blakat Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Hello my names blakat, I'm new to this forum. My partner and I have undergone a trial separation for personal reasons. We intend on starting again in a different settings in a few months, we strongly believe this can help us. A concern of mine is that coping with this break up and seperation is to get over the other person. That's why i'm posting here, I would appriciate if some of you could share your expierences with this situation. Thanks in advanced. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Hello my names blakat, I'm new to this forum. My partner and I have undergone a trial separation for personal reasons. We intend on starting again in a different settings in a few months, we strongly believe this can help us. A concern of mine is that coping with this break up and seperation is to get over the other person. That's why i'm posting here, I would appriciate if some of you could share your expierences with this situation. Thanks in advanced. You're going to have to share some more background info such as your ages, any children, how long you've been together, why you are separated etc etc etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blakat Posted February 13, 2015 Author Share Posted February 13, 2015 (edited) You're going to have to share some more background info such as your ages, any children, how long you've been together, why you are separated etc etc etc. I wasnt sure how much to share, I wanted to remain as confidential as possible. We're both young adults, we have no children, we are not married or engaged, we have been together 9 months and have been and still are very serious about this relationship. The reason for separation is because there was a private problem I want to remain private, and we believe we can fix this problem once we can travel to eachother because we have been going long distance. I don't wish to share much more then that because I feel it's personal, I just would like to hear the experiences of others, the consequences of a trial separation when intending to get back together. Can coping with the break up cause one to get over the person completely? Edit: Also, have the results of your trial separation been good? Edited February 13, 2015 by blakat Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 All this drama after only 9 months. What do you think things will be like after 10 years of marriage? Problems in relationships are solved by mature, open communication. They are not solved by the lack of that. In my opinion: if you need a "trial separation" then the relationship is dead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 In my opinion: if you need a "trial separation" then the relationship is dead. I'm also wondering if the OP is using "trial separation" in the conventional sense? The "'trial" portion is a test of breaking up, not normally a step towards fixing problems in a relationship... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Who's idea was it for this trial separation? And did you two discuss boundaries during this "separation"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blakat Posted February 13, 2015 Author Share Posted February 13, 2015 All this drama after only 9 months. What do you think things will be like after 10 years of marriage? Problems in relationships are solved by mature, open communication. They are not solved by the lack of that. In my opinion: if you need a "trial separation" then the relationship is dead. Wanted a answer to my question, not your opinion on what we decided to do. We are being mature and open with eachother at this point. I didn't want this to become subjected by the duration of our relationship. I'm also wondering if the OP is using "trial separation" in the conventional sense? The "'trial" portion is a test of breaking up, not normally a step towards fixing problems in a relationship... Mr. Lucky From my understanding a trial separation is a non conventional agreement between partners with there own rules, thank you for pointing that out. I came here to ask questions, I'd appreciate not dwelling on stuff I have not asked about. Who's idea was it for this trial separation? And did you two discuss boundaries during this "separation"? I suggested it to solve a problem, she agreed. And yes we made a list of rules. Again I would appreciate focusing on my question, there are alot of variables I havnt mentioned and I don't wish to discuss them all when all I need is a answer to my question. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Okay, you want an honest answer to your question? A trial separation with you "partner" (sorry, don't know if your married or engaged or just dating) however, a trial separation is NOT going to make you stronger. If you happen to come back together, the original problem that pulled you apart is still going to be there. If two people are committed to each other, then they stay and work the issues and come out stronger because you both dedicated yourselves to fixing the problem, not run away from each other. You know....for better or for worse. So, how do you cope? Start living your life as if she isn't coming back, because chances are, she's not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blakat Posted February 13, 2015 Author Share Posted February 13, 2015 Okay, you want an honest answer to your question? A trial separation with you "partner" (sorry, don't know if your married or engaged or just dating) however, a trial separation is NOT going to make you stronger. If you happen to come back together, the original problem that pulled you apart is still going to be there. If two people are committed to each other, then they stay and work the issues and come out stronger because you both dedicated yourselves to fixing the problem, not run away from each other. You know....for better or for worse. So, how do you cope? Start living your life as if she isn't coming back, because chances are, she's not. I never asked anyone how I should cope, I asked if to cope with this is to get over the person, because that's something we want to avoid. And yes I did give that info on my second post, we are not married or engaged. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 (edited) Please excuse me. I decided to remove my post. It wasn't going to be helpful. YAS Edited February 14, 2015 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 OP A separation can help, but it really does depend on the reasons for the separation in the first place. With limited details, getting an answer to your question from people will not be forthcoming, especially when you come over as rude and snappy. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Wanted a answer to my question We generally tell people what they need to know, not what they want to know. Do with it as you please. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts