What type of men do women usually have casual sex with?

February 12, 2015

Physical attractiveness is more important, relative to other aspects, for casual sex because the primary focus is sexual arousal and orgasm and in an efficient manner. It's more immediate than getting to know someone and building a relationship with them. If a woman could have her casual sex guy with all the relationship stuff too, she'd take that in a skinny minute.

Reading this thread caused me to put an image to the dynamic and I was a bit in awe of a guy who had the right stuff to be able to sit on Liz Taylor's lap and still move her to a practical aural orgasm when describing him decades later. Heck I got a hard-on just listening to her. If only he had been straight and a relationship guy. He never lacked for affairs with men or women though. That's how life goes I guess.

In other words, the women that have had casual sex are getting with guys for relationships that they don't view as the best they ever been with.

February 12, 2015

She said they were okay except for whatever deal breaker. For example abortion I would not date someone who has had an abortion

She said she'd have casual sex with the guy that says Timothy McVeigh had a point just because he's hot but not for a date or relationship. So she'd have sex with a guy just because he's attractive regardless of how ****ty of a person he is.

February 12, 2015

In other words, the women that have had casual sex are getting with guys for relationships that they don't view as the best they ever been with.

They're with the best relationship guy they've ever been with, some forever, some until something better comes along or they die. For some, they accept their choice for life. Others see that choice as transitory.

IMO, it's little different from how a man discriminates between casual sex partners and a woman to marry and be the mother of his children. Why doesn't he marry his casual sex partner? Ask around and find out. I mean, if she's the best he's ever been with.....

This is one area where people can discriminate with impunity. If any particular individual fails the entrance exam, too bad so sad. If not hot enough or sexy enough or bad enough, that's just how it is.

February 12, 2015

How come looks always come into play for casual sex even if their the biggest pieces of **** on the planet, but not as much for long term relationships? This is where this conception comes into play where guys think their being settled for. You'd rather **** a good looking guy that thinks a psychopath was right in what he did that killed hundreds of innocent people, than an average looking nice guy looking for a night of fun as well. WTF? It's just mind boggling to me.

Because it is casual sex with short term imperatives and not long term requirements. For purely sex, the main focus is on how physically desirable the other person is. I know plenty of women will say they have to hit it off with the guy from a mental perspective to but I think that is over stated (not for all women by any means) and often people will ascribe positive emotions and unproved positive attributes to a person because they are attractive. Red flags get ignored because they become less relevant if the women is meeting the guy for a few hours once a week and most of it will be in bed. Even less so if its a ONS. Casual sex is fun, and you really don't need a HOT partner to enjoy it but it helps to boost the hormones and dopamine...plus also validation and the ego boost...that this hot person must think your hot too if they have sex with you. There are plenty of meh nice guys out there but less alpha ones to connect with, so its less special on that level as well. Given the choice, most people with go with style over substance when it comes to NSA.

Sleeping with a good looking douchebag is not going to appear on her 'permanent record'. Its generally not going have repercussions of be held against her, especially the less people that know and as women get older they get more discrete and so do the players. Most women aren't like this..

Woman Wants Everyone On Tinder To Know She Banged Odell Beckham Jr.

Girl Made Sure Everyone On Tinder Knew She Banged Julian Edelman

(just because a guy is good looking doesn't make him an arsehole either, but many many such guys know they can have a 'don't give a shyte' attitude and many women love that in combination with the looks)

I've had some of my female friends walk into a venue and declare they could probably go home with 70% of the guys in the place (probably true), so why should they not pick the hottest. Most guys would do the same if they had the options, but because of supply demand imbalance of casual sex/horniness average guys dont, Struggling guys even less. I know a number of guys who would rate a 7 on the looks/desirability scale who would happily hookup with women that would rate a 4 (imo), so if those women can and do go up the scale, when it comes to nsa then they aren't going to be excited to hook up with the equivalent 4 guys. I know some women think casual sex all evenly dispersed but its not. You can't fight it, so try work your way up to higher level.

February 12, 2015

They're with the best relationship guy they've ever been with, some forever, some until something better comes along or they die. For some, they accept their choice for life. Others see that choice as transitory.

IMO, it's little different from how a man discriminates between casual sex partners and a woman to marry and be the mother of his children. Why doesn't he marry his casual sex partner? Ask around and find out. I mean, if she's the best he's ever been with.....

This is one area where people can discriminate with impunity. If any particular individual fails the entrance exam, too bad so sad. If not hot enough or sexy enough or bad enough, that's just how it is.

But you pretty much said the guys these women have casual sex with are their ideal partners. They view them as the ones they'd love to get with if they could, but usually the guy doesn't want a serious relationship or they wouldn't be able to provide for her. So the men these women wind up with aren't their ideal guy, but just get with them due to being the good guy who has a good job & would be a good father. That's called settling since from what you're saying their not their true ideal guy to be with.

