How can a woman have a social life without getting hit on?

[LookAtThisPOst]

I had recently spoken with a Meetup member that says she rarely attends events as the recent couple of events she gets "hit on" too much, and she tells them "no" or that she's involve din a relationship...they still PUSH.

 

Though she's been a member for 2 years, she's only attended 2 events and these guys tend to chase her off.

 

Thing is, her boyfriend is always traveling and she's attempting to find a means to make new friends and not have men trying to ask her out.

 

Sounds like a lose-lose situation as she just becomes as shut-in instead.

 

Is this a valid concern? SHould this person really become homebound for the reasons mentioned? Do men actually become that much of a problem for a woman that they decide to become reclusive?

[CrystalShine2011]

I'm going through the same thing - but I haven't tried Meetup. What is it?

 

I recently joined a book club, a yoga class, etc to try to meet new friends. I am finding that guys have been pushing for friendship when I already have a boyfriend...it just gets a bit strange.

[GemmaUK]

Yes, it is a concern.

 

 

I was a a party just last night where I had problems with the same man who always follows me around and actively tries to kiss me on the lips whenever I see him.

Had I known he was going to be there I wouldn't have gone to the party.

Luckily, many folk are aware how he is around me and rescued me when they could.

The other times when I was aware he was nearby I simply pretended to be texting someone so that he would go away.

I never usually even look at my phone in a social situation but they come in very handy sometimes!

 

 

I went to a dance class with a friend who goes regularly a few years ago as I was interested in learning salsa and I felt like fresh meat on sale. I never went back.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I'm going through the same thing - but I haven't tried Meetup. What is it?

 

I recently joined a book club, a yoga class, etc to try to meet new friends. I am finding that guys have been pushing for friendship when I already have a boyfriend...it just gets a bit strange.

 

Yeah, I'm noticing it with women who go to any kind of social gatherings that have sig others, only to somehow have men try to befriend them.

 

I recall a woman who went to a meetup with another female friend. It was a BBQ event...I think EVERY single man was there was...well...single and unattached. It was water tubing event down a river.

 

She wound up latching onto her female friend a good distance away from the rest of the group when tubing down the river only to socialize with the person she came with. Apparently, she had a boyfriend that had a condition where he couldn't be in bright sunlight (not sure what the condition was called).

 

Some guys were attempting to say aloud to her, "Hey, what are you 2 doing way over there for?"

 

Needless to say, she never showed her face again.

 

I knew of one woman that liked to go hiking, but her boyfriend stayed home and played video games all day (they both moved down from Chicago)...I think some men were attempting to make some kind of disparging remarks about her couch potato boyfriend (in a teasing, but yet implied fashion) that maybe she should find better options for a boyfriend that's actually INTO the outdoors.

 

"What? Your boyfriend doesn't like to hike? Why are you still with that dude, man?"

 

"Just teasin' ya, I'm just yankin' your chain...har har har!" She thusly laughs nervously.

 

I was a a party just last night where I had problems with the same man who always follows me around and actively tries to kiss me on the lips whenever I see him.

 

Woah? Are you frackin' serious?? How well did you know this guy? Never really heard of that happening...at least to that extent, usually it's some kind of verbal situation at our Meetups.

 

There was this one woman at a "Traffic Light" event Fri night, apparently if you wore a red band, you were "Taken", "Yellow" was a "Maybe", and Green meant "Single". She put on a red band, said she was "seeing someone", but her boyfriend wasn't there (on some night shift at work). One of her male friends was close dancing with her, and she was letting him! She looks at me, "Meh, he's been a long time bud for a couple of years!" As if she was trying to explain her behavior to me. lol

Edited February 15, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[LookAtThisPOst]

I'm going through the same thing - but I haven't tried Meetup. What is it?

 

I recently joined a book club, a yoga class, etc to try to meet new friends. I am finding that guys have been pushing for friendship when I already have a boyfriend...it just gets a bit strange.

 

Wow, it doesn't even have to be a Meetup for this to happen I guess. FYI, a "Meetup" is a site where people with common interests, like a Yoga Meetup, Book Meetup, Outdoors Meetup, Movie Group Meetup, etc. (the Title is usually preceded by the name of the city).

