Standard-Fare Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I recently heard from ex who's been out of my life for almost two years. We only dated for about five months total long-distance, and I never really "fell in love." (For me, one factor was seeing him do cocaine a couple times early on. Though it never presented a problem again, it did make me view him as not long-term/serious material.) There was never any hostility in our breakup. He resisted it some, but our fadeout was fairly natural. At first we stayed in touch a little, because I had no problem with the guy and was cool remaining friendly. But eventually it became him reaching out (casually, not aggressively) once in a blue moon and me not seeing the point of responding. He stopped with that, and we've had zero contact for over a year. But then he emailed me this week, saying he moved to the same city as me about two months ago. He said he moved here for a job, and didn't want it to be weird if we ever ran into each other accidentally. I did respond to him this time, because I was so surprised/confused by this news. There are many practical reasons that make it hard for me to imagine him having a good life in this city. (I won't bore with the details, but one example: He thrives in nature and open space, and has stated in the past that he "hates cities." I also know he knows next to no one here.) When he replied back, he gave his new number and said if I ever wanted to get together I should feel free. He made this suggestion in a genuinely pressure-free way. I'm not necessarily opposed to that, because I never really intended to lose all touch with him. I'd be cool with having a low-key friendship with him now, and I have no romantic feelings for him at all. However, part of me worries he may have some lingering feelings for me. Another very paranoid part of me worries that his move to the city had a little something to DO with me. I don't know if these fears have any grounding in reality at all, and I acknowledge it's narcissistic to even think this way. Also, it's encouraging that he didn't contact me before or immediately after his move, but only after he settled a little. Should I set the doubts aside and have an open mind toward being friends with him?
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I think you should go with the flow on this one, if anything happens and it feels positive: go for it! I wouldn't try too hard though, or put much emotion in it...you don't want to get hurt!
Omei Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 (edited) I do not think a guy in his right mind would move to a city when he dislikes the city for a girl he knew two years ago for 5 months hes prob had various ladies since then and has moved on but you seem to already be aware of that he prob wants to make a connection/possible friend so hes not so alone it would suck to work all day and have no friend to speak to after. Edited February 13, 2015 by Omei 2
Author Standard-Fare Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I do not think a guy in his right mind would move to a city when he dislikes the city for a girl he knew two years ago for 5 months hes prob had various ladies since then and has moved on but you seem to already be aware of that he prob wants to make a connection/possible friend so hes not so alone it would suck to work all day and have no friend to speak to after. Well, yeah, of course I'm certain he didn't make the move FOR me. No one would do that. But I'm paranoid that maybe I was some kind of factor at the back of his mind that helped with his decision. One thing I didn't like while we were dating is that he too easily accepted a "loner" status and seemed to put no effort into friendships. I didn't want to be his only social outlet. Since I know he's in the same position here in the new city, I'd continue to be wary of playing that role, even if it's just as a friend this time.
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