wouldn't even be an option in general for me. Since that shows a very selfish description of a woman.

[Mangina]

The average girl, but the hot girl in that situation wouldn't even be an option in general for me. Since that shows a very selfish description of a woman.

 

Oh man lol okay lets try again hot girl only makes enough for her car payment, gas, her food whatever. thats how it is when you make below 30 grand.

[NJ123]

Oh man lol okay lets try again hot girl only makes enough for her car payment, gas, her food whatever. thats how it is when you make below 30 grand.

 

Well, personality would come into play as well. If she's really attractive & a really nice person, I'd of course choose her over the average girl regardless of money.

[ascendotum]

This is troubling. The reason being is because you don't sound paranoid, but sincere in the way you wrote that.

 

Do women do this intentionally, or subconsciously? I just can't process that there are that many women who use men like that. Leaving out the gold diggers, but those are obvious. So many questions, why on earth would they marry him? Women today make their own money and make good money. They do not need to get married or have kids, I'm just not understanding.

 

Also men today should know about the divorce rates and laws. I honestly do not see a reason to tie the knot.

 

In past generations there was greater societal pressure to be married and people used to get engaged early 20s. I know from meeting and knowing some of my parents friends that you could sense there was settling in the ones that got engaged around late 20s up were I reckon people were starting to get desperate to find someone or be lsft on the shelf and looked down on. Thankfully there is not that stigma today, but I think one aspect that has changed that I reckon exacerbates this issue is the increase in casual sex/hookup culture. I really do think it sets the bar higher on expectations for some women, as it very easy for them to date up when it comes to nsa. It depends to on how far back they had fun. If it was just early 20s not so bad, but if it on and off all her 20s or she lived the SATC life after divorce/as single mom, then those hotter guys will leave a recent impression (standard). Some women don't have to hookup a lot either,as I find those that have a "type", for many yrs and relationships don't end up being good for her or lasting, can do the 'alpha fux beta bux' routine in her 30s.

 

I certainly don't want to sound paranoid but I just feel the longer you leave it to settle down the more chance you will have to compromise (not necessarily bad) or settle for someone you're meh over and likewise you risk that also in the other person with you. Its more relevant for guys or women who have struggled in the past and not turned it around. My friends who got settled for were not butt ugly by any means, just average joes (slightly over weight,or bit thin,or bit balding, or too serious, etc) with no charisma or game. The women moved into their house which they owned (fallback security $), and dropped their work hrs or quit work if there was a baby.

[2.50 a gallon]

NJ123

 

 

To answer your question, they were all very attractive, 8's or better, with just a few 7's. One of the 7's, ended up on the cover of the Bunny magazine.

[Toodaloo]

I didn't mean all women obviously. But unattractive guys with a lot of money have way more options than an average looking guy with an average or low paying job.

 

You are still not getting it.

 

Your personality counts for far FAR more than any of these things.

 

If you look after your women in a way in which they appreciate it doesn't matter if you make loads or look like a pigs backside.

 

For many women their partners doing simple things such as making a cup of tea each morning or running the hoover round or washing up mean FAR more than the car you drive or the cost of the gifts you bring.

 

Stability does not cost. Yes earn a crust and bring home the bacon but many women have learnt how to make a little go a very long way. So if you are attentive and gentlemanly with out getting in her face or being a doormat you will do far better. Simple things such as holding her hand or moving her away from moving traffic and walking between her and the road. Stand up straight and be proud of yourself. Be confident and act as though you are a man in your own right regardless of how much you earn or if you have a big nose or bald head...

[elaine567]

The average girl, but the hot girl in that situation wouldn't even be an option in general for me. Since that shows a very selfish description of a woman.

 

Exactly, have you "settled" for the average girl or did you just make a choice?

I note that when the scenario changes in the example and the attractive girl's personality changes to equal the average girl, you dump the average girl.

