What type of men do women usually have casual sex with?

[serial muse]

But if a woman gets with you only because they think you'd be a good dad, or that you have a good job & are ambitious, that to me is you're settling & are just with them due to what they can give you vs. a woman that gets wet just at the sight of you which are whom these women are usually having casual sex with. As I said, I want the woman I'm with to think of me as very attractive instead of getting with me due to some reason such as I'd be a good father or something of that nature. And please don't say personality can make you more attractive which is bs, since why do so many good guys that aren't that attractive get the cold shoulder? Those guys usually get friend zoned, at least early on anyway.

 

Yeah, but you're not actually talking about anything real here. I'm sorry, OP, but everything in bold is just your fear talking and a whole lot of assumptions and catastrophic thinking. You don't know any of this for a fact - we could battle it out with anecdotes, sure, but since you're casting everything as very black-and-white, it's really meaningless to even bother. Real life isn't so straightforward, and that's a good thing. People are far more interesting than these cartoon sketches of them would suggest.

 

Look, Elaine is absolutely right in that we all settle in some ways, and that means men, too. Or, to look at it in a more mature way, people who enter into relationships maturely understand that Disney-fied romance is just that. Human beings are not personal-use robots and they are not tailor-made to suit any particular individual; everyone's got their own inner lives and their own needs and wants and those things evolve through time and sometimes they're not going to match up perfectly and sometimes those things aren't even evident or conscious. It's a trope around here that women are looking for the Perfect Guy , but what I'm reading here from you is that you want a kind of Hallmark romantic ideal: A woman whose sexual life has never been complete until you came along, who "waited" for you, or who has the "most" hots for you of anyone she's ever met or dated or had sex with. That's just unrealistic...and yeah, kind of a little bit entitled.

 

I don't assume that I'm the best sex my H has ever had, at least not all the time. We've just agreed that we want to be together for the sum total, which may include that he finds me emotionally preferable and yet still sexually satisfying, even if not the hottest ever. (I don't know and I don't want to.) I think in a lot of cases stranger sex is hot to people precisely because they're less worried about the other person's feelings and just focused on their own pleasure. That's reality. Does that mean that, if you find a woman who's had a few one-night stands that she enjoyed, that she then will never enjoy sex with you as much? Of course not. A whole bunch of other stuff goes into it than whether or not she immediately gets wet at the sight of you. (Seriously?) That's catastrophic thinking and it's a downward spiral. You need some re-framing. Get out of the black-and-white mentality. Sex is always going to be different with different people, and it will have its highs and lows for myriad reasons, and the mentality of relentless comparison is always always always going to doom you to misery.

Edited February 12, 2015 by serial muse

[Woggle]

Some guys here, put an emphasis on pure sex and lust.

The "ideal" man to them, is the man who is the most attractive (big guns and ripped) and who has the most sex appeal and who "all" woman want to f*ck.

The conclusion then drawn is that women "settle" for who they can get, as they all cannot have that "ideal" man, who gave them the "best" sex.

 

What is missing here, is that most women IME do not see that picture of a man, as their "ideal" life partner in any way, shape or form.

We can all appreciate the attractiveness of "hot" bodies, but we are human, we crave companionship, we want to hang out with like minded people, we want to provide a future for our families, we want support and kindness and we want love.

Lust is way down the list of priorities for a sensible woman wanting a LTR, as lust is a superficial emotion, lust is transitory, lust often takes us down the wrong paths re suitable partners, and lust actually means little in the scheme of things.

 

So most women do not just "settle", they actively choose their own "ideal" partner.

Love is very important to women.

Falling in love for women, is not really about the "big guns and ****ability" factor or failing that, about "settling"; it is far more complicated.

 

Many women have different ideals so on that you are right but I have been around long enough that I know when a woman does and doesn't get wet for a man and I see what eventually happens when a woman settles for a man that doesn't get her wet. Only a naive fool would marry a woman who settles for him.

[stillafool]

Uhh how about the guys that women still **** just because they look good even if they have the most awful personality? How is a guy like that desirable?

 

Are you serious? People do this all the time, especially men. If a woman is drop dead gorgeous men usually don't care if she can read or write but they will have sex with her. Why should women not want to have sex with good looking men? I'm sorry but this whole thread just reeks of bitterness because some men cannot get casual sex with women they consider goodlooking.

[thefooloftheyear]

Uhh how about the guys that women still **** just because they look good even if they have the most awful personality? How is a guy like that desirable?

 

 

Dont underestimate the desirability of a big cock...

