Dating Foreign Women

[ltjg45]

I am aware that I am a regular to some degree on this site. Many people has given me valuable advice about what I should and should not do to help improve my non-existent love life and, for that, I couldn't be more grateful since no one here has to do that.

 

With that said, I do feel that I need a little bit more help before I am ready to move on.

 

As some of the members here may remember, I have mentioned many times about my interest in traveling internationally for possible dating options, among other things. While I won't ignore the chance of seeing new things, learning new cultures, and much more, the main reason why I am doing this is to possibly find a woman to start and build a strong family together.

 

I have been on a foreign dating site for the past 9 months. I have wrote to and even chatted with a select number of ladies from that site during that time period and, provided that they are truthful, find these ladies to be what I am ultimately looking for. Of course, that has its own pitfalls. I have to keep in mind that they may not be as truthful as they say they are and it could be a waste of time hence why I am keeping my expectations very low at this moment.

 

As you can tell from my photo, I am currently working at Walmart. I do feel that the job, while it is a job that pays me pretty decently, is certainly a dead-end job and doesn't have much value outside of a bi-weekly paycheck. While I could start going to college, I also feel that, at my age, it will severely hurt my chances at starting a family considering that I am already 28 years old. What I want to achieve will take up at least 4 years of my life and I prefer to get the roots in place to build a family before taking up such a commitment. It also helps to have my partner nearby me so that we are both on the same page as we build up and not having to bring her in when things is going through a process and she may want to go a different direction.

 

Lastly, I have noticed that I am attracted more to foreign women than I am to American women. Unless I find a rare breed of woman that doesn't smoke, is a heavy drinker, and has no tattoos, it feels like American women just can't offer anywhere near enough of what I ask for in a partner.

 

Now, I have at least 2 problems with this scenario.

 

1. My co-workers at Walmart tend to be against this entire idea. Almost every one of them has mentioned the possibility of being scammed or trying to use me as a green card to get into the United States. While I do understand that completely, I also find it a bit offensive that they think I am too dumb to see this myself.

 

2. The amount of preparing necessary to make a trip. The first obstacle is the language barrier and if I were to travel, I would have to find a way to communicate. While I am good with using my hands to tell others what I mean, it would help if I can speak a little of their language. Another thing is the cost of housing, especially when the time comes that I will leave Walmart. I am sure I am missing many other things to go along with it.

 

Case-in-point, I know we have people here that is living outside of the United States and I also need some unbiased opinions about what I need to do. If you can give me any suggestions to help me prepare (in any way), I will love to hear them.

 

I will try and respond back as much as I can.

[Imported]

I don't have much time, actually I should be leaving now, but just wanted to say that you should spend a lot of time in person with the girl before obligating yourself to anything. I do get to travel and stay for long periods in a lot of countries south of our border and have met many women from there.

 

 

There are many very honest, loyal, loving, caring...beautiful women there. Dirt poor by my standards, but they're happy and have pride. I like and respect them and I think a lot about them. I doubt you'll meet them on a dating site.

[carhill]

Sure, simply find an area you'd like to go to, rent an apartment and use those contacts to hire an interpreter. You can always meet the lady or ladies you've had prior contact with, in addition to any you might meet in-country. If the language and culture is different enough, trust me you'll get plenty of attention.

 

My main in-country experiences were in the FSU-CIS starting about five years after the end of Communism as official doctrine. I traveled there a number of times and had one interaction progress to the point of K1 before meeting my now exW locally here in the US.

 

Be aware it takes money, generally beyond what a weekly wage-earner has access to. When I started I had budgeted about 20K (this was mid-90's) for the search process and a total of 50K to get to K1 and a subsequent immigration and marriage. Then there are ongoing costs of travel to visit family. In my case the person had two daughters and two grandchildren so lots of reasons to return home for visits. It all costs money.

 

Most of the guys I came to know who had married internationally either were ex-pats living in-country or were professionals here in the US. I never met any blue collar guys like myself, though I'm sure they were out there.

 

Opinion varies on approach to the idea. I initially tried WOVO (write one visit one) but that ended up blowing up in my face prior to the trip but after trip expenses were finalized so I turned to WMVM (write many visit many) and cast a wider net. That seemed to work better for my style since I generally took relationship stuff slow.

 

Figure out what works best for you, make a budget and stick to it. That's my advice. Good luck.

[Mirages]

There is/was a tv show "90 day finacee," that gave a good number of examples of what lgt45 describes. Look it up... I view foreign relations as upping the intensity: both parties are taking the matter much more seriously, investing much more than a local relationship. There is the potential for a very satisfying rel, or a complete scam. Add language barriers, diseases, and you diverting most of your money into a venture that would cost you ~$20 a week if you just dated locally... As Carhill stated, doing this at a middle income or lower income level doesn't sound too easy.

Good luck.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I don't think there's anything wrong with dating foreign women but I do question your idea that it's too late for you to go to school to help you get a better career before getting a wife, just traveling is going to be hard on your pay isn't it?? And bringing a wife over who won't be able to work here probably so you would be in charge of all that by yourself, I think you should get your work situation squared away FIRST!!

[normal person]

 

While I could start going to college, I also feel that, at my age, it will severely hurt my chances at starting a family considering that I am already 28 years old. What I want to achieve will take up at least 4 years of my life and I prefer to get the roots in place to build a family before taking up such a commitment. It also helps to have my partner nearby me so that we are both on the same page as we build up and not having to bring her in when things is going through a process and she may want to go a different direction.

 

To me it sounds like you're considering this backwards. Building a family is the bigger commitment because it makes your directly responsible for the well being of other people. If you go to college and screw up before you have kids, it's not such a big deal -- you're only hurting yourself. But if you have hungry mouths to feed at home and you screw up or you're unable to provide for them, you're making them miserable and helping perpetuate a cycle of poverty for another generation.

 

If you start having kids without first going to college and having a decent skill that can provide for them, you're giving your family the short end of the stick. Even if you have kids and then go to college, your time will be divided between then two and both will likely suffer a bit as a result. Do you ever think about how much it costs to raise a child over the course of a lifetime? Cost of raising a child - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Take a look. If you still have what you consider to be a "dead end" job, how do you ever expect to pay for kids? There are a lot of numbers to consider here, and I don't admit to knowing them all, but please crunch the numbers before you make any brash decisions.