 

Women tend to choose who they think will suit them best. To the outside world that may look like "settling", but for many women who have been through the mill of cheaters,

selfish guys, controlling guys, bitter guys, liars and men with dreadful personalities, your laid back, easy going, caring, honest chap with no game is a welcome relief,

even if he is balding, short or overweight.

It is not "settling", it is being sensible.

 

I think the longer you leave it, the more aware you are of what is important for you in a long term mate.

You look past the superficial, you are more likely to realise the visual is an unreliable forecaster of compatibility, you are looking for different personality traits, and you identify the red flags earlier.

 

(Of course balding, short and overweight guys can be douchebags too, I am aware of that).

[GoodOnPaper]

Exactly, have you "settled" for the average girl or did you just make a choice?

I note that when the scenario changes in the example and the attractive girl's personality changes to equal the average girl, you dump the average girl.

 

When it comes to guys who really struggle with attracting women, myself included, "choices" are largely hypothetical and should be taken with a grain of salt. Virtually every woman can go down the casual sex route whenever she wants -- that's truly a choice. But when a guy has trouble attracting women, the casual sex option is the first thing taken off the table -- in order to have any sex and intimacy at all, it has to be in the context of a relationship, so it's understandable for such a guy to worry about situations where he could be manipulated by a woman with a lot more experience.

 

That said, in this day and age with discussion boards and all the "nice guy" pop psychology advice out there, I can't imagine that even the most inexperienced adult male could be completely blindsided by a woman trying to "settle" with him for material gain or comfort. I'm also a believer in a man trusting his comfort-level gut instincts to avoid such situations in the first place. If a potential partner's life experience is light-years outside my own, am I really going to feel comfortable enough with her to fall head-over-heels for her and dive into a committed relationship?

 

If the OP's concerns are really just about the level of raw attraction as opposed to intentional relationship manipulation, that's a tougher issue to crack. A lot of individual things can come into play. Unfortunately, my experience is that marriage intimacy has not made up for what I think I missed out on by not being able to attract anyone for casual sex. But, I don't think my wife is trying to scam me or anything. I think her weight-related body image issues affect her approach to sex like my "nice guy" issues affect mine.

[ktya]

This whole thread is going down the wrong road.

 

This whole, "Women have casual sex with A-holes but settle down with gamma types" is not how it works at all.

 

I'm a nice guy and I banged 20 women in 2014 and dated 30. Of the ones I banged I mostly banged on the first or second date.

 

I just came right out to them and said, "I'm not looking for a girlfriend. I'm seeing other people. I just want to hang out and have a good time and the way I look at it, I am hanging out with you because I like hanging out with you, not because I want to own your vagina." Walaa. They came back to my house and bobs your uncle.

 

Guys are always down for casual sex. Most married guys, guys with girlfriends, we cant resist. Some are truly faithful and can resist, even with alcohol. Girls know this.

 

Girls are more fickle creatures. They want to know that if there's a mishap and they get pregnant your not going to be nowhere to be found. They want to know that your not some idiot dog who throws care to the wind with STDs. They want to have some sort of a connection with your brain before they rip off their clothes. If they're going to have casual sex with you they dont want the word to get all around and have their aquaintances think they're a slut. As a girl, casual sex is just a lot more complicated.

 

I dated this medical researcher for a spell in the spring of last year. She was dressed oddly almost looked like a witch she was so eccentric. She was an interesting enough girl to talk to in the pub I met her on the first date. I offered after a few hours of talking to come back to my house, she obliged. We hit the rum, I let her pour her own drinks, and as the transit was winding down I offered she could stay. She really thought about it but decided to go for it. We had mad sex all night, and once her weird clothes were off she turned out to be a very beautiful woman. We had breakfast and coffee together the next morning and saw eachother four or five more times.

 

The reason I bring this up is because this girl was very introverted, no party girl at all. Her vibe certainly didn't scream out, "party girl who wants to bang and have fun". Very intellectual. She was dressed very down and didn't look even hot by my own standards, I could barely tell what was under that technicolor trench coat and matching hat.

