Continue No Contact?

[Ralph79]

What are your thoughts on the 45 year old vial gf, name calling me and attempting to flaunt him in front of me? To me it screams insecure, jealous and threatened? If you are genuinely happy and in a secure relationship why feel the need to name call the ex when i said and did nothing? Its just pathetic especially at her age.

 

She is of no relevance to your life anymore. Honestly, I wouldn't even bother with an opinion of her. As far as I would be concerned in your shoes, she doesn't even exists. I would do my best to ignore everything she says because she'll be out of his picture in a matter of months, believe me. She's not worth a minute of thought. She's nothing.

[ally2015]

She is of no relevance to your life anymore. Honestly, I wouldn't even bother with an opinion of her. As far as I would be concerned in your shoes, she doesn't even exists. I would do my best to ignore everything she says because she'll be out of his picture in a matter of months, believe me. She's not worth a minute of thought. She's nothing.

 

Very true. She is pathetic! Okay im having a weak moment. Im away on holidays and stupidly went to a place we came to to as a family...for fathers day... very overwhelming! I am tempted to send the ex a photo of our child on the merry go round and say like "id thought you would like this photo she had a blast like she did on fathers day. If you would like, i can forward on some pictures of our child from the past few months."

 

Bad idea?

[Mi7522]

 

Very true. She is pathetic! Okay im having a weak moment. Im away on holidays and stupidly went to a place we came to to as a family...for fathers day... very overwhelming! I am tempted to send the ex a photo of our child on the merry go round and say like "id thought you would like this photo she had a blast like she did on fathers day. If you would like, i can forward on some pictures of our child from the past few months."

 

Bad idea?

 

Yep bad idea

[ally2015]

Yep bad idea

 

Why bad idea in your eyes? Wouldn't it show that i am trying to be nice, civil and include him in her life?

[Ralph79]

Why bad idea in your eyes? Wouldn't it show that i am trying to be nice, civil and include him in her life?

 

Has he given you reason to be?

[ally2015]

Has he given you reason to be?

 

No he hasn't. But looking at it legally if i continue to be nuce, mature, civil and have the childs best interest as well as continuing to reach out to him for the child and he is just being a jerk and no response. Makes me legally look even better? And if he does ask for photos id send them to him. Not a lot but a few...

 

i know that he should be the one contacting me about the child and not me offering. I get that but im looking at it in a way where it legally benefits me to reach out?

[Ralph79]

No he hasn't. But looking at it legally if i continue to be nuce, mature, civil and have the childs best interest as well as continuing to reach out to him for the child and he is just being a jerk and no response. Makes me legally look even better? And if he does ask for photos id send them to him. Not a lot but a few...

 

i know that he should be the one contacting me about the child and not me offering. I get that but im looking at it in a way where it legally benefits me to reach out?

 

That was not your original intention. You yourself confessed to having a moment of weakness. You think writing

 

"id thought you would like this photo she had a blast like she did on fathers day. If you would like, i can forward on some pictures of our child from the past few months."

 

After he wrote:

 

"You're pathetic. Don't worry about it. You're not welcome around my family."

 

is going to legally benefit you in some way?

 

I actually think they could declare you legally insane.

[ally2015]

That was not your original intention. You yourself confessed to having a moment of weakness. You think writing

 

"id thought you would like this photo she had a blast like she did on fathers day. If you would like, i can forward on some pictures of our child from the past few months."

 

After he wrote:

 

"You're pathetic. Don't worry about it. You're not welcome around my family."

 

is going to legally benefit you in some way?

 

I actually think they could declare you legally insane.

 

Yeah i know my intention changed once the emotion went away of being upset. Legally they like it when the parent makes attempts to connect with the father, like attempts and opportunities for the child and father to have a relationship. So im guessing that you think its a terrible idea?

[Ralph79]

Yeah i know my intention changed once the emotion went away of being upset. Legally they like it when the parent makes attempts to connect with the father, like attempts and opportunities for the child and father to have a relationship. So im guessing that you think its a terrible idea?

 

He just disrespected you. It's one thing to ignore people and be indifferent. But it's another to be a pushover. Don't let him talk to you like that.

 

I think you did well for now by taking the high road, but you cannot keep playing nice if he keeps insulting you. I'm not saying to bring yourself down to his level and insult him back, but defend yourself and don't offer any assistance of any kind. He's given you more than enough reason to keep him away from your daughter with those last email exchanges.

[ally2015]

He just disrespected you. It's one thing to ignore people and be indifferent. But it's another to be a pushover. Don't let him talk to you like that.

