RoxStar Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 So Friday night I ended up hanging out with my "friend" that is supposed to now be out of the picture. I cant really refer to him as an ex I guess but I have no idea what I am doing. We went out Friday and a bunch of people were supposed to be at the bar and no one really showed. One person had a migrane, some others went to this other bar and it ended up being he and I as well as my other friend that invited him out a few days earlier (Lyn). At first it was very awkward. After a few drinks it got much better and he and Lyn were LOADED so I stopped drinking so someone could drive. Well we finally left the bar and I took Lyn home first because I had a feeling if I brought him home first she would have said she was going to stay at his place because she was pissed that her husband didnt meet up with us as planned. (that is a completely different story for a different time but she needs to get some help with her marriage) Drop Lyn off and head to his place and pull up to let him out and he cant find his keys. We search the car and finally found them stuck in the seat. He asked me to stay and I did. I shouldnt have. I know that but I was a little loopy still. I said ok but we are just friends so no fooling around and he agreed we were just going to sleep. Well we get inside of the house and he is depressed and gets sad and down. I am trying to be helpful and stuff and then all of a sudden he starts kissing me and I am a weak weak person. I have no will power and just go with it. Before we know it its 4 AM. We sleep for a little bit and the next morning he seemed a little weird. There is now this really big pink elephant in the middle of the room that I dont want to talk about. I dont want to talk about what happened the other night. I dont want to know if he feels bad about it or if he just thinks it was a hook up since we ended things. I dont want to know if he thinks things are fine with us now. I guess I dont know because in my own mind I am somewhat confused about it myself and I dont know what I want at all at this point. We are supposed to be over and done with but we BOTH broke the rules. If we keep hanging out we will just continue on like this. I dont want to lose his friendship because he is one of my best friends. I guess I also dont want to stop fooling around with him either. We didnt have sex the other night but it was still a pretty intense evening. Part of me still wants him the way it was. Part of me wants more from him all together and then part of me wants to just let this all go. What the hell am I doing? Nothing is going to change if I dont do something about it but I just dont know anymore. So here we are again and today I really feel weird about stuff. WTF is wrong with me??????????? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Can you take a break and just not hang out for a while? A couple of months or whatever, or just keep in touch via email but no phone or physical contact? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoxStar Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 I would say yes we could just take a break but its not very realistic because of our social circle. Next weekend we are both at a wedding. We all hang out all together in one big crowd. So yeah I suppose I could just not go out for a few weeks but I am way to social and would go stir crazy. The plan was that in a social setting it was going to be just kinda cool and the gang and not be rude to each other but that obviously things are going to be different. At first it was a little different but it was awkward different. After a few drinks things got easier to chat and then things seemed completely natural for us to just be the way we normally are. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 I took a long break from my FWB by greatly decreasing the amount of time I went out and by not going over to certain people's houses. It was good to increase my social circle and have different sets of friends, but that is the way I tend to socialize....have you thought about other options?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoxStar Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 I guess I will just have to see what happens this weekend and if we end up in he sack again then I will have to talk to him about stuff and figure out if we need to go in opposite directions and not even hang out socially or are we going to work this thing out. I just dont know. I am really confused right now. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar I am really confused right now. usually when I hear the above comment from a female it means she has feelings for the dude. if there are no feelings then there is no "confusion". Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoxStar Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale usually when I hear the above comment from a female it means she has feelings for the dude. if there are no feelings then there is no "confusion". True but I never said I didnt still have feelings for him. I completely do have feelings for him but we needed to take a break from stuff. The situation between he and I is really a very f'ed up situation. Part of me does just want to pick up where we were and have fun but then again part of me knows that things need to change and hes not willing to change anything. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar True but I never said I didnt still have feelings for him. I completely do have feelings for him but we needed to take a break from stuff. The situation between he and I is really a very f'ed up situation. Part of me does just want to pick up where we were and have fun but then again part of me knows that things need to change and hes not willing to change anything. Things need to change? Or you WANT them to change and he doesn't? Because those are two very different things, ya know. I was fully aware with my FWB when things were getting to heavy and he was coming over too much and then we had that blowout because I care about him too much to be able ot f*ck with no repurcussions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoxStar Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Things need to change? Or you WANT them to change and he doesn't? Because those are two very different things, ya know. I was fully aware with my FWB when things were getting to heavy and he was coming over too much and then we had that blowout because I care about him too much to be able ot f*ck with no repurcussions. There are things that need to change. He has a little problem with lying and I am tired of that. So in my opinion that needs to change and I want that to change. He hears that I want a change and he freaks out and thinks that more from him and I dont. I was fine with stuff for the most part just couldnt deal with the lies and little games he plays. I just wish he could be an honest human being. He doesnt only lie to me either - its everyone. When I talked to him about it last week his only answer is dont worry Rox that wont happen anymore. Meaning - you told me you are done with me and therefore I wont be lying to you anymore, rather then just fixing it to begin with. I asked him point blank one night if that was going to change and he said no. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar I was fine with stuff for the most part just couldnt deal with the lies and little games he plays. I just wish he could be an honest human being. He doesnt only lie to me either - its everyone. If he was telling the truth 100% of the time and not playing games then he would be a boring "nice" guy. Women expect men to lie sometimes and are usually prepared for it. I asked him point blank one night if that was going to change and he said no. well maybe he's lying Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoxStar Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 I dont want him to be a boring nice guy but he doesnt have to lie as much as he does. I will say this though - he sends an awful lot of mixed messages. Whats up that that??????? In a way that is also a lie. He just for whatever reason cant be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar I will say this though - he sends an awful lot of mixed messages. Whats up that that??????? I do this too, sending mixed msgs. It is meant to keep the female guessing and interested and also not to come off as a "nice guy" or too clingy. As you can see it works quite well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoxStar Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 So when you send her a mixed message are you telling her one week how much you love her and need her and then the next week being an ass and acting like you dont give a damn and never said those things? Or are you acting all jealous because she was talking to a guy at a bar but then tell her a few weeks later she is allowed to go out to dinner with whomever she wants? What is the point in that stuff??? Does it really keep her guessing? All its done for me after 2.5 years is make me tired. Its exhausting to think about. In terms of the lies - do you tell her that you are sleeping with someone else just to get a rise out of her? He tried that one and unknowingly it backfired in his face completely. Do you tell your friends you arent sleeping with her but then tell other friends about the amount of blow jobs she "begs" to give you and make it look like she is a love sick - sex crazed woman? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar So when you send her a mixed message are you telling her one week how much you love her and need her and then the next week being an ass and acting like you dont give a damn and never said those things? Yes Or are you acting all jealous because she was talking to a guy at a bar but then tell her a few weeks later she is allowed to go out to dinner with whomever she wants? Yes What is the point in that stuff??? Does it really keep her guessing? All its done for me after 2.5 years is make me tired. You've stuck around for 2.5 yrs.... In terms of the lies - do you tell her that you are sleeping with someone else just to get a rise out of her? Yes Do you tell your friends you arent sleeping with her but then tell other friends about the amount of blow jobs she "begs" to give you and make it look like she is a love sick - sex crazed woman? No Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 I will say this though - he sends an awful lot of mixed messages. Whats up that that??????? In a way that is also a lie. He just for whatever reason cant be honest. I do this too, sending mixed msgs. It is meant to keep the female guessing and interested and also not to come off as a "nice guy" or too clingy. As you can see it works quite well. s***, I wish I knew all that when I was younger - out and about with guys! Where was a LS back then eh? Geez Alpha, you're right. Know what? My husband still does that to me as well... He just for whatever reason cant be honest It's not that he can't be honest with you, it's just that SOME men cannot really open up and communicate what they feel. Look for what he 'doesn't say' and his actions...That is really how you can tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoxStar Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 WHY though???? I dont get it??? Here he is telling me he doesnt want me to leave but he isnt going to knock some of this bull**** off. And the sex comment was supposedly said in jest but it really didnt settle well with me. Answer me this - everyone assumes we are together. We act like we are together. We are best friends. He doesnt want me to leave. Why cant he just cut some of the crap? And please dont tell me the same thing - he is a guy and he would be a nice guy if he didnt - I want to really know why. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar Why cant he just cut some of the crap? And please dont tell me the same thing - he is a guy and he would be a nice guy if he didnt - I want to really know why. I will tell u why he cannot "cut the krap" ROXSTAR. Because he knows that the day he "cuts the krap" out will be the same exact f***ing day that you leave him! Munch on that for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoxStar Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I will tell u why he cannot "cut the krap" ROXSTAR. Because he knows that the day he "cuts the krap" out will be the same exact f***ing day that you leave him! Munch on that for a while. I dont know. I am ready to bolt now but got too drunk the other night to remember why I wanted this break. When he is drunk he wants me to stay. Sober he says he doesnt want me to leave but understands because he cant change. I have a headache now. I feel like yelling at him now that I have uncovered the ALPHAMALE perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Personally this sounds like too much of a headache.... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Personally this sounds like too much of a headache.... True, B_0. But who said that any relationship was gonna be easy? Most of 'em are pretty hard to deal with but if the chemistry is there and you really care for someone then you can deal with the headaches. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoxStar Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 Yeah my head is pounding now from even thinking about it. Thanks for both of you replying. I appreciate it! Off to mow the lawn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoxStar Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale True, B_0. But who said that any relationship was gonna be easy? Most of 'em are pretty hard to deal with but if the chemistry is there and you really care for someone then you can deal with the headaches. Even though I do have a headache I just noticed this post after BO and I would have to say I do agree with this piece of it. There is a lot of chemisty and history with my situation. At the same time it does start to feel a little draining which is why I am in my state of confusion I suppose. Thanks again all! Link to post Share on other sites
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