lastsamurai10 Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Have you ever left your spouse only because your preference changed? I: 39 y.o. male. My wife: 40 y.o. I think losing your attraction towards your spouse when she or he gains weight is somewhat common. But, in my case, it's a race. I'm Asian, and I was always attracted to and dated Caucasian women. But I married an Asian woman because I fell in love with her. It's been 6 years since we married, and we've been having ups and downs like no other couples. Our sex life has disappeared meanwhile: only twice in last two years. Neither one of us has been requesting it, but I've been taking care of it myself watching porn when she is not around. We don't have children, but I do want it, and now I don't know if I want to have children with her any more. I don't even know if she can any more because of her age. We still spend great time together, but I'm afraid we've become like roommates / best friends. Last couple of years, I can't help but realize that I'm not attracted to my wife or any other Asian women any more, but to Caucasian women. I've even started if I should get a divorce. But I know it will crush my wife, and the sense of guilt has been weighing in because she treats me so well. I don't need advice, but need to hear the stories if there's any of you went through a same situation like mine and how you dealt with it (stayed or left the marriage) and how you think about it now. Thank you very much, Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Sex is a big deal in a marriage. If you aren't attracted to her then it's going to be like a chore for you to have sex with her. That's unfair. She should be with a man who is into her the way that she is into you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mirages Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Comparison: I (we) were/are a few years younger than you, similar. I divorced due to specific, intense, destructive behaviors on her part, but... Attraction and fat were clearly detractors in the rel. I am doing better apart, but I am also free from the destructive behaviors, your case is much more limited in scope. We still spend great time together, This is the really good part, this opens you to trust and speak with her. I sense some hope. When you fall into in guarded, untrusting conflict with wife, then speaking about any issue becomes a calculated risk, and failure is more imminent. Our sex life has disappeared meanwhile: only twice in last two years. This has been pushed under the rug too long, it is not normal for humans to marry asexually, except for a few who claim the status and are very much in the minority. Your desires are normal, and should be spoken to her. "Getting by," is not an adequate stance on marriage, but all to common. "Inspired," is the goal, the rel should be an inspiration. I know a lot of getting by types who lived to their 80's, yes they survived, some did not even fight, but what an uninspiring life, do more than get by in life. and I was always attracted to and dated Caucasian women. Saving the hardest for last... This is something I cannot talk you into, attraction is what it is. Is there anything she can do, or become to make attraction real? If so, it will still be difficult. I cannot tell you whether to split or stay, but I would not split until chatting with her if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
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