How long does it take to feel normal again

[Popsicle]

I hope your recovery is speedy. I understand the demonization but I also think you will not feel normal again until you authentically feel resentment and dislike. You do not have to demonize them because you have deeply come to the point of no return.

 

 

I think of the qualities of someone I wish to come in my life and share happiness with me and I can think of none of my ex that qualifies. I deeply resent and dislike everything about him down to tiny microscopic details.

 

That works too.

[Ronnie33]

Maybe this will help you...friends for nearly 2 decades...an EA.

Back then there was immense attraction and chemistry but we were dating others it never left the ground but we always stayed in touch...I got married...later he got married...still friends, still big chemistry but unexplored...later he had kids...this was a tremendous turning point where the ea became FULL swing.

Professions of love for "all these years" it was woooww because it was hard to watch each of us marry others in hindsight...we didn't say that but it WAS.

In the end all these years later through kids marriage holidays best friendship...he dropped me.

Im leaving SO much out but within marriage it only got more complicated and guilt was pressing and added confusion.

We tried nc a few times, roller coasters and So many tears and pain beyond belief.

There were attempts to be platonic...I kept being the good friend for years...the forgiving one as he would be in love head over heels then say we had good marriages and drop off...too many times this happened.

It all came to a head and has been a few months of nothing.

Im sure in NC were both in pain and trying to get on with our lives.

Un the end its bitterness, loss of a great friend and the roller coaster did NOT pay off.

Where you are now...I continued there for years.

I thought maybe he figured he married the wrong girl and I was the one who got away.

More than likely it was boredom in marriage and no sex during pregnancy and after that caused the sudden explosion of "love"....

I said all that to say...its good your doing this now...you would likely fall in my footsteps. It huurts SO much more down the line when more memories are added to it.

Let him get married...but guaranteed down the line you'd be the fallback girl again when honeymoon period is over. And it's not pretty when again it all falls apart.

Im moving on...dont be like me. Its hell to recover the greif is so deep.

Proud of you keep going and stay blocked.

 

I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. I can't imagine going through this after two decades. We were friends for a year before our affair started and it hurts so bad to let go, I can't imagine how you must feel. Not speaking to him is so hard, I feel like I lost my bestfriend. We talked all day everyday so it's hard during those hours because now their is this huge void. I know he loves me, everyone that knows us know BUT he loves me as his other woman and bestfriend and it's just not enough. I don't want to watch his life go on from the sidelines. I have never been that person and maybe for the past two years I allowed it because I really thought we had this "connection" that would over power anything and we would end up together. Now I see that the connection was real but it now only exists in the affair form.

[Ronnie33]

I hope your recovery is speedy. I understand the demonization but I also think you will not feel normal again until you authentically feel resentment and dislike. You do not have to demonize them because you have deeply come to the point of no return.

 

 

I think of the qualities of someone I wish to come in my life and share happiness with me and I can think of none of my ex that qualifies. I deeply resent and dislike everything about him down to tiny microscopic details.

 

When I thought about all the qualities I wanted in a man he had them all. That's why I thought he was perfect for me and why I thought we were meant to be. Now I see that, yes he still does have those qualities but a lot of it was fantasizing about the life we could have had together.

[SleekArchitecture]

When I thought about all the qualities I wanted in a man he had them all. That's why I thought he was perfect for me and why I thought we were meant to be. Now I see that, yes he still does have those qualities but a lot of it was fantasizing about the life we could have had together.

 

 

He has all the superficial glib qualifications, the intelligence, degrees, success but he is missing all the traits I look for in a mate: the inner strengths and ability to... Well @%$#% this is too much thinking for a man who does not deserve my thoughts.

 

Though, I am really happy to read that you have kept strong so far.

[MessedupinMiami]

I am going through the exact same thing right now. It's literally taking over my life. I cannot eat, sleep, I feel constantly sick to my stomach and my body aches, and I have random, uncontrollable crying spells. I have never experienced a heartache like this but what i do know is time heals all wounds. Think about your past breakups I am sure you have felt depressed before (probably not to this extent) but you did get through it and now can probably never imagine being with that person again.

 

You (and I) will have more better days and soon the memories and nightmares will begin to fade away. You will gain clarity and make peace with the outcome.

 

Best of luck!

Edited March 11, 2015 by MessedupinMiami

[privategal]

I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. I can't imagine going through this after two decades. We were friends for a year before our affair started and it hurts so bad to let go, I can't imagine how you must feel. Not speaking to him is so hard, I feel like I lost my bestfriend. We talked all day everyday so it's hard during those hours because now their is this huge void. I know he loves me, everyone that knows us know BUT he loves me as his other woman and bestfriend and it's just not enough. I don't want to watch his life go on from the sidelines. I have never been that person and maybe for the past two years I allowed it because I really thought we had this "connection" that would over power anything and we would end up together. Now I see that the connection was real but it now only exists in the affair form.

 

I went through that same void he would call twice a day and text and email all day too. He would share his feelings emotioms highs and lows. How someone who is married (and I am too) but profess's to love me and need and want my friendship could just walk away is beyond me.

