Gaeta Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I really did want to do something nice for her. I feel I'm put in a vulnerable situation with this girl. I don't really see what you have to lose if you do something for Valentine's Day with her. But my question remains unanswered. Are you at the point of wanting to end it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 I don't really see what you have to lose if you do something for Valentine's Day with her. But my question remains unanswered. Are you at the point of wanting to end it? I feel like she doesn't like me as much as I like her. She has also put me in a situation where by If I put myself out there I'll regret it but If I don't it'll not be enough for her. Saying you want magic and romance but you don't want to rush into anything is a very hard delicate situation for me to be in. It actually isn't fair that she did that. Along with not being as receptive and enthusiastic as she seemed the first few weeks I've also felt those moments of us not clicking recently. You've seen some of my previous comments so you know what I'm talking about. Others may not so I apologize to those who don't. It's just a weird feeling. I'm not feeling as confident and excited about it as I was. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 So what is so hard about buying some damn flowers and going out for a nice dinner???? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 So what is so hard about buying some damn flowers and going out for a nice dinner???? Well, for one, she works in a restaurant 12 hrs a day 5 days a week including the next 4 days. And two, I don't understand your point. Surely you have a better answer then that. Are you saying that If you not only felt unsure about your feelings about a women but also get the impression she really isn't into you you would still pursue dinner and flowers on valentines? I'm not knocking that at all. That's your choice. One that i've considered as well. I'm just curious, then what? Then you break up with her after you made her feel good? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.D.E.B.T. Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Don't put a lot of effort into making Valentine's Day great for her just to do it. That would be a waste of time and money. If you're not feeling her, but want to give it some more time, don't break up with her either. I would suggest calling her tonight and letting her know that you don't want to do anything for Valentine's Day. If you really want to get her something, buy her a card and write your own message in it. Don't make it overly romantic, just an appreciation type of card. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 Don't put a lot of effort into making Valentine's Day great for her just to do it. That would be a waste of time and money. If you're not feeling her, but want to give it some more time, don't break up with her either. I would suggest calling her tonight and letting her know that you don't want to do anything for Valentine's Day. If you really want to get her something, buy her a card and write your own message in it. Don't make it overly romantic, just an appreciation type of card. Do you think picking up and calling just to say I don't want to do anything for Valentines day sends a good message here? Especially one that suggest BUT I still want to see you. One issue here is that she says she wants romance and excitement so if I don't give that it doesn't go over well. Between the phone call and the unromantic card of appreciation she might throw gas on me and light me on fire.... Link to post Share on other sites
Erised Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I'd give her a nice Valentine's day before stepping back... we are 3 days out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 I'd give her a nice Valentine's day before stepping back... we are 3 days out. What might you suggest I do after that? Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Well, we know what she wants. What do you want? Do you want to spend Valentine's day alone or not. If not, then buy her some cheap inexpensive flowers and treat her to a dinner at some mid-level restaurant, since you seem to be on the fence about her and her to you. I think she just wants the whole wine & dine thing with some romance but doesn't want to be obligated to do much of anything in return. She sounds like she wants to be some princess. Are you a prince? Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I really did want to do something nice for her. I feel I'm put in a vulnerable situation with this girl. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. You want to do something nice for her but break up with her? I want to hypothetically punch you. Hypothetically because I don't believe in violence. Probably one of the meanest things you could possibly do is something nice on valentines day and then dump her the next day. Seriously. I would much rather get the dump without any of the valentine crap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 You want to do something nice for her but break up with her? I want to hypothetically punch you. Hypothetically because I don't believe in violence. Probably one of the meanest things you could possibly do is something nice on valentines day and then dump her the next day. Seriously. I would much rather get the dump without any of the valentine crap. How is it that your reading my post this way? Your twisting things. I never said i wanted to take her out and break up with her the next day. I said i want to step away from this to recharge becuase i dont feel shes that into me. Because i feel i like her more then she likes me and lately i feel there have been some issues. I feel bad that its Valentines day and not sure what do. i actually do like her and would love nothing more then to do something nice for her. She just doesn't seem that into me and excited about things lately. That was the post and feedback has been mixed. Some say just break it and others say just take her out. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I say do something. I get the feeling this girl is at a tipping point - she's going to either go all in, or you'll know she's done. Give her the romance until she hopefully falls into the security zone (if she's headed that way). Just take her out, you might be surprised. You two have had too many miscommunications lately. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 I say do something. I get the feeling this girl is at a tipping point - she's going to either go all in, or you'll know she's done. Give her the romance until she hopefully falls into the security zone (if she's headed that way). Just take her out, you might be surprised. You two have had too many miscommunications lately. Ya. Thing is I think it's too soon to be having miscommunications lately and too soon to not be able to always gauge someones interest. Less then two months in things should be exciting. We've already had a little chat. Which isn't a good sign. I absolutely am the type, if I like someone, that feeds off of their energy, enthusiasm, and expressed level of interest. If I don't feel it then I become deflated. I am not afraid to say as a guy that I like little notes, messages and gestures that let me know your excited and thinking about me. A simple good morning or good night goes a long way with me. I am not getting this at the moment. Anyway, it's hard to communicate with her wed-sunday because of her hours. She gets in after midnight, sleeps late and then gets off to work again. It's difficult for me to say I need to talk to you. Being it's now two days out of V-Day I probably should make some effort. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 ok ok.... I think I need to step back from this girl to charge the batteries. I feel like things aren't going as they should be going and were going. We have been only dating six almost seven weeks. The problem is Valentines day. I don't have strong feelings about the day but I know some women do. I don't even know if she likes or appreciates Valentines day but knowing what I know about her she probably does. Do I suck it up, do something nice and wait or just rip the band aid off ? I do have a heart...a good one too. Am I cold and heartless to do that? She-it... Don't take her out on Valentine's Day if she's not your valentine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 (edited) Oh man! All these conflicting responses are confusing me more! I am overwhelmed with anxiety over this girl. I don't know what I want to do. I don't have any feelings about the day itself. My girl is always my Valentine, all day, all year. I like this girl. For the sake of argument. I want to know that I am her valentine. That's the confusing part. I am not so sure I am and that turns me off. I'm nervous as hell about this girl. Can't rehash this whole thing. I've beaten it death here for days. I just want to know and feel that she or someone is crazy about me. I also don't know if she even cares about the day. I can only guess........ Edited February 12, 2015 by bohica Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Seems to me that she is holding a mirror up to your insecurity. You say she is not as excited and enthusiastic as previously, but what has she really got to be excited about? What are you bringing to her party apart from angst, and talks about how she has perhaps gone off you... She said she wants magic and romance, so what have you done? Come here and moaned about how much she isn't into you... And no doubt, you will persuade yourself that you need to break up before Valentines, because Valentines actually means you may have to do something... Are you a man or mouse? If you want girls you have to fight for them, be interesting, be positive. Do not let them slip away, through inactivity, indecision and lack of courage. If you do your best then you did your best, it maybe wasn't meant to be, but better that than setting yourself up to fail and then patting yourself on the back when it does fail. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 (edited) Seems to me that she is holding a mirror up to your insecurity. You say she is not as excited and enthusiastic as previously, but what has she really got to be excited about? What are you bringing to her party apart from angst, and talks about how she has perhaps gone off you... She said she wants magic and romance, so what have you done? Come here and moaned about how much she isn't into you... And no doubt, you will persuade yourself that you need to break up before Valentines, because Valentines actually means you may have to do something... Are you a man or mouse? If you want girls you have to fight for them, be interesting, be positive. Do not let them slip away, through inactivity, indecision and lack of courage. If you do your best then you did your best, it maybe wasn't meant to be, but better that than setting yourself up to fail and then patting yourself on the back when it does fail. Why is it that every time you chime in to a post you lean into a guy? You've done it before. You have no clue what your talking about and only see what you choose to see. Probably based on your own bad experiences. Again, big distaste for people who come on forums to say useless things and to call people names. Edited February 12, 2015 by bohica Link to post Share on other sites
OMC Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 bohica- Getting up in your face is how some who visit here only know how to communicate. Pass over them. Valentine's should be about furthering and/or solidifying attachment. If you don't have these feelings, or do not see the interaction going any where then stay home and watch a movie. But... if you think the relationship can progress then take her out. Regardless how you feel about the day, for most women it holds some significance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 bohica- Getting up in your face is how some who visit here only know how to communicate. Pass over them. Valentine's should be about furthering and/or solidifying attachment. If you don't have these feelings, or do not see the interaction going any where then stay home and watch a movie. But... if you think the relationship can progress then take her out. Regardless how you feel about the day, for most women it holds some significance. I hear ya. I just don't get some people. I think this is a great way to get all the thoughts out of your head. To express yourself. Even if you don't get any responses but when I do I appreciate constructive feedback from people who take the time to understand and be sensitive to a persons personal experience. So yes, I do understand it holds some significance to some women. I would love nothing more then to further this and let this girl know how much I like her but I am not 100% sure she wants that. My feelings towards a women, my excitement, tends to diminish if I feel she isn't on the same page. I don't think that's so hard to understand. I feed off the energy. Thanks for the reply. Link to post Share on other sites
OMC Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Then ask her out. The worst that can happen is she says no. If so, then you are clearly not on the same page. If she says yes, then at least you are reading the same book. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 Then ask her out. The worst that can happen is she says no. If so, then you are clearly not on the same page. If she says yes, then at least you are reading the same book. I did ask her out for this Sunday. Two weeks ago. She works at her family restaurant and needs to work late Saturday. I planned on also surprising her with flowers at her work Saturday night. She invited me for a drink there a few weeks back but I couldn't make it. I told her that I would pop in one night. If she wants magic and romance then no better time then to hand deliver flowers on Valentines day in front of her family! ha...too much? ; ) Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Why is it that every time you chime in to a post you lean into a guy? You've done it before. Because you don't listen, you are so deep in your own insecurities that you are not listening to her, you are not taking any risks because you may fail and you do not like to hear it, so end up trying to bash me. Instead of doing that, why don't you use some of that passion and try and make something of this relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 You are busy and can't make it, she's busy and can't make it.....what you are feeling is probably what she is feeling. Sounds to me it just the time constraints that is putting a damper on the romance. Instead of taking her out, cook her a nice dinner or get some takeout, buy her some cheap flowers, watch a chick flick and massage her feet or sit around, drink some wine, listen to some music and talk. In order to make something happen you need to have emotinal and physical interaction with her.....this is why things have been lacking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 Because you don't listen, you are so deep in your own insecurities that you are not listening to her, you are not taking any risks because you may fail and you do not like to hear it, so end up trying to bash me. Instead of doing that, why don't you use some of that passion and try and make something of this relationship. Elaine You have no idea the risks i've taken. The whole point is not wanting to take further risks if I am not getting a desired, reasonable, appropriate amount of mutual admiration, appreciation, and excitement. Don't you get excited about a man, don't you let him know it ? Isn't your response automatic. You call, you flirt, you miss, desire..... If you don't then eventually the guy will second guess his own feelings. If he doesn't then there is something wrong.. Why don't you get that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 You are busy and can't make it, she's busy and can't make it.....what you are feeling is probably what she is feeling. Sounds to me it just the time constraints that is putting a damper on the romance. Instead of taking her out, cook her a nice dinner or get some takeout, buy her some cheap flowers, watch a chick flick and massage her feet or sit around, drink some wine, listen to some music and talk. In order to make something happen you need to have emotinal and physical interaction with her.....this is why things have been lacking. That is a great though smackie. I've actually done all that already. it was a great time too. : ) actually except for the flowers part but I did give her a gift...something meaningful Link to post Share on other sites
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