Sunberry Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 A friend confessed to me not that long ago, and I declined. He is an amazing guy. He respectful to woman, sweet, everything. The issue is in not sexually attracted to him whatsoever. Emotionally he's everything, but I'm having a hard time seeing the relationship working if I'm not sexually attracted to him in the slightest. My friends don't understand what's wrong with him and feel he's perfect. While that may be the case, me not being attracted to him in that way still stands. Can you date someone and not be physically attracted to them? Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 No. If you force it you will begin to feel resentment and treat him poorly. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 A friend confessed to me not that long ago, and I declined. He is an amazing guy. He respectful to woman, sweet, everything. The issue is in not sexually attracted to him whatsoever. Emotionally he's everything, but I'm having a hard time seeing the relationship working if I'm not sexually attracted to him in the slightest. My friends don't understand what's wrong with him and feel he's perfect. While that may be the case, me not being attracted to him in that way still stands. Can you date someone and not be physically attracted to them? Nope. There would have to be physical attraction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 No. Why would you subject yourself to having sex with someone you're repelled by physically? It has to be there. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 No, never, and I will never understand people who do. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Sex and physical attraction is what allows us to tell the difference between friendship and romantic love. Do not go down this road. It will only lead to heart break. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 You can, if a socially acceptable boyfriend is really what's important to you. A lot of women pick a partner they aren't that hot for to satisfy other priorities. Having sex with him will probably be brutal at first but you can always taper that off over time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 You can, if a socially acceptable boyfriend is really what's important to you. A lot of women pick a partner they aren't that hot for to satisfy other priorities. Having sex with him will probably be brutal at first but you can always taper that off over time. aka settling for someone. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
the tank Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Depend how picky you are... If he can offer you everything you want in a man. He is a keeper. Beauty outside is only temporary... Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Here's a little bit of real life! You know I thought everybody on here was, I'll just say different, but a bit of reality rears it's ugly head every now and then. Lol Hold on here comes somebody with 10000+ posts to tell us it's the guy's confidence lmao Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Impossible. It would provoke the relationship to become sexless in time. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 No, i dont think it would work. Could you imagine kissing or having sex with the person? If not, no. Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 No he deserves someone who is attracted to him. How would you feel if you were him? Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Not at all...it won't work in the end, I promise. Attraction is key!! Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 attraction is the magic ingredient, without it there is nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunberry Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 No he deserves someone who is attracted to him. How would you feel if you were him? Terrible. I feel terrible not returning his feelings, but it really can't be helped. It became a bit more messy when he got me flowers, candy, and trinkets Valentine's Day. Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Personally, I go for a 60/40 split between personality and looks. To me, someone could have a great personal and not so up to par looks, but there HAS to be some form of physical attraction in my opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 It became a bit more messy when he got me flowers, candy, and trinkets Valentine's Day. Ouch. He's seems like a "nice guy", trying to win your affections. Since he is a friend, you should shut this behavior down as soon as possible. Have a serious discussion with him. Otherwise they'll be resentment brewing from both sides. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Sunberry, You said Can you date someone and not be physically attracted to them? No - is the short answer. In my time I met some lovely men. kind, charming, educated, pleasant looking, good career - in fact everything I would have wanted in a man BUT I just didn't fancy them. I went out with them on a few dates hoping that I would grow to like them, but it never happened. There is someone out there who will really light your fire, so just hang on and I'm sure they'll be along soon ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunberry Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 Ouch. He's seems like a "nice guy", trying to win your affections. Since he is a friend, you should shut this behavior down as soon as possible. Have a serious discussion with him. Otherwise they'll be resentment brewing from both sides. I've addressed to him that it doesn't change anything and he acknowledged that he just wanted me to smile that day. I haven't really chatted much since that day, and honestly don't want to lead him on. I didn't know what to do but to buy a thank you card, of which I have yet to give him. I wouldn't even know what to properly say to him if I see him again. ...There is someone out there who will really light your fire, so just hang on and I'm sure they'll be along soon! Thank you...I feel like my time will come sooner than I think...at the moment I'm trying my best not to look. I just recently deleted myself from a dating site. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 You can, if a socially acceptable boyfriend is really what's important to you. A lot of women pick a partner they aren't that hot for to satisfy other priorities. Having sex with him will probably be brutal at first but you can always taper that off over time. Well I think that's pretty bad advice!! What good would come of any of that for either of them, they BOTH can have a "socially acceptable" partner that they are also attracted to, sheesh! Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Each person has their set of standards and expectations. Nature provides the final answer. Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I never bought the whole personality can overcome lack of looks with women as evidenced by this thread it's confirmed That's why I rarely approach women it's a waste of time if she's not physically attracted to me Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 A friend confessed to me not that long ago, and I declined. He is an amazing guy. He respectful to woman, sweet, everything. The issue is in not sexually attracted to him whatsoever. Emotionally he's everything, but I'm having a hard time seeing the relationship working if I'm not sexually attracted to him in the slightest. My friends don't understand what's wrong with him and feel he's perfect. While that may be the case, me not being attracted to him in that way still stands. Can you date someone and not be physically attracted to them? No. I mean, there isn't even much to elaborate on. It's one thing if you felt the attraction could grow but if not then absolutely nothing is wrong with just remaining friends. Romantic relationships require romantic feelings and physical attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 OP, I'm a bit confused. In your opening post you mention a friend 'confessed' and you 'declined'. Was this before the Valentine's Day gifts? If yes, perhaps your message of not being interested in him romantically wasn't clear and unequivocal enough. In general, if your style is to catalog men as friends or romantic prospects immediately, go with that style. You say this person is a friend, so you apparently cataloged him as such long ago. If words fail, the clearest message will be socializing with other men, dating them and having a boyfriend. If you truly value his friendship, and feel he's the great guy you make him out to be, then I'm sure your female friends who are single and may not have met him yet will surely enjoy making his acquaintance. Perhaps one might take a fancy to him. I'm sure that would make you quite happy. Hopefully, him too. Link to post Share on other sites
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