I spoke kindly of his family, allowed space, didnt ask for time or why we never worked as a couple...just the sweetest friend ever.

But I think it becomes habit and is taken forgranted over time.

Even if you put it in your mind "just friends" as I did with no flirting etc. its still a deep pain cause you do care and always have that deep wish. It never did truly stop hurting ever.

Im a prime example I did it all right and accommodated to death and it didn't matter.

Let him go and let healing start. When I did it has helped.

Its gonna hurt for awhile but when we got married to others is when it should have ended since there was a romantic bond that was always gonna spell trouble.

Your negotiating now but I promise its a lose lose.

Im doing better every day. It is sad but you made it this far, its a big deal.

Lose hope and block so you dont look at your phone.

Spring is here. Open your heart to new beginnings and close the unrequited chapter!!

Hugs!

[Ronnie33]

I went through that same void he would call twice a day and text and email all day too. He would share his feelings emotioms highs and lows. How someone who is married (and I am too) but profess's to love me and need and want my friendship could just walk away is beyond me.

I spoke kindly of his family, allowed space, didnt ask for time or why we never worked as a couple...just the sweetest friend ever.

But I think it becomes habit and is taken forgranted over time.

Even if you put it in your mind "just friends" as I did with no flirting etc. its still a deep pain cause you do care and always have that deep wish. It never did truly stop hurting ever.

Im a prime example I did it all right and accommodated to death and it didn't matter.

Let him go and let healing start. When I did it has helped.

Its gonna hurt for awhile but when we got married to others is when it should have ended since there was a romantic bond that was always gonna spell trouble.

Your negotiating now but I promise its a lose lose.

Im doing better every day. It is sad but you made it this far, its a big deal.

Lose hope and block so you dont look at your phone.

Spring is here. Open your heart to new beginnings and close the unrequited chapter!!

Hugs!

 

I'm getting angry now, im so mad that he could just throw me to the wind and stop talking to me when he was wrong last time we spoke. I won't text him if even it almost kills me. I was always a great friend to him but you are right, I think after awhile they start to take us for granted. Last week I was his best friend and now nothing. I hate him and I have never felt this angry towards him.

[Popsicle]

I'm getting angry now, im so mad that he could just throw me to the wind and stop talking to me when he was wrong last time we spoke. I won't text him if even it almost kills me. I was always a great friend to him but you are right, I think after awhile they start to take us for granted. Last week I was his best friend and now nothing. I hate him and I have never felt this angry towards him.

 

That's good. Just don't tell him that. Use these feelings to help you ease your pain.

[Ronnie33]

That's good. Just don't tell him that. Use these feelings to help you ease your pain.

 

I'm trying, I'm so mad at him for the way things ended but I also want him to reach out just to let me know he doesn't hate me. The thought of ending on bad terms hurts after being so close for two years. I know it's over and I know it has to be but ending like this is so hard because there is absolutely no closure. I know it has to come from within but to end on bad terms after everything hurts more then I think ending on good terms.

Edited March 14, 2015 by Ronnie33

[justmebev1]

Hi Ronnie and Ev1 -

 

I know how you feel, and im sorry for anyone who has to go through this, it is one of the most horrible feelings. I had all the same things you mentioned, best friend, good guy, was with the MM almost 3 years and now its been N/C for almost 8 mos. not to burst anyone's bubble I haven't felt any better than I did N/C day one. As a matter of fact I think I feel worse. The longer and longer it goes the more reality sets in and almost seems like it was a dream not even real. I thought it would get better for me it doesn't, I hope for all of you it does. There is not one second of one day that I do not think about him.

 

Best of Luck....: )

[Ronnie33]

Hi Ronnie and Ev1 -

 

I know how you feel, and im sorry for anyone who has to go through this, it is one of the most horrible feelings. I had all the same things you mentioned, best friend, good guy, was with the MM almost 3 years and now its been N/C for almost 8 mos. not to burst anyone's bubble I haven't felt any better than I did N/C day one. As a matter of fact I think I feel worse. The longer and longer it goes the more reality sets in and almost seems like it was a dream not even real. I thought it would get better for me it doesn't, I hope for all of you it does. There is not one second of one day that I do not think about him.

 

Best of Luck....: )

 

Bev I'm sorry you still feel so hurt but I really hope that I am further along in my healing in 7 months then you are. The thought of still feeling this bad really scares me.

[justmebev1]

Ronnie -

 

For me as time goes on, I just miss him more, think of the good times more, wonder what he's doing, how his M is going at his point, so many question, and most of all like you said missing the friendship. Not a nice feeling but the only thing to do is move on so eventually it will come. I'm afraid to get into another relationship because I don't trust its just blahhhh.

[Ronnie33]

Ronnie -

 

For me as time goes on, I just miss him more, think of the good times more, wonder what he's doing, how his M is going at his point, so many question, and most of all like you said missing the friendship. Not a nice feeling but the only thing to do is move on so eventually it will come. I'm afraid to get into another relationship because I don't trust its just blahhhh.

