Touchy-feely coworker: just friendly or flirting?

[Black_Angel]

Hi everyone,

 

New to the forum here, and got a question for you guys and gals. There is a cute male coworker who is too friendly sometimes. Not sure what his intentions are, but here is what he often:

 

- puts his arms around me and when we're standing side-by-side and talking

- randomly comes by and gives me neck massages (I can't remember if I started it and maybe he's just doing it out of reciprocity?)

- jokes about us hanging out outside of work (he hasn't done it for a few months now though)

 

He's about 10 years older than I am, and a very sweet person in general. Not sure if he is just treating me like a younger sibling/friend/etc.

 

Your thoughts are welcome!

[whichwayisup]

First off, is he single?

 

If he is in fact single, then his advances (yes they are 'hints' to let you know he's into you) are clear and strong enough for you to react and give him hints back that you're interested.

 

If he is married or has a gf, then obviously he's a dog and looking for extra attention and wants to feed his ego. Run if that is the case.

[Black_Angel]

@whichwayisup: thanks for offering your insight. The short answer is no, he's married...But separated and he said he has been for about a year.

 

I am not sure what the norm/consensus is regarding people purusing others while "technically" still being in a committed relationship

Edited February 11, 2015 by Black_Angel

[d0nnivain]

Do you realize that is his conduct & touching you is unwelcome, you have to tell him to get him to stop? Once you tell him & he doesn't stop, we have crossed over into sexual harassment.

 

 

Neck massages & having your arms around each other during a conversation have no place in the work environment. You need to set some boundaries. Then you need to figure out if you want to date somebody from work. It would present certain problems & is rarely a good idea.

 

 

If you want to see him outside of work, next time he mentions it, press for concrete details. Say Great how about tomorrow. 5:30 at _________ ?

[kendahke]

@whichwayisup: thanks for offering your insight. The short answer is no, he's married...But separated and he said he has been for about a year.

 

I am not sure what the norm/consensus is regarding people purusing others while "technically" still being in a committed relationship

 

First--what is your company policy on workplace romantic relationships? Might want to find that out.

 

Second--he is married in every sense of the word until a divorce decree or his wife's death have happened.

 

Third--despite how nice or how cute he is, his hands do not belong on you at work. Period. You need to tell him to stop putting his hands on you. If he wants to pursue something with you, he can do that outside of the workplace.

[Black_Angel]

 

 

Neck massages & having your arms around each other during a conversation have no place in the work environment. You need to set some boundaries. Then you need to figure out if you want to date somebody from work. It would present certain problems & is rarely a good idea.

 

 

If you want to see him outside of work, next time he mentions it, press for concrete details. Say Great how about tomorrow. 5:30 at _________ ?

 

That's the challenge for me right now: on how to set firmer boundaries without being rude/making things awkward..especially I do kind of like him but unsure of how he really feels. It's also a very casual work environment with 80% of the employees here being male.

 

I've had other older male (in their 60's) coworkers "guide" me while walking and talking by having one hand on my shoulder blade. Had a lady do this to me too...wonder if it's because I'm petite.

[Black_Angel]

First--what is your company policy on workplace romantic relationships? Might want to find that out.

 

Second--he is married in every sense of the word until a divorce decree or his wife's death have happened.

 

Third--despite how nice or how cute he is, his hands do not belong on you at work. Period. You need to tell him to stop putting his hands on you. If he wants to pursue something with you, he can do that outside of the workplace.

 

Not too sure about company policy, but I have several managers who met their spouses at work and some of them still work together here...in different departments though. Think many of them kept it under the radar until marriage was announced, and even now I don't see any physical contact between spouses in the workplace.

 

As for him being married, I do feel uneasy about it.

[CrystalShine2011]

It sounds like he is attracted to you. Men don't do that unless it's so...is he bothering you? If so ask him to stop!