Fighting for love

[Alexjones1]

I dont know what anyone elses opinion is of this or not. But I feel that a text, a phone call, an email, or a letter is just an easy way to try and get in contact.

 

Women IMO want to know their more special than anyone else. So do something to be different.

 

Make a video, mail it to her. I guarantee she will look at it. It will scream wow, no one has ever done this before.

 

Just a thought!

 

 

Alex

[Nolan 93]

Yes a video is always nice, in fact that is how my current ex asked me out. Made a seven minute video on youtube, it hit the heart very hard, and I loved her for it.

 

But If you are broken up, might want to reconsider especially If both partners aren't trying for the relationship.

[Alexjones1]

Oh I think thats a bunch of BS. LOL

 

Some people are afraid of success, and also afraid of love. They will do what they can to sabotage it from ever happening.

 

Dont be crazy, but also dont just quit and walk away. Thats the easy thing to do.

 

Alex

[Nolan 93]

Well with me I believe in fighting for love, but If the significant other clearly states what they want repeatedly. All love will get me is a restraining order haha

 

But each relationship is different, and no two are alike. So yes In each one you should fight, but should stop once the other partner no longer fights back for it.

[Light Breeze]

Thats the easy thing to do.

 

I disagree, walking away was the hardest thing I ever did. But, I did it anyway, why? Because she made it clear that she gave up and found someone else instead.

 

You can fight all you want but if she makes it clear she's unwilling then you should stop. That's called respect.

[flightplan]

If all my years and past relationships have taught me one thing... fighting for love might make a good movie, but in real life, it's the biggest load of bull****.

 

If you have to fight for love, then you seriously need to rethink the person you're pursuing. Love doesn't need a boxer in it's corner. If you have to use the word "fight" and "love" in the same sentence, does that not sound strange to you?

[erklat]

Yeah, you are fighting for love when you two are dating, hanging out,

doing chores, go shopping for groceries.

 

Once you are over you are fighting for love no more. You are fighting

against her decision. No love there.

 

Oh and video at that point is clinginess lvl over 9000.

[Nolan 93]

 

Oh and video at that point is clinginess lvl over 9000.

 

Oh hell nooooo you didn't just say that.....hahahahhahahaah

[Alexjones1]

So if a woman wants someone to fight for her and not let her go.....what do you call that?

[KBarletta]

So if a woman wants someone to fight for her and not let her go.....what do you call that?

 

If a woman wants someone to "fight for her" then presumably she wants them back, no? In that case, shouldn't she be doing some "fighting," too? And if that's the case, then it shouldn't be a "fight," it should be called reconciliation.

 

I don't really get the whole "fighting for love" idea. If two people both want to be together, they do the work required to do so. If one of them doesn't, no amount of "fighting" is going to change that, in my opinion. Love is a two-way street, not a cul-de-sac.

[Holmes85]

When you have to "fight" for someone's love, it isn't love.

 

Hollywood has put a lot of garbage out there when it comes to romance / love.

 

Look at the movies that are put on the pedestal and cherished and portray an idealistic picture of love.

 

The Notebook: A cute and cocky guy charms you, takes you out on a couple of dates and you are ready to have sex with him. Couple of years later, that guy is rebounding with someone else, while the girl has a decent man in her life, but cheats on him since it's "true love" and breaks off everything with the nice guy and they end up being together.....what a fantastic message being sent to the youth and adults.

 

Fifty Shades of Grey: Coming in a cinemas near you, especially on valentines day, to seduce you and tell you how to fall in love in all the wrong ways and how to commit sexual acts that you must have to be mentally disturbed to do it...but it's a unqiue experience, you learn from it and come out as a better person...a fantastic gem that is going to take the box-office by storm.

 

Twilight: Do I really need to say something here?

 

I think you get the point.

[Harradin]

No it doesn't.

 

I've made a video for an ex who had cheated on me and left me for the guy she cheated me with (I was a total idiot, I know.)