 

I read your story and the way he ended it with you was awful. I don't know how you can be so close to someone and then just act like they meant nothing. I think you are stuck too because you haven't met anyone else but you will. It will happen when you aren't looking because that's when you are mentally open for it.

[scatterd]

I am a wife I have cried none stop for 5 months we was married 21 years.I have no idea on how long it will take I guess it depend o the circumstances

and how long. good luck.

[Ronnie33]

I am a wife I have cried none stop for 5 months we was married 21 years.I have no idea on how long it will take I guess it depend o the circumstances

and how long. good luck.

 

Thank you. I'm so sorry you are hurting, after 21 years of marriage I'm sure the pain is unmeasurable.

[MissBee]

Day 1 of NC

 

For those who have been successful with NC how long did it take before you began to feel human again and they didn't consume your thoughts anymore? I made it 6 weeks once and I missed him the whole time. I want to be successful this time and make peace with it. My anxiety feels so high and he is in my head constantly. I started taking anti depressants again a week ago so hopefully that starts to help also but I just need to get through this.

 

Thanks for listening

 

For everyone it will vary depending on the relationship, if NC is strict or say they continue to online stalk or engage in other ways, just how you are as a person, what you do during NC in your life in general.

 

For me, I had a rebound situation shortly after that of course fell apart. It went on for several months, I can't remember precisely, but I'd say about 3 months or so before I broke down crying about my exAP to the rebound guy. I left him by the wayside shortly. My exAP and I did not speak at all, and he had no social media for me to stalk (I think those things helped), although I think I called him twice in some months and hung up and then finally after about 6 months of NC I sent him an email getting ALL my thoughts and feelings out and for me that lifted the burden and it was like after I did that, I slowly began to move on. About 10 months into NC was when I got a new boyfriend that was real this time, where it wasn't a rebound but me genuinely for the first time feeling excited about a new man and not comparing him to my exAP.

 

Finding a new man wasn't what made me feel normal btw. I just added that part to say that when I met the new guy was one instance of realizing I was back in the normal world because it was my first time dating someone new where it felt good and normal and wasn't just about burying my feelings for my exAP. I think the letter 6 months in started the period of me letting go emotionally and feeling normal normal.

Edited March 14, 2015 by MissBee

[road]

Day 1 of NC

 

For those who have been successful with NC how long did it take before you began to feel human again and they didn't consume your thoughts anymore? I made it 6 weeks once and I missed him the whole time. I want to be successful this time and make peace with it. My anxiety feels so high and he is in my head constantly. I started taking anti depressants again a week ago so hopefully that starts to help also but I just need to get through this.

 

Thanks for listening

 

 

 

 

It takes a year to get over a past relationship.

 

 

You need to realize that you only were being given crumbs off of his wife's table. That you were some side action. He never left his wife for you. Keep repeating those things for what your OM said never matched his actions.

[Ronnie33]

For everyone it will vary depending on the relationship, if NC is strict or say they continue to online stalk or engage in other ways, just how you are as a person, what you do during NC in your life in general.

 

For me, I had a rebound situation shortly after that of course fell apart. It went on for several months, I can't remember precisely, but I'd say about 3 months or so before I broke down crying about my exAP to the rebound guy. I left him by the wayside shortly. My exAP and I did not speak at all, and he had no social media for me to stalk (I think those things helped), although I think I called him twice in some months and hung up and then finally after about 6 months of NC I sent him an email getting ALL my thoughts and feelings out and for me that lifted the burden and it was like after I did that, I slowly began to move on. About 10 months into NC was when I got a new boyfriend that was real this time, where it wasn't a rebound but me genuinely for the first time feeling excited about a new man and not comparing him to my exAP.

 

Finding a new man wasn't what made me feel normal btw. I just added that part to say that when I met the new guy was one instance of realizing I was back in the normal world because it was my first time dating someone new where it felt good and normal and wasn't just about burying my feelings for my exAP. I think the letter 6 months in started the period of me letting go emotionally and feeling normal normal.

 

Did he email you back? Didn't it set you back?

[Ronnie33]

It takes a year to get over a past relationship.

 

 

You need to realize that you only were being given crumbs off of his wife's table. That you were some side action. He never left his wife for you. Keep repeating those things for what your OM said never matched his actions.

 

He wasn't married, I was.

[road]

He wasn't married, I was.

 

 

Are you having total NC?

 

 

What have you done to reconnect to your BH?

 

 

Does your BH know?

[Ronnie33]

Are you having total NC?

 

 

What have you done to reconnect to your BH?

 

 

Does your BH know?

 

Yes we are NC

 

My husband and I are separated but that was along time coming and wasn't for the OM. We were both unhappy for along time.

[SleekArchitecture]

I wish I had a magic ball and it could predict this fortune. It will be worth a fortune to finally be free of the affair spell.

 

I initiated NC, for a week now, and I was going to write a list, a type of NC bible of how to tell if a man really likes you, and one for if he loves you, and one for if he is using you, but I couldn't get past putting the pen in my hand because I realized I no longer care.

 

I hope this is everlasting, this feeling.

Edited March 16, 2015 by SleekArchitecture