Do exes always come back?

[xpaperxcutx]

I ask because my ex broke up with me and is now in a relationship with a girl. I'm assuming she's a rebound since he got with her right before he broke up with me but he seems to be pretty serious about her due to her maturity.

 

My ex has broken up with me before, and he had came back last time. But the thing was he didn't have a new girl last time either.

 

This time, I'm being hopeful that he might come back, but given the circumstances I feel a third time is unlikely. Anybody ever had this happen to them and how did you cope with all this?

[dyna85]

Seeing as you have 8,515 posts, I'm pretty sure you know the answer to this question.

 

Sometimes. Not always. Depends on the person/situation.

 

There's no way of knowing if a particular person will return unless you're clairvoyant. That's the God's honest truth.

 

However... if you wish to indulge in reconciliation stories, you can google the word and will find many examples.

 

Most people here are going to tell you to move on and forget about it, because someone who dumped you isn't worth waiting around for, and what makes you think a third time's the charm?

 

Also, it's better to have a clear head about the situation so if and when the person comes around you can make a wise decision. Then again, sometimes logic flies out the window on the day of reckoning.

 

Did you wait around the previous two times before he came back to you, and did he dump you both times? What was the reasoning behind the breakup? How long has it been since the BU?

[okc85]

idk. I think it's super easy for exes to pop back around because of the internet, texting, etc, so I wouldn't read too much into it.

 

I dated someone for a bit. They rejected me. However, after that, they would text me very random stuff every few months. It drove me insane. I was sooo into this person and they knew it, and I'd just mull over the stupid texts for days.

 

They never once said they missed me, though. Or even really asked anything about me. They just texted me some random thing about their own life, then disappeared.

 

God, just typing this makes me hope that I never deal with exes again. haha

[tikay00]

They do, but they don't. They do come back, but it's not for the reason you want, and if it's for the reason you want, the relationship is so much more diluted, and the person coming back just isn't the same. There's too much past history to make it work out again.

[Holmes85]

One thing I can assure you, they won't forget you, especially if you were good to them during the relationship, you would hear from them at some point in the future.

 

Would they want a reconciliation? Possibly, but then you would be in a better state of mind to decide whether it's worth it or not.

 

Doesn't matter how you look at it, you are in a Win/Win situation here. You probably might not see that right now, but with enough time and space you will.

[quattrob]

What I believe is if you were good to her/him they will remember you even for whatever reason the relationship didn't work. He/she will surely look for you/check up on you because inside they still remember and possibly regret or even miss you. This applies to mostly people that aren't mature enough yet and think they can find better.

 

 

I've broken up with a few of my relationships and even when I ended it in a bad way, even when they resent me the first month or 2 after the breakup. They would still want to reconcile because I was a good bf to them and they knew it. Sometimes it takes a break up to make them realize how good you were to them (in this case for me).

 

 

However by the time they realize this and the time it takes them to actually want to reconcile, you've already most likely moved on and wouldn't want back in.

 

 

So if I were you, I would just keep moving forward and if by then your ex decides he/she wants to give it another serious shot, then you can decide more clearly.

 

 

Just my 2c

[xpaperxcutx]

Seeing as you have 8,515 posts, I'm pretty sure you know the answer to this question.

 

Sometimes. Not always. Depends on the person/situation.

 

There's no way of knowing if a particular person will return unless you're clairvoyant. That's the God's honest truth.

 

However... if you wish to indulge in reconciliation stories, you can google the word and will find many examples.

 

Most people here are going to tell you to move on and forget about it, because someone who dumped you isn't worth waiting around for, and what makes you think a third time's the charm?

 

Also, it's better to have a clear head about the situation so if and when the person comes around you can make a wise decision. Then again, sometimes logic flies out the window on the day of reckoning.

 

Did you wait around the previous two times before he came back to you, and did he dump you both times? What was the reasoning behind the breakup? How long has it been since the BU?

 

My post isn't an indication that I'm an expert in relationships. LOL

But I can say I have grown up a lot since the first time I signed up on this site.

 

Compared to our last breakup, I do have a clearer head than before. Of course, I did cry, but not as much as before. I also sought out the comforts of my friends and my therapist, and everyone reiterated the same thing to me: worry about myself; work on myself.

 

The last time he broke up with me, I went straight into NC after some convincing from my closest friends. One guy even advised me I had to go NC in order for him to miss me. He came back a month after that.

 

This break-up happened just recently. He met another girl while he was with me and he took the easy way out. I'm not sad, but that hope is lingering.

[xpaperxcutx]

One thing I can assure you, they won't forget you, especially if you were good to them during the relationship, you would hear from them at some point in the future.

 

Would they want a reconciliation? Possibly, but then you would be in a better state of mind to decide whether it's worth it or not.

 

Doesn't matter how you look at it, you are in a Win/Win situation here. You probably might not see that right now, but with enough time and space you will.

