Valentines day massacre - the break up

[bohica]

The worst thing you could do is pour emotion all over her. Personally, I would be dressed really nice and just meet her on the way "out."

 

She told me almost two hours ago she was coming on her way to work and that she wasn't dressed yet. Thought she had to be at work an hour ago. Could be wrong

 

I'm thinking of just leaving at this point. Leaving what she is coming for in the mailbox.

[trolloperative]

Do what you have to. The point is to not sit around waiting for her and don't give her a chance to give you any "break-up" talk.

[bohica]

Do what you have to. The point is to not sit around waiting for her and don't give her a chance to give you any "break-up" talk.

 

Don't think she's giving herself time to do any talk....

Edited February 7, 2015 by bohica

[bohica]

She came. It seemed to me to be a little weird. She said she was in a rush because she was running late. I said I needed to run out anyway. I walked out with her as I put on my coat. She gave me a quick hug outside and said maybe if she was feeling better on Monday we would grab some dinner. I said, just let me know.

 

I really didn't show any emotion. Just was real chill. She called out to me from her car (as she was getting in) 'you ok?' I just turned and said 'yes everything is fine.'

[irresolute]

She came. It seemed to me to be a little weird. She said she was in a rush because she was running late. I said I needed to run out anyway. I walked out with her as I put on my coat. She gave me a quick hug outside and said maybe if she was feeling better on Monday we would grab some dinner. I said, just let me know.

 

I really didn't show any emotion. Just was real chill. She called out to me from her car (as she was getting in) 'you ok?' I just turned and said 'yes everything is fine.'

 

I'm really sorry. It looks like she wants something more casual, and you might want something more serious...

Why did you said everything was OK when it was obvious (for everyone included her) that something was not completely fine?

 

Look, six weeks is nothing, she might had changed her mind and she's not interested in pursuing this after all.

 

I do think she'll get back to you, eventually, if you start to distance yourself from the situation.

[Gaeta]

She came. It seemed to me to be a little weird. She said she was in a rush because she was running late. I said I needed to run out anyway. I walked out with her as I put on my coat. She gave me a quick hug outside and said maybe if she was feeling better on Monday we would grab some dinner. I said, just let me know.

 

I really didn't show any emotion. Just was real chill. She called out to me from her car (as she was getting in) 'you ok?' I just turned and said 'yes everything is fine.'

 

She initiated asking you for dinner. She would not have said that if she was on her way out of this relationship.

 

She also felt you were distant and asked if you were ok, that is because she is open and receptive of you. Again she would not have bothered asking if she was out of this relationship.

 

People have ups and downs for various reasons. She was sick maybe she had other issues that bothered her she did not want to discuss with you, that had nothing to do with you.

[irresolute]

She initiated asking you for dinner. She would not have said that if she was on her way out of this relationship.

 

She also felt you were distant and asked if you were ok, that is because she is open and receptive of you. Again she would not have bothered asking if she was out of this relationship.

 

People have ups and downs for various reasons. She was sick maybe she had other issues that bothered her she did not want to discuss with you, that had nothing to do with you.

 

She probably said that to be courteous. I don't think she has any intention to pursue with that invitation.

She asked if he was ok because she felt something wasn't quite right, however she didn't care and she left.

She was sick: excuses.

 

Look, op knows something is not quite right. And I do, too. Giving faux hopes to op will only bring more despair.

 

Wait and see what happens. She has the power now.

[bohica]

I agree. Its fine if that is the case.

 

I don't want to seem like a douche but i wont invest a lot emotionally

and put myself out there to someone who only wants to be casual.

I might look like a jerk by just distancing myself.

 

It would be better if i knew.

[starmar]

In reading this post, the only thing that jumped out at me was when you asked her "how am I doing so far?" and I know you meant well, I know it was a vulnerable, authentic question from you but the timing may have been a bit off because she said she was sick, etc. And also because she was already showing signs of not being interested.

 

I've learned in those cases it is better to show confidence and to start thinking of other things, other plans etc. so that you can prepare yourself if that is in fact the case. And if it isn't then at least the other person doesn't know you were fretting about it so much. Just wanted to point that out to you for future reference. It is good to learn from these situations and get an outsider's point of view.

 

Best of luck and keep us posted.