 

 

Lastly, I have noticed that I am attracted more to foreign women than I am to American women. Unless I find a rare breed of woman that doesn't smoke, is a heavy drinker, and has no tattoos, it feels like American women just can't offer anywhere near enough of what I ask for in a partner.

 

This seems a bit misguided. I barely know anyone who smokes, drinks heavily, or has tattoos. Where are you looking?

 

 

2. The amount of preparing necessary to make a trip. The first obstacle is the language barrier and if I were to travel, I would have to find a way to communicate. While I am good with using my hands to tell others what I mean, it would help if I can speak a little of their language. Another thing is the cost of housing, especially when the time comes that I will leave Walmart. I am sure I am missing many other things to go along with it.

 

I think you're putting the cart before the horse with this whole idea. I don't know how you expect to house yourself in a foreign country long enough to meet a non-English speaking woman, fall in love, and get married -- let alone pay for kids -- without first having the earning potential to pay for it all. I say give yourself the ability to provide for the people who will become dependent on you before they actually are. It'll be much harder to do it once they're there. Best of luck.

[kolleamm]

Anything is possible, you can do it and I wish you the best of luck. Don't leave any regrets in your mind follow your gut.

[ltjg45]

I don't think there's anything wrong with dating foreign women but I do question your idea that it's too late for you to go to school to help you get a better career before getting a wife, just traveling is going to be hard on your pay isn't it?? And bringing a wife over who won't be able to work here probably so you would be in charge of all that by yourself, I think you should get your work situation squared away FIRST!!

 

Well, my current plan is to actually leave the United States permanently. I have mentioned the possibility to going to another country and find work there. If necessary (and I am sure it is), I have no objections learning the local language.

 

Secondly, if I had the choice, I would prefer NOT to bring my partner back to the United States. I have been in Jacksonville all of my life and I have a hard time thinking foreign countries is worse than this. The people here is mostly shady, completely untrustworthy, and nowhere near what I want to find and date let alone build a family with. I don't want my kids to get affected by this if I help it.

 

I have reached the point where if I were to stay in the United States, I might as well give up the idea of getting married and starting a family. It would be a waste of time and more unnecessary pain. I got enough pain already.

 

To me it sounds like you're considering this backwards. Building a family is the bigger commitment because it makes your directly responsible for the well being of other people. If you go to college and screw up before you have kids, it's not such a big deal -- you're only hurting yourself. But if you have hungry mouths to feed at home and you screw up or you're unable to provide for them, you're making them miserable and helping perpetuate a cycle of poverty for another generation.

 

If you start having kids without first going to college and having a decent skill that can provide for them, you're giving your family the short end of the stick. Even if you have kids and then go to college, your time will be divided between then two and both will likely suffer a bit as a result. Do you ever think about how much it costs to raise a child over the course of a lifetime? Cost of raising a child - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Take a look. If you still have what you consider to be a "dead end" job, how do you ever expect to pay for kids? There are a lot of numbers to consider here, and I don't admit to knowing them all, but please crunch the numbers before you make any brash decisions.

 

You are right. Building a family is definitely the bigger commitment. This is why I prefer to start looking now rather than later.

 

As time passes, the number of capable mother-like women who doesn't have children will keep decreasing. And I have no intentions of trying to hook up with a woman over 10 years younger than me either. As for those who does have childen, I really prefer not to have to help raise up children I didn't help give birth to. If I wanted to do that, I can adopt instead.

 

Secondly, while I may be out looking for a potential partner, I have no desire to start having kids immediately. I want to get the foundation of the relationship settled in before kids come into question. I don't see me having children for at least 4 years from now, if not longer. If I do become a father one day, I wouldn't be surprised if I am 34-35 when that time comes.

 

You have my word that this isn't just some brash decision. I have been considering this for years, long before I managed to get the job I have right now.

 

This seems a bit misguided. I barely know anyone who smokes, drinks heavily, or has tattoos. Where are you looking?

 

That's the ironic part: I am not even looking. Just working at my job shows me this. All of the employees either smokes or has many notable tattoos. The others (which is not a lot at all) is either married or in a committed relationship.

 

Did I forget almost all of them creates drama in some way?

 

In some way, I would have turned them all down for one or more reasons if I wanted to look for a relationship, even if I didn't meet them as co-workers.

 

The customers there isn't any better. In most cases, they are even worse, especially among those with my skin color. The people I meet and talk to each day......the selection is REALLY bad.

 

If this is my available dating pool, I am definitely better off staying single.

 

I could move out of Jacksonville and go to another city in this country and see if I can find better luck but, for some reason, I don't feel confident things is going to get any better.

 

For me, I have seen more than enough not to even consider the option. I have long since ran out of patience for this nonsense.

 

I think you're putting the cart before the horse with this whole idea. I don't know how you expect to house yourself in a foreign country long enough to meet a non-English speaking woman, fall in love, and get married -- let alone pay for kids -- without first having the earning potential to pay for it all. I say give yourself the ability to provide for the people who will become dependent on you before they actually are. It'll be much harder to do it once they're there. Best of luck.

 

Well, another reason why I want to do this is because I also don't feel my life has any purpose in the United States. It's not just the job that feels like a dead end. Everything else does as well. All I can feel constantly when anything happens in my life lately is misery. Working, I got so used to the BS there that I just don't care anymore. Walking down the street, I don't trust a soul that passes by me or the drivers on the road. I expect bad service and I am typically right most of the time. I go home and my family is there being lazy and causing unnecessary problems.

 

There's no point in talking about it with others because they either don't care or don't know what I am going through. They have no clue why I think the way I am. They don't understand me. Now I just keep it all inside me.

 

There's nothing to be proud about. There's nothing to look forward to. I can't even see and feel hope.

 

I have got to the point where if I ever want to feel happy (and truly happy) for a change, I have to get out of here.....and not just out of this house. I need to get away from everything and not look back. Even if that means I have to leave the United States.

 

I am not too concerned with the difficulties I may meet in a foreign country. After everything I went through up to this point, I am long since prepared for anything that can come to me. The only thing I am not ready for is facing death. I doubt anyone can be prepared for that anyway.

 

That is a bigger reason why I want to put this plan in motion: to find a purpose for my life and not just let it go to waste like I did all of my life up to this point. I just want to make sure that if there is something that I need to know while going through this, that I actually know so I am ready for it.

Edited February 12, 2015 by ltjg45

[Mirages]

LTG45, depressing.

 

Part of the issue I see is that you are viewing the Walmart staff, and possibly clientele (yuck) as prospects. A few solid people can be found anywhere, perhaps you are an example, but... Walmart is a bit of a troubled place. If you can consider different employment, how about a Target store? a hospital job? a cellphone sales agent? Airport job? Kohl's department store staff? Taxi driver?

 

In some of those other jobs you will find no college needed, & much brighter, less depressive clients and co-workers; and doubling your pay does not hurt either. Based on your appearance, writing, and demonstrated ambition, you are bright enough to look around for a stronger career locally.

 

I like Wallmart, can get socks, windex & bananas at the same place! but the people shopping there are yucky, I feel your pain.

[clia]

I've never been to Jacksonville, but I've lived in and visited a number of different cities around the United States, and your description of it and the people you encounter don't sound like anything I've ever seen anywhere else. Different regions and cities can be very different in terms of the culture and people. Have you ever visited anywhere else in the United States? Writing off an entire country based on your small area seems a little strange.

 

Have you explored any of the costs, visa issues, etc. for moving to a foreign country? I would strongly encourage you to try moving to a different area in the United States before you resort to moving to a different country. It would be a lot easier in terms of cost, language, visa / work issues.

[ltjg45]

LTG45, depressing.

 

Part of the issue I see is that you are viewing the Walmart staff, and possibly clientele (yuck) as prospects. A few solid people can be found anywhere, perhaps you are an example, but... Walmart is a bit of a troubled place. If you can consider different employment, how about a Target store? a hospital job? a cellphone sales agent? Airport job? Kohl's department store staff? Taxi driver?

 

In some of those other jobs you will find no college needed, & much brighter, less depressive clients and co-workers; and doubling your pay does not hurt either. Based on your appearance, writing, and demonstrated ambition, you are bright enough to look around for a stronger career locally.

 

I like Wallmart, can get socks, windex & bananas at the same place! but the people shopping there are yucky, I feel your pain.

 

One piece of advice that has been told while I was on this site is that if you are really looking for someone to date, you can't get picky with the people around you.

 

In a way, that makes sense........however, to me, if what I have seen is supposed to be my dating pool, then I will have no objections using my right hand.

 

As for Target, that was my first job. The Target I used to work at is like a block away from the Walmart I am at right now. Needless to say, I had to quit due to management not giving me a proper amount of hours and for telling me multiple lies leading up to this point. Keep in mind that this did take place 5-6 months before the Great Depression.

 

As for sales, I know I can't do that job. I am definitely not a good salesman. I am already way too depressed to market out Walmart's replacement plans.

 

Taxi driver? I can't do that either as the same customers I can't stand checking out at Walmart would be the same ones I would have to pick up in a cab, except I would be more open to drunk or crazy ones, which would make me go crazy. Not to mention I don't feel very comfortable driving with the way current drivers is acting right now.

 

I can consider an airport job or working at Kohl's.....I just don't know what amount of experience is needed for them or if they are available. All I got is almost 3 years of experience as a cashier and nothing more. That isn't very promising for a 28-year old male like me.

 

I am sure you are thinking that I am just being negative on purpose but really I am just being honest. I hate trying to sell an image that I know doesn't match up with the real me.

[ltjg45]

Have you ever visited anywhere else in the United States? Writing off an entire country based on your small area seems a little strange.

 

Not yet. I only have left Jacksonville 3 times at the most if my memory is still functional (and, normally, it isn't).

 

Have you explored any of the costs, visa issues, etc. for moving to a foreign country? I would strongly encourage you to try moving to a different area in the United States before you resort to moving to a different country. It would be a lot easier in terms of cost, language, visa / work issues.

 

From what I have found out via research, I do need to get a passport and make sure I am able to cover the cost of the airtime to get there.

 

Passport is $150. The ticket cost is about $800 for one-way.

 

As for what I will carry, I won't carry much at all. I may keep my laptop and my 2 Nintendo portable system but I won't have anything else that isn't necessary. I will be packing some clothing along with the necessary items like soap, deodorant, toothpaste, etc.

 

Hence why I made this thread to see if there is anything else that I need to be aware of. I know there is other options but I am also concerned how far that will take me and whether or not the time spent to do so is worth the trouble at the end.

 

All I have achieved so far is nothing but failure and I know my teaches back in grade school saw potential in me. I really don't want to take any more step backs. In this competitive world, if I screw up any more, I might as well submit defeat and just stop bothering.

[stillmind]

Wow, leave Jacksonville first! I live in FL, I am in a similar age range and I don't know ANY young women who are tattooed heavy smokers and drinkers. Where are you meeting these ladies?

 

Also, consider going back to college ASAP. If you want to move into a career quickly there are plenty of 2-year technical Associate's Degrees available from the Florida community college system which will move you straight into a good career. Having gone both routes (BS and AS) I honestly consider the AS to be a much better value in terms of time commitment and payoff, as long as you choose an in demand AS degree. I can't recommend Florida community colleges enough, the costs are low and the class times are very flexible for working people.

 

Having an education and a stable job is attractive to women of any nationality, so that would be my first stop if I were a man looking to build a family.

[Mirages]

I appreciate your honesty, you seem to project exactly what you feel.

 

I can consider an airport job or working at Kohl's.....I just don't know what amount of experience is needed for them or if they are available. All I got is almost 3 years of experience as a cashier and nothing more. That isn't very promising for a 28-year old male like me.

 

A cabbie serving the airport in J-ville will take nice clients places and make very nice money. An inner city cabbie has a mix of upscale and thug clients. A cabbie driving in rural America will drive drunks and robbers around for minimum wage.

 

Your local JAX int'l airport has a lot of jobs that would be a cheer up for you and would hire w/o a thick resume: Rampee - take baggage into belly of planes, Ticket receiver, TSA security, mower guy (airport mowing has special qualifications and pays bettter), rental car clerk. If you need help preparing a cover letter / resume, you might find folks here including myself who would apply a little "Advanced English," to help yours stand out. Such positions are sensitive to drug use and criminal past, if you are clear there, you can step up, it is up to you. The first step is to show up, ask questions, work the workplaces, you'd learn a lot.