 

I think you did well for now by taking the high road, but you cannot keep playing nice if he keeps insulting you. I'm not saying to bring yourself down to his level and insult him back, but defend yourself and don't offer any assistance of any kind. He's given you more than enough reason to keep him away from your daughter with those last email exchanges.

 

I didn't even acknowledge his insults in my emails because i didnt want emotion, to give him a reaction or that it bothered me so i ignored it and attempted to defend myself and point our his issues ans flaws in a unemotional manner. I just feel stuck and just want this crap sorted out... what am i meant to do just nothing? Its frustrating! Ive done nothing to deserve this or for him to treat me this way... im raising HIS child with zero assistance so shouldn't he be grateful? I know you don't have children but you have a good understanding of what u think he is thinking. .. so you think offering photos is a bad move? Also due to the recent events are you still 100% convinced he will be back haha i still have my gut feeling! Really wish i didnt

[Ralph79]

I didn't even acknowledge his insults in my emails because i didnt want emotion, to give him a reaction or that it bothered me so i ignored it and attempted to defend myself and point our his issues ans flaws in a unemotional manner. I just feel stuck and just want this crap sorted out... what am i meant to do just nothing? Its frustrating! Ive done nothing to deserve this or for him to treat me this way... im raising HIS child with zero assistance so shouldn't he be grateful? I know you don't have children but you have a good understanding of what u think he is thinking. .. so you think offering photos is a bad move? Also due to the recent events are you still 100% convinced he will be back haha i still have my gut feeling! Really wish i didnt

 

Yeap. I trust you will do a good job raising your child. He will take notice. He won't be back tomorrow, or next week, or next month. But he will be back. The real question is, will you want him back when he does come?

 

In your place I'd write:

 

Pathetic huh?

 

One day, our daughter will ask me why you weren't there. Thank you for these emails. You have given me enough material for her to one day understand what I had to put up with to raise her in a manner she deserves. Away from the drugs you had hidden in the house and the violence you brought with you.

 

 

Additionally you could add in the same or another email:

 

I'm not welcomed in your family. I see...

 

Do you think my Daughter would ever love anyone who turn their backs on her own mother? I never said you weren't welcome here. The doors were always opened if you had just been a decent human being. I didn't ask for much. I only wanted what was best for my daughter. But you've proven with your actions that you have no idea of what it means to be a Father. Just because she has your blood, doesn't entitle you to come in and out of her life whenever you please. It takes more than DNA to be a Father. But I guess that is beyond your comprehension.

 

 

Last example:

 

I realize neither of us cares for each other as partners anymore. I was willing to sacrifice a lot, just so that our daughter would have her father close by, but I realize that just like me, she's better off without you.

 

And stuff like that. Point is: You are allowed and I encourage you to stand up for yourself. Don't take punishment like that. But don't reply instantly either. Take your time.

[ally2015]

Yeap. I trust you will do a good job raising your child. He will take notice. He won't be back tomorrow, or next week, or next month. But he will be back. The real question is, will you want him back when he does come?

Hell No. I don't want him back like you said before love has turned to pity. Why would he come back look at his behaviour and emails? He is making it impossible for himself to return. He is ruining all his chances of saving relationships with me ans his child..does he not see that?

In your place I'd write:

 

Pathetic huh?

 

One day, our daughter will ask me why you weren't there. Thank you for these emails. You have given me enough material for her to one day understand what I had to put up with to raise her in a manner she deserves. Away from the drugs you had hidden in the house and the violence you brought with you.

 

 

Additionally you could add in the same or another email:

 

I'm not welcomed in your family. I see...

 

Do you think my Daughter would ever love anyone who turn their backs on her own mother? I never said you weren't welcome here. The doors were always opened if you had just been a decent human being. I didn't ask for much. I only wanted what was best for my daughter. But you've proven with your actions that you have no idea of what it means to be a Father. Just because she has your blood, doesn't entitle you to come in and out of her life whenever you please. It takes more than DNA to be a Father. But I guess that is beyond your comprehension.

 

 

Last example:

 

I realize neither of us cares for each other as partners anymore. I was willing to sacrifice a lot, just so that our daughter would have her father close by, but I realize that just like me, she's better off without you.

 

And stuff like that. Point is: You are allowed and I encourage you to stand up for yourself. Don't take punishment like that. But don't reply instantly either. Take your time.

