xxoo Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 The word "create" can be taken two ways. A: a person's genuine qualities and traits create chemistry B: a person intentionally behaves in certain ways to create a feeling of chemistry B may occur for short term ego feed, but A is the basis for sexually charged relationships. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I don't think chemistry can be created - it's just charm and it is easy to see through once you get to know that person. Chemistry is totally different and lasting. Long time lasting. It doesn't fade like honeymooner lust fades Chemistry sticks around. Back on topic: OP, if you aren't feeling it, don't go there. He may well be sweet and charming but if you aren't into him yourself you never will be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Endles Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) Yeah it would be great if women had to put in some form of effort to attract a man, but that's just now how the world works. They don't need to. Well, you see...men compete. Women like to think we like "the thrill of the chase...", but not really. It's competing, against others. To do better. Whether you want to compete or not....you have to, because when men compete against each other for the same women, women don't have to approach you. edit: Well, you don't have to compete. Just like some people don't work for a living. However, usually those people are also homeless on the streets. Edited February 19, 2015 by Endles Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 You make this sound like rocket science, when it is far from it. Most guys can get a date every now and then, so they are obviously pulling it off. The problem you have is the inability to accept that you will not appeal to every woman you want. Maybe to get a date with you. It takes a lot more than that to attract most decent men. Men are more visual though, so if a woman looks attractive to them they'll highly likely get a date more often than not. That doesn't mean it'll lead anywhere just because their attractive, but it definitely doesn't hurt them at all to get dates. Link to post Share on other sites
the tank Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Spark is the reason why some girl will never find a BF.... Real chemistry come with time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 This is weird I was under the impression that it was all about confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunberry Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 OP. You have to be straight and clear that you are not interested. I would not have accepted VDay gifts personally. You need to speak up..and speak up NOW. I told him that I will not do it if he thinks things will change. He just told me "ok" and I haven't heard from him in days. I think it's best to not talk to him for a while... I think accepting the Valentine's gift is what probably made him want to ask again. I feel like a terrible person honestly. Chemistry is totally different and lasting. Long time lasting. It doesn't fade like honeymooner lust fades Chemistry sticks around. I don't think chemistry is created. It's either there or it isn't. Spark is the reason why some girl will never find a BF.... Real chemistry come with time. That's a rough thing to say isn't it? Well I've known the guy for a few months--enough for any spark/chemistry to build, but there was none. Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Funny how bitter men on here think that women are fussy or unrealistic for not forcing themselves to date someone they are not attracted to. Would these men do the same? No. The guy could be super hot but beauty IS in the eye of the beholder, regardless of what you think. Men will sleep with the ugliest women because they are still women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I'm not sure who has it better, the guys who can't get dates at all, or the women who can't ever seem to find anyone who sees them as more than a cum dumpster. I know some women who keep trying to date above their league, but just end up being used over and over so some guys can get easy sex. I think I'd rather not date at all. Women usually have it easier because they are beating men off with a stick! All they have to do is choose the best guy out of a group. Having choice is better than no choice at all. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I'm not sure who has it better, the guys who can't get dates at all, or the women who can't ever seem to find anyone who sees them as more than a cum dumpster. I know some women who keep trying to date above their league, but just end up being used over and over so some guys can get easy sex. Cum dumpster women are letting it happen. It's a choice. Heck there is a recent thread were a woman is talking about how she will gladly have just a physical thing with a guy because he is so hot. At least she will be getting what she wants. Guys who can't get dates, are obviously not getting what they want. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Folks, let's dispense with the 'cum dumpster' language and inferences that men who can't get dates aren't decent men and all the other off topic and superfluous yammering and get back to the thread starter's interactions and topic. Respectful commentary about their apparent situation with their male friend and/or sharing experience regarding dating, or not dating, someone one is not physically attracted to is welcomed. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 A friend confessed to me not that long ago, and I declined. He is an amazing guy. He respectful to woman, sweet, everything. The issue is in not sexually attracted to him whatsoever. Emotionally he's everything, but I'm having a hard time seeing the relationship working if I'm not sexually attracted to him in the slightest. My friends don't understand what's wrong with him and feel he's perfect. While that may be the case, me not being attracted to him in that way still stands. Can you date someone and not be physically attracted to them? Then let your friends date him. If he's that wonderful, he deserves someone and can find someone who likes his whole package. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Yeah, I made that suggestion and the OP seemed to be on board with it but also shared that the vast majority of her female friends were in relationships. In total, she seemed like a sincere person with a quandary regarding how to approach her male friend of some time who had apparently either always been fond of her or became so. Hopefully, she'll update how it turned out. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Ah. Well, that's just a case of friends and "misery loves company," isn't it? You can't trust their judgment in that case. Well, you can't anyway because they aren't who has to be with him. I reckon she'll terminate when it becomes too uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 According to this post, the sticky wicket apparently came from her accepting his V-day gifts and then trying to politely tell him she didn't feel 'that way' about him.... as she put it, "Well I've known the guy for a few months--enough for any spark/chemistry to build, but there was none." That's how it goes sometimes, BTDT many times when 'getting to know' women. The follies of my youth I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 You can but it isn't fair to the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I did read her post. If she'd known him all that time and until now, the pressure had not built up, then she had no reason to push him back or let him know she wasn't interested. Women are perfectly willing to be friends if that is what it looks like a guy is doing and that's something guys can't quite fathom because they rarely want to be just friends with a woman. But now she's got to let him know. She can't just keep him dangling. Many people have a lot of trouble handling these situations, both male and female. Thing is, there is usually dishonesty on the part of the man in this situation first. He hasn't made clear he's only interested romantically until now, months into it. She was probably in a comfort zone about it by this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunberry Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 (edited) Yeah, I made that suggestion and the OP seemed to be on board with it but also shared that the vast majority of her female friends were in relationships. In total, she seemed like a sincere person with a quandary regarding how to approach her male friend of some time who had apparently either always been fond of her or became so. Hopefully, she'll update how it turned out. I have had a discussion with a group of friends about finding him someone and yes they were all in relationships. No dice. I'm going to see if I can ask again, but I'm not having any luck..I talked to my sister and asked if she was interested and she wasn't. As for the guy he contacted me out of the blue for lunch next week, I told him I don't mind that but hope he understood everything will be the same and that there are no misunderstandings. He said that I didn't have to explain myself, but I felt I had to. During the past couple days we past by each other once or twice but the times he does he's very distant and only chats for at least a minute (currently has family issues, but says he's perfectly fine) before moving locations. He doesn't stay around me long at all. I've been meaning to give back his calculator for weeks, and when I was talking to him to propose and wait with me to obtain his stuff, he left right in the middle of me talking to him. I expressed how rude that was and he acknoledged that he didn't hear me and that he's sorry I felt that way in, what seems like, a newly cold manner.. I didn't like it. I honestly don't want to deal with him anymore and felt that, in itself, was the end of the friendship. All while this is going on another guy I've been friends with for months asks me to come over his for "Netflix and cuddling". I've been fairly busy so, my schedule is currently a veil for indirectly saying no I don't understand myself at all... ...Thing is, there is usually dishonesty on the part of the man in this situation first. He hasn't made clear he's only interested romantically until now, months into it. She was probably in a comfort zone about it by this time. I had no clue whatsoever and just assumed that's all we were. Edited March 11, 2015 by Sunberry Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 (edited) I have been there. When I was younger, I didn't pay much attention to a girl other than what she looked like. If she was hot, I'd date her. Was really the only thing that I thought about. Prettier girl was the one I went for, when I had the choice. After a while, i noticed that the best looking women I dated were also the biggest pains in the behind I was overlooking too many things just to be with those girls. I'm a little older now and my priorities have shifted. I spent years with one girl that was an absolute stunner. It didn't much matter how hot she was, because in the grand scheme of things, that really isn't so important. Sexy fades. I'd rather be with a person who's company I enjoy. Someone that I can trust. A girl I can rely on. Those are the things that make relationships. Besides, the prettiest people aren't always the best in the bedroom! Knowing the problem is the first step to solving it. Shrugs. My current guy thought I was drop dead gorgeous from the first moment he laid eyes on me. I also felt the fireworks. So far, we also love each others personalities. So..... There are definitely instances where the guy get's the girl he is most hot for. And when the girl also feels mutual sparks. You can wait and hold out for a little longer and get a 10/10 on the chemistry scale and you can get a person you're exited about from date one; a person you just cannot get off your mind and with whom you're REALLY into from the outset. The difference between men and women I have notices is this: to this guy, I really WAS drop dead gorgeous and it was lust at first site. With me? I feel "sparks" and "connections" that are instant - but it is TOTALLY different from knowing whether a man is "hot" or not... Case in point; the "hottest" men I have dated, I felt the least "spark" for. The moment I met them, I didn't feel the fireworks. No chemistry was ever really there. The men I felt instant fireworks for - were not the "hottest" men I had dated - but the chemistry was just "there". I was super into them from the get go. Men are more visual....... Edited March 11, 2015 by Leigh 87 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts