The silver lining to the friend zone

[ThaWholigan]

Friendzone not a problem for me. Probably because I'm quite discriminating about who I pursue seriously anyway, so any tentative interest I have in a girl usually turns into a friendly one after a while.

 

Sure, I might still f*ck her if the opportunity arises, but it's never on the agenda. At least not since I was 18 anyway

[todreaminblue]

I have had guys who wanted me and i wanted friendship from them only so i set him up with a girlfriend of mine he wanted physical and my friend was physically minded so i set them up......i have also suggested my sister and set her up on dates when i knew that there was a potential match....i remained friends...if i were interested in a guy .....i do not set him up with others..i get to know them as a friend and progress from there.....i do not covet but i know what would hurt me to do...and i dont do that...........deb

[preraph]

I think you have to let the person know you'd like to meet anyone she thinks might be interested. And probably the best forum for it is a group going out together and just getting introduced around or having a party or dinner at someone's house with others there. Rather than a blind date type thing.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Has this worked for you yet?

Have you tried it?

 

 

There is your answer.

 

 

I have a feeling that this will not work for you..but I hope I am wrong and that it has/does.

 

Nothing can be tried, because so far the women that friendzoned me didn't have any AVAILABLE women for me to meet. lol

[carhill]

Male friend of mine were discussing the aspects of the "friendzone" and according to him, being the one to find the silver lining in a lot of things is that he feels that said woman who did the friendzoning, could put you in touch with her other single female friends.

I could see traction for this with genuine and loving female friends but IME only rarely, in fact none that I can recall at the moment, have such situations occurred in my lifetime. Generally, the unhealthy version of the friendzone, which basically amounted to stringing along someone, obviated the reason, or desire, to 'introduce them to a friend', for two main reasons: one, you don't send a guy down the street to someone else as that would end the attention and validation hoover. Two, no woman in her right mind who's using a man for such validation would ever introduce him to a female friend. Why? She has no respect for him.

 

I was thinking, "Hm, that does sound promising, but in my case...the ones who've friendzoned me so far...most of their friends were married or had long term boyfriends...which was likely the reason she was seeking out other single people in the first place."

There are always 'reasons'. Just like there are always 'reasons' why a dating interaction is 'inappropriate' right now. It's just double-talk.

 

Basically, by cutting contact with the one who FZ'ed you, would be doing yourself a disservice in this case?

IMO, no.

 

BUT he does make a good point? Yes? No? Thoughts on this?

Pretty much covered it above and dealt with a lot of it as an unwitting, or witless and naive, young man with the best of intentions but the lousiest of understanding of human psychology. Essentially, I was brainwashed regarding the psyche of women and had to unlearn that brainwashing through harsh life experience, including, meh, the friendzone. In fact, in recent times, I gave it a new name, the brotherzone. Now I have a lot of fun with it, and women. MW's are the best. True masters. I enjoy playing with them. Nothing personal.

[somedude81]

The silver lining to remaining friends is having friends. If you don’t want to be friends with someone, don’t be. My male friends and acquaintances who are really my friends, and not driven by a sexual agenda, are pretty easy to fix up because I like them.

 

Have those male friends shown an interest in you? That's the issue.

 

I think you have to let the person know you'd like to meet anyone she thinks might be interested. And probably the best forum for it is a group going out together and just getting introduced around or having a party or dinner at someone's house with others there. Rather than a blind date type thing.

 

How do you think a girl would feel if a guy asked her out and if she had any single friends as well?

 

How is a guy even supposed to bring that up?

[Teraskas]

I have never had a friendzone girl put me in touch with one of her single friends. Hell, I've had a great deal many of female friends and we only ever hung out one-on-one. I never met their female friends.

 

I honestly don't think that actually ever happens and it's just something that people tell you to make you feel better.

 

Simply put, if a girl doesn't think you are good enough to date her, do you really think she's going to introduce a friend of hers to you?

 

Exactly this.

 

I have YET to experience it.

If anything, on several occasions there was a woman who complained about the 'lack of texting' since she rejected me. Go figure, lol. Sounds to me like she missed the 'Rules of rejecting someone and consequences 101'. xD

 

Sure, I have a few female friends I met up with at parties, but they never introduced me to their 'available' female friends.

[Revolver]

I remember my older sister was talking to our male cousin about the advantages of female friends, specifically saying that they can set you up with their single friends. I asked my sister "so Michelle, how many of your male friends have you set up?" She paused and said "It's not about me" LMAO

[somedude81]

I remember my older sister was talking to our male cousin about the advantages of female friends, specifically saying that they can set you up with their single friends. I asked my sister "so Michelle, how many of your male friends have you set up?" She paused and said "It's not about me" LMAO

 

Ha ha ha!

 

It's something women are guilty of saying and don't actually do.