[MissBee]

Gonna give you my honest opinion here.

 

It seems you dislike your job and life and have only ever been a cashier and are planning to move to another country (have you decided which?) to date foreign women and change your life. I don't think anything is wrong with wanting to move and have a change of pace and life, but realize that foreign countries are places like everywhere else with their own issues and likely many issues you face here will be the same there or in some cases, depending, worse, not to mention you'll be out of your element with no friends or family and if there is a language barrier or the culture is very different that will make you feel even more alienated. A foreign country isn't a cure-all. Unless you are a refugee who HAS to flee, moving to a foreign country requires that you have done your research and know that the prospects for you there will be better than here. But it's not an escape where you just go to a new country and life improves.

 

Since there isn't a specific country in mind, it's hard to say anything concrete. But in every country you need money to live. You don't just go to a foreign country and land a job off the bat. You usually have to make connections, have some kind of network and some savings to live off at least until you establish yourself. But I suppose you can try visiting whatever country you're interested in to see if you'll even like it.

 

I moved to the US from another country as a teenager. My parents had to do all the work and it wasn't easy for them even though they were a couple. It helped that we already had relatives in the US to help us along the way. The jobs they have in the U.S are less prestigious than what they did in our own country, in some ways they like the U.S. and other ways they gave up a lot. Part of it was ill planning on their part.

 

I would suggest traveling within the U.S. as a first step or at least traveling in general if you can to other countries before up and trying to move. Also, as others said, there is NO reason why you can't further your education here, it will be a lot easier than in some foreign countries. Do you plan to be a cashier in the foreign country or what job will you do? Depending on the country, in my own for example, education is valued highly and also there is lots of nepotism where getting a good job is all about who you know and your network. Cost of living is also not that cheap esp if you're looking for something similar to what you're used to here. Point is, you wouldn't be able to just go with no network, no significant savings and get a nice life and a good job. Just like you can't do that in America either.

 

As for the idealization of "foreign women" as some large lump who don't drink, smoke or have tattoos and can give you what you want. I'm suspicious of this. This is a fantasy. I remember I said I would NEVER date an American man and for a long time I didn't, until I did, then I realized men are men and the qualities I looked for were not really influenced by nationality. So just saying, thinking that ALL American women are one way and foreign women are some opposite way is a fantasy and exoticizing the other and you might be in for a surprise. "Foreign" doesn't even mean anything. foreign what? Chinese? Russian? Angolan? Cuban? Italian? What? You can't possibly think ALL women from every other country not America are just all the same operating with the same values....

 

"Foreign women" are of all kinds and depending on the country and the social status of these women some might see an American man as one who automatically has money. It seems many men looking for foreign women tend to look for women from low economic status who are in some ways a little more open because they are looking for a come up (and I don't blame them). It hardly ever seems like well-to-do successful men looking to date look for foreign women from what I've seen but men who have no luck so think foreign women will be easier because they idealize them as having "more values", "know how to treat a man" and all this kind of rhetoric which masks the fact that they only look for certain types and the types they tend to find are the ones who will of course pander to what you want if they think you can help them.

 

Lastly, if you feel your life is a dead end here why would it magically get better abroad? Won't you still need a job and the rest? How would you manage to have a different life there than here? I can tell you, the country I'm from is a popular tourist destination and many people fall in love and want to live there upon vacationing but don't realize vacations aren't life and regular people who live here, just like in the U.S. have bills to pay, problems, need money and the rest. If you've never left Jacksonville then I imagine your idea of foreign countries is probably very limited to what you watch or read and that's not the same as living there or even visiting. Lots of men go looking for women and sure enough find them, but the men generally who are there to look for women and spend their last dollar for a fantasy end up with women who are looking for a come up...and many of them don't mind because they are willing to accept the fantasy and have no luck with women in their own country, but funny they also have little luck there either except with women who want something. But for the women there who have careers, an education, can travel and aren't looking for something, they don't look for those women, because they don't have anything to offer them since they aren't enamored by them being American or ideas about money.

 

Short of it is: make sure you don't have false ideas about "foreign women" as an undifferentiated body. Don't think you can just escape to a foreign land and it will instantly be better. If you can't make your way in America it won't be a breeze elsewhere either. So if you can, improve your education and position here before going to a foreign country looking for women and a new life.

Edited February 12, 2015 by MissBee

[sweetjasmine]

Secondly, if I had the choice, I would prefer NOT to bring my partner back to the United States. I have been in Jacksonville all of my life and I have a hard time thinking foreign countries is worse than this.

 

Depending on the country, it could definitely be worse than Jacksonville.

 

Like clia pointed out, you're writing off a whole huge country based on your life in one city. Doesn't make any sense.

 

The people here is mostly shady, completely untrustworthy, and nowhere near what I want to find and date let alone build a family with. I don't want my kids to get affected by this if I help it.

 

Okay, so work on moving out of Jacksonville.

 

That's the ironic part: I am not even looking. Just working at my job shows me this. All of the employees either smokes or has many notable tattoos.

 

[...]

 

The customers there isn't any better. In most cases, they are even worse, especially among those with my skin color. The people I meet and talk to each day......the selection is REALLY bad.

 

Why are you assuming that the entire United States is exactly like what you describe? It isn't!

 

I could move out of Jacksonville and go to another city in this country and see if I can find better luck but, for some reason, I don't feel confident things is going to get any better.

 

How can you even know for sure if you've never done it? It's certainly the lower risk option with a higher chance of improving your life.

 

I have got to the point where if I ever want to feel happy (and truly happy) for a change, I have to get out of here.....and not just out of this house. I need to get away from everything and not look back. Even if that means I have to leave the United States.

 

The point is that it doesn't mean you HAVE to leave the US. It means you have to leave where you are now, which is something well within your power. You can change your circumstances and improve your life without taking drastic measures.

 

I am not too concerned with the difficulties I may meet in a foreign country. After everything I went through up to this point, I am long since prepared for anything that can come to me.

