Anyone else out there that's cheated or still cheating?

[Empty]

I've been in a 6 year relationship with a great guy. Within the first few years i started to party and go out all the time. My b/f at the time wasn't into the same thing I was.

I am an attractive female and 95%of my friends are guys. I have about 7 or 8 girlfriends. My b/f trusts me more than 100%.

 

I do what I want when I want and there is never any questions asked. Some times it kind of sucks cause it's almost like I want him to ask me where i'm going or who I'm going with.

We had problems the first couple of years because I lived alone and he lived at home and was never allowed to sleep out. When we did have time together I was constantly bugging him to have sex with me. We had no sex life and it was like pulling teeth. It brought my self esteem down quite a bit.

 

I've always been very open and very sexual. So I decided to cheat. I was getting what I needed sexually and emotionally from other people, and I didn't feel bad about it at all. Well we broke up a few times and then kept getting back together. All the while I was still sleeping with other people.

As time went on I started to get paranoid and feel guilty, so I stopped. He never found out and still to this day he doesn't know.

 

We got serious and I was faithful for almost 2 years and then things went bad again. I ended my relationship at the end of Nov 2004. I was positive it was for good. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Well we got back together after new years. I thought I could be different but just last week I cheated again. I don't think this will ever change.

 

This is the hardest time of my life and I just need to know if anyone out there has been where I am or maybe even going through anything similar.

[Sal Paradise]

Sounds like you want it both ways, you want the emotional connection you have with the guy and the sexual connection from others. If you can't be faithful you should leave the guy before you really hurt him. Stop being selfish, come clean with him and either committ 100% or break up for good. He deserves better.

[Cecelius]

Chances are strong that there's something you feel you're missing in your sense of self. Very few people, and especially women, who I do stereotype as being typically more emotionally fair, are comfortable with the idea of actively cheating. I'd get some counselling -- they will want to talk about your mom, and why you didn't get cared for enough as a child or something like that that won't have very much drama appeal, but it's basically correct. Otherwise, you have to face the idea that you can be psychologically healthy while lying, cheating and disrespecting someone who cares for you.

 

What you have going for you is that you don't put a false gloss of confusion on it.

 

What you need to do is be straight with the guy that you do not think you can be in an exclusive, sexual relationship.

[Bryanp]

It is just my opinion but I think you are being very cruel to your boyfriend. You continue to disrespect, humiliate him, and put him at risk for STD's. You say he trusts you 100 percent and imply if only he would ask you where you are going you would tell him the truth. Oh please... You are trying to shift the blame to him that since he trusts you and does not ask you where you are going then you don't have to tell him you are screwing other men behind his back.

 

How would you feel if your boyfriend was doing to you what you have been doing to him? The very least you owe your boyfriend is the truth and then let him decide if he wishes to remain in the relationship with you. You sound like a typical cakewoman who enjoys being in a relationship and also enjoys cheating on your boyfriend behind his back. Again how would you feel if the roles were reversed.

The very very least your owe your boyfriend is to tell him the truth so he can decide what he wishes to do. Otherwise you are just using him as a relationship guy while you screw others behind his back. Is this the person you wish to be?

Try a new concept with your boyfriend. It called honesty and respect.

[Michael86]

How could you not feel bad about cheating on him???? Did you ever think of how you'd feel if the man you loved and trusted was a serial cheater. He deserves to know the truth. Otherwise, your relationship is built on nothing but lies. Did you try to communicate with him and let him know what was missing and what you needed from him?? Personally, I hope he leaves you and finds someone who truly deserves his trust. You said yourself you don't think you'll ever stop.

 

Michael

[Empty]

Originally posted by Bryanp

You say he trusts you 100 percent and imply if only he would ask you where you are going you would tell him the truth. Oh please... You are trying to shift the blame to him that since he trusts you and does not ask you where you are going then you don't have to tell him you are screwing other men behind his back.

 

 

 

Just to elaborate more, not for one minute am I shifting blame. But if you love someone as much as you supposedly say you do wouldn't you be curious as to where your b/f or g/f are going when they say that they are going out or even going away for that matter. It would show that you care a little if you were interested. All of my guy friends that I've talked to won't let their ladies leave unless they have some idea of where they are going or who they are going to be with, or even when they will be home. And I think that that is healthy to an extent. EMPTY

[Bryanp]

To Empty:

 

Some men (not me) have absolute blind faith and truth in their partner. Your boyfriend has respect for you and probably believes that it would be insulting to you to question what you are doing. Some men are trusting and respectful and some men are jealous and possessive. Have you ever had a conversation with him and tell him how you feel? I may have it wrong but it seems to me from what you have written that it has never crossed his mind that you would be a serial cheater on him which is why it is so important to be honest with him.

 

Has it ever occurred to you that some men are very demanding about where their girlfriends are at all times because they fear they may be cheating on them. Many times they are projecting their own insecurities and their own wishes that they would be doing the same thing if they had a chance. Apparently your boyfriend is very secure about himself and his relationship with you and shows you great respect by not questioning you about your whereabouts because he has faith in you. Unfortunately you see that as a sign that he does not care about you which justifies in your mind you ability to cheat on him behind his back. What is wrong with this picture? Again I suggest you show honesty and integrity by telling him the truth and allowing him to decide how he wishes to live his life. This is the least you owe him. Don't you agree?