 

It's a place where an organized, scheduled event is put together by the host/organizer and people can RSVP accordingly.

 

I already have a boyfriend...it just gets a bit strange.

 

Yeah, you're actually better off attending couples related events. I think men think if you're not even with your boyfriend, they still try to take a shot. It's like his lack of presence means nothing, or they may not even believe you.

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

I went to a dance class with a friend who goes regularly a few years ago as I was interested in learning salsa and I felt like fresh meat on sale. I never went back.

 

This made me wonder why this one woman that went to Meetup frequently. She attended a softball Meetup we scheduled, and brought a couple of friends...they were actually rather cute. Athletic, too.

 

Never saw her "Guests" again though, but I have seen them frequently hanging out together in pictures uploaded to the Meetup members FB page with them out doing things.

 

One time, at an event, I asked her, "So what happened to your friends? They don't like Meetup?" and she said, "Well, they went to a beer tasting event and I don't drink." But later I found that they constantly get hit on in public as it is...and a Meetup would just magnify the problem.

 

They both don't have boyfriends, as I have seen both of her friends on Match.com.

 

Ironic how they seek to go online to meet men, but not Meetups? Go figure.

[GemmaUK]

Woah? Are you frackin' serious?? How well did you know this guy? Never really heard of that happening...at least to that extent, usually it's some kind of verbal situation at our Meetups.

l

 

 

Course I'm serious! I have met him 4 times, I barely know him at all as I soon learned to keep my distance from him. I never talk to him unless I have to say hello (totally not speaking would be a bit rude in a social gathering).

 

 

Just to say also that this was a friend's birthday party, not a single's event. The salsa wasn't a single's event either. I had 8 men hounding me by the end of that 2 hours. It was ridiculous! I had lift offers, dinner offers, phone numbers shoved into my hand. I didn't even flirt with any of them.

 

 

I haven't been to a single's event in years and have never been to a meet up event. I've only ever actually attended 3 single's type events and I was never approached at any of them.

 

 

The verbal situations happen anywhere, not just at an event of any type.

They can happen walking down the street or on a train (as has happened to me) and at any time of day.

[GemmaUK]

This made me wonder why this one woman that went to Meetup frequently. She attended a softball Meetup we scheduled, and brought a couple of friends...they were actually rather cute. Athletic, too.

 

Never saw her "Guests" again though, but I have seen them frequently hanging out together in pictures uploaded to the Meetup members FB page with them out doing things.

 

One time, at an event, I asked her, "So what happened to your friends? They don't like Meetup?" and she said, "Well, they went to a beer tasting event and I don't drink." But later I found that they constantly get hit on in public as it is...and a Meetup would just magnify the problem.

 

They both don't have boyfriends, as I have seen both of her friends on Match.com.

 

Ironic how they seek to go online to meet men, but not Meetups? Go figure.

 

 

But it isn't ironic at all.

Online you can stop replying to pushy men.

IRL is not as easy at all.

[LookAtThisPOst]

But it isn't ironic at all.

Online you can stop replying to pushy men.

IRL is not as easy at all.

 

Well, you do have to contend with tons of emails in your inbox, it's like a 2nd part time job trying to deal with that. Why deal with that, when there's more merit to meeting men in person and interacting with them.

 

It's funny how the tables are turning from social interactivity in real life, to reliance on electronic devices to interact with people.

 

Though, I do tend to wonder about these stories about women constantly being pursued by "pushy" men, as I don't see it too often in my Meetups. It's very rare and most men are respectful.

 

It's sad when I start seeing women at Meetups burying their faces in their smart phones while a man sheepishly approaches and cowers away once he sees her engrossed in some kind of useless crap on her phone.

 

As there's both sides to every story and sometimes grossly exaggerated. (not say YOU are exaggerated, but...just saying).

[Rejected Rosebud]

Is this a valid concern? SHould this person really become homebound for the reasons mentioned? Do men actually become that much of a problem for a woman that they decide to become reclusive?