 

I don't intend this to come off as harsh, but I think the reason why you're not too concerned with the difficulties you might meet in a foreign country is that you're not nearly informed enough to know what to worry about. Most people don't know what emigrating is like unless they've done it themselves or know someone who they shared the process with every step of the way. If you plan on actually LIVING somewhere, it's more complicated than getting a passport, buying a ticket, flying in, and finding a job. Even in countries that don't require Americans to obtain visas to visit, you usually can't work without specific authorization. You would have to apply for either immigrant visas or work authorizations, and a lot of places won't give you those things unless you can demonstrate you ALREADY have a job offer and an employer willing to serve as your sponsor.

 

And if you do pick a country where you can just move in and apply for jobs (which I don't think is possible, but let's assume it is), what would happen if you had trouble finding something? That's a real possibility, especially with the way most countries' economies are at the moment. You have to be honest with yourself about your skill set and realize that you'd be competing against locals who can do the same work, and that's true even for doctors and engineers. But as you go down the ladder in terms of skill, you have more and more competition. If your chosen country's majority language isn't English, how can you compete? If you can't find a job, as a non-citizen, you won't have access to any government help or programs. If you don't know anyone there, you won't have anyone to turn to for help.

 

As for trusting people, which is something you keep mentioning... It's hard for me to convey what it feels like to be surrounded by strangers who don't speak your language, day in and day out. My brother was a teenager when we moved to the US, and his transition was difficult. My parents were in their 40s, and they never had the same social life again. They made some friends here and there, but I can count on one hand the number of American friends my mother made in the past 25 years. It's just a lot harder to connect with people, and it takes a long time to get accustomed to the culture.

 

You've already done some research on this, but if you're really set on moving to another country, you need to do more. It's not going to be a magic cure-all, and you need to go in with eyes wide open. Honestly, I truly think you're much, much better off moving out of your current city and maybe even moving out of Florida altogether and going to college. If after that you still want to leave the US, your degree will put you in a better position to go somewhere else.

Edited February 12, 2015 by sweetjasmine

[ltjg45]

Also, consider going back to college ASAP. If you want to move into a career quickly there are plenty of 2-year technical Associate's Degrees available from the Florida community college system which will move you straight into a good career. Having gone both routes (BS and AS) I honestly consider the AS to be a much better value in terms of time commitment and payoff, as long as you choose an in demand AS degree. I can't recommend Florida community colleges enough, the costs are low and the class times are very flexible for working people.

 

Having an education and a stable job is attractive to women of any nationality, so that would be my first stop if I were a man looking to build a family.

 

That is indeed something I am thinking a lot of as well but I am also concerned which degrees is worth grabbing outside of the medical field, which I can't handle.

 

I am more of a math person so I prefer to work in an accounting/banking field but I don't see too many of those available so it made me wonder if entering that field would be worth the time and effort.

 

I appreciate your honesty, you seem to project exactly what you feel.

 

I really couldn't do it any other way. If I were to try and lie, even if I did get away with it, I wouldn't feel good about it at all at the end of the day.

 

I rather not get hired than get a job that was based off of a lie.

 

A cabbie serving the airport in J-ville will take nice clients places and make very nice money. An inner city cabbie has a mix of upscale and thug clients. A cabbie driving in rural America will drive drunks and robbers around for minimum wage.

 

Your local JAX int'l airport has a lot of jobs that would be a cheer up for you and would hire w/o a thick resume: Rampee - take baggage into belly of planes, Ticket receiver, TSA security, mower guy (airport mowing has special qualifications and pays bettter), rental car clerk. If you need help preparing a cover letter / resume, you might find folks here including myself who would apply a little "Advanced English," to help yours stand out. Such positions are sensitive to drug use and criminal past, if you are clear there, you can step up, it is up to you. The first step is to show up, ask questions, work the workplaces, you'd learn a lot.

 

I don't take drugs whatsoever and I almost don't drink (I only drink alcohol no more than 4 times my entire life and I regretted it every single time) so I am not worried about a background check. I will pass it every time, provided someone isn't trying to sabotage me for any reason.

 

I will have to go to the airport sometime next week and see what they can tell me concerning job openings. I did notice a week or two ago in the newspaper that airport traffic has reduced significantly for a reason and this may have an impact on whether or not they are willing to hire new people anytime soon.

 

Gonna give you my honest opinion here.

 

It seems you dislike your job and life and have only ever been a cashier and are planning to move to another country (have you decided which?) to date foreign women and change your life. I don't think anything is wrong with wanting to move and have a change of pace and life, but realize that foreign countries are places like everywhere else with their own issues and likely many issues you face here will be the same there or in some cases, depending, worse, not to mention you'll be out of your element with no friends or family and if there is a language barrier or the culture is very different that will make you feel even more alienated. A foreign country isn't a cure-all. Unless you are a refugee who HAS to flee, moving to a foreign country requires that you have done your research and know that the prospects for you there will be better than here. But it's not an escape where you just go to a new country and life improves.

 

For starters, I don't expect this decision I am considering to be a cure-all. I am sure moving and living in a foreign country has its own set of challenges with more that I am not even aware of.

 

However, what I mean by things can't get any worse is that I want to be around an environment where people still has general respect to one another. After the many years I spent in Jacksonville, one thing is clear: it's a dog-eat-dog world out there. Just last night alone, while walking to GameStop for a midnight event, I would have gotten into 2 separate accidents on my way there if I wasn't fully paying attention and decided not to take any risks because the drivers was in such a rush, they couldn't stop just long enough to let a pedestrian cross the street. This happens constantly, almost every time I walk down the street, some driver(s) is out there trying to gain any little advantage for themselves regardless of the price they may pay if their decision ended up being a disaster. I have seen at least 2 accidents taken place in the past 2 months.

 

For some reason, I just don't believe being in a foreign country is as bad of an experience as what I have seen here. I just don't believe that foreign people will do whatever they can to get away with no disregard for others.

 

Of course, that could be wishful thinking. For what it is worth, I may have gone insane already and I don't even realize it yet. I have considered that as well.

 

Even now, I am still thinking and trying to put together the pieces.

 

As for family and friends, I don't have a single person that I would give my trust to in Jacksonville if things get ugly so I don't have to worry about that if I were to do this. I have a difficult time justifying talking to anyone let alone being friends and making time to spend and do activities with them. I simply have yet to meet a person that deserves my attention and trust yet. I doubt that will change anytime soon if the last 3-5 years is an indication.

