Improving part 3

[camillalev]

Its been about a year since I began my last thread so I thought it was time to start another one.

 

If you're unfamiliar with my story so far here is a breakdown:

 

Summer/Fall 2012 and Winter 2013 I was;

 

-Unemployed

-Unable to be considered for a job because of terrible, out of date portfolio(im a graphic designer)

-Competing with many, many others for the crappiest of jobs.

-Kicked out of my apt

-Couch surfing for two weeks

-Unable to see my friends due to lack of money

-Would get maybe 3 responses for every 300-400 resumes I sent out.

-Wake up 3-5 in the afternoon/evening everyday

-severely depressed as contemplated suicide

 

where I'm at now:

 

-I've been working full time freelance for a very large, recognizable company for the last 7 months or so. I work onsite in the office every week.

-Come march it will be a year since I've started full time freelancing and working steadily for creative agencies

-have learned a LOT from this year of working

-All debt have been paid off

-Opened a savings account and have been adding to it every month

-added some good client work to my portfolio

-moved to a nice(albeit a bit small) apt in a nice neighborhood

-have health insurance and have been going to get all my checkups

-stated beginners yoga, mostly at home since it is ungodly cold out, and looking at classes

-I wake up late on the weekends(esp if I went out the night before)but since I have to wake up early for work during thr week my sleep schedule has been consistent

-taking a class to learn a new skill

 

I'm thinking about the next step in my life and where I want to take my portfolio, since that dictates so much of the kind of work I attract.

 

Other things:

-been eating much healthier!

-got my first facial in years and years

-seriously thinking about travel. Spoke with a friend about a trip but nothing confirmed.

-got an iPad to replace my paper portfolio for interviews, didn't think I'd ever use it but ive been watchin Netflix on it nonstop

-I got contacts and glasses. I was previously too broke to get those things but can now

-dipping my toes into dating. I'm still far from ready to get into something serious, I still need to fine steadier footing for myself, but it's fun

 

I've also began working on myself-being aware of how I speak to myself, my negative thoughts, what ways of thinking don't serve me, etc. I had(and have) a very toxic, abusive mother and that has effected my relationship with myself.

 

Some things are still far from perfect but I'm happy about the changes that have happened so far. I have a solid foundation to think about what I want to do next and where I want to go. It's exciting and nerve wracking as well.

Edited February 15, 2015 by camillalev

[SpiralOut]

It's amazing how much can happen in only 2 or 3 years. I'm glad that you're doing well.

[camillalev]

Its been awhile since I last wrote, so I thought I'd give a little update.

 

I left the previous job I was at. It was great that I was working and it was great experience but not the job for me. At this point I want more than money from a job and that was definitely not it.

 

I just got back from a vacation abroad It was my first time leaving the country in i dont know how long, over a decade. And this is the first vacation I paid for with my own money! I've been wanting to travel and go on an adventure for a very long time. It was an amazing experience.. It was beautiful and it also made me realize that I am lucky in a lot of ways and that many obstacles I face, not just in my work life but in my personal life, is my own bull****. A lot was put into perspective. Pretty sure Ive caught the travel bug.

 

I'm freelancing with a new company, thanks to a friend who recommended me. I'm the only designer there so I am art directing it, which is both exciting and nerve-wracking. They had two other designers take a stab at it and neither of the designs were good. I'm hoping I can do better.

I'm going to be here for a month then who knows after that I may stay on or I may not, basically depends on whether they like me or not. As far as staying long-term goes, I dont know if this is my dream job but its a great opportunity.

 

Ive gone on a few interviews(before vacation) and recently was asked to go on two interviews. People are interested in meeting with me, which is good.

 

I also would like to meet some new people and expand my social circle. I have already hung out with and made plans with some people. Before I was so hesitant because I felt that no one would want to hang out with me, no one would be happy to see me, etc. That is obviously a wrong and unhealthy way to think but understand where it comes from. There are also some people who feed into it.

 

I really want to keep this momentum going.. It was VERY strong when I returned, though now that I am getting back into the groove of my everyday life it has died down a bit. I still have insecurities to deal with. but being on vacation has given me the perspective to have a better handle on them.

Edited June 25, 2015 by camillalev

[camillalev]

so I'm freelancing at a new company, a place that is reputable, well known and respected in my industry. They make award wining work with great clients, Everyone who works there is talented and have impressive resumes. This is unlike any place I've worked at ever. It's intimidating and gives me anxiety, I don't feel like I'm "worthy" of being there and like I don't belong, even though the work I've done there has been good so far and garnered positive feedback. It's hard to beat this mindset that I'm not good enough. Other than that, everyone there is really nice and working at his company has opened my eyes.

 

Something I've learned over the past few months is that growing and going out of your comfort zone is extremely uncomfortable and sometime painful.

Edited October 24, 2015 by camillalev

[camillalev]

I've been struggling and going through a lot on an emotional level, but I am grateful for eveything I have right now. went from having literally nothing and not being employable in any sense, to working at a place where the people are incredibly nice, the work is generally interesting, and reputable enough that when I tell people in my field/related fields they reply with some variation of "wow that's impressive! you can probably when anywhere after this."

 

About a month and a half ago I joined a gym and have been going a few times a week. I'm thinking of picking up yoga again. I also stopped meditating awhile ago too :/ I wan to pick that up as well. My only hurdle is that I'm lazy after work.. I just want to veg out and meditation actually takes a fair amount of concentration and self awareness. Esp during winter I feel extra lazy? Taking a dance class or a kick boxing course has been sounding appealing as well. One thing at a time.

 

I also made changes in my diet. I've been eating healthier, making sure I get fruits and veggies everyday. I've also cut down on the amount of meat I eat, I usually have one vegetarian meal a day and have one or two vegetarian days a week. Cut down on red meat And dairy by half.

Edited November 6, 2015 by camillalev