February 12, 2015

Because it is casual sex with short term imperatives and not long term requirements. For purely sex, the main focus is on how physically desirable the other person is. I know plenty of women will say they have to hit it off with the guy from a mental perspective to but I think that is over stated (not for all women by any means) and often people will ascribe positive emotions and unproved positive attributes to a person because they are attractive. Red flags get ignored because they become less relevant if the women is meeting the guy for a few hours once a week and most of it will be in bed. Even less so if its a ONS. Casual sex is fun, and you really don't need a HOT partner to enjoy it but it helps to boost the hormones and dopamine...plus also validation and the ego boost...that this hot person must think your hot too if they have sex with you. There are plenty of meh nice guys out there but less alpha ones to connect with, so its less special on that level as well. Given the choice, most people with go with style over substance when it comes to NSA.

Sleeping with a good looking douchebag is not going to appear on her 'permanent record'. Its generally not going have repercussions of be held against her, especially the less people that know and as women get older they get more discrete and so do the players. Most women aren't like this..
Woman Wants Everyone On Tinder To Know She Banged Odell Beckham Jr.
Girl Made Sure Everyone On Tinder Knew She Banged Julian Edelman
(just because a guy is good looking doesn't make him an arsehole either, but many many such guys know they can have a 'don't give a shyte' attitude and many women love that in combination with the looks)

I've had some of my female friends walk into a venue and declare they could probably go home with 70% of the guys in the place (probably true), so why should they not pick the hottest. Most guys would do the same if they had the options, but because of supply demand imbalance of casual sex/horniness average guys dont, Struggling guys even less. I know a number of guys who would rate a 7 on the looks/desirability scale who would happily hookup with women that would rate a 4 (imo), so if those women can and do go up the scale, when it comes to nsa then they aren't going to be excited to hook up with the equivalent 4 guys. I know some women think casual sex all evenly dispersed but its not. You can't fight it, so try work your way up to higher level.

lol that is so awful. That women would brag like that because they ****ed some famous guy. And that's exactly the type of woman I wouldn't want to be with for a relationship ever. Not even for casual sex either.

But oh well, it is what it is I guess. All I know is I'd rather be single for life than get with a woman that doesn't view me as the ideal guy she wants to be with.

February 12, 2015

The guys a woman can get to have a short term fling with her probably aren't going to be as attractive as the guy you can get to settle down and have kids with.

February 12, 2015

I think some are. I mean it's absolutely true if you have money, than you can get the gorgeous women regardless of how you look. There's proof of that time & time again that it happens. If I was really wealthy, I'd probably pretend I'm working an average pay job & drive an average car on dates to see who would actually like me for me & not for my money & things I could give her.

You guys are just not going to ever get it are you.

Some women do not go and settle with the ugly guy for money. Many of them do it because they adore the ground they walk on. Yes things like personality and core beliefs do matter even to pretty girls.

I really do despair sometimes. You want to girl, we tell you how to get and keep the girl and you still moan about it and do nothing about it but moan.

February 12, 2015

The only thing this thread has made clear is that the guys who worry about being "settled for" have never been in a relationship.

That's not how relationships work. You don't settle for someone you fall in love with. You fall in love for who they are.

Granted, I also suspect the guys in this thread fearing "being settled for" likely see women as status symbols and not as complex human beings. This is more about you feeling "masculine" then about genuinely caring for another human being.

February 12, 2015

Some guys here, put an emphasis on pure sex and lust.

The "ideal" man to them, is the man who is the most attractive (big guns and ripped) and who has the most sex appeal and who "all" woman want to f*ck.

The conclusion then drawn is that women "settle" for who they can get, as they all cannot have that "ideal" man, who gave them the "best" sex.

What is missing here, is that most women IME do not see that picture of a man, as their "ideal" life partner in any way, shape or form.

We can all appreciate the attractiveness of "hot" bodies, but we are human, we crave companionship, we want to hang out with like minded people, we want to provide a future for our families, we want support and kindness and we want love.

Lust is way down the list of priorities for a sensible woman wanting a LTR, as lust is a superficial emotion, lust is transitory, lust often takes us down the wrong paths re suitable partners, and lust actually means little in the scheme of things.

So most women do not just "settle", they actively choose their own "ideal" partner.

Love is very important to women.

Falling in love for women, is not really about the "big guns and ****ability" factor or failing that, about "settling"; it is far more complicated.

February 12, 2015

I'm confused. The OP seems to suggest he's unhappy that women don't seek him out for casual sex, but then he also disdains women who engage in casual sex.