 

But the fact we connected mentally, were laughing, and having a good time and I wasnt spending the evening gawking at her tits I think gave her the confidence to swing over to my place. The same thing ensued when I got her over here despite the lack of trench and I noticed she had a pretty nice rack on her.

 

It was pretty casual. She said she was looking for a boyfriend, I told her I wasnt looking for a girlfriend.

 

I banged that girl like 4 times, it was fun each time, we parted ways, no hard feelings.

 

The moral of the story is almost any girl will have casual sex - but they have to feel comfortable with what's going on. It can't be an exercise in maniuplation (yawn master key bs) and it can't be a situation she feels she may regret. She has to feel respected for more than the fact that she can put out for you, there has to be a connection. Men have no problem connecting to the image of a woman's body, for women not so much. I mean if your not fat greasy and bald, whats the difference from one man to another? His face and his attire.

 

You'll never get casual sex out of an inexperienced woman, unless she's a recently deflowered virgin on a rampage. She has had to have had sex with at least 5-7 partners before she'll do it, because then she realizes that sex does not equal love and love does not equal sex, and that one penis largely feels the same to another.

 

its not about party guy and party girl. Its just people.

Edited February 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[stillafool]

Basically to me being the settle guy is where a woman is only with you for the things you can provide for her, but isn't necessarily head over heels for you. She thinks you're a good guy, but imagines being with someone that could be more attractive, maybe more adventurous, amazing in bed, something of that nature. But she goes the "safe" route by being with you because you're the definition of the average good guy where they could at least be comfortable.

 

And I don't got the answers for that man. I got no clue how some of these women can do this **** to a man.

 

Yes and some women may feel like they were just settled for because they were nice, good on paper, not too many sex partners and good mother material but he isn't head over heels in love with her. He can't stop imagining being with a sexy, hot wife who is amazing in bed. The wife feels that she was chosen because he couldn't get the hot wife he dreams of.

 

See how this can go both ways.

[NJ123]

Exactly, have you "settled" for the average girl or did you just make a choice?

I note that when the scenario changes in the example and the attractive girl's personality changes to equal the average girl, you dump the average girl.

 

Women tend to choose who they think will suit them best. To the outside world that may look like "settling", but for many women who have been through the mill of cheaters,

selfish guys, controlling guys, bitter guys, liars and men with dreadful personalities, your laid back, easy going, caring, honest chap with no game is a welcome relief,

even if he is balding, short or overweight.

It is not "settling", it is being sensible.

 

I think the longer you leave it, the more aware you are of what is important for you in a long term mate.

You look past the superficial, you are more likely to realise the visual is an unreliable forecaster of compatibility, you are looking for different personality traits, and you identify the red flags earlier.

 

(Of course balding, short and overweight guys can be douchebags too, I am aware of that).

 

I already said that I would not be with a woman that thinks all or most of her exes are jerks. That's a huge red flag to me. This happened to my friend about two years ago. He went on a date or two with some woman. They got along fine, she was flirty with him & everything, but he got completely turned off when she mentioned hating her ex & being in past abusive relationship. That's not someone I want.

 

And of course if there's an average looking girl & a very attractive girl, & I think they both are really cool, that I'm likely to choose the better looking one unless I had a lot more in common with the average girl.

[NJ123]

Yes and some women may feel like they were just settled for because they were nice, good on paper, not too many sex partners and good mother material but he isn't head over heels in love with her. He can't stop imagining being with a sexy, hot wife who is amazing in bed. The wife feels that she was chosen because he couldn't get the hot wife he dreams of.

 

See how this can go both ways.

 

It happens WAY more to guys, & you know it's true.

[elaine567]

It happens WAY more to guys, & you know it's true.

 

What evidence do you have for that?

[NJ123]

You are still not getting it.

 

Your personality counts for far FAR more than any of these things.

 

If you look after your women in a way in which they appreciate it doesn't matter if you make loads or look like a pigs backside.

