Ted Posted March 5, 2001 Share Posted March 5, 2001 I went out with this girl for 3 years. Things were great but the last couple months we were caught in a rut. Finally she said we need a break. Imediately she started dating. It has been about two months and I have made all the effort in contacting her. She basically says, I see myself with you in the future but I need to be young right now. Last Friday I saw her out with mutual friends and we had the chance to talk. We both came to the conclusion that we do see ourselves together in the future but we are not right for each other right now. We both said we care, and that if we do get back together it will be for good but if not it is not meant to be. And then we kissed. The next week I asked her out to lunch and she said, "I don't know Friday was so good, it may be too much." Well she went anyways. Lunch was awkward and I asked her where do we go from here, and she said it has not been enough time. "I am being young and dating." Maybe we could start again if I get sick of going out all the time. When I dropped her off I said, "I guess kisssing you is out of the question." She said, " I would want to but I do not know if it will make things too hard." We ended up kissing. Then I walked to her car and tried to kiss her again and she said, "no it's too much right now. At her car I tried to say I love you, and she said don't say it it will just make things harder. I have made all the effort to get her back, and all I ever get is that I can see myself with you in the future but, I am being young and having a ton of fun right now. I am afraid that if I let her go completely I will lose her. But is letting go the only way to ever get her back if it is meant to be? If she see's herself with me in the future why is she not doing anything to make sure that she does not lose me???? What do you think??? I am going to Europe in 2 months I think that maybe she is waiting till I get home in July to even think about dating again. I do not know if she is serious about getting back together in the future or if she is just saying that to cover her basis. Link to post Share on other sites
Paulie Posted March 5, 2001 Share Posted March 5, 2001 1. WRITE HER OFF! 2. Go hunt for chicks 3. WRITE HER OFF! 4. Do not call her 5. Have some pride, goddammit 6. Don't be her friend, but be civil. 7. Don't you dare try to kiss her again, it makes me sick. 8. Don't care what "she's thinking," because I can assure you it's not about you. And this crap about seeing herself with you down the road a ways, TOTAL B.S! You're not going to let her come in and out of your life and walk all over your sorry ass like this, are you??? Knock it off, and stop leading yourself on with these false hopes. Seeing her and kissing her and all this crap ONLY serves to: 1. Hurt you 2. Confuse you more, and make you wonder "what's she thinking?" 3. Push her away even more This is one of the suckiest things to deal with, but experience is telling me right now that you ought to FORGET HER...find yourself a woman who loves you the way you deserve to be treated...and you do believe you deserve better than this, don't you? Paulie Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted March 5, 2001 Share Posted March 5, 2001 Dear Ted, YOu asked "what is she thinking?". She is telling you EXACTLY what she's thinking. She doesn't want to be with you right now. She wants to date around, she wants to feel and act young. You've said it a few times in your email, but I'm not exactly sure that it has sunk in yet. You can't make her change her mind. You can't change how she feels. YOu didn't mention how old she is. But she's been with you for 3 yrs and if she's young, she's probably just very curious. While this is really tough for you, you can't do anything to change her mind. You can only agree to what she's saying. And you DEFINITELY should not wait for the future to roll around so you can be with her again. Most likely, she's telling you she sees herself with you in the future, only to make it easier for her to break up with you. So tell her you understand what she's saying. Tell her that you won't wait around for her to come back, but that it is perfectly alright for you to date as well. Tell her that you can't stay "just friends" with her anymore now because it is too difficult to do that. But is letting go the only way to ever get her back if it is meant to be? Yes, you need to let her go. This is what she wants. You can't hold onto her any longer. And if it is meant to be and the timing is right, you two may cross paths once again. If she see's herself with me in the future why is she not doing anything to make sure that she does not lose me???? She may be saying that just because she cares about you and feels bad/guilty for breaking things off like this. Or she may mean it right now, but who knows? She may change her mind later. Anyhow, it will drive you up the wall wondering WHY. You just have to accept what has happened, and just let her go. Wish you all the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Laurynn Posted March 5, 2001 Share Posted March 5, 2001 First of all, it would be helpful to know your ages.....seeing how she keeps mentioning that she's "young" and wants to 'be young and date' now...... Secondly, this comment she made: "Maybe we could start again if I get sick of going out all the time." Well isn't THAT nice of her. Not. That's a pretty RUDE thing to say to someone you spent the last 3 years of your life with.......that *if* you get bored with dating, THEN you'll go back with them. Gee, that would really make a person feel special (note the sarcasm here). Personally, I don't buy all this crap she's giving you......that she wants to be free and date now, but that she sees a future with you. How crazy is that? If you really DO see eventually spending your life with someone, it would seem to me that you wouldn't see the need to 'date others'...what would be the point? So I think she's simply stringing you along......she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to be free, have fun, date lots...but in case she gets tired of that/finds it isn't all it's cracked up to be/finds the grass isn't greener on other side, she'll have YOU to run back to. It seems she wants to keep you dangling by a thread, patiently waiting in the wings for her. I say B*LLs***! I realize this isn't going to be easy.....but you need to break off ALL contact with her. Stop calling her, stop contacting her, stop asking her out for lunch, stop making yourself available. If she wants her freedom, well by george give it to her, completely. And DO NOT contact while you're in Europe. You have to keep this in mind......if someone is 'meant to be' in your life, things will work out some how, some way. She probably thrives on the fact that you're still there for her, that you still want her, still want to be with her. SCREW HER! It's time for tough love. I hate to sound bitter or hostile here, towards her...yes, maybe she does need a bit of freedom to 'find herself'....sow her wild oats before she settles down one day........but to keep you hanging on by a thread, telling you that she's going to date her face off now but LATER ON DOWN THE ROAD, she sees spending her life with you...that's a crock. She's awfully presumptuous.......presuming that you'd even WAIT til she's done having her fun, and still be there for her. The best thing you could do would be to ignore her, completely. Don't initiate any contact. Don't go to places that she frequents. Start casually dating others too....who knows, you might just meet someone who's just a little more respectful and committed....and a lot less selfish and thinking only of "their needs." Laurynn Link to post Share on other sites
Rogue Posted March 6, 2001 Share Posted March 6, 2001 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Forget her. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Victor Posted March 6, 2001 Share Posted March 6, 2001 1. I am afraid that if I let her go completely I will lose her. But is letting go the only way to ever get her back if it is meant to be? You already LOST her! She doesn't want to be with you, at least now, and most likely later she's just BSing you about! 2. If she see's herself with me in the future why is she not doing anything to make sure that she does not lose me???? What do you think??? I think she's lying about wanting to be with you in the future, or else she wouldnt leave you NOW! She's gone, you gotta forget about her and have your own fun, with other girls! 3. What is she thinking? She's thinking about other guys! That's what, and not about you for now! Sorry, but I know all this sounds harsh and stuff, but you have to forget about this girl, she's worthless as of now. Link to post Share on other sites
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