Anela Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I'm not saying that I'm dismissing your replies or are ungrateful for them. I just feel that SincereOnlineGuy has put these ideas across in a way that is easy for me to understand, while some of the other posts have been a bit more harsh towards me. Yeah yeah I'm 15 I should be able to take whatever is thrown at me, but clearly I can't. Who was harsh? We can't always tell if someone is winding us up, but any harshness you're feeling coming your way, is real concern for a teenage girl who might get in over her head. We don't want to see you get hurt. Harshness from me, would be reserved for any man encouraging this behaviour. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 Who was harsh? We can't always tell if someone is winding us up, but any harshness you're feeling coming your way, is real concern for a teenage girl who might get in over her head. We don't want to see you get hurt. Harshness from me, would be reserved for any man encouraging this behaviour. I guess because of the situation I'm in so I'm feeling very sensitive to any replies I get about it, that's all really. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 These type of men always prey on young girls who they feel do not get attention from boys around their age. You never see these guys hitting on the popular HS girls because they know those girls wouldn't look at them twice. They try to find young girls with low self esteem and that hasn't had any male attention then they make their move. It's sick. He knows he doesn't want her for anything but the obvious. Strawberries you should run the next time you see this guy and please stop chasing him by dropping by his house to check on him. He will be just fine. Wait for a guy around your age who can date you and treat you with respect. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillmind Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Strawberries, this isn't how an adult man courts a woman. This is how a man pressures a vulnerable woman into lowering her boundaries and accepting his sexual advances. Adult men don't press their erections against women they legitimately want to date, they just don't. It's not love, it's predatory. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Ask him if he knows who Chris Hansen is. Something smells terribly fishy about this. I don't care how mature a 16 year old can act and talk... I have problems connecting with 25 year olds on a maturity level, can't even imagine a 16 year old. And trust me OP, it does NOT come as a knock to you. You have articulated quite well what your situation is, but a lot of the older people in this thread would agree with me, that something doesn't sit well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 These type of men always prey on young girls who they feel do not get attention from boys around their age. You never see these guys hitting on the popular HS girls because they know those girls wouldn't look at them twice. They try to find young girls with low self esteem and that hasn't had any male attention then they make their move. It's sick. He knows he doesn't want her for anything but the obvious. Strawberries you should run the next time you see this guy and please stop chasing him by dropping by his house to check on him. He will be just fine. Wait for a guy around your age who can date you and treat you with respect. He asked me when I first met him if I had a boyfriend, and I obviously said no. I wouldn't say I was that unattractive tbh.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 Ask him if he knows who Chris Hansen is. Something smells terribly fishy about this. I don't care how mature a 16 year old can act and talk... I have problems connecting with 25 year olds on a maturity level, can't even imagine a 16 year old. And trust me OP, it does NOT come as a knock to you. You have articulated quite well what your situation is, but a lot of the older people in this thread would agree with me, that something doesn't sit well. What doesn't sit well, exactly? Surely you guys don't think I'm lying or something? Please specify what it is that seems fishy.. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 What doesn't sit well, exactly? Surely you guys don't think I'm lying or something? Please specify what it is that seems fishy.. Not that you are lying... but that there is something wrong with this guy for seeking your attentions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 Not that you are lying... but that there is something wrong with this guy for seeking your attentions. Well yeah, I guess we all had that part figured out a while ago haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Well yeah, I guess we all had that part figured out a while ago haha. SOMEONE just noticed this thread was two months old. Not naming names as to keep the identities of this person completely confidential. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 SOMEONE just noticed this thread was two months old. Not naming names as to keep the identities of this person completely confidential. Ehm okay haha Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Ehm okay haha So are you still seeing this guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 So are you still seeing this guy? I saw him last Saturday and he text me last Monday. Haven't seen him since then, I mean he doesn't live with my 'auntie' anymore so that means that whenever I go there I definitely won't see him. He hasn't contacted me since then so I don't know. Probably not. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 He asked me when I first met him if I had a boyfriend, and I obviously said no. I wouldn't say I was that unattractive tbh.. I certainly didn't mean to say you are unattractive because I'm sure you are. I am saying this because of what you wrote below: I guess he's the first guy who has showed any real attention in me flirting-wise, and so I'm attached to him. I don't think I could stop talking to him, but if he stops talking to me then obviously I have no choice. He knew that I was at my 'aunties' house yesterday, his mums, but he wasn't there. He didn't know I was coming round though. I might try call him next week at some point just to see what's going on but he might not even pick up the phone, I don't know. It hurts. Please stop chasing after him. But I do feel very cut up over the whole situation. It has hurt me emotionally and it will take me a long time to get over him. Honestly, not a day goes by where I don't think of him. I know that the whole thing is messed up and I'm best off staying away from him. But the reason I want to talk to him is because I value his friendship. A small part of me would love to, just for revenge. But I'm not that horrible of a person to be honest. You are emotionally involved with this man to the point of being in love. Why do you value his friendship? What has he done for you? What has he done that hurts you and why do you want revenge? Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 Because he has no regard to how I feel whatsoever and I've not even had an apology from him. He thinks he can just do what he wants and get away with it. It's very hard for me because as I said before, I'm very close with his mum so it's inevitable that when I'm with her she will mention him. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I developed a chest when I was eleven. I was on the receiving end of all sorts of comments when I was twelve/thirteen/fourteen and up. I remember one curb crawler in particular. It was creepy. It STILL creeps me out. I'm sorry, but I don't know how any grown man can encourage her. Most men here are disgusted by the idea, and you know that it's wrong, too - you did say so, in another post. Didn't you? I need to get outside. This is NOT really about HER... as you just {don't cut it} if you think she has done anything seriously wrong here. All of her feelings are normal (which represents the challenge in all of this) and she is allowed to have those feelings ... just like, say a schoolgirl is allowed to possess the feelings she might have for some male teacher ("schoolgirl crush"). In both instances it is entirely the responsibility of the older person to avoid becoming too close to the much younger person. So what are you and others gaining by trying to drum into her head that he's wrong, she's wrong, it's wrong... (I mean, at least relate to her before trying to slowly introduce the {inner strength} that will probably save her before she incurs too much damage) Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 This is irrelevant! The 19yo would be a pedophile, and that has nothing to do with anything in this thread. (unless, of course, by "very mature", you are talking about an eight-year-old who has gone through puberty) SincereOnlineGuy... My comparison was to try and make strawberries see how someone older and more mature, would view her comments and defences. I am 35, and strawberries is 20 years younger than me. A maturity gap would that would be similar to the gab between us to her would be a girl of 8. My comparison was simply to illustrate how immature and naive a 15year old girl sounds to an adult, defending the creepy actions of a 34year old man. And 8 year old girl declaring love for anyone is just as ridiculous. You are focusing on the semantics of my post rather than the overall point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 ....And for the record... I was living out of home when I was 16 years old. Flatting. A well known cool bar owner of 32 used to "take me out" ... we went on dates lot's of them... as friends. He spent a long time trying to get into my pants. I wasn't a virgin or any sort of prize in that way. He was a good-looking, popular, well connected guy, and could easily have woman in their 20's and 30's .. and probably did. I never slept with him, and we are still friends. He is in his 50's now. I am not ageist or anything like that. I have lived through this stuff, and I remember loving the attention... not realising it wasn't based on anything other than the twisted desire of an older guy to have one last crack at a teenager. Link to post Share on other sites
fishstar Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I'm sorry but I disagree with some advice on here, telling the OP, and even bolding the sentences that what's happening to her is normal. I do not think it is normal for a 15-year old to have been this involved with, i.e. becoming close friends with, giving pep talks, late night hugs and texts with, and becoming infatuated with a 34-year old depressed man. It has been mentioned about schoolgirls having crushes on teachers - well I don't think this is as common as is being made out in the posts with the bold. Even if this has been done to validate the OP's feelings, please do not state that it is perfectly normal. The majority of 15-year old girls do not find themselves attracted to, and pursuing men in their mid-30s. I have read in the papers the odd story about teenage schoolgirls/boys eloping with their male/female teachers, who were subsequently sacked from their positions and not allowed to work with children again. The men in these reports tend to say they were depressed or didn't know it was illegal, or that the girl pursued them or was mature and promiscuous. I would not advise that this is 'perfectly normal' or common, and it should not be validated and encouraged. Strawberries, nothing here is meant to undermind or patronise, but you are a child and people, adults here, are concerned. I'm not going