I'm not happy

[amkxoxo]

I guess I am feeling a little overwhelmed and lost. I thinkit’s just me being hard on myself and stressing myself out but I feel I needsome guidance and need to vent. I have been graduated from college for aboutalmost a year now. At first I couldn’t find work. I moved back with my parentsafter living in the dorms for four years. I worked two part time jobs for somemoney and was constantly looking for a full time job. I could not wait to getback out of my house. Then about 6 months later I was referred to a job by afriend who thought I would be perfect for it. I went on the interview and itwasn’t exactly what I saw myself doing, but it was a great start. They had sucha hard time deciding between myself and another candidate, it took them threeweeks. They eventually picked the other candidate. I kept on my search. A fewweeks later this office called me and said that the person they offered the jobto was jerking them around and wouldn’t fill out the paperwork. The otherperson was waiting on another opportunity and this office realized he wasn’tserious about the position. I was offered the position on the spot and Iaccepted. It was full time and paid a lot of money for someone who isconsidered entry level. I make close to 50,000 a year salary. I make more thanmy own father. My parents were so proud and happy. They thought it was the bestthing ever. The money I was making and the experience I was getting. It wasn’twhat I dreamed of doing, but I needed full time work. I have many friends whowere stuck working at McDonalds or Walmart because they couldn’t get work. Iwas lucky. I have been at this office job for many months now and it isn’t bad,but it’s not my dream

 

 

 

 

Everyone I know keeps saying how wonderful my job is, andhow I am so lucky for having this opportunity. I think my aunt and uncle arequite envious because I am doing better than all of their kids. One of myfriends also has a full time job, making a lot less money than me and she is sohappy with her life and her job. I feel like I do not share the same enthusiasmfor my own job, though I am doing better than almost all of my friends. Many ofmy friends are struggling to make ends meet and would take my job in aheartbeat. The friend who recommended me for the position, now wishes he wentfor it himself.

]But I just don’t feel totally happy. I thought I would love workinga desk job and dressing up in a suit every day. But it’s actually not thatinteresting. I work with computers and in an open office where people can talk,but I just feel so incomplete. I want to be doing something else. This isn’twhat I have dreamt of. But I don’t want to struggle with money and lifestyle. Ineed to pay my student loans, for my car, for food, and clothes, to keep up mylifestyle. I just feel like this isn’t the life I want to be living. I wantmore. All through my life I was always artistic. I have danced my whole life.In high school I was singing and acting. I got into it a lot. It brought me outof my shell. I became more confident. I went to a prestigious acting school,hard to get into.As much as I wanted totake acting seriously, I knew that it was a rough life. Waiting tables andgoing to auditions while struggling to make ends meet didn’t seem appealing.But I kind of still want to be an actor. I like the notion of having alldifferent hours, and doing different things every day. I like working withother people and pretending to be someone else. I like memorizing things and itjust seems so appealing to me. I would love to be involved in dance, but I amnot good enough. That is my fear for everything. That I am not good enough. Iam a good dancer, but I was never pushed to be amazing. I am flexible andcreative. I love taking risks in dance and trying new tricks. But I am notsomeone to be able to get her foot up near her head. I have accepted this. Ilove dance, but I am not a star. Acting I always felt the same way. There wasalways someone better than me. I was good but not great. I was average but notskinny. You have to be skinny and beautiful for acting. People tell me I’mbeautiful. I have always had weight struggles, but I have been keeping it off,so I am a women’s size 6.People laughif I say I’m fat or heavy. I just always think I am that chunky girl I havebeen in the past.

 

 

The premise of this is that I am not totally happy with mylife. I just don’t know what to do to change it. I hate working a desk job. Iwant to be up and moving and doing different things, but the money is soappealing and people tell me I am crazy for even thinking otherwise. I used towant to be a publicist, but that’s such a hard field to go into when you haveno experience out of college. I have this intense dread that this is the life Ilead and I have to deal with it. This isn’t what I always thought of doing, orit’s not what I thought. I look at television now and wish I was doing that.Acting or being a part of a production and marketing for it. My life is dull.I need more confidence. I have never been arisk taker and I feel like this has held me back in ways. That is where peoplepass by me, even though I may be smarter than them or have better ideas. I doubt myself. I have moved out of my parents house. I have friends. I should be happy. I feel like I have been going out and drinking a lot more with friends than normal because I am looking for excitement and happiness.

Edited February 12, 2015 by amkxoxo

[CrystalShine2011]

It sounds like you are in a bit of a rut...I have been there, especially with work not bringing happiness. MY advice: take that leap of faith and take an adventure. It sounds like you need to go find something inspirational!

 

It'll get better.

[Noproblem]

You can work as an actor in your spare time

I mean there are many people who act for free and for fun!

 

 

You are so young, you still have time to make it happen

 

 

Better yet, start your own meet up group for acting: every Sundays and Saturdays, you all meet in a semi-theater and act. Choose a certain play and do it. You will find many people who wants to act in their free time!

 

You can then film it and share it on you tube, and who knows maybe your channel will get many viewers and fans...

 

You still can have a job while being an actor!

 

I love acting too!

[privategal]

Dont ever everrrr give up on your dreams. But in this economy please keep your job while you figure it out. Keep applying at other jobs even if you aren't qualified ask them to give you a chance. I quit my corporate job to explore my dreams but it was quite a rollercoaster until I found my groove. I had no money and could barely pay rent and eat.

Know for right now your job is what you do for 8 hours to pay bills. Keeo doing that but live a full life outside those hours and keep searching and dreaming and maybe make a vision board. Think when your driving to work grateful positive thoughts. Think how it provides right now and think someday when I leave I will be happy this job got me to see what I really wanted for my life.

[Keep_Smiling]

No amount of money can make you truly happy if you don't enjoy what you're doing, to be happy you need to follow your dreams, that's where true happiness is.

 

You invest your mind, body and soul into something you're passionate about and give it your all, just believe you can do it. It's not supposed to be easy, it's about the person you become along the way.

 

If somebody else can do it, why can't you?

 

You say you love dance and acting, so dance and act you'll become better, take classes, watch youtube video's, practice. Your passion will lead you to success and happiness.

[amkxoxo]

I would love to do that, but it requires time and money. I need to work to pay off my student debt. I don't have a lot of extra time because of this, and I need to be able to live stable on my own, so a lot of money goes into an apartment, a car, etc..

 

 

I feel like going through college, I realized what was actually feasible. What I would be able to attain. I gave up on acting because it didn't seem to get you anywhere. I have friend now that graduated with it and work job to job struggling to survive. They teach little kids theatre and work part time at WalMart. I didn't want that. It didn't seem like that would be fun at all. No one wants to live paycheck to paycheck. So I went in the route of journalism, marketing, and business. I figured this seemed solid. Like something I would be able to do.

 

 

I am the kind of person, that as much as I say I don't like to be challenged, I am afraid of being overwhelmed. But after being busy, and being bored, I actually feel like being busy gives me more sense of life and accomplishing something. I have the same pattern everyday. I work 8-4 and then I go home, clean, shower, eat dinner, and watch tv until I fall asleep. I want to do other things, but I am so worn out from work that I want to just relax. I feel like my life is full, it isn't passionate. Its boring. Now I do go out to eat with friends, to a movie, or have a fun party night with drinks, but that to me doesn't make up my life. That's just for leisure. I don't feel like its the leisure part of my life I am lacking. Though I think I may need to make some new friends, I just feel incomplete. I sometimes attribute this to not having a man in my life. Someone to give attention to. I am lonely, but I think its more me not being totally satisfied in my own life as a single person.

 

 

I could quit my job tomorrow, but then I would be working part time trying to pay loans and living with my parents again. That seems even worse than where I am not. Maybe this is a phase, I keep telling myself. That I need to work for some years to get the job I truly want. Then I will be happy. Its just one of my good friends has a job and she loves it. She talks about it and you can tell it makes her life so much better. I don't talk about my job like that. I don't feel that way.

 

 

I have always been a big dreamer. Some times the dreams aren't reality. I know its not reality, but I love television and movies. They bring me to another world. The world I want to live in. I want to move in with the love of my life into a cool boho loft in Manhattan, or work as a publicist in LA and live that cool life. Even just living in the beautiful suburbs with a wonderful man, and having an awesome job in communications or web blogging. I dream of something that seems unattainable. A month before I graduated college, I started having this feeling on impending doom. I would say I was excited to everyone, and I was, but the feeling in the pit of my stomach said otherwise. I knew that my dream was so far away, it seemed impossible. I knew I had to accept that my life might only get as good as it was.

 

 

I don't know what to do. I am very self aware these days of myself. I am hard on myself. I try to be perfect though I know that isn't reality. I try so so hard. I am co-dependent and have been trying to get out of this mindset and persona that I have enabled throughout the years. I care about other people way too much and then get disappointed when they don't care as much as I care or they don't live up to the expectations I have in my head. I care so much that then I build on these expectations for the person, because I think they owe me for all of my intense caring and then they let me down and I get bitter. I'm trying to change my life around totally. I am responsible for me. And as much as I would love a man in my life. I need to straighten out my life.