 

 

TFY

[contact1]

Dont underestimate the desirability of a big cock...

 

 

TFY

 

BBC or GTFO, amirite??

[NJ123]

Are you serious? People do this all the time, especially men. If a woman is drop dead gorgeous men usually don't care if she can read or write but they will have sex with her. Why should women not want to have sex with good looking men? I'm sorry but this whole thread just reeks of bitterness because some men cannot get casual sex with women they consider goodlooking.

 

But how is a awful person desirable enough to have sex with? I don't care how hot someone is, if their an awful person, I wouldn't want sex with them.

[NJ123]

Your just contradicting yourself now. First you say women are just sleeping with the most desirable guy, and when someone argued that point, you are now saying what about women that sleep with guys that are not the most desirable.

 

To put it simply, for anyone, male or female, that is looking for just casual sex, of course they are going to go for the most attractive choice/option, that's the whole point of casual sex. If as a man, you were looking for some, you are not going to be chasing the 300 lb women because they have an awesome personality, it's the same thing.

 

With that being said, not every woman or man in the world is out having casual sex in their early 20's, there are plenty of people that don't go through this phase. I sure as hell didn't, and have been approached by many women before in college, but it wasn't my thing. Just like I am sure there are many women out there that have been approach, and did not go down that path.

 

On the subject of those that go through this, and than start to settle down, this happens in many other places. Think about high school dating, people are not dating (typically) looking for marriage, they are just dating to have fun. People mature and their values/what is important to them changes as they age. Partying all night, hooking up, people get tired of that crap eventually (well usually, not always). But because someone has this past, and now wants to settle down, commit to someone, have a family, etc, doesn't mean they are "settling" for whatever is available. They are at the stage of their where they want a meaningful connection.

 

If someone having such a past is a problem for you, where you feel you are just second best, than don't date/commit to someone with such a past, simple.

 

Sorry to say, but many men are out looking for casual sex but never get it with the women they really want it with. All an attractive woman has to do is walk into a bar/club & pick out any guy they want if they want sex. And obviously they'd never pick an average guy. Yet he'd be good enough for a marriage though.

 

And absolutely I don't personally want to be with a woman with a past like that. Doesn't make her a bad person at all, but isn't someone I'd want to be in a relationship or marriage with.

Edited February 12, 2015 by NJ123

[contact1]

But how is a awful person desirable enough to have sex with? I don't care how hot someone is, if their an awful person, I wouldn't want sex with them.

 

You are confusing casual sex with meaningful, intimate sex. Casual sex is just about having fun, climaxing and getting all hot and sweaty. You start considering personas and how someone is as a person, you are starting to shift into an actual relationship.

 

Also it isn't like a totally hot guys goes up to a girl and says "b!tch, take off your clothes, we're doing this" and she just oozes and takes off her panties, comon you honestly think that is how casual sex works? You barely get to know the person, the biggest factor is physical, it's lust.

[Maleficent]

Uhh how about the guys that women still **** just because they look good even if they have the most awful personality? How is a guy like that desirable?

 

looking good = desirable in my books...

If it's just for casual sex, his personality doesn't matter much to me unless it turns into a FWB situation.

[rester]

But how is a awful person desirable enough to have sex with? I don't care how hot someone is, if their an awful person, I wouldn't want sex with them.

 

Why are you so convinced that these casual sex partners are awful people? Does having different political views than your own make them an awful person?

 

You yourself said that you were offered casual sex in the past. Are you an awful person?

 

Both women and men might have casual sex with others because:

1. they are not in a frame of mind or place in their life where they want to have a relationship

2. they may be using someone for sex to get over an ex

3. they may be a rebound

4. they may not be relationship material because they are unavailable in some way (long distance, too busy, etc)

5. they may have political views and life goals that don't match up

6. they may only be in town for a few nights

6. etc etc

 

I don't believe most people enjoy sex, whether casual or not, with "awful people". People (both men and woman) may get hung up on someone that doesn't treat them well, but that's another topic.

[NJ123]

looking good = desirable in my books...

If it's just for casual sex, his personality doesn't matter much to me unless it turns into a FWB situation.

 

And that is why I wouldn't want to be with a woman like that. They'd **** a guy who looks good even if he was in prison for armed robbery or a violent crime. That really makes no sense to me at all. I mean did you see how many women said they'd **** that prisoner who had the blue eyes? There were literally thousands upon thousands of comments saying they'd **** him regardless of who he is. That to me is insane.

Edited February 12, 2015 by NJ123

[NJ123]

Why are you so convinced that these casual sex partners are awful people? Does having different political views than your own make them an awful person?