 

Love your responses i just try to give emotion, bite back, make him think his insults impact me and nir giving him amo to use against me. Were my email replies yesterday good? I always second guess myself. So you think i should just do nothing now or should i send the photo and say something like "Hi his name, i am going to attempt yet again for us to have civil contact regarding our child would you like me to email you photos of her from the recent months you have been absent? I have attached one photo of her that I thought you would like as she loved this ride with you. (The photo is of her on a merry go round which they went on together on fathers day)

[Ralph79]

Love your responses i just try to give emotion, bite back, make him think his insults impact me and nir giving him amo to use against me. Were my email replies yesterday good? I always second guess myself. So you think i should just do nothing now or should i send the photo and say something like "Hi his name, i am going to attempt yet again for us to have civil contact regarding our child would you like me to email you photos of her from the recent months you have been absent? I have attached one photo of her that I thought you would like as she loved this ride with you. (The photo is of her on a merry go round which they went on together on fathers day)

 

2 things.

 

1. Don't be nice anymore. First and foremost he needs to apologize. You can't disrespect yourself by giving him an inch of consideration until he does. And don't ask him to apologize either. If he doesn't come to the realization ON HIS OWN, then he doesn't deserve anything from you.

 

2. You said this:

 

"Hell No. I don't want him back like you said before love has turned to pity. Why would he come back look at his behaviour and emails? He is making it impossible for himself to return. He is ruining all his chances of saving relationships with me ans his child..does he not see that? "

 

You are still giving him an opportunity in your head to come back. It's over Ally. You have to shut the door and stop speaking in present tense. He HAS made it impossible to return already. He's ALREADY ruined all his chances of saving the relationship. I'll repeat, it's over. How do you feel about this?

 

And I've already told you that your replies were great. And you know the photo thing is a horrible idea.

[ally2015]

2 things.

 

1. Don't be nice anymore. First and foremost he needs to apologize. You can't disrespect yourself by giving him an inch of consideration until he does. And don't ask him to apologize either. If he doesn't come to the realization ON HIS OWN, then he doesn't deserve anything from you.

 

So just do nothing then until he realises he cant treat me like s*** especially when ive done nothing wrong.

2. You said this:

 

"Hell No. I don't want him back like you said before love has turned to pity. Why would he come back look at his behaviour and emails? He is making it impossible for himself to return. He is ruining all his chances of saving relationships with me ans his child..does he not see that? "

 

You are still giving him an opportunity in your head to come back. It's over Ally. You have to shut the door and stop speaking in present tense. He HAS made it impossible to return already. He's ALREADY ruined all his chances of saving the relationship. I'll repeat, it's over. How do you feel about this?

 

i feel nnothing.i dont care haha. I dont want him back and he has zero chance when he does attempt to he will be shut sown immediately. Too late mate. I am just saying you think he will attempt to and so do i... but i dont get why he would bother.

 

And I've already told you that your replies were great. And you know the photo thing is a horrible idea.

 

Why are the photos such a terrible idea? I think ill email him this Hi just wondering if you would like me to send you some photos of child from the recent months youve been absent? Let me know. If he says yes i will send him 3 photos. Photo 1 her at swimming lessons that HE was meant to do with her. Photo 2 Her with animals and a guy friend with her but cut his face out just see his hand and Photo 3 the photo of her on the merry go round... being indirect in motive behind each photo?

[Ralph79]

Why are the photos such a terrible idea? I think ill email him this Hi just wondering if you would like me to send you some photos of child from the recent months youve been absent? Let me know. If he says yes i will send him 3 photos. Photo 1 her at swimming lessons that HE was meant to do with her. Photo 2 Her with animals and a guy friend with her but cut his face out just see his hand and Photo 3 the photo of her on the merry go round... being indirect in motive behind each photo?

 

Because they're out of place. It's as if someone hits you in the face for not inviting them to your birthday party, and the next day you walk up to them and invite them to a movie for no reason at all.

 

Sending him photos is an action that does not make sense. It seems more like a peace offering on your part to be honest. If that's what you want, then go ahead. But it will make you look really weak.

[ally2015]

Sending him photos is an action that does not make sense. It seems more like a peace offering on your part to be honest. If that's what you want, then go ahead. But it will make you look really weak.

 

i don't want to look weak at all... so i wont send them yet anyway the photos i would have sent would indirectly bother him if he cares about his child which currently he doesnt.

 

This is the 2nd last email i sent and recieved no reply

Yes some of my friends have contacted you and I have asked them to stop. I have better things to do then make contact with you and your family,like raising my daughter.

