Together 6 months

[littlesister1234]

So, I met my boyfriend? ex? (I will explain later) in early April 2014 (we met online). I didn't know it at the time, but he was still living with an ex girlfriend (they had a lease and he was moving back in with his mother). They were together 6 years, not sure if that is relevant.) He broke off contact with me a week or two later, and it was fine, I thought he just forgot about me, and it didn't bother me. He contacted me again in June, and we had finally met after maybe 2 weeks of texting eachother. We had a great time, and got along very well. We would write and skype almost everyday. I met his entire family, and we got along so well, I was practically family. I was accepted and everyone was so happy for him, considering he was in such a depression before he met me and he had even talked about a future someday with me, when I finished school. Everything was so cool until sometime in mid Oct. when he moved out in his new apartment. It got a little strange. He started getting into fights with me over stupid things that just were not important, or taken way out of proportion. I will admit he had a hard life (he's 28 and had been cheated on, got into a bad accident which ruined his spine, and had testicle cancer. His childhood was also tough cause his dad was always in and out of jail.) We managed to compromise and I did some changes for him that I didn't feel were a big deal (for ex. he hated it when I left my shoes all over the place, so I started getting into the habit of putting them on the shoe rack or complain about money, so I started paying my own way) and he would do the same (except for his habit of playing with his cell phone). I started getting really annoyed because he lives an hour and a half away from me, the cost to go see him every other weekend, and end up disappointed because he would waste that time cuddling with his cats (which I didn't have a problem with until he stopped cuddling me) and play with his cell phone. We decided 2 weeks ago that this couldn't go on any further. I packed all my stuff there and got out. He says he loves me. We haven't been texting much (I don't really care for the no contact thing) and what we have just been texting stupid things, like what his cat is doing or the weather. Could this relationship be saved in the future? Am I just wasting my time? Am I the rebound girl? I'm sorry if this message sounds dumb and all over the place... I'm still very sad about everything being so recent and sometimes it's hard thinking straight. If anything is unclear, let me know.

[Redhead14]

So, I met my boyfriend? ex? (I will explain later) in early April 2014 (we met online). I didn't know it at the time, but he was still living with an ex girlfriend (they had a lease and he was moving back in with his mother). They were together 6 years, not sure if that is relevant.) He broke off contact with me a week or two later, and it was fine, I thought he just forgot about me, and it didn't bother me. He contacted me again in June, and we had finally met after maybe 2 weeks of texting eachother. We had a great time, and got along very well. We would write and skype almost everyday. I met his entire family, and we got along so well, I was practically family. I was accepted and everyone was so happy for him, considering he was in such a depression before he met me and he had even talked about a future someday with me, when I finished school. Everything was so cool until sometime in mid Oct. when he moved out in his new apartment. It got a little strange. He started getting into fights with me over stupid things that just were not important, or taken way out of proportion. I will admit he had a hard life (he's 28 and had been cheated on, got into a bad accident which ruined his spine, and had testicle cancer. His childhood was also tough cause his dad was always in and out of jail.) We managed to compromise and I did some changes for him that I didn't feel were a big deal (for ex. he hated it when I left my shoes all over the place, so I started getting into the habit of putting them on the shoe rack or complain about money, so I started paying my own way) and he would do the same (except for his habit of playing with his cell phone). I started getting really annoyed because he lives an hour and a half away from me, the cost to go see him every other weekend, and end up disappointed because he would waste that time cuddling with his cats (which I didn't have a problem with until he stopped cuddling me) and play with his cell phone. We decided 2 weeks ago that this couldn't go on any further. I packed all my stuff there and got out. He says he loves me. We haven't been texting much (I don't really care for the no contact thing) and what we have just been texting stupid things, like what his cat is doing or the weather. Could this relationship be saved in the future? Am I just wasting my time? Am I the rebound girl? I'm sorry if this message sounds dumb and all over the place... I'm still very sad about everything being so recent and sometimes it's hard thinking straight. If anything is unclear, let me know.

 

At 6 months men usually go through a period of uncertainty about the relationship. They begin thinking very hard about the woman they have been with and whether or not he sees a real place for her in their lives. This often happens when they introduce family.

 

A rebound relationship usually doesn't go on for 6 months, so I'd say it's at least not all about that, some though maybe. I know you said you don't like no contact but in this case, it's probably important. He needs time away so as not to feel overwhelmed. AT this point he doing all this "thinking" and if you're around alot or contacting a lot it makes it hard for him to focus. I'd stop contacting him first. If he contacts you, keep it light and supportive. Don't pressure about the relationship. Let him come back, if he is going to do that, in his own time. I'm not saying wait forever, but give a month or so of space. If he starts coming to you consistently and basically pursuing as in the beginning, you may have a chance of reconciling if you want that. You may find that your feelings for him will change during this time anyway.

 

For all intents and purposes you are "single" so live your life, try not to dwell over him. Date others, but don't become intimate. If he stays away longer than a month or so, just move on. You can set your own limit, of course. If he takes longer than that and contacts you, it's just because he misses the intimacy and hasn't found or even looked for anyone else yet.

 

He needs space. You become NASA and let him contact Houston when he realizes he may have another problem. No contact is for your benefit. It prepares you for the possibility, maybe, likelihood of him not coming back.= and for you to be able to have the space to get clarity for yourself as well.

[littlesister1234]

Thank you for your response. I did do the no contact thing. He did eventually contact me again.