to start attacking the guy - as he seems to have decided not to be involved with you anymore. As much as this may hurt you, he's doing you a big favour. For the record, I do relate because I've been involved with an 17 years older man before, but I was in my late 20s...and even then it posed problems, which I won't bore about here. Any time there is vulnerability on one or both sides, there can be a lack of boundaries. Vulnerability can be caused by many factors including depression and anxiety, age gap, or social circumstances for example lonliness and isolation. In my experience, I realised from both sides it was a friendship which turned into infatuation and it could never be love. I personally couldn't recommened it unless both parties are fully in tune with eachothers' differing needs, and you realise the difference between love and infatuation. And anyway in your case it is illegal, that is why people are trying to pursuade you to drop it. Link to post Share on other sites
fishstar Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Because he has no regard to how I feel whatsoever and I've not even had an apology from him. He thinks he can just do what he wants and get away with it. It's very hard for me because as I said before, I'm very close with his mum so it's inevitable that when I'm with her she will mention him. If you get an apology from him, will you then stop pursuing him, or want to see if anything further will happen? From experience, please could I tell you that sometimes you can think you need a discussion and an apology for further hope, or just for closure. But sometimes it doesn't happen. With one breakup, I got an apology but after a really long period of NC, when I wouldn't have even cared either way for the apology; and another breakup I never got an apology and realised it would never happen and I was better off without it. Him not apologising told me all I needed to know. I saw a quote recently that said 'what's left unsaid says it all'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 Why do I feel so terrible then? I honestly feel like I've just been used or something. I feel really ****. Now what I need is for someone to tell me how much better off I am without him, and that I'll meet someone else in due time. Link to post Share on other sites
fishstar Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Why do I feel so terrible then? I honestly feel like I've just been used or something. I feel really ****. Now what I need is for someone to tell me how much better off I am without him, and that I'll meet someone else in due time. I'm sorry you feel terrible and used. That's probably because you have been used and also violated emotionally. Try to turn that feeling into inner strength, forget about him and in time the feeling will subside. You are better off without him, and you will find someone else. You have to detach completely from him and from the situation in order for someone else to come along. You don't need this confusion and strife in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 SincereOnlineGuy... My comparison was to try and make strawberries see how someone older and more mature, would view her comments and defences. I am 35, and strawberries is 20 years younger than me. A maturity gap would that would be similar to the gab between us to her would be a girl of 8. My comparison was simply to illustrate how immature and naive a 15year old girl sounds to an adult, defending the creepy actions of a 34year old man. And 8 year old girl declaring love for anyone is just as ridiculous. You are focusing on the semantics of my post rather than the overall point. Uh, you brought pedophilia into a thread where it has nothing to do with anything. That isn't "semantics". That is inaccurate at the very best, and totally wrong, at the very worst. And an "adult" (as defined in America) is someone who attains their 18th birthday, and most neighborhoods in America contain such adults who don't so often find their 15yo associates to be significantly immature and naive. So how about you "focus" on the actual thread ongoing here, and without bringing far-flung accusations which have nothing to do with said thread? Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I'm sorry but I disagree with some advice on here, telling the OP, and even bolding the sentences that what's happening to her is normal. You are simply not reading or understanding the posts which comprise this thread. (and you clarified as much with that quoted statement) Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Why do I feel so terrible then? I honestly feel like I've just been used or something. I feel really ****. Now what I need is for someone to tell me how much better off I am without him, and that I'll meet someone else in due time. As you grow up you will find of the people who come into your life, some are good for you and some are bad. You will learn that just because they say they like you doesn't mean you have to like them back or that they are good for you. This man showed you attention and you liked that, only it wasn't right for him to show you affection in that way. YOU did the right thing by turning him down, but now you are missing that attention, but attention will come to you from better sources. You need to realise you are a young woman in your own right and that you don't need that type of attention to make you feel good about yourself. Of course you are better without him, he was a creepy 34 year old trying to seduce a young girl. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. You are coming up to the part of your life when you will be your most desirable to young men, do not let one pervert ruin that for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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