 

 

I have made numerous attempts FOR CHILDS NAME to maintain a relationship with you and your family. Dress it up how you like, but you have made no attempt to maintain contact with your daughter whatsoever! You have abandoned her.

 

 

His name, you are clearly delusional and completely irrational...and behaving like a child. i can live with the fact that I am raising childs name in a stable and loving environment like i have pretty much her whole life without you in it.*

 

 

Childs name is missing out on nothing at all, its a shame she doesn't have a father but at the end of the day its you who is missing out and has lost everything.

 

 

Considering you wont accept my undeserving comprimise childs name will not be attending as a direct result of your choice.

Regards

 

Then i sent this

 

Att: his full name

I will not be responding to any further emails until I return to Sydney as I am enjoying my family holiday with childs name and my partner.**

 

Childs name is doing really really well, considering you always forget to ask how she is. If you would like to see her please contact a visitation center and have them contact me to find a suitable time.*

 

Regards,*

My full name

 

Should I know just go no contact again or what would you suggest? His birthday is in 3 days im planning to completely ignore or acknowledge it

[Ralph79]

Sending him photos is an action that does not make sense. It seems more like a peace offering on your part to be honest. If that's what you want, then go ahead. But it will make you look really weak.

 

i don't want to look weak at all... so i wont send them yet anyway the photos i would have sent would indirectly bother him if he cares about his child which currently he doesnt.

 

This is the 2nd last email i sent and recieved no reply

Yes some of my friends have contacted you and I have asked them to stop. I have better things to do then make contact with you and your family,like raising my daughter.

 

 

I have made numerous attempts FOR CHILDS NAME to maintain a relationship with you and your family. Dress it up how you like, but you have made no attempt to maintain contact with your daughter whatsoever! You have abandoned her.

 

 

His name, you are clearly delusional and completely irrational...and behaving like a child. i can live with the fact that I am raising childs name in a stable and loving environment like i have pretty much her whole life without you in it.*

 

 

Childs name is missing out on nothing at all, its a shame she doesn't have a father but at the end of the day its you who is missing out and has lost everything.

 

 

Considering you wont accept my undeserving comprimise childs name will not be attending as a direct result of your choice.

Regards

 

Then i sent this

 

Att: his full name

I will not be responding to any further emails until I return to Sydney as I am enjoying my family holiday with childs name and my partner.**

 

Childs name is doing really really well, considering you always forget to ask how she is. If you would like to see her please contact a visitation center and have them contact me to find a suitable time.*

 

Regards,*

My full name

 

Should I know just go no contact again or what would you suggest? His birthday is in 3 days im planning to completely ignore or acknowledge it

 

This is not a game. There are no rules to go by, but I wouldn't send any more emails to be honest. You've already sent 2. You might be inadvertently getting used to contacting him again. My advice is to stop.

 

The photos are something you can keep taking and they're not going to go away. It's not like he'll miss something if he doesn't get them right this moment. He can look at them tomorrow, the day after, or the year after, it'll be the same. He'll think you're just using that as an excuse to break contact, when you do eventually send them. Let him ask for some, and then think about it.

[ally2015]

This is not a game. There are no rules to go by, but I wouldn't send any more emails to be honest. You've already sent 2. You might be inadvertently getting used to contacting him again. My advice is to stop.

 

Im no good at the game because i dont want to play it! Yeah i am going to go back into No Contact with him. If he emails me again ill leave it a few days if it requires a response. Im sure he will more then likely ask again or attempt to guilt trip me about the wedding but i wont budge. I offered a generous compromise and he refused it. His loss. He wont have his own little family there because of himself.

 

The photos are something you can keep taking and they're not going to go away. It's not like he'll miss something if he doesn't get them right this moment. He can look at them tomorrow, the day after, or the year after, it'll be the same. He'll think you're just using that as an excuse to break contact, when you do eventually send them. Let him ask for some, and then think about it.

 

Yeah that's true. Doesn't matter when they are sent. I just want all of this over with but it seems like its going to be a LONG process!

[Ralph79]

This is not a game. There are no rules to go by, but I wouldn't send any more emails to be honest. You've already sent 2. You might be inadvertently getting used to contacting him again. My advice is to stop.

 

Im no good at the game because i dont want to play it! Yeah i am going to go back into No Contact with him. If he emails me again ill leave it a few days if it requires a response. Im sure he will more then likely ask again or attempt to guilt trip me about the wedding but i wont budge. I offered a generous compromise and he refused it. His loss. He wont have his own little family there because of himself.

 

The photos are something you can keep taking and they're not going to go away. It's not like he'll miss something if he doesn't get them right this moment. He can look at them tomorrow, the day after, or the year after, it'll be the same. He'll think you're just using that as an excuse to break contact, when you do eventually send them. Let him ask for some, and then think about it.

 

Yeah that's true. Doesn't matter when they are sent. I just want all of this over with but it seems like its going to be a LONG process!

 

In a way it'll never be over. That's the real sad part here. You can always find happiness with someone else, but this guy and his family will always loom around your daughter. I think that when you are finally able to move on and find a more responsible partner and parent and have more children in the future, things will get much better for you and her.

[ally2015]

Yeah that's true. Doesn't matter when they are sent. I just want all of this over with but it seems like its going to be a LONG process!

 

In a way it'll never be over. That's the real sad part here. You can always find happiness with someone else, but this guy and his family will always loom around your daughter. I think that when you are finally able to move on and find a more responsible partner and parent and have more children in the future, things will get much better for you and her.

 

Yes i know in some capacity they will forever be in my life well at least until she legally say she doesn't want to see him or them. Common sense should prevail they know i will be a part of there lives fforever soooo why not be civil and try work it out. I've done nothing! I guess they will eventually figure it out. I just dont want the drama and what i feel will be him making my life hell trying to win us back. But until then im returning to no contact. Ball is yet again in his court... i wont make contact unless he does or if he files

[ally2015]

Ok... its his birthday tomorrow. Should I send him an email wishing him a happy birthday from our daughter with maybe a photo of her? Or just simply not acknowledge it at all? I know he doesn't deserve anything but trying to look at it coming from our child??

 

Thoughts?

[ally2015]

You'll be proud! Before even getting a reply ive decided he can shove his bday up his a**! He has chosen a life without me and our child in it so thats exactly what he is going to get. It will be hard for me not to be nice but i will do it! Zero acknowledgment!

[ally2015]

Hi

 

Today is his birthday and ive been upset pretty much ALL day about it but i refused to make contact. Today I just feel awful about everything... im over feeling like this every single day. I am trying so so hard to move forward, to plan my future... but its so freaking hard because nothing at all is sorted with him... at any time legally he can barge back into my childs life and undo all the work ive done. makes me sick!

 

I just feel hopeless about everything... i am suffering so much... i am suffering for me and also for my child because she isnt old enough to feel the hurt of this all. i am struggling! and it seems like he doesnt care about anything that has happened at all.

 

i am just over it and feel like im drowning.

[ally2015]

Hi All,

 

I am feeling a bit better since my last post! I had a councilling session and although it hasn't changed anything about the situation its good to just talk about everything and for her to actually say what she thinks as an outsider. She asked for my perspective on what is happening and what will happen? And she had pretty much the exact same thoughts so that makes me feel like im not crazy! She said that it shows I am looking at it logically and rationally and thats great as I am not just responding with emotion.

 

I found out that the 45 year old lovely girlfriend has actually been around since day one of walking out on us...but he has also been seen with the young girl... maybe her daughter maybe not... but this woman (45 year old) has been around for almost 3 months now. Don't know if that changes any factors just thought I would add it in as its an update lol

 

His brother got married today and to show you what his family are like.... the girlfriend was invited! i am so glad my daughter did not attend. I only know the girlfriend attended because his younger brother uploaded a photo of my ex and the gf to instagram... i thought I had blocked all of his family, which i have but it just made them not follow me not the other way around. The younger brother only uploaded the 1 photo of them and nothing else so that makes me believe that he realised i was still following him and did it to annoy me. i dont want to unfollow him now because then he will know that i would have seen the photo and think it bothered me... so i will unfollow him during the week. Seeing the photo didnt bother me just made it even more clear how disgusting she is haha and how disrespectful and basically as*holes his family are to allow her to come and basically acknowledge that what he is doing to me and his child is ok... but i already knew they werent nice or good people so no shocks there!

 

The AVO is being withdrawn and once that happens I have decided to go MIA even more so then i have. Because once the AVO is withdrawn I techniqually wont have to see him again.. until he does something about it. I will not be contacting him at all (as per usual), if he contacts me if there is no need for a response i will ignore it and if it does require a response i will carefully word it.

 

I am just frustrated.... I just want all this s*** sorted out but he wont! I know i cant control him.. and its not about that. its about being a decent human being, its about taking responsibility, being a parent, being an adult! If your happy in your new life, end your old one... you cant just run from it! I just do not get what he hopes to achieve by acting like this.. honestly!