1 Month Left With Limited Communicaton

[tam1984]

I'm currently in a semi LDR with someone I've been with for several months.

 

He lived in my city up until mid-December. He was going to see his parents for the holidays, do some work in another city, and then move out to Jamaica for a month for something work-related. He left most of his belongings at my apartment and we have plans for him to stay with me when he gets back until he finds a new apartment (neither one of us are quite ready to move in together!). He's flying back to my city in mid-March (I'm counting down the days, literally...)

 

So far so good. I visited him for a few weeks at the end of December/early January and it was great. I met his family...he met mine. Saying goodbye was really hard. Despite the fact that we are very close, every bit of time we spend together we grow even closer and closer.

 

It has been a month (to the day!) since I've last seen him. In that period of time, we spoke to one another on the phone regularly, Skyped etc. It isn't ideal, for sure...but hearing one another's voice/seeing one another helped tremendously and I really think things are going well so far. We have gotten into a few very minor spats but nothing terrible and we have both been good about communicating regularly.

 

However, he arrived in Jamaica yesterday and, due to time and access to internet (he's in a very, very rural area and will probably only have internet access if and when he can get to an internet cafe)...we won't be able to speak on the phone very much and Skype is most likely out of the question. So far, we have managed to text one another several times. He says he plans to call me (albeit a brief call...international calls can get pricy) on Valentine's day and will keep in touch via text as much as he can. I very much trust him to not cheat or drop off the face of the planet...as he does me...so that's not the issue. The issue is that just a day in I'm already really missing him and feeling anxious over the lack of communication we will have to endure. While the past month has been doable...it has still been a little hard just due to the fact that he and I are both the type of people who communicate best in person...when we are in one another's presence physically. I don't mean that our relationship is purely sexual/ physical...but the ability to touch one another, make eye contact etc seems to make communication go a lot more smoothly than telephone calls and even Skype.

 

I've been in two other LDRs that were LD for much longer periods of time (for one, it was an entire year...for the other, for about 2 years) so I'm aware of how important it is to communicate daily. In both instances, it was mainly through Skype and phone and we managed to make it work. Never have I had to maintain communication without either of those things and I am worried that it will somehow negatively impact the relationship.

 

I'm sure most other people on this forum are to be LD for much longer so I know I maybe don't have grounds to complain! As I said before, he returns in mid-March. However, can anyone give me some advice in regards to how I can maintain the relationship/some level of intimacy (and my sanity haha) for the next 4 1/2 weeks?

 

Thank you so much!

Edited February 11, 2015 by tam1984

[cerridwen]

My fiance is in a different part of Europe on business.

For three days.

We've only spoken once and I miss him.

So, I understand how you feel.

I don't have judgement about your reaction to his absence.

 

I encourage you to challenge your thinking that leads to the anxiety, OP.

Because it sounds like the circumstances around your situation can't change until he arrives home.

So, best to ask yourself what thoughts are truly driving your anxiety--and how realistic is the outcome you fear.

Say (either aloud or on paper) what it is scaring you.

Then, question it.

 

For instance, "I'm scared if we don't talk daily, he'll stop feel strongly about me and his feelings will fade.

 

He won't want to temporarily move in, or continue any kind of relationship.

We've met each others' parents, and have built a wonderful connection.

But without more frequent daily contact, in four weeks time, the magic between us will disappear and he'll change his mind about everything. He won't move in. He will call everything off. It will be over."

 

Am I off-base is assuming your fear lies in that last bit?

That the RL needs constant daily maintenance if it's to survive this period?

You worry maybe he feels a weak connection so YOU need to nurture things regularly just to maintain his interest.

It appears to be a good RL from what you've described.

 

So, challenge these thoughts.

IS your SO capricious?

Or is he well-grounded enough to not turn to whimsy over the course of a month?

 

Has he given indication that his interest is short-term?

That he requires a lot of attention?

IS he the type to turn on a dime?

Not from what you describe.

 

Do you suspect the relationship is so one-sided, OP?

Or, do you need to extend more confidence in his feelings for you?

 

Thoughts and feelings come and go.

I think challenging their veracity can often be a good idea.

Edited February 12, 2015 by cerridwen