 

All it did was make me realize that the rose tinted glasses were gone, she was a b*tch and I deserved better so I cut her out my life and went NC.

 

Its not fighting for her love if you're broken up, its being desperate.

 

You fight to keep the relationship going if its rocky.

 

I'm being very blunt but its true.

[Simon Phoenix]

I dont know what anyone elses opinion is of this or not. But I feel that a text, a phone call, an email, or a letter is just an easy way to try and get in contact.

 

Women IMO want to know their more special than anyone else. So do something to be different.

 

Make a video, mail it to her. I guarantee she will look at it. It will scream wow, no one has ever done this before.

 

Just a thought!

 

 

Alex

 

This is more likely to result in a restraining order than reconciliation. During the relationship this is a great idea. After it's broken, this is one of the worst ideas of all time. It not only makes them extremely uncomfortable, but it makes you look like an obtuse buffoon that has no respect for their wants and desires.

 

During a relationship, or even at a well-timed juncture early on, your suggestion has merit. But you are way more likely to freak them out with this type of ridiculous "I watch way too many romantic comedies to the point where I feel they are real life" gesture than make them feel good about you.

[idoltree]

I love when advice posts don't acknowledge that woman aren't always the one who end relationships. Sometimes men end relationships, and I don't think they want some sappy girl "fighting for them" and making crazy videos. (Though they'd probably at least like it a little bit if she were partially/not clothed...)

 

Anyway, woman here. I think that the concept of "fighting for" a woman is a girlish and naive thing that only teenagers crave. If a woman over the age of 17 dumps a guy and wants him to fight for her, I'd advise him to hightail it in another direction because she's likely a bottomless pit of neediness.

 

I agree with the person who brought up the matter of respect. If I broke up with a guy, I certainly wouldn't want him "fighting for me." Why would I break up with him, then? Seems like game playing. If I needed to feel more affection coming from him, I'd tell him while in the relationship and give him a chance to do better... you know, like an adult?

 

Fifty Shades of Grey: Coming in a cinemas near you, especially on valentines day, to seduce you and tell you how to fall in love in all the wrong ways and how to commit sexual acts that you must have to be mentally disturbed to do it...

 

Off-topic - today I learned I am mentally disturbed

[KBarletta]

During the relationship this is a great idea.

 

^ Correct.

 

I think a mistake some dumpees make is that after being dumped they view the relationship still through rose-colored glasses, while the dumper has clearly already taken them off. This leads dumpees to do stunts like this, which they view as romantic while the dumper is likely to view them as annoying and/or creepy.

 

Things like this assume that if someone is determined to be with another person, all it takes is hard work, romantic gestures and crazy stunts, all going in one direction. That is going to work maybe 1 percent of the time. The other 99 percent of the time, it's going to take a strong desire to be together on the part of BOTH partners in order for something to actually happen.

 

Holmes85 is right: Hollywood has warped a lot of people's view of how to approach relationships. These flicks are more dangerous than violent films to the psyche of vulnerable people, in my opinion.

[Alexjones1]

^ Correct.

 

I think a mistake some dumpees make is that after being dumped they view the relationship still through rose-colored glasses, while the dumper has clearly already taken them off. This leads dumpees to do stunts like this, which they view as romantic while the dumper is likely to view them as annoying and/or creepy.

 

Things like this assume that if someone is determined to be with another person, all it takes is hard work, romantic gestures and crazy stunts, all going in one direction. That is going to work maybe 1 percent of the time. The other 99 percent of the time, it's going to take a strong desire to be together on the part of BOTH partners in order for something to actually happen.

 

Holmes85 is right: Hollywood has warped a lot of people's view of how to approach relationships. These flicks are more dangerous than violent films to the psyche of vulnerable people, in my opinion.

 

 

every situation is always different. I appreciate the matters of opinions. Its like stereotyping, it never works, only sometimes.

 

Some people run from bad relationships, and some people run from good ones. I think most of the opinions i received were from those who may have had a tougher relationship. Who knows, I am by no means a mind reader.