 

You yourself said that you were offered casual sex in the past. Are you an awful person?

 

Both women and men might have casual sex with others because:

1. they are not in a frame of mind or place in their life where they want to have a relationship

2. they may be using someone for sex to get over an ex

3. they may be a rebound

4. they may not be relationship material because they are unavailable in some way (long distance, too busy, etc)

5. they may have political views and life goals that don't match up

6. they may only be in town for a few nights

6. etc etc

 

I don't believe most people enjoy sex, whether casual or not, with "awful people". People (both men and woman) may get hung up on someone that doesn't treat them well, but that's another topic.

 

But there's women in this topic flat out saying they'd **** a guy regardless of who he is as a person just as long as he looks good. So what am I supposed to get out of that?

[Maryme]

I used to think that Christian Gray is my ideal. I used to buy strange things like this. 50 Shades of Play | Bondage But now I know that the most important feature of a man is his love and respect to woman♥

[EveAFlame]

I'm sure men and women have the same parameters when they just want a little oh-la-la.

 

• Hot
  
• Present
  
• Hot
  

 

That is all.

 

Disclaimer: I've never had casual sex but I'm using my awesome powers of deduction

[contact1]

But there's women in this topic flat out saying they'd **** a guy regardless of who he is as a person just as long as he looks good. So what am I supposed to get out of that?

 

You take it at face value, that they would have sex with a good looking guy, and that is all that matters at the time, whether that person is good or awful. Just like not all good looking guys are awful, not all women are looking to have sex with whatever hot guy they come across.

 

The issue here is you are just looking for extremes "Oh you only care about sex, so you would date a serial killer to kills people after having sex?" of course people are not going to do that, if they feel they feel they will be in danger and be caused serious harm. Just like a guy wouldn't have sex with a woman that likes to bite off a man's penis in the end.

 

All I am getting from these posts are bitterness and insecurities, self-doubt that any woman you are with, will run off with some hot guy given the chance. Those very same fears can be said for a woman thinking her man will run off with some hot 21 year old. It all lies in you and who you choose to date. People are not made up of just those that was just casual sex, and those that don't, people have many different values and what they find important/desirable.

 

Anyway I'm done, because it is clear you are stuck on somehow trying to prove casual sex is horrible and people in it are awful/stupid/blind about the notion, and this is from a guy that has never done casual sex but has been offered it several times who doesn't think less of people for doing it.

[MissBee]

I know the cliche is that women go for the "bad boys" & "alphas" when younger. And also a lot of women tend to have more casual sex when younger. But is that really true? I wonder how much truth to the perception that a lot of guys have where they think the women have sex with the jerks & a-holes when young, than want the beta provider to take care of them when older for serious relationships & marriage, who they would have never given the time of day to when younger.

 

I cannot speak for "women", sorry.

 

But for me, most of my sex has been in relationships or at least some kind of situation where we had an ongoing exchange. We either were bf/gf dating exclusively, started as friends and then had sex, were in a casual/FWB relationship where it wasn't exclusive and we weren't a couple but hung out, maybe it started as us going on dates and then having sex but never officially dating. I've not had sex with a man I've just met or a one night stand. All my sexual partners were men I knew before, dated, or had at least gone on dates with and knew in some kind of context before the sex.

 

Casual sex for me personally then isn't one night stands, just sex without an exclusive relationship. The kind of guys? Guys I had fun with, who I was attracted to and liked. I wouldn't say any of them were "bad boys" and I have never once really thought about alpha/betas in real life. Some of them were men I would have had a relationship with if some things were different, in some cases I wanted a relationship and they did not and in some cases, I was sexually attracted to them and we had fun but I didn't think they were "serious relationship" material for me (maybe for someone else) because we weren't similar enough where it counted, but were good enough for casual fun and sex.

[NJ123]

You take it at face value, that they would have sex with a good looking guy, and that is all that matters at the time, whether that person is good or awful. Just like not all good looking guys are awful, not all women are looking to have sex with whatever hot guy they come across.

 

The issue here is you are just looking for extremes "Oh you only care about sex, so you would date a serial killer to kills people after having sex?" of course people are not going to do that, if they feel they feel they will be in danger and be caused serious harm. Just like a guy wouldn't have sex with a woman that likes to bite off a man's penis in the end.

 

All I am getting from these posts are bitterness and insecurities, self-doubt that any woman you are with, will run off with some hot guy given the chance. Those very same fears can be said for a woman thinking her man will run off with some hot 21 year old. It all lies in you and who you choose to date. People are not made up of just those that was just casual sex, and those that don't, people have many different values and what they find important/desirable.