 

As for my immediate family, definitely not. Every single family member that I see each day all create unnecessary problems except for one and he is nothing more than a sheep, awaiting orders from someone else. I can't rely on him either if he has to wait to get approval from someone before doing it.

 

Since there isn't a specific country in mind, it's hard to say anything concrete. But in every country you need money to live. You don't just go to a foreign country and land a job off the bat. You usually have to make connections, have some kind of network and some savings to live off at least until you establish yourself. But I suppose you can try visiting whatever country you're interested in to see if you'll even like it.

 

I moved to the US from another country as a teenager. My parents had to do all the work and it wasn't easy for them even though they were a couple. It helped that we already had relatives in the US to help us along the way. The jobs they have in the U.S are less prestigious than what they did in our own country, in some ways they like the U.S. and other ways they gave up a lot. Part of it was ill planning on their part.

 

I would suggest traveling within the U.S. as a first step or at least traveling in general if you can to other countries before up and trying to move. Also, as others said, there is NO reason why you can't further your education here, it will be a lot easier than in some foreign countries. Do you plan to be a cashier in the foreign country or what job will you do? Depending on the country, in my own for example, education is valued highly and also there is lots of nepotism where getting a good job is all about who you know and your network. Cost of living is also not that cheap esp if you're looking for something similar to what you're used to here. Point is, you wouldn't be able to just go with no network, no significant savings and get a nice life and a good job. Just like you can't do that in America either.

 

That is something I am aware of. However, another thing I am also considering is the cost to go to college in the United States. I have seen many people mention that the cost to go to college in a foreign country on average is cheaper and more in-depth than what we have in the United States. If I were to consider the depth of the conversations that I had with those who has college degrees, I would say that statement has merit because I have rarely went across someone who sound like they know more than I do and I only have a high school diploma.

 

If these people can get a college degree, then the only reason why I can't get there is because I just wasn't focused enough to get it done because I can already tell I can get it myself without too much difficulty.

 

I don't want to go to just any college. I want to make sure that when I do go to college, it is worth my time and effort. I want to make sure the professors is there to teach and not to loft around because I came here to learn and destroy my competition.

 

If foreign colleges can offer me that, I rather go that route......but I can't say that for sure.....and that is what bothers me a lot about. I have seen a lot of negative reviews on American colleges lately, especially with the cost in comparison to the degree, to be very concerned right now.

 

"Foreign women" are of all kinds and depending on the country and the social status of these women some might see an American man as one who automatically has money. It seems many men looking for foreign women tend to look for women from low economic status who are in some ways a little more open because they are looking for a come up (and I don't blame them). It hardly ever seems like well-to-do successful men looking to date look for foreign women from what I've seen but men who have no luck so think foreign women will be easier because they idealize them as having "more values", "know how to treat a man" and all this kind of rhetoric which masks the fact that they only look for certain types and the types they tend to find are the ones who will of course pander to what you want if they think you can help them.

 

The assumption that American men has money is something that I am aware of and is also something I mention immediately if I were to talk to them because I know I don't have that to offer right now and I am certainly not going to sit here and let them sit on that assumption.

 

As for economic status, I actually prefer one that has at least middle status. I am not too concerned with me being the breadwinner in a relationship because I am not a traditional kind of guy so I am definitely sure that I can't see me being in a relationship with a woman, foreign or otherwise, that doesn't have her own way of making money.

 

The women I have been talking to lately all have shown to have went to college already with some graduated from graduate college and have good jobs. For what it is worth, I may be shooting way above my league (due to my weak standing right now) however many of these ladies keep trying to get my attention almost every day on their own will.

 

This is one subject that I am fully prepared for. I do let every women that I speak to know of my current standing and I will let them decide if it worth it to them to continue trying to get my attention.

 

Short of it is: make sure you don't have false ideas about "foreign women" as an undifferentiated body. Don't think you can just escape to a foreign land and it will instantly be better. If you can't make your way in America it won't be a breeze elsewhere either. So if you can, improve your education and position here before going to a foreign country looking for women and a new life.

 

You have my word on it that I don't have these kinds of crazy ideas in my head. Even though I have been on a foreign dating site for at least 7-8 months, I have my doubts that quite a few of the women there is not worth the trouble.

 

With that said, I do have hope that at least 2 from that site is being honest with me about their intentions and interests and I made it clear on my end that whatever they think I have (as far as money is concerned), I don't have. Despite this, they still continue to get my attention.

 

Perhaps they are doing this because they are truly interested in me. Perhaps they are doing this just to get some attention.

 

I don't know and I can't get that answer unless I visit the country and see what happens.

[ltjg45]

Depending on the country, it could definitely be worse than Jacksonville.

 

That is true. This is why I am not making any rash decisions right now.

 

Like clia pointed out, you're writing off a whole huge country based on your life in one city. Doesn't make any sense.

 

The real problem that bothers me if things improve enough to be worth the effort.

 

If things get better only by 10%, then that isn't worth the trouble at the end. If the people is still largely untrustworthy, then things isn't getting any better.

 

If there is one thing to keep in mind, it's that I have high expectations, higher than most people.

 

When I look for a friend, I am looking for an actual friend to the definition of the word. If I can't fully rely on him/her whenever needed, he/she is not a friend.

 

When I look for a girlfriend/wife, I am looking for a woman that is willing to do as much as she can for the benefit of the relationship and the family because I will be doing the same.

 

These, and many more, are expectations I REFUSE to let go. I had these when I was 17 and just graduated high school. I still got them at the age of 28. I am sure I will still have them if I live to see 40.

 

If I don't feel that I have an decent chance to find enough people to meet my standards, I need to relocate...and right now, I don't feel that the average American person is trustworthy enough to meet them.

 

I am not saying that foreign people is the cure-all. I am sure I will run across my own set of foreign people that I would love to forget immediately.....but if I can find a bigger percentage of trustworthy people, that is all that matters to me.

 

I just need to find them.

 

Why are you assuming that the entire United States is exactly like what you describe? It isn't!

 

How can you even know for sure if you've never done it? It's certainly the lower risk option with a higher chance of improving your life.

 

The point is that it doesn't mean you HAVE to leave the US. It means you have to leave where you are now, which is something well within your power. You can change your circumstances and improve your life without taking drastic measures.

 

And that is why I may go that route first before I take the big jump to another country.