[bohica]

Two responded that are the complete opposite.

 

I think we are all different and respond to things in different ways.

 

I consider myself a very passionate person. I can be very sheltered but

if i like you and i feel your passion and enthusiasm my guard drops and

my passion shows. It doesnt matter if its 6 yrs or 6 weeks.

 

I like to show a person how i feel and let them know that at this very

moment they are important and special. Im not talking long term.

im just saying. You have my attention in the moment.

 

I dont know what she is thinking. I think she is also someone who likes

a guy to take control. However, if i am not getting anything in return and

Your not giving me positive enthusiastic for lack of better terms reinforcement

then i pull back. At this moment i want to call or text her to see how she is

feeling because its who i am but i fear it wont be received well where as

two weeks ago it would have been. I also could be wrong about the whole

thing.

[irresolute]

You better don't call her. She said she was going to call you in case she's free to have dinner (which I don't think she'll do) but that's a clear indicator.

What kind of things she picked up the other day? Does she still have some belongings there?

[bohica]

You better don't call her. She said she was going to call you in case she's free to have dinner (which I don't think she'll do) but that's a clear indicator.

What kind of things she picked up the other day? Does she still have some belongings there?

 

 

Oh no. She needed to run to a specific store the other day that is way

out of her way. I happen to be less then a mile from it so I picked it up for her. She would have been real late to work otherwise.

 

That is why she stopped by yesterday.

 

I like when a girl isn't afraid to let me know I am liked. Simple little gestures and little hints matter. I can't do all the chasing and don't want to look like a fool.

I dropped my guard and let lose a little but but now I feel guarded which sucks.

Edited February 8, 2015 by bohica

[irresolute]

Oh ok. I think 6 weeks is a very short period of time for you both to think this might be serious.

What you can do is act like nothing happened, as an option to wait her to contact you, and contact her inviting her for a date. See how she reacts. If she rejects you, then it's pretty clear.

[irresolute]

Send her a good morning text and ask her what's she's up to. You have nothing to lose, and you'll get a clearer picture if she's already lost interest.

[bohica]

Send her a good morning text and ask her what's she's up to. You have nothing to lose, and you'll get a clearer picture if she's already lost interest.

 

 

I hear ya. That's true. First you said not to though.

 

I have to say. My gut tells me not to but I also don't want to seem like I'm the one all of a sudden doing the 180 if I'm all wrong about this.

 

Maybe I'm over thinking....

Edited February 8, 2015 by bohica

[Gaeta]

At this moment i want to call or text her to see how she is

feeling

 

Do. Not. Do. That.

 

You tried something similar a few days ago and it backslashesd in your face and you got nothing out of it. All it will do is make you look cligny. Do you really need this much reassurance after 6 weeks dating?

 

Bohica, each person evolve at their own speed in a relationship. You move fast, she obviously moves at a slower pace. It doesn't mean you won't get together at the finish line.

 

My ex-boyfriend told me he loved me after 4 weeks dating! I was nowhere near where he was in terms of feelings but we kept on dating and at 3 months mark I was head over heels for him.

 

Give it time, let it unfold on its own.

[bohica]

Do. Not. Do. That.

 

You tried something similar a few days ago and it backslashesd in your face and you got nothing out of it. All it will do is make you look cligny. Do you really need this much reassurance after 6 weeks dating?

 

Bohica, each person evolve at their own speed in a relationship. You move fast, she obviously moves at a slower pace. It doesn't mean you won't get together at the finish line.

 

My ex-boyfriend told me he loved me after 4 weeks dating! I was nowhere near where he was in terms of feelings but we kept on dating and at 3 months mark I was head over heels for him.

 

Give it time, let it unfold on its own.

 

Ahh. Too late on that. I think you and irresolute should have it out. haha.

 

Listen, you sound like you have been getting the impression that I am bombarding this girl with a lot of contact and spilling a lot of emotion at such an early stage. I assure you that is not the case and that anything that was said, Things like I had so much fun or when am I going to see you again, was reciprocated. This is true for both parties. Nothing even close to

when am I going to meet the parents is taking place. No serious conversation was had, no talk of love or anything to that effect. I may have said I'm happy I met you once. Were just getting to know each other and having fun.