OP, which of these things would make you less unhappy with women: That they don't have casual sex, or that they have it with you? Because you're a little all over the place with this. It seems a little morally slippery to only be on your high horse about someone's "promiscuity" when what you really mean is that you don't like that she doesn't get it on with you. Please clarify?

February 12, 2015

All I know is I'd rather be single for life than get with a woman that doesn't view me as the ideal guy she wants to be with.

But although it is not as straightforward as "hot" guy vs settling, we all settle to some extent.

The more relationships you have, the more you realise that there is always some "settling" involved on both sides.

Each one of your expectations may not be fulfilled in the person you are with.

We usually "settle" for the best we can get; that may actually be fantastic, so don't knock it.

Looking for this woman who truly thinks you are perfect in every way is idealistic, as is looking for this "perfect" woman.

Pursing ideals will lead to great unhappiness on your part.

February 12, 2015

Over my life time I have had lots of casual sex partners. I was not dream boat material, short and skinny, with just an average face, and never had large amounts of money.

I think the key was I was into doing things, loving life and living it, in short fun.

I also learned how to talk to women. And maybe more importantly learned to listen to what they had to say.

Edited February 12, 2015 by 2.50 a gallon
missing word

February 12, 2015

^^^ Another aspect which has traction with women is the clear and unequivocal and uncomplicated desire for sex. A stellar casual sex partner doesn't muddy things up with analysis, contemplation, introspection, reflection, relationship consideration, etc, etc.. It's about smashing bodies together in a primal and pleasurable way. Women like men like that. Simple and easy to read. No ambiguities. About the sex part anyway. Heh...

February 12, 2015

You guys are just not going to ever get it are you.

Some women do not go and settle with the ugly guy for money. Many of them do it because they adore the ground they walk on. Yes things like personality and core beliefs do matter even to pretty girls.

I really do despair sometimes. You want to girl, we tell you how to get and keep the girl and you still moan about it and do nothing about it but moan.

I didn't mean all women obviously. But unattractive guys with a lot of money have way more options than an average looking guy with an average or low paying job.

February 12, 2015

Some guys here, put an emphasis on pure sex and lust.
The "ideal" man to them, is the man who is the most attractive (big guns and ripped) and who has the most sex appeal and who "all" woman want to f*ck.
The conclusion then drawn is that women "settle" for who they can get, as they all cannot have that "ideal" man, who gave them the "best" sex.

What is missing here, is that most women IME do not see that picture of a man, as their "ideal" life partner in any way, shape or form.
We can all appreciate the attractiveness of "hot" bodies, but we are human, we crave companionship, we want to hang out with like minded people, we want to provide a future for our families, we want support and kindness and we want love.
Lust is way down the list of priorities for a sensible woman wanting a LTR, as lust is a superficial emotion, lust is transitory, lust often takes us down the wrong paths re suitable partners, and lust actually means little in the scheme of things.

So most women do not just "settle", they actively choose their own "ideal" partner.
Love is very important to women.
Falling in love for women, is not really about the "big guns and ****ability" factor or failing that, about "settling"; it is far more complicated.

But why would I want to be with a woman that already has had sex or a relationship with their ideal men before me & it didn't work out with them for whatever reason? In that situation, I'd never be the best she's been with whether it's sexually or relationship wise.

February 12, 2015

But why would I want to be with a woman that already has had sex or a relationship with their ideal men before me & it didn't work out with them for whatever reason? In that situation, I'd never be the best she's been with whether it's sexually or relationship wise.

Does anyone care about this question apart from you?

It seems like the issue, and the question you ask are really for you to reflect on. It sounds like resentment, but how will that mindset help you.

February 12, 2015

I'm confused. The OP seems to suggest he's unhappy that women don't seek him out for casual sex, but then he also disdains women who engage in casual sex.

OP, which of these things would make you less unhappy with women: That they don't have casual sex, or that they have it with you? Because you're a little all over the place with this. It seems a little morally slippery to only be on your high horse about someone's "promiscuity" when what you really mean is that you don't like that she doesn't get it on with you. Please clarify?

Well, realistically speaking of course I'd have sex with an attractive woman if offered just as long as she's nice & doesn't seem like a bad person. But I wouldn't do it a lot if I even had a lot of options for it. And I don't have a problem with women having casual sex, that's their right. But the thing that's the problem is they only do it to the guys they find most desirable. So where does that leave a huge % of guys? Those guys tend to be the ones women get with later on, but aren't their most ideal choice in a guy but "settle" in many ways with them. Their never the most attractive to them. I'm obviously going by what women have said in this topic. Also, I've heard many times that a lot of women are willing to do more with the casual sex men than their boyfriends or husbands.