Well if that lady feels that it's a concern, of course it's valid, it only has to be valid to her for heaven's sake!! Also she's probably not homebound, just not finding the meetup groups in your area an appropriate place to make friends as they seem to be more of a singles dating thing from your descriptions.

[hotpotato]

Hmmm this reminds me a lot of a thread started by another member

[preraph]

if she's looking for friends, an all-female meetup might be less problematic, but it's always possible lesbians would be in attendance unless the group profile specifically says "straight females friends only."

[OrangeParty]

Now I'm going to be extra self-conscious when approaching women in meetups.

[Popsicle]

I'm a recluse but mostly because ALL of my friends are in relationships already and I feel like a loser going out to places alone where singles socialize (like bars, etc).

 

I tried Meetup.com a couple of times. It was lame.

[No Limit]

Establish a good friend circle prior to the age of 'sexual curiousities' I guess and then mainly hang out with them for the rest of your life. Or maybe shake off the "reservation" and shyness and tell guys straight up that you're taken.

 

"Sorry, I'm in a relationship."

"So what? ;)"

"Oh, my bad - I'm in a relationship and faithful!"

[Popsicle]

Now I'm going to be extra self-conscious when approaching women in meetups.

 

Well, you're probably already self-conscious. I find that guys who are scared away so easily were prone to being scared away easily already.

 

It also depends on the meetup group. If it's a meetup group geared towards dating, then don't hesitate to approach the women. But, if it's not a group geared towards dating, then chances are the women there are just trying to get outside and/or make platonic friends, not find dates. There are dating sites and bars for that.

[d0nnivain]

I think the pushy man who can't take no thank you for an answer is the exception not the norm. If a man initiates but the woman clearly & unequivocally says, I'm flattered but not interested because I have a BF I think most men drift away or at least change the subject to a more neutral topic. You can interact with members of the opposite on a neutral level.

[GemmaUK]

Well, you do have to contend with tons of emails in your inbox, it's like a 2nd part time job trying to deal with that. Why deal with that, when there's more merit to meeting men in person and interacting with them.

 

It's funny how the tables are turning from social interactivity in real life, to reliance on electronic devices to interact with people.

 

 

I haven't done much OLDating but at least it means you get some kind of a choice as to who you interact with.

 

 

Though, I do tend to wonder about these stories about women constantly being pursued by "pushy" men, as I don't see it too often in my Meetups. It's very rare and most men are respectful.

If you are there, standing with them at every approach and can hear everything then fair enough and you know them to be respectful.

If you are not actually right there when an approach happens then it's just an assumption that they are being respectful.

 

 

I've been to a couple of events where a man has basically gone around the room and claimed me for himself, literally telling people we have a date set up or have been on a couple of dates.

One time this happened I found out a few days later, the other time I found out late in the evening.

Both men had simply made up what they were saying to people. There was no truth in it whatsoever.

 

It's sad when I start seeing women at Meetups burying their faces in their smart phones while a man sheepishly approaches and cowers away once he sees her engrossed in some kind of useless crap on her phone.

It's the norm these days that people use their phones - and it's something else to add to the category of body language.

If a man goes to approach someone and she picks up her phone it could well be just like I used mine and be an avoidance tactic of someone she wants nothing to do with.

[LookAtThisPOst]

If a man goes to approach someone and she picks up her phone it could well be just like I used mine and be an avoidance tactic of someone she wants nothing to do with.

 

Then why come to a social event and then act like a snob, deliberately ignoring people? They might as well should have stayed at home, right?

Edited February 16, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[GemmaUK]

Then why come to a social event and then act like a snob, deliberately ignoring people? They might as well should have stayed at home, right?

 

 

Oh dear!

 

 

Let's say 100% that she picked up her phone to avoid an approach that she saw coming and didn't want.

She's not being a snob at all.

She is trusting her instincts.

 

 

Everyone keeps people at arms length who they don't trust/like. It's normal human behaviour.

 

 

No, she shouldn't have stayed at home just because she didn't want a man she had no interest in approaching her.

 

 

I've looked at meet up a couple of times to see if I would be interested in any events but to be honest and from the picture you paint it sounds like a woman shouldn't go unless she is fully prepared to engage with each man there and to go on dates with any man who wants to date her.