 

Anyway I'm done, because it is clear you are stuck on somehow trying to prove casual sex is horrible and people in it are awful/stupid/blind about the notion, and this is from a guy that has never done casual sex but has been offered it several times who doesn't think less of people for doing it.

 

Well, I'd prefer a woman that hasn't had any casual sex, or just very little. I don't want to be with a woman that has ****ed many guys through casual sex. I wouldn't be compatible with them.

 

But whatever, I'm not going to put myself in the position anyway to be with someone I get the sense doesn't truly like me. If I ever even had that sense of it, I'd walk away before it's too late.

[Maleficent]

And that is why I wouldn't want to be with a woman like that. They'd **** a guy who looks good even if he was in prison for armed robbery or a violent crime. That really makes no sense to me at all. I mean did you see how many women said they'd **** that prisoner who had the blue eyes? There were literally thousands upon thousands of comments saying they'd **** him regardless of who he is. That to me is insane.

 

You are clearly confusing casual sex with intimate sex...

[NJ123]

You are clearly confusing casual sex with intimate sex...

 

How is that? They'd said if they had the chance they'd have sex with him regardless of who he is.

[BlueIris]

Well, I'd prefer a woman that hasn't had any casual sex, or just very little. I don't want to be with a woman that has ****ed many guys through casual sex. I wouldn't be compatible with them.

 

But whatever, I'm not going to put myself in the position anyway to be with someone I get the sense doesn't truly like me. If I ever even had that sense of it, I'd walk away before it's too late.

 

This is all within your control. Get to know someone very well as you date her. Treat her as you wish to be treated. Date for a good long time before becoming sexually involved with her or making commitments and you shouldn't have any problem.

 

You're making assumptions that just aren't true and you seem to be getting upset about your assumptions- even though they're not true. Also, you probably wouldn't want a woman to be suspicious or negative about you, so let go of the suspicion and negativity.

 

On your original question, I'd say that people have causal sex with people who want to have sex with them. Mutual consent is the only true requirement.

[NJ123]

This is all within your control. Get to know someone very well as you date her. Treat her as you wish to be treated. Date for a good long time before becoming sexually involved with her or making commitments and you shouldn't have any problem.

 

You're making assumptions that just aren't true and you seem to be getting upset about your assumptions- even though they're not true. Also, you probably wouldn't want a woman to be suspicious or negative about you, so let go of the suspicion and negativity.

 

On your original question, I'd say that people have causal sex with people who want to have sex with them. Mutual consent is the only true requirement.

 

Okay, here's the thing which I don't think I've mentioned in a long while on this forum. But I've been dealing with quite a bit of health issues, & haven't been able to get out & do many things due to my problems. So yeah, I'm probably a bit bitter I admit since everyone else is out enjoying themselves while I'm stuck trying to fix my health issues. I just don't know when I'll ever even meet anyone that would want to be with me in my situation right now. That's really the main reason I don't date at the moment. And that's why I wouldn't be compatible with a woman that's had a lot of sex.

Edited February 12, 2015 by NJ123

[toolforgrowth]

I used to think no woman would ever want to casually sleep with me. It wasn't until I decided to just be myself and live a good life regardless of my sex status when women started making their interest known.

 

I had been single for a while last year, and I got invited to a friend's birthday party. I almost didn't go, but then said what the hell and went. Didn't expect anything to happen other than to just have a good time with friends. I ended up making out with one lady and having sex with another, all in the same night.

 

That had never happened to me before, and is VERY atypical for me. But it did teach me a valuable lesson: if I'm happy just being myself and enjoying life, women will come along for the ride. I'm not a hunk by any means...in fact, I'm a 5'8" 140 lb 35 year old geeky guy who works in IT and loves Doctor Who. But I get women smiling and flirting with me even now, in spite of the fact that I'm happily with my girlfriend.

 

It really is all about attitude.

[Maleficent]

How is that? They'd said if they had the chance they'd have sex with him regardless of who he is.

 

Casual sex is when you have sex with someone just for the sex.

 

Intimate sex is when you have sex with the person you are in a relationship with.

 

Apples and Carrots.

[NJ123]

Casual sex is when you have sex with someone just for the sex.

 

Intimate sex is when you have sex with the person you are in a relationship with.

 

Apples and Carrots.

 

I'm just confused why you think these women would want a relationship with a guy like that.

[elaine567]

I'm just confused why you think these women would want a relationship with a guy like that.

 

Who said they wanted a relationship with him?