 

But the point I was making, is that if you rely only on no contact, and hoping they miss you, I think that may work. But it doesn't mean they will. It doesn't mean they would see a different person. Its not always the dumpees fault. Some people are afraid of being hurt again and will never open themselves up to being vulnerable.

 

Somehow you have to put yourself in front of their path. To show that one who may be afraid and running, that its ok your going to be there.

 

Just my opinion...thanks for all the input you guys have given!

 

Alex

[Mi7522]

every situation is always different. I appreciate the matters of opinions. Its like stereotyping, it never works, only sometimes.

 

Some people run from bad relationships, and some people run from good ones. I think most of the opinions i received were from those who may have had a tougher relationship. Who knows, I am by no means a mind reader.

 

But the point I was making, is that if you rely only on no contact, and hoping they miss you, I think that may work. But it doesn't mean they will. It doesn't mean they would see a different person. Its not always the dumpees fault. Some people are afraid of being hurt again and will never open themselves up to being vulnerable.

 

Somehow you have to put yourself in front of their path. To show that one who may be afraid and running, that its ok your going to be there.

 

Just my opinion...thanks for all the input you guys have given!

 

Alex

 

NC is is not to make them miss you it is for you to look in to yourself and be a better person. If you're doing it in order for them to miss you it will never work out. You broke up now is the time to figure out why and not worry about reconciliation. Learn who you are that's what it's for

[Kevin_D]

I've seen friends chasing after exes and it wasn't a pretty sight. Heck, I chased after my first ex and made a fool out of myself.

 

With that said... In some cases, relationships end for really weird reasons. My declared her love for me every day for six years. If I didn't answer the phone, she would panic. She was incredibly jealous. And then, one day she hated me and left me for somebody else. After six years.

 

I had a hard time accepting this, but thanks to LS, I didn't respond to her breadcrumbs. Instead, I made a video that basically includes every inside joke we had together. I never sent it to her, but I uploaded it to my YouTube channel. She hasn't tried to contact me since then, which is a relief.

 

 

Today I'm really proud of myself. I really like the song and I improved my skills when I made the video. It's a statement that I cared about our relationship, that I just don't throw things away the way she did. Though she didn't come back, my new girlfriend fell for me when she saw the video.

[tikay00]

 

Oh and video at that point is clinginess lvl over 9000.

 

Truth

 

/thread

[todreaminblue]

If a woman wants someone to "fight for her" then presumably she wants them back, no? In that case, shouldn't she be doing some "fighting," too? And if that's the case, then it shouldn't be a "fight," it should be called reconciliation.

 

I don't really get the whole "fighting for love" idea. If two people both want to be together, they do the work required to do so. If one of them doesn't, no amount of "fighting" is going to change that, in my opinion. Love is a two-way street, not a cul-de-sac.

 

i think fight for love means more than a staid stagnant run of the mill effort but a concerted determined unabashed effort....and all good relationships need concerted effort from both parties.....one of the reasons i have dated fighters is the mindset fighters have of giving it their all..giving your all implies a great deal of effort(or a fight)...that to me is fighting for love...giving it your all...not a half assed no worries attempt.....a true commitment to see it through....determined effort...because that love....is important to you..deb

[tikay00]

I've seen friends chasing after exes and it wasn't a pretty sight. Heck, I chased after my first ex and made a fool out of myself.

 

With that said... In some cases, relationships end for really weird reasons. My declared her love for me every day for six years. If I didn't answer the phone, she would panic. She was incredibly jealous. And then, one day she hated me and left me for somebody else. After six years.

 

I had a hard time accepting this, but thanks to LS, I didn't respond to her breadcrumbs. Instead, I made a video that basically includes every inside joke we had together. I never sent it to her, but I uploaded it to my YouTube channel. She hasn't tried to contact me since then, which is a relief.

 

 

Today I'm really proud of myself. I really like the song and I improved my skills when I made the video. It's a statement that I cared about our relationship, that I just don't throw things away the way she did. Though she didn't come back, my new girlfriend fell for me when she saw the video.