That right there is pushy and if that is the general attitude amongst the men who attend I really can't blame those women who attend once and never or rarely ever return.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Oh dear!

 

 

Let's say 100% that she picked up her phone to avoid an approach that she saw coming and didn't want.

She's not being a snob at all.

She is trusting her instincts.

 

 

Everyone keeps people at arms length who they don't trust/like. It's normal human behaviour.

 

 

No, she shouldn't have stayed at home just because she didn't want a man she had no interest in approaching her.

 

 

I've looked at meet up a couple of times to see if I would be interested in any events but to be honest and from the picture you paint it sounds like a woman shouldn't go unless she is fully prepared to engage with each man there and to go on dates with any man who wants to date her.

That right there is pushy and if that is the general attitude amongst the men who attend I really can't blame those women who attend once and never or rarely ever return.

 

Well, the meetup that I was at, some of the women had their faces buried in their phone, the entire time. So I guess no man was worthy enough to talk to...so they stuck to their phones like glue the whole time.

 

She's not being a snob at all.

She is trusting her instincts.

 

Oh, so that's what they "call" it. ;-) I see. "Trusting her instincts"

 

Since it is common knowledge staring at your phone at a social event is rude in itself, usually some guys will jokingly tease a woman saying, "I see you're face is still buried in that phone!"

 

Sometimes I'll introduce myself, regardless of what they are doing on their phone.

 

I recall a Meetup profile of a woman and her kid, professionally done, no joke, her kid was looking at the smart phone and not the camera. So sad.

 

That right there is pushy and if that is the general attitude amongst the men who attend I really can't blame those women who attend once and never or rarely ever return.

 

Hey, they are just shooting themselves in the foot if they are single.

[GemmaUK]

Hey, they are just shooting themselves in the foot if they are single.

 

Why?

 

 

If they go along to a meet up and aren't able to just socialise without being hit on (your thread title) then it's not going to make their time spent there much fun.

 

 

If they go along to a meet up with the purpose of meeting someone but once at the meet up they are not attracted to anyone then there's not much point going back and certainly not if through conversations they find that generally it's all the same people at each event.

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

If they go along to a meet up with the purpose of meeting someone but once at the meet up they are not attracted to anyone then there's not much point going back and certainly not if through conversations they find that generally it's all the same people at each event.

 

 

I guess that's why I see over 1,000 members that join these groups, but only the same 20 or 30 people routinely go. The remaining amount that are "one shot wonders" see the selections and grades of beef there, go home, crawl back into their holes I suppose. *shrug*

[GemmaUK]

I guess that's why I see over 1,000 members that join these groups, but only the same 20 or 30 people routinely go. The remaining amount that are "one shot wonders" see the selections and grades of beef there, go home, crawl back into their holes I suppose. *shrug*

 

So, that has to be a good thing surely?

Those who attend regularly are much more likely to want to date you.

[Ethan78]

I've been to a couple of events where a man has basically gone around the room and claimed me for himself, literally telling people we have a date set up or have been on a couple of dates.

One time this happened I found out a few days later, the other time I found out late in the evening.

Both men had simply made up what they were saying to people. There was no truth in it whatsoever.

 

But not all women react like you. I tried to talk to a woman at one meetup event, but another guy put his arm around her as if he had claimed her. The woman in question seemed to love what was happening. For her it was all validation.

 

I can't entirely agree that women are at these mixed events to make friends, but I acknowledge I could be wrong. It seems to me like if a guy who was charming enough approached a woman she would be interested. I think making female friends would be a good thing for me, but I just doubt a lot of the women who are at these events are interested in male friends.

 

I tend to agree with you that guys hitting on you directly at hobby based events is not good. However if it's a bar or something I don't see anything wrong with someone showing an interested after they have been friendly and talked - thus giving you time to move on if you want to.

 

I don't think people looking at their phone is rude. A lot of people do so out of social nervousness.

 

As for online dating I think some women prefer it because they can pick and choose while ignoring guys they don't find attractive. That is more difficult in person. The equivalent in a bar or club is sometimes rude behaviour from women, which I don't think is right either.