Pinkangel Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 You know how sometimes you suspect that sometimes things are to good to be true. Well they are, at least for me. Let me begin from the top, I met my boyfriend at a club and we went out for few months and I suspected something from him since we hardly saw each other due to the distance in the relationship. We probably saw each other once a week. He left his Ipad home, which was linked to his personal email account. I found several email exchanges between him and different women. Some came from women on craigslist for for fun time and others were paid services. I confronted him and he denied it. He stated it was for his loner friend. I believed him. However I checked a few months later and saw he had similar emails but it had his picture and cell number. Confronted him again, he denied it was his friend again. We broke up for other reason. Several months later we spoke and got back together but never spoke about the escorts and craigslist again. However I suspect he it again but with just escorts. He is not a bad guy, he treats me well and show me a lot of love and affection. However when I am not around I feel like he seeks for other women for physical attention. I know I should leave but I can't, I love him and been turning a blind eye for this time around. I haven't confront him. When we broke up I felt empty and when we got back, he seemed different. Yet he still has the habit of always never leaving his cell behind, always in his pants pocket. I did speak to him about it, but he says its a force of habit. Part of me feel like I can't leave until he admits to my face even though I know the answer. He is good, he hides everything well and cleans up well. I am conflicted, I am hurt .. I lie next to a man I love whom goes out and sleep with other women whom he pays for. Why can't I catch him. The emails are to vague for me to confront him.. I am stupid for still being here. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Yeah he's lying to you. Move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Time to break up again, quickly. There's no "just escorts", plenty of them won't demand for condom use when you give them a little extra money and that's when STDs get involved. No, he's not treating you well either as long as we have faithful men on this planet, and there's plenty to go around. Work on your self-esteem. You don't need him but he needs you (for his ego and free sex when he can't afford the escort, at least). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 You might love him, but he clearly doesn't love you. Don't delude yourself into believing this is a loving and healthy relationship. It's very far from it. You already know he's having sex with other women. That should be enough to send him packing. And get yourself tested for STIs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 He treats you well and is loving and affectionate? No, he cheats on you. People that love and care for you don't put you in harms way. Of course he treats you well, you're the backburner doormat he keeps at home for security benefits. Stay if you want. Understand you are open to STDs and with that said, condom use whether it's oral sex or intercourse. Educate yourself about these things and how to protect yourself, even its not 100% full proof. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Of course he treats you well, you're the backburner doormat he keeps at home for security benefits. ^^^^ this^^^^ Sad but true. You don't need to prove to him he is cheating, he knows he is cheating already... As you also know he is cheating on you, then you either live with that fact, or you leave. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I know I should leave but I can't, I love him and been turning a blind eye for this time around. Stop all of this silly foolishness already!!!! Yes you can leave. YOU ARE CHOOSING NOT TO LEAVE BECAUSE YOU DON'T PLACE A HIGH VALUE ON YOURSELF! YOU SHOULD LEAVE BECAUSE HE'S PLACED A HIGHER VALUE ON OTHER WOMEN OVER YOU!!!! There is not enough love in the world to justify doing this. I'm sorry, but this is not love--it's obsession and that is mentally and emotionally unhealthy. I haven't confront him. When we broke up I felt empty and when we got back, he seemed different. Yet he still has the habit of always never leaving his cell behind, always in his pants pocket. I did speak to him about it, but he says its a force of habit. Part of me feel like I can't leave until he admits to my face even though I know the answer. He is good, he hides everything well and cleans up well. I am conflicted, I am hurt .. I lie next to a man I love whom goes out and sleep with other women whom he pays for. Why can't I catch him. The emails are to vague for me to confront him.. I am stupid for still being here. blah blah I love him blah... DO YOU EVEN LOVE YOURSELF? Is this what love is to you? Snooping his email, finding evidence of him chasing after other women but still having sex with him? That's just base and nasty. I sure hope you're using condoms. You should go get tested for STD's because he's putting your health in danger. A person who does that doesn't care about you: only themselves. YOU ALREADY KNOW ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW TO LEAVE HIM ALONE, but you don't think that that is enough? You have to "catch" him? Do you hear how you sound saying that? You're not going to catch him because you've put him on notice to hide his trail. You outted yourself. He's now taking a path to see you forthcoming on this point. This isn't even about him... it's about how you consider your value and from what I've read here, you don't not place high value on yourself. You're happy to go in behind hookers because you looooooooove him? No. That's just not acceptable and it shouldn't be acceptable to you. Let me ask you this: do you like the person you've turned into in order to keep this man in your bed next to you? Think long and hard about that before you answer it. Look in your eyes in the mirror and ask yourself if you like who you see looking back at you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Not only do you have to leave but you also need to go to a doctor & get checked for disease. This guy is not LTR material. These side pieces will always be a part of his life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Well in all honesty escorts are usually pretty clean unless he's visiting girls off the street. It's been said they're typically cleaner than a girl you'd have a one night stand with. And there's no emotional connection there since he is paying them - so its not as bad as him cheating with your friend or something with feelings involved. But yeah I'd still break up with him lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeatsByDirk Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I wish we could just get to a place in our societyu where it's just understood, some dudes just like pro's. It should just be legal. A guys wife should get him a hummer for his birthday from someone who'll do it enthusiastically to the end!(not saying you don't but...) I'm sure it drives you crazy, and it's a big deal to you but it's not really a big deal. If he goes have a pro habit, we will always have it, you probably (absolutely) won't be able to break him of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pinkangel Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 Everyone is right.. I know the answer is to leave .. I know if u care for someone you wouldnt cheat on them. I lost value for who I am by being here because I am scared.. I dont know if I will find someone. I dont want to be alone. When a women is in her 30"s, you panic. Who wants to be without someone at that age and start all over again. We have been together for over two years and have a great connection. However I dont understand why guys cheat. We rarely argue or fight and are almost like each other companions. It hurts a lot to know he does this to me .. I have been tested and been clean of all. So I know at least he uses protection and find them in his " secret " drawer. I am so tough in the outside, in front of family, friends and coworkers but I cant be strong enough when it comes to him .. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I wish we could just get to a place in our societyu where it's just understood, some dudes just like pro's. It should just be legal. A guys wife should get him a hummer for his birthday from someone who'll do it enthusiastically to the end!(not saying you don't but...) I'm sure it drives you crazy, and it's a big deal to you but it's not really a big deal. If he goes have a pro habit, we will always have it, you probably (absolutely) won't be able to break him of it. Then these men should be honest from the get go and say that they aren't capable of monogamy. There are many women open for a polygamous relationship. @PinkAngel Okay, let's go with the "he just needs a pro" route. Inform your BF that you found a guy you are sexually very attracted to and that you want an open relationship. If he can cheat, you can cheat too. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 (edited) Everyone is right.. I know the answer is to leave .. I know if u care for someone you wouldnt cheat on them. I lost value for who I am by being here because I am scared.. I dont know if I will find someone. I dont want to be alone. When a women is in her 30"s, you panic. Who wants to be without someone at that age and start all over again. We have been together for over two years and have a great connection. However I dont understand why guys cheat. We rarely argue or fight and are almost like each other companions. It hurts a lot to know he does this to me .. I have been tested and been clean of all. So I know at least he uses protection and find them in his " secret " drawer. I am so tough in the outside, in front of family, friends and coworkers but I cant be strong enough when it comes to him .. Being in your 30s and fearing being alone isn't justification to stay with someone that doesn't respect you. That fear comes from your inability to sustain your own happiness because you've become dependent on someone, anyone at this point to fulfill you. No one wants to start over whether you're 30 or 50 but that's no reason to stick with someone that doesn't value you. You're too consumed with needing a man in your life. People cheat because they can. And seeing that you blind yourself, teaches him everyday that you tolerate and accept being treated poorly. You're a prize to him. A woman that shuts up and smiles even when she knows he's seeking the attention of other woman. Sweet deal. He's not changing. Until you learn to be happy in your own skin, thriving in your independence and setting better standards for yourself, you'll keep tolerating poor treatment. Add: And make sure you wear condoms with him. There are STDs that stay dormant in your system without detection. Educate and project yourself if you're going to stay with this clown. Edited February 17, 2015 by Zahara 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 (edited) Everyone is right.. I know the answer is to leave .. I know if u care for someone you wouldnt cheat on them. I lost value for who I am by being here because I am scared.. I dont know if I will find someone. I dont want to be alone. When a women is in her 30"s, you panic. Who wants to be without someone at that age and start all over again. We have been together for over two years and have a great connection. However I dont understand why guys cheat. We rarely argue or fight and are almost like each other companions. It hurts a lot to know he does this to me .. I have been tested and been clean of all. So I know at least he uses protection and find them in his " secret " drawer. I am so tough in the outside, in front of family, friends and coworkers but I cant be strong enough when it comes to him .. Girl, being alone in your 30's would be far better than being with someone over whom you have to turn into this in order to keep. It will not kill you. At least YOU know YOU wouldn't do this to YOU. Guys cheat because they want to. Period. Fin. It has nothing to do with you or how good you are or how well you treat them: they don't want to be faithful. If it wasn't you he was in a relationship with, it'd be another woman going through this same thing with him. Women are cogs in a wheel to him... interchangeable. Anything done with fear as its basis has no hope of a good outcome. You need to conquer your fear and vanquish it and go live your life where it is obvious that you know your value, evidenced by the company you keep. As long as this guy is in your life, doing what he's doing and turning you into someone doing what you're doing to try to make him change who he fundamentally is, he is going to age you before your time. Don't squander your youth on someone who violates your bottom line over and over and over and over. If you want a faithful man, this guy ain't that guy. He is drawn to paid sex workers for whatever reason and no one is going to make him give that up. Edited February 17, 2015 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 WTF???!!!!! The first TWO times with the emails and ads wasn't proof enough....you broke up for other reasons? Like what? Not spending enough time together ? Come on, wake the **** up and make a doctors appt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Let's take a look into your future. Right now, you're willing to turn a blind eye to him banging prostitutes. Once you have kids, is it going to be okay with you that he spends hundreds of dollars a month getting his needs serviced instead of doing things for the family? Link to post Share on other sites
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