 

For many women their partners doing simple things such as making a cup of tea each morning or running the hoover round or washing up mean FAR more than the car you drive or the cost of the gifts you bring.

 

Stability does not cost. Yes earn a crust and bring home the bacon but many women have learnt how to make a little go a very long way. So if you are attentive and gentlemanly with out getting in her face or being a doormat you will do far better. Simple things such as holding her hand or moving her away from moving traffic and walking between her and the road. Stand up straight and be proud of yourself. Be confident and act as though you are a man in your own right regardless of how much you earn or if you have a big nose or bald head...

 

Of course money isn't everything to a lot of women. But let's face it, a guy with a low paying job is highly likely not going to have many options. Especially with a woman that is thinking about settling down. I'd like to think there's some women that wouldn't care at all if they have a great job themselves, but money is important to start a family with someone. Personality gets eliminated the majority of the time if they can't provide. They could be the nicest guy in the world, but if he's only making lets say 20-30gs a year than he's likely passed over for the guy that makes more.

[NJ123]

What evidence do you have for that?

 

Because of the huge amount of gold diggers & women care more about a guy's income than a guy cares about a woman's. Men are the breadwinners more often than not. So women settle more due to that.

[elaine567]

Because of the huge amount of gold diggers & women care more about a guy's income than a guy cares about a woman's. Men are the breadwinners more often than not. So women settle more due to that.

 

 

So men are never "settling" for the "nice" woman but still dreaming of the hot babe? Yeah right!

[NJ123]

So men are never "settling" for the "nice" woman but still dreaming of the hot babe? Yeah right!

 

Don't get me wrong, of course it happens. But because women care more about things like being able to provide, they tend to be willing to settle more. Guys are more visual, so a lot of them rather just stay single than get with a woman that their not crazy about. I've heard it a lot that a lot of guys don't want to settle for a woman they don't find attractive. And I'm the same. Why would I want to be with a woman I don't find that attractive? I'd be wasting her time. Women are more able to put attraction aside for a relationship as long as he has other redeeming qualities that they think make up for it.

[Kamille]

I'm so glad I live on a different planet than some of you. On my planet, people care about each other because of who they are. Looks and income are only small parts of a much broader picture. My planet is magic: people enter into relationships because they like each other's personalities, they like talking to each other, they respect the other's perspective, they want to support each other, they enjoy each other's company. Dating on this planet is very satisfying.

 

 

Your planet, where the choice of a mate is a calculation based on look and income, sounds depressing. It also sounds very narcissistic and selfish on all sides. Best of luck to you all.

[Maleficent]

I'm so glad I live on a different planet than some of you. On my planet, people care about each other because of who they are. Looks and income are only small parts of a much broader picture. My planet is magic: people enter into relationships because they like each other's personalities, they like talking to each other, they respect the other's perspective, they want to support each other, they enjoy each other's company. Dating on this planet is very satisfying.

 

 

Your planet, where the choice of a mate is a calculation based on look and income, sounds depressing. It also sounds very narcissistic and selfish on all sides. Best of luck to you all.

 

looks like we're on the same planet.

[NJ123]

I'm so glad I live on a different than some of you. On my planet, people care about each other because of who they are. Looks and income are only small parts of a much broader picture. My planet is magic: people enter into relationships because they like each other's personalities, they like talking to each other, they respect the other's perspective, they want to support each other, they enjoy each other's company. Dating on this planet is very satisfying.

 

 

Your planet, where the choice of a mate is a calculation based on look and income, sounds depressing. It also sounds very narcissistic and selfish on all sides. Best of luck to you all.

 

Well, that's how it is a lot of the time in the U.S. It's likely different in other parts of the world, but here, people care about money & looks. Men more so for looks, & women care more about the man being able to provide. I made a topic about this on here 2 or 3 months ago, & the vast majority of women said that how much a man makes matters if things are serious. I could even link the thread if it's still on here for proof. If it's just casual dating than I learned they'd screw any good looking guy.