 

Do I risk rejection. Sure. All I said was. Hi, I hope your feeling better today and like irresolute said if I get no response then I'll know.

Edited February 8, 2015 by bohica

[Gaeta]

Do I risk rejection. Sure. All I said was. Hi, I hope your feeling better today and like irresolute said if I get no response then I'll know.

 

I thought you wanted to ask her how she feels about you !! lol

[elaine567]

Seems to me that this whole situation has been manufactured by the OP and no doubt it will all end badly and he can say "See I was right".

 

Over thinking, seeking rejection, and self sabotaging are all here.

The girl was sick, the OP detected her being "not as enthusiastic" - read my lips "the girl was sick".

Now the OP is cool and guarded, now she sees him backing off. She will back off in return and lo and behold it will all be over shortly.

 

*shakes head

[bohica]

Seems to me that this whole situation has been manufactured by the OP and no doubt it will all end badly and he can say "See I was right".

 

Over thinking, seeking rejection, and self sabotaging are all here.

The girl was sick, the OP detected her being "not as enthusiastic" - read my lips "the girl was sick".

Now the OP is cool and guarded, now she sees him backing off. She will back off in return and lo and behold it will all be over shortly.

 

*shakes head

 

Elaine. You do realize I can read this?

 

Manufactured? SEEKING rejection? Self sabotage? WOW...I feel the way I feel and sense the things I do based on real experiences. I wouldn't make up or manufacture anything in my head. I am intelligent enough to recognize when someone changes or when how I am treated changes.

 

In addition, the girl became sick days after this all started. Don't have the impression she was sick when I first felt this. That would make me an awful, selfish, person who has no soul. I would never NOT take that in consideration.

 

**READ MY LIPS*** SHE WAS NOT SICK WHEN THIS STARTED. ALMOST A WEEK WENT BY. SHE ONLY JUST BECAME SICK. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT. Don't bash people. Give constructive feedback or nothing at all.

Edited February 8, 2015 by bohica

[irresolute]

Alright. Now just wait.

Remember: silence means she doesn't want to talk to you so don't indist anymore.

If she replies make it casual and try to see what does she want.

Take this as your last intent. Then wait and see.

[bohica]

I thought you wanted to ask her how she feels about you !! lol

 

NO NO NO....LOL

 

I think I've created a monster out of myself here. The post has gotten out of hand. Some people read what they want to read and only see a portion.

 

Fact is, I don't know what to do. I like this girl and we were having fun. My priority coming here was to vent because I have no one to speak to. I was also

hoping for some constructive feedback. I was being myself but when I see a change I change. Does that make me a bad guy? No, just someone who wants to protect

himself.

Edited February 8, 2015 by bohica

[Gaeta]

NO NO NO....LOL

 

I think I've created a monster out of myself here. The post has gotten out of hand. Some people read what they want to read and only see a portion.

 

Fact is, I don't know what to do. I like this girl and we were having fun. I feel and see a change and I came here to vent a little and hope for some constructive feedback.

 

haha, I know these threads sometimes take on a life of their own !

 

When I am in an impasse I consciously decide to do nothing and let the situation unfold on its own.

 

Because she talked about doing something Monday or Tuesday, and because she was sensitive enough to feel a shift in you last time she saw you, for these reasons I would give it another week and see how it all unfolds.

[bohica]

I have been very consciously giving this girl her space from day 1. I don't smother anyone or lay it on too think but I also go with the flow. There was a good vibe. I've been very outgoing, and friendly and we have been pretty affectionate with each other.

 

I don't play games at all. Not to start this ball rolling again but I sense she wants space so I am being even more conscious of it. It just happens to come at a time where I wanted to share a little more.

 

Anyway, thanks to all the constructive feedback. I appreciate it.

Edited February 8, 2015 by bohica

[bohica]

Just an update:

 

She didn't respond to my text. She isn't normally quick to respond especially if shes at work which I think she might be. However, she has never taken this long. 2.5 hours ago I sent it.

 

Before I get a beat down about 2.5 hrs. She may be busy, working, on the toilet...what ever. I'll say that I understand that and I'll also reiterate that my comment is based on previous communications between her and I.

 

Itching to ask what is going on..... Tempted to ask one of our mutual friends.