Edited February 12, 2015 by NJ123

February 12, 2015

Over my life time I have had lots of casual sex partners. I was not dream boat material, short and skinny, with just an average face, and never had large amounts of money.
I think the key was I was into doing things, loving life and living it, in short fun.
I also learned how to talk to women. And maybe more importantly learned to listen to what they had to say.

But what type of women were you having it with? Were they attractive or average/below average in looks?

February 12, 2015

But although it is not as straightforward as "hot" guy vs settling, we all settle to some extent.

The more relationships you have, the more you realise that there is always some "settling" involved on both sides.
Each one of your expectations may not be fulfilled in the person you are with.
We usually "settle" for the best we can get; that may actually be fantastic, so don't knock it.

Looking for this woman who truly thinks you are perfect in every way is idealistic, as is looking for this "perfect" woman.
Pursing ideals will lead to great unhappiness on your part.

But if a woman gets with you only because they think you'd be a good dad, or that you have a good job & are ambitious, that to me is you're settling & are just with them due to what they can give you vs. a woman that gets wet just at the sight of you which are whom these women are usually having casual sex with. As I said, I want the woman I'm with to think of me as very attractive instead of getting with me due to some reason such as I'd be a good father or something of that nature. And please don't say personality can make you more attractive which is bs, since why do so many good guys that aren't that attractive get the cold shoulder? Those guys usually get friend zoned, at least early on anyway.

Edited February 12, 2015 by NJ123

February 12, 2015

Well, realistically speaking of course I'd have sex with an attractive woman if offered just as long as she's nice & doesn't seem like a bad person. But I wouldn't do it a lot if I even had a lot of options for it. And I don't have a problem with women having casual sex, that's their right. But the thing that's the problem is they only do it to the guys they find most desirable. So where does that leave a huge % of guys? Those guys tend to be the ones women get with later on, but aren't their most ideal choice in a guy but "settle" in many ways with them. Their never the most attractive to them. I'm obviously going by what women have said in this topic. Also, I've heard many times that a lot of women are willing to do more with the casual sex men than their boyfriends or husbands.

wtf

In what universe should a woman (or anyone for that matter) have sex with someone they don't find desirable...?

February 12, 2015

Does anyone care about this question apart from you?

It seems like the issue, and the question you ask are really for you to reflect on. It sounds like resentment, but how will that mindset help you.

Yes, a lot of men do care. They fear they will be settled for instead of the woman genuinely liking you. Why is it that so many relationships & marriages don't work out? I bet a lot of them settled for something & regretted it later on finally realizing they weren't compatiable.

February 12, 2015

wtf

In what universe should a woman (or anyone for that matter) have sex with someone they don't find desirable...?

Uhh how about the guys that women still **** just because they look good even if they have the most awful personality? How is a guy like that desirable?

February 12, 2015

Yes, a lot of men do care. They fear they will be settled for instead of the woman genuinely liking you. Why is it that so many relationships & marriages don't work out? I bet a lot of them settled for something & regretted it later on finally realizing they weren't compatiable.

Though tangential to the topic, IMO, that's a good point and one very important lesson I learned from being married, that being beware of a woman who thinks a relationship, especially one with a lot of casual sex experience. Strong attraction and feeling are paramount. If other, run! A casual sex guy won't care because the goal of the interaction begins and ends with sex. Primal desire satisfied and the parties move on. That brings me to another aspect: care. The casual sex man who is attractive knows how to separate care from desire. There is a difference, and it may trend to objectifying women but the most accomplished know how to sell that in a pleasing and attractive way. They are specialists. Trying to compete with them, if one doesn't have the equipment, is fruitless. Accept it and move on.

February 12, 2015

Your just contradicting yourself now. First you say women are just sleeping with the most desirable guy, and when someone argued that point, you are now saying what about women that sleep with guys that are not the most desirable.

To put it simply, for anyone, male or female, that is looking for just casual sex, of course they are going to go for the most attractive choice/option, that's the whole point of casual sex. If as a man, you were looking for some, you are not going to be chasing the 300 lb women because they have an awesome personality, it's the same thing.

With that being said, not every woman or man in the world is out having casual sex in their early 20's, there are plenty of people that don't go through this phase. I sure as hell didn't, and have been approached by many women before in college, but it wasn't my thing. Just like I am sure there are many women out there that have been approach, and did not go down that path.

On the subject of those that go through this, and than start to settle down, this happens in many other places. Think about high school dating, people are not dating (typically) looking for marriage, they are just dating to have fun. People mature and their values/what is important to them changes as they age. Partying all night, hooking up, people get tired of that crap eventually (well usually, not always). But because someone has this past, and now wants to settle down, commit to someone, have a family, etc, doesn't mean they are "settling" for whatever is available. They are at the stage of their where they want a meaningful connection.

If someone having such a past is a problem for you, where you feel you are just second best, than don't date/commit to someone with such a past, simple.

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