 

Unfortunately, he resents me for forcing him into a relationship. We were together for three years, and yes, there was a lot of drama and a lot of fighting. That's why he just decided to jump into another with a girl he proclaimed is so much more compatible with him than me.

 

I can say I learned a lot from this relationship. Yes, I did hurt him and he, I, but I always did my best to fix and salvage the relationship the best I could.

[xpaperxcutx]

What I believe is if you were good to her/him they will remember you even for whatever reason the relationship didn't work. He/she will surely look for you/check up on you because inside they still remember and possibly regret or even miss you. This applies to mostly people that aren't mature enough yet and think they can find better.

 

 

I've broken up with a few of my relationships and even when I ended it in a bad way, even when they resent me the first month or 2 after the breakup. They would still want to reconcile because I was a good bf to them and they knew it. Sometimes it takes a break up to make them realize how good you were to them (in this case for me).

 

 

However by the time they realize this and the time it takes them to actually want to reconcile, you've already most likely moved on and wouldn't want back in.

 

 

So if I were you, I would just keep moving forward and if by then your ex decides he/she wants to give it another serious shot, then you can decide more clearly.

 

 

Just my 2c

 

Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I am moving on. I guess the only thing that's holding me back are the memories and this relentless hope.

 

In hindsight, I see that we were at different stages of our lives- I'm still in school, and he's just working to support his family. The girl he is with right now is on the same level as him- she has a full-time job and is marriage material ( or so he said to me).

 

What really bothers me is the fact that those were my dreams- to get married and to have a family. And it seems so final that he decided to replace me with someone so fast, without warning. I'm not angry at him, I still hold so much love for him and he took our future away from him and replaced me with her.

[calgary]

I don't know if anybody will agree with this, but from what i've read so far on loveshack if a girl dumps a guy it's more than likely she'll never come back.

 

I don't think i've read a story on here so far where a guy has gone no contact and a girl has chased him.

[xpaperxcutx]

I don't know if anybody will agree with this, but from what i've read so far on loveshack if a girl dumps a guy it's more than likely she'll never come back.

 

I don't think i've read a story on here so far where a guy has gone no contact and a girl has chased him.

 

Calgary, I am a girl.

 

Even if I chased him, his rebuttal would be "I'm in a relationship!! Leave me and my girl alone!"

 

And yes, I did beg and plead. He is happy with his new girl and I am where I am: by myself.

[quattrob]

I don't know if anybody will agree with this, but from what i've read so far on loveshack if a girl dumps a guy it's more than likely she'll never come back.

 

I don't think i've read a story on here so far where a guy has gone no contact and a girl has chased him.

 

There is some truth in that but we there are some cases where certain girls come back because they actually realized that their ex was exactly what they wanted all along, however most of the time they learn this the hard way, by going through multiple relationships (to compare) and possibly get hurt in the process. This is just based on my experience, not directly but from and through friends.

 

 

Also there are many reasons for breakups and I cant say all are bad reasons but some are for good reasons. When it comes to someone being at a different stage in life, these kind of breakup I believe a girl that needs growing up and reaching a certain stage in life to "match" her ex is one breakup where I can see the girl will look to reconcile. There are some others too but ultimately no matter what I wouldn't wait for it. It isn't fair to yourself to wait for someone that technically and literally doesn't deserve you.

[quattrob]

Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I am moving on. I guess the only thing that's holding me back are the memories and this relentless hope.

 

In hindsight, I see that we were at different stages of our lives- I'm still in school, and he's just working to support his family. The girl he is with right now is on the same level as him- she has a full-time job and is marriage material ( or so he said to me).

 

What really bothers me is the fact that those were my dreams- to get married and to have a family. And it seems so final that he decided to replace me with someone so fast, without warning. I'm not angry at him, I still hold so much love for him and he took our future away from him and replaced me with her.

 

 

 

I recently got dumped by my gf about a month ago, I kind of know what you're going through. The difference is you're a girl in my position. First couple weeks was hard for me but as you hang out with friends and do things you enjoy to do, you'll realize a lot about the relationship with your ex.

 

 

Like you said in your breakup, the reason is you're at the different stage in life where he's ready to work and possibly start a family but you're in school still. I believe the reason for breakup is pretty obvious.. I just feel he doesn't love you.. at least not enough. Because I know if I loved someone I would fight for the relationship no matter how difficult it will be.

 

 

I wouldn't wait for him to decide to come back to you for sure. And would you honestly be able to trust him after he started to be in a relationship with this other girl so quickly? That says a lot more about you than him if you do accept him again. You need to love yourself and respect yourself.

 

 

P.S. mine broke up with me twice. And I almost broke up with her once but she begged me to not leave her. I'm not waiting for a 3rd go.. sometimes you need to learn to let go and realize there's someone better out there for you and you deserve better. And even realize that being "alone" is better than being with someone "toxic".