[BlueIris]

Have those male friends shown an interest in you? That's the issue.

 

Only a couple over the years.

 

Friends are a great source for meeting people, but pretending to be someone's friend only to meet her friends or to get fixed up isn't sincere friendship, so I doubt she'd fix him up with her friends.

[Toodaloo]

I have had male friends set me up. I have had female friends set me up. I have a friends ex who I was friends with for ages then suddenly start slapping me on the bum and groping me after I turned him down a few times. I haven't spoken to him since which is a real bummer because he was a really great friend for many years...

 

I think it really does depend on the people you hang about with and their attitude to life.

 

Personally I would not want to see a good fish wasted even if it were not to my taste so yes I will keep an eye out.

 

When I meet new men that are single I am not so selfish to just think about myself. I take them at face value and if I think they will get on really well with a single girlfriend of mine I try my damnest to get them to meet...

[AVarma]

MW's are the best. True masters. I enjoy playing with them. Nothing personal.

 

By playing with them you mean sex right?

[carhill]

By playing with them you mean sex right?

Technically, and generally, the definition of the 'friendzone' precludes any type of sexual contact, since sex is what delineates lovers from friends. So, no, no sex is ever involved, nor has ever been involved, even if I've been approached sexually, because I prefer to have sex in committed monogamous relationships, like when I was married. Most MW's I encounter enjoy the emotional hoover without actual genital contact, though they may tease things a bit with physical contact but always innocent enough to reason that 'nothing happened'.

 

When young and naive, I used to think like the friend in the OP's post, that investing in friendships with women who found me unattractive would lead to introductions to, or social interactions with, other potentially available and interested, or interesting, women. Well, way down the road, and having gone through hundreds of dates, girlfriends, a wife and countless friendzone type interactions, I've yet to have a single woman whose association began as anything remotely related to the friendzone ever make such introductions or associations. However, I have been introduced to such people by wives of male friends with whom I have healthy friendships.

 

Sure, that's just one life experience of billions. If it's anomalous, OK.

[Targetlock]

I've recently made a good friend out someone who friendzoned me, seems something good came out of that situation this is also a first for me.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Why this OP bothers me: the whole thing about whether a girl who has "friend zoned" you is useful because she might introduce you to her friends is not cool because what you are saying really is that you have no use for girls at all unless you are likely to have sex with them?? What about a girl actually being worth something for her friendship or company is that not possible?? I understand not being able to go there if you are hurt and feeling rejected but if you can bear hanging around for the possible friends she might hook you up with then I don't feel bad about your hurt feelings.

[GemmaUK]

I've never tried to set someone up with a man I have declined interest in.

 

 

Simply because the reasons I didn't want to date him would also be the reasons my friend/s wouldn't want to date him either.

 

 

I can however think of 3 ex's of mine who I would happily intro to friends of mine as they were all great guys.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Right on

Agreed. If the guy wasn't someone she wasn't into, chances are she already knew her own female friends would not be into him as well.

 

 

 

I've never tried to set someone up with a man I have declined interest in.

 

 

Simply because the reasons I didn't want to date him would also be the reasons my friend/s wouldn't want to date him either.

 

 

I can however think of 3 ex's of mine who I would happily intro to friends of mine as they were all great guys.

[Shining One]

Why this OP bothers me: the whole thing about whether a girl who has "friend zoned" you is useful because she might introduce you to her friends is not cool because what you are saying really is that you have no use for girls at all unless you are likely to have sex with them?? What about a girl actually being worth something for her friendship or company is that not possible?? I understand not being able to go there if you are hurt and feeling rejected but if you can bear hanging around for the possible friends she might hook you up with then I don't feel bad about your hurt feelings.

I get what you're saying and you do have a valid point. Each time this situation occurs, you have to do a cost/benefit analysis to determine whether or not the benefits of that friendship outweigh the costs. Introduction to friends is simply one of those potential benefits. There are plenty of other ways in which the friendship can be worthwhile. I've maintained friendships with a select few women who have rejected me. In my case, those are the exceptions rather than the rule.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Why this OP bothers me: the whole thing about whether a girl who has "friend zoned" you is useful because she might introduce you to her friends is not cool because what you are saying really is that you have no use for girls at all unless you are likely to have sex with them?? What about a girl actually being worth something for her friendship or company is that not possible?? I understand not being able to go there if you are hurt and feeling rejected but if you can bear hanging around for the possible friends she might hook you up with then I don't feel bad about your hurt feelings

 

It's not about sex at all, in fact, it's about wanting an actual romantic relationship with them. (Don't know how you got the "sex only" part).

 

I do have female friends, but they are in situations where I know where I am not attracted, or if I find them attractive, there would be no compatibility between us...

 

I've maintained friendships with a select few women who have rejected me. In my case, those are the exceptions rather than the rule.

 

 

 

...but..there comes a time where I have to make an exception. Esp. if I'm attracted to them and I feel there's a likely compatibility between the 2 of us...but if she is not willing, then for my benefit, I would cut ties with her.

Edited February 18, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[LookAtThisPOst]

Funny thing...one of my female friends (yes, we are friends and it's an exceptional case). She must've had 4 or 5 men since your break up that tried to get romantic with her.

 

Thing is, the routine always went like this, she'd be upfront about it, 'Okay, we can go out as friends..okay?"

 

Her, saying it in the man's voice, "Suuuuuuuuure, no problem! We'll go out as friends."

 

But everytime she'd do it, these guys would always attempt to get in her bubble or personal space. I'm not saying they were groping her or anything, but would attempt to get close. If they carpooled to Meetups together (bad idea), he's always call her "honey" or "sweetie." "Can I get you a drink, hon?" So when people around saw him doing this, they'd assume they are together.

 

The last guy, I'm surprised she still hangs out with him as he's always "fine at first for going out as friends" then he always attempts to "make a move".

 

She eventually had to cut him off, too. They "Hung out" alot, but he was always trying to turn it into something romantic. She said they are all cool guys, but she simply wasn't physically attracted to them.

[MissBee]

I hate the friend zone concept.

 

I also believe the only person who can put themselves in that zone is the one who likes the other person. My understanding of FZ is a waiting area or way of interacting where one person doesn't like the other and sees them as a friend and the one who likes them has chosen to be in a waiting area hoping that by being friends they will one day be promoted. If that is the case, that is their own fault.

 

It is possible to get over rejection and move on and genuinely be friends, but if you're still waiting then that's on you.

 

One doesn't need to be in the friend zone to be introduced to someone's friends. You can introduce a normal male friend or woman friend to someone else you think they'd be a match for. I've never introduced a guy who I know likes me or has just recently liked me to any of my friends in terms of saying "Hey you should go out with him." Do you mean introduce just casually and of their own accord they can possibly form something more or do you mean setting them up? If I'm gonna set anyone up, I'd probably be more comfortable introducing a male friend who has never liked me or expressed interest to a gf of mine rather than introducing someone who likes me/has liked me.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I hate the friend zone concept.

 

I also believe the only person who can put themselves in that zone is the one who likes the other person. My understanding of FZ is a waiting area or way of interacting where one person doesn't like the other and sees them as a friend and the one who likes them has chosen to be in a waiting area hoping that by being friends they will one day be promoted. If that is the case, that is their own fault.

 

It is possible to get over rejection and move on and genuinely be friends, but if you're still waiting then that's on you.

 

One doesn't need to be in the friend zone to be introduced to someone's friends. You can introduce a normal male friend or woman friend to someone else you think they'd be a match for. I've never introduced a guy who I know likes me or has just recently liked me to any of my friends in terms of saying "Hey you should go out with him." Do you mean introduce just casually and of their own accord they can possibly form something more or do you mean setting them up? If I'm gonna set anyone up, I'd probably be more comfortable introducing a male friend who has never liked me or expressed interest to a gf of mine rather than introducing someone who likes me/has liked me.

 

Well, I'm not talking about "setting someone up". Usually that entails the woman giving permission to her friend to give him her phone #.

 

I'm more talking along the lines if you weren't into the guy, but you invite him out to a party where all your single friends happen to be...that's what I'm talking about.

[Revolver]

Ha ha ha!

 

It's something women are guilty of saying and don't actually do.

 

 

I don't know any man who ever got a GF through a female friend.

[Shining One]

I hate the friend zone concept.

 

I also believe the only person who can put themselves in that zone is the one who likes the other person. My understanding of FZ is a waiting area or way of interacting where one person doesn't like the other and sees them as a friend and the one who likes them has chosen to be in a waiting area hoping that by being friends they will one day be promoted. If that is the case, that is their own fault.

 

It is possible to get over rejection and move on and genuinely be friends, but if you're still waiting then that's on you.

I look at the friend zone in a similar fashion. Here's what I put in another thread:

 

 

You need to think of the Friend Zone as a room with two doors. One is labeled "Exit" and you can just walk right out. The other door is labeled "Her Pants" and is securely locked with armed guards standing next to it. It is your choice on what to do next:

1. Walk out the exit door and move on with your life.
   
2. Keep trying and failing to get into the locked door.
   
3. Languish in the room.
   

A man expresses interest in a woman. The woman rejects the man romantically, but offers him friendship. This is the woman putting the man in the friend zone. Now, the man has full decision making power on whether or not he stays there.

[Shining One]

I don't know any man who ever got a GF through a female friend.

I've technically never had a relationship start with the assistance of a female friend, but I've had several ONS thanks to the assistance of a wing woman.