 

You gotta admit, you did cringe a little after a period of NC lol. Video was well made by the way.

[Kevin_D]

You gotta admit, you did cringe a little after a period of NC lol. Video was well made by the way.

 

Thank you. I don't know though. I've always had a very strong moral compass. My heart said "Win her back"!", but my brain said "Never!". I'm proud that I invested so much in the relationship and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I didn't chase after her, yet I'm proud that I didn't act as the breakup didn't affected me.

 

I'm not participating in "The Battle of Who Could Care Less". Great song by the way.

[Simon Phoenix]

every situation is always different. I appreciate the matters of opinions. Its like stereotyping, it never works, only sometimes.

 

Some people run from bad relationships, and some people run from good ones. I think most of the opinions i received were from those who may have had a tougher relationship. Who knows, I am by no means a mind reader.

 

But the point I was making, is that if you rely only on no contact, and hoping they miss you, I think that may work. But it doesn't mean they will. It doesn't mean they would see a different person. Its not always the dumpees fault. Some people are afraid of being hurt again and will never open themselves up to being vulnerable.

 

Somehow you have to put yourself in front of their path. To show that one who may be afraid and running, that its ok your going to be there.

 

Just my opinion...thanks for all the input you guys have given!

 

Alex

 

This post is inaccurate for multiple reasons.

 

1. You don't seem to understand the point of No Contact. It's a tool for moving forward, not for reconciling a failed relationship. Sometimes it has the effect of making the dumper miss the dumpee and having them come back, but that's more of a side effect that doesn't apply across the board.

 

2. Let's say you are a dumpee of a forced dumper due to cheating or something else terrible. A grand gesture isn't going to make you look any better. If anything, it's going to be insulting to the dumper, as if a bunch of flowers and a cheesy video will all of a sudden make your inappropriate behavior all good. In most cases, you are going to piss off the dumper even more. You're better off apologizing and leaving them alone while taking actual steps to correct the behaviors. Substance, not style.

 

3. For regular dumpees, there's very little worse than "being there". Either a) they have no interest in you being there and your mere presence is going to irritate them or b) you are putting yourself in such an unattractive position by "being there" for someone who willfully fired them from the relationship that they can't take you seriously. Using basic stereotypes, you're either the "hovering friendzone guy who I barely put up with because he's willing to listen to my bullsh*t" or the "girl I used to date that I invite over to bang when I'm bored". Of course it's possible to be a friendzone girl or a guy that's used for sex as well. Either way, it's a horrible position that's almost impossible to turn into the desirable position of romantic partner.

 

I know I'm being blunt, but dude, you need to stop watching The Notebook or similar films and join the real world. Those types of things are fiction and are meant to entertain, not to be a guide on love.

[erklat]

My breakup was really ugly. I insulted her, called her out for her whoring around

while I was asleep home (asked civil many times to stop while in relationship, that

and being tolerant is fighting for love), said she's no relationship but ons material

etc etc - those things were true.

Compared to that, the only thing I would take back are these romantic stunts.

 

Sure I believe she will remember one day maybe when she ends in another physically

abusive relationship that she once had someone who went beyond the call of duty for

her, but I don't have anything from it.

 

When they dump you, just turn and walk away in silence. The best thing you will do.

Evar.

[KBarletta]

i think fight for love means more than a staid stagnant run of the mill effort but a concerted determined unabashed effort....and all good relationships need concerted effort from both parties.....one of the reasons i have dated fighters is the mindset fighters have of giving it their all..giving your all implies a great deal of effort(or a fight)...that to me is fighting for love...giving it your all...not a half assed no worries attempt.....a true commitment to see it through....determined effort...because that love....is important to you..deb

 

This is true, **during** a relationship. But I thought the poster was talking about "fighting" for love after a breakup, since this is the Second Chance board. That is what I was addressing. If you want someone to fight for you, don't break up with them.