Edited February 11, 2015 by quattrob

[Mi7522]

I don't know if anybody will agree with this, but from what i've read so far on loveshack if a girl dumps a guy it's more than likely she'll never come back.

 

I don't think i've read a story on here so far where a guy has gone no contact and a girl has chased him.

 

I think when women do the break up they are too stubborn to make contact with the guy because they want to believe it was the right decision and the guy that just got broken up with is too stubborn to stick his neck out because he figures there is no chance. So you end up with a Mexican stand off and you never hear from them again. When a guy does the break up you pretty much can guarantee you'll hear from them eventually. Obviously this is not indicative with all relationships but it in the majority I would believe

Edited February 11, 2015 by Mi7522

[quattrob]

I think when women do the break up they are too stubborn to make contact with the guy because they want to believe it was the right decision and the guy that just got broken up with is too stubborn to stick his neck out because he figures there is no chance. So you end up with a Mexican stand off and you never hear from them again. When a guy does the break up you pretty much can guarantee you'll hear from them eventually. Obviously this is not indicative with all relationships but it in the majority I would believe

 

There is some truth in this, there are alot of girls too stubborn and possibly their ego gets in their way of reaching out (in a direct way) to the guy she dumped. From my experience girls i've dated or been in a relationship with like to be indirect with their messages, perhaps they are protecting themselves and perhaps ive just been with the wrong girls

[tikay00]

I don't know if anybody will agree with this, but from what i've read so far on loveshack if a girl dumps a guy it's more than likely she'll never come back.

 

I don't think i've read a story on here so far where a guy has gone no contact and a girl has chased him.

 

Define "come back". If you mean reconcile, more often then not, when they come back, it's for comfort, validation, just wanna see how you're doing, got pumped and dumped, new guy wasn't all that, she broke up with him, etc.

 

And sometimes they just wanna see how you're doing, and miss you. As for, "coming back", technically, most girls do come back, but they don't really, "come back". It's more to see if you're still on the hook, and possibly just to be your friend for the time being, while they're lonely, or went through a nostalgic period, while they were thinking about you randomly.

 

Ask yourself, would you want to be with someone that left you, and contacted you again for some of the reasons above. Some posters may disagree with me, but 90% of the time, it's for the reasons above.

[Mi7522]

Define "come back". If you mean reconcile, more often then not, when they come back, it's for comfort, validation, just wanna see how you're doing, got pumped and dumped, new guy wasn't all that, she broke up with him, etc.

 

And sometimes they just wanna see how you're doing, and miss you. As for, "coming back", technically, most girls do come back, but they don't really, "come back". It's more to see if you're still on the hook, and possibly just to be your friend for the time being, while they're lonely, or went through a nostalgic period, while they were thinking about you randomly.

 

Ask yourself, would you want to be with someone that left you, and contacted you again for some of the reasons above. Some posters may disagree with me, but 90% of the time, it's for the reasons above.

 

Just the insecure ones normally

[tikay00]

Just the insecure ones normally

 

Humans are humans. I tend to think when a female comes back, sometimes they don't have it in their motives, and their heart to come back for validation, or an ego stroke, but it's just a natural tendency.

 

A lot of the time, people do come back to genuinely see how the other person is doing, with the caveat of seeing if that person still loves them. I wouldn't inherently call that insecure, I'd just say it's a natural curiosity.

 

But in the end, when a female breaks up with you, it's usually over. You've done enough to make them lose attraction for you, and you're not that new guy they met before. You're just that tired ol dude she's tired of dealing with as a BF lol.

 

But still, they still do love you, and they do still care for you. It's just that, that doesn't matter to you, unless you're in a relationship again, so while she may come back to genuinely be friends, it does nothing but hurt the dumpee.

[tikay00]

^^^^^

 

Moral of the story, move on.

[xpaperxcutx]

As a girl, I remember going back to my first ex after dumping him. It was a feeling of jealousy though, because he got with another girl. I don't know why I had wanted him back then, but I think it was because I was lonely and I didn't want to see that girl have him.

 

But I digress, this time, I'm the one being dumped. I can't speak for a guy because I'm not a guy.

[erklat]

I think it is completely gender unrelated. Whoever has the rougher patch in

life at some point is more likely to reach out.

[Tayla]

Do exes come back?? Let me think about that....

 

Answer: Lets Hope not!

[lil hoodlum]

Tikay00, I must say I am impressed with your knowledge and advice given on this thread. Seems that you have done alot of learning from when you first came on LoveShack.

 

Bravo man, bravo!

[Popsicle]

Mine never came back but my friends exes have.

[Jimmyjackson]

I think it is completely gender unrelated. Whoever has the rougher patch in

life at some point is more likely to reach out.

 

I agree, some people dump you hastily, some think it out before doing it. Some will come back, some won't, to say women do this and men do that is false, it's not a one size fits all explanation. I used to also care about my ex coming back (read my older threads), but now I'm not too bothered, I wouldn't take her back and the curiosity slowly but surely will diminish. Give it time.