Amas5750 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Hi I've been dumped 3-4 weeks ago from a 5 year relationship. It had been the WORST few weeks of my life. I'm so thankful that I am no longer crying millions and millions of tears every day. Literally I was crying before work, on my lunch break, and immediately after leaving work. Now I only cry 1-2 times per day. I used to be nauseous for about 2 weeks (I've never been the type to be nauseous).... Now I don't feel nauseas thank goodness. He says it's because I'm a negative and angry person... But every other person in my life says I'm not negative and angry. People actually describe me as the opposite.he says I will get dumped time and time again unless I lose the negativity. Every person has some negativity in them. It seems like he stopped seeing the good in me and only focused on the bad. Literally never gave me props for being a super caring/loyal/sensitive person and only called me out on being messy/disorganised/negative. He never gave me compliments. Now come on, I deserve compliments for my good qualities. I feel like my life got so small in the last year as I believed the things he said And now I have a measure of guilt cos he tells me the separation is MY fault. He says the problem is that there's something wrong with me but I can't even see it He is THE most arrogant self assured person out there. And how can I miss someone who was mean to me for the last year of the relationship? I guess I miss the OLD him and the excitement we ONCE shared. How funny to grieve over a future that I built up in my head. And why did I accept bad treatment for 12 months? He abandoned me and I was clinging. How could I treat myself that way But I feel shaken to the core and don't really know who I am anymore. You feel like they know you better than anyone, and when they reject you it's flattening. Flooring. Atleast I'm going out and trying new things and making new friends. Occasionally it feels like a **** consolation prize, but most of the time it's fun. Any advice guys? Thanks for reading Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Keep going out, talking to friends, taking care of yourself. Become the best version of yourself that you can be. And keep reminding yourself that you deserve better than someone who treats you this way. Initiate no contact, focus on healing and moving on. He says the separation is your fault so he can avoid his own guilt and push it off on you. You deserve better! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 He's blameshifting to ease his guilt feelings. If he's been arrogant before you two split up, it won't improve anytime soon. Get him out of your life, he's the only big negativity there is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 He says it's because I'm a negative and angry person... But every other person in my life says I'm not negative and angry. People actually describe me as the opposite.he says I will get dumped time and time again unless I lose the negativity. ...And now I have a measure of guilt cos he tells me the separation is MY fault. He says the problem is that there's something wrong with me but I can't even see it Why do you care what he says? You have two options - prove him right or prove him wrong. This would truly be one of those situations where living well - and happily - would be the best revenge... Mr. Lucky 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Mittens Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I had an ex who tried to blame the breakup on me. The stuff he came out with, accused me of, was so inaccurate and frankly bizarre that when I told my closest friend afterwards, he burst out laughing. It's projection. Your ex is feeling bad about splitting up with you, and he doesn't want to feel like that or be the 'bad person'...so he's rationalizing it by deflecting the blame onto you. Don't keep in touch with him. The only negativity in your life is from him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Thatsunpossible Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I am echoing everyone else's stuff here because it's true. He is trying to shift the blame. I know, I see it from my ex a lot. Don't buy into it. Reconnect with friends, learn a new hobby, go out and live your life! Cry when you need to and grieve when you need to but live, dammit, live!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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