 

I guess, when it all comes down to it, is that my high expectations will be sticking with me until the day I die. Up to this point, I have yet to meet a person that wants to know me that is even close to meeting my standards.

 

I have no desire changing them now. After all I went through, I refuse to accept anything less. To do that is to admit you failed miserably.

 

If my results while being in Jacksonville for the first 10 years of my adult life is this bad, would things improve enough for me not to worry about it again? While I would like to be optimistic, I can't say for sure if the results I desire will be present in my new location and that is my main concern.

 

If I can't find a woman I like enough to even approach with romantic interest in 10 years of being in Jacksonville, would that change enough in another city not to continue looking overseas?

 

That is just one example of what I mean.

 

I don't intend this to come off as harsh, but I think the reason why you're not too concerned with the difficulties you might meet in a foreign country is that you're not nearly informed enough to know what to worry about. Most people don't know what emigrating is like unless they've done it themselves or know someone who they shared the process with every step of the way. If you plan on actually LIVING somewhere, it's more complicated than getting a passport, buying a ticket, flying in, and finding a job. Even in countries that don't require Americans to obtain visas to visit, you usually can't work without specific authorization. You would have to apply for either immigrant visas or work authorizations, and a lot of places won't give you those things unless you can demonstrate you ALREADY have a job offer and an employer willing to serve as your sponsor.

 

And if you do pick a country where you can just move in and apply for jobs (which I don't think is possible, but let's assume it is), what would happen if you had trouble finding something? That's a real possibility, especially with the way most countries' economies are at the moment. You have to be honest with yourself about your skill set and realize that you'd be competing against locals who can do the same work, and that's true even for doctors and engineers. But as you go down the ladder in terms of skill, you have more and more competition. If your chosen country's majority language isn't English, how can you compete? If you can't find a job, as a non-citizen, you won't have access to any government help or programs. If you don't know anyone there, you won't have anyone to turn to for help.

 

As for trusting people, which is something you keep mentioning... It's hard for me to convey what it feels like to be surrounded by strangers who don't speak your language, day in and day out. My brother was a teenager when we moved to the US, and his transition was difficult. My parents were in their 40s, and they never had the same social life again. They made some friends here and there, but I can count on one hand the number of American friends my mother made in the past 25 years. It's just a lot harder to connect with people, and it takes a long time to get accustomed to the culture.

 

You've already done some research on this, but if you're really set on moving to another country, you need to do more. It's not going to be a magic cure-all, and you need to go in with eyes wide open. Honestly, I truly think you're much, much better off moving out of your current city and maybe even moving out of Florida altogether and going to college. If after that you still want to leave the US, your degree will put you in a better position to go somewhere else.

 

It's fine. I prefer it if you are harsh so I know exactly what I am about to deal with.

 

And a lot of what you said, I am sure it is quite true and some of this I didn't consider before or, I did and didn't go too deeply into the idea. That gives me a lot to think about so I thank you deeply for writing this.

 

I wish I could respond with a more in-depth answer but I can't at this moment since this is a lot for me to digest and consider. It really going to give me a lot to ponder on.

[ltjg45]

I will say this much though:

 

I will be scrapping the plans to just recklessly re-locate to another country. However, I will continue to get a passport and at least visit one to get an general idea of what I may have to deal with if I do decide to advance.

 

In the meantime, I will see about finding a college and try and get a degree done in the next 2-3 years while keeping employment of some kind to build up ans save money. I will also see about finding another city in the United States to move to first before heading back to college and see if anything does change.

 

Thank you all for your help. I will continue to do more research as time goes on while I figure out how to fix this mess I was born and raised in.

[sweetjasmine]

However, what I mean by things can't get any worse is that I want to be around an environment where people still has general respect to one another. After the many years I spent in Jacksonville, one thing is clear: it's a dog-eat-dog world out there.

 

It's a dog-eat-dog world on the whole planet. The only thing that varies is how people treat each other on the surface.

 

For some reason, I just don't believe being in a foreign country is as bad of an experience as what I have seen here. I just don't believe that foreign people will do whatever they can to get away with no disregard for others.

 

Again, I don't know which countries you're looking at, so it's hard to really say anything specific. But in my home country, people absolutely do what they can to get what they want, with no disregard for others. Same thing in Eastern Europe. You can develop good friendships with people who'll look out for you, but those are the only people you can rely on. Everyone else is out to get what they can from you.

 

Let me give you a few examples. The capital city of my home country is a popular tourist destination. I know a lot of Americans who have visited and loved every minute of it. There's a great nightlife, awesome restaurants, and lots to do and see. Most people rave about it when they find out where I'm originally from.

 

Here's what sticks out in my mind when I think of that city. When I was little, people would routinely drive around the block at least once before pulling into their own driveway to make sure no one was following them. My parents' friend did this just like everyone else, but one day when she opened her car door inside her garage, a man put a gun to her head and robbed her. One time when my brother was having a birthday party, his friend's mom didn't pick up her boy because she ran into some trouble. She was upstairs in her house, and someone broke in, not realizing there was someone home. So the robber grabbed her and made her get into the car. She ended up opening the door and taking her chances by rolling out of the moving car and ran to the nearest house for help.

 

Now that was all years ago. But sadly things haven't changed much. A few years ago, my cousin, her husband, and kids were robbed at gunpoint when they were driving out of their gated community. My uncle was telling us that the security companies that guard these gated communities often work together and rob each others' clients so they can leverage more services out of them. "See, you're not safe! You need to hire more of us!". A few years ago, my godfather's elderly neighbor was also robbed. She left the balcony door open a few inches, so two men climbed up to her 2nd floor apartment and broke in. They tied her up and threatened to shoot her dog for barking.

 

Those are the sorts of things that people don't really see unless they're looking or unless they actually live somewhere. On its surface, the capital is a great place. I'd certainly like to go back to visit. Underneath, though, it's a place with a ton of problems that affect people's day-to-day life. My cousin's family is quite wealthy, but even a gated community can't protect them from everything. They're happy with their life there, despite the problems, but they're among the most fortunate.

 

That is something I am aware of. However, another thing I am also considering is the cost to go to college in the United States. I have seen many people mention that the cost to go to college in a foreign country on average is cheaper and more in-depth than what we have in the United States.

 

Some countries may have citizenship requirements or different tuition rates for non-citizens. Others have entrance exam requirements. It's possible, but it's not as simple as it might look. Some schools will give you degrees that are useful internationally, but others may leave you limited to that country or region. My dad's Masters-level work was converted to the equivalent of a Bachelors in the US. One of our family friends was a pediatrician back home and had to abandon his career. I've also met several men who were veterinarians back home but couldn't afford to spend all the money it takes to get their degree equivalent and so were working as assistants.

 

I don't want to go to just any college. I want to make sure that when I do go to college, it is worth my time and effort. I want to make sure the professors is there to teach and not to loft around because I came here to learn and destroy my competition.

 

If foreign colleges can offer me that, I rather go that route......but I can't say that for sure.....and that is what bothers me a lot about. I have seen a lot of negative reviews on American colleges lately, especially with the cost in comparison to the degree, to be very concerned right now.

 

American colleges offer that, if you stay away from for-profits. You should look into your options there.

[sweetjasmine]

When I look for a friend, I am looking for an actual friend to the definition of the word. If I can't fully rely on him/her whenever needed, he/she is not a friend.

 

When I look for a girlfriend/wife, I am looking for a woman that is willing to do as much as she can for the benefit of the relationship and the family because I will be doing the same.

 

I think you'll find most healthy people have those same standards. It's not as impossible to find in Americans as you think. You seem to be stuck in a really dysfunctional community, but there's a lot more out there.

 

I wish I could respond with a more in-depth answer but I can't at this moment since this is a lot for me to digest and consider. It really going to give me a lot to ponder on.

 

All of this is a lot to think about. I'm sure you'll find some answers that will work for you.

 

I will say this much though:

 

I will be scrapping the plans to just recklessly re-locate to another country. However, I will continue to get a passport and at least visit one to get an general idea of what I may have to deal with if I do decide to advance.

 

Definitely travel. It'll be worth the experience, and you'll learn a lot and meet different people. If you can manage it, try to travel to different parts of the US, too. If you go up to the Northeast or way out to the West, I guarantee you that you'll feel like you're in a foreign country.

 

In the meantime, I will see about finding a college and try and get a degree done in the next 2-3 years while keeping employment of some kind to build up ans save money. I will also see about finding another city in the United States to move to first before heading back to college and see if anything does change.

 

Thank you all for your help. I will continue to do more research as time goes on while I figure out how to fix this mess I was born and raised in.

 

Good luck! You have what it takes to get out of there, and I think you'll find your perspective change once you move away. Moving around can be hard but you really do learn and grow a lot in the process.

[CrystalShine2011]

Rosetta Stone, firstly, regarding whichever country you find a nice lady will help tremendously. I think traveling to another country to meet someone is very romantic, what an adventure! Yes, use caution. But I think overall it will be a great experience.

[devilish innocent]

Just a bunch of random thoughts that came up as I was reading your post...

 

The only person I've known who married somebody who was actively looking for an international spouse was my uncle. He was a 50 something year old man living in Israel. He found a beautiful 20 something year old woman who was visiting from Thailand and married her. It may have been a sugar daddy type situation. The marriage didn't last very long because his wife had a hard time adjusting to the culture and moved back home.

 

Speaking of cultures, you definitely want to research any place you're thinking of moving to. It's funny you talk about Americans being shady, untrustworthy, offering bad service, and being aggressive drivers. Being born in Israel, I can tell you that Israelis have a reputation of being much worse in that regard. I'm pretty sure most Israelis would think of Americans as being the exact opposite of what you've described. I know other countries have similar stereotypes as well, so there are definitely worse places than the US in those regards.

 

I also think the culture in the US can differ a lot between different cities and towns. I've moved around a bit and definitely noticed differences. One place I was at for two years was full of workaholics who were strung out and tense. The next place I moved after that was full of people who were very laid back and friendly. It felt like a nice sweet breath of fresh air to move from one place to the other. Not that the place with the workaholics didn't have some good people as well, but you had to search them out. The next place I was at, being friendly and relaxed was much more of the cultural norm. So you may find a big difference in different parts of the US. I'd recommend researching the culture of different places and then visiting the ones that seem to interest you.

 

If you do decide you want to move to another country though, you may want to check out this page: Students | Institute of International Education (Sorry, I forgot how to link you.) It has a ton of information for US students who wish to study abroad, such as the programs and scholarships available. I think a student visa would be your only option if you wanted to stay in a foreign country for any length of time. You might also be able to do a shorter study abroad trip to get exposure to a different country.

 

Speaking of studying, I think it's a really great idea to look into going back to school now. I've known people in your situation who've kept saying they'll go back to school someday, but never do. The earlier you do it, the easier I think it is. By the time you have a family and other obligations, it's a lot harder to fit in school as well. I also think you'll have better luck finding women who aren't smokers, beer drinkers and filled with tattoos if you're pursuing a white collar profession.

[Imported]

OP, have you actually looked at moving to other countries? What countries are you thinking of? Are you thinking you're just going to get there and they're gonna let you apply for citizenship or get an extended visa at will with no money or job already lined up?

 

 

Most countries are overburdened with unemployed citizens of their own and are not looking to take on a foreigner that isn't going to add to making things better. No, I don't mean your sunny disposition. I mean, you're a skilled worker...doctor, engineer. Or you have money in the bank (enough to live on per visa stamping ..oh, you spent all your savings in the first year and couldn't replenish...time for you to leave) or some kinda pension like income that can cover your expenses indefinitely. They want you to bring skill into the country, not be another unskilled worker or they want you to bring $$$.

 

 

Otherwise you're gonna be living there on a 30 day visa constantly having to stamp out to a different country and then stamp back in, assuming the even allow that or don't have a limit how many times you can renew the visa. Or you're their illegally.

 

 

OP, instead of moving countries, try moving to a different part of America first.

[mario_C]

I am more of a math person so I prefer to work in an accounting/banking field but I don't see too many of those available so it made me wonder if entering that field would be worth the time and effort.

 

Maybe be a developer? A solid math background is essential to that work, and they are desperate for young talent. How else could a guy like me be making dough like I am? Same with accounting, especially this time of year - though my cousin is a corporate accountant and she is constantly working, all over the country (her husband is career military, so she moves constantly but never lacks for work).

I'd say it's more than "worth the time and effort". Screw Walmart!