coryreply Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Stay strong Lou. Hang in there. You can do this! Link to post Share on other sites
Author louloulau Posted April 4, 2015 Author Share Posted April 4, 2015 I've stayed nc since posting this originally. My marriage is getting back on track. I have had a few ic sessions. Still have not disclosed the affair to husband and never will. It would kill him. But things are hugely improved. There was a period where I was really sick for 2 weeks and he took care of everything. I looked at this lovely man with fresh eyes. I saw what was right under my nose and I was a fool to nearly push all of that away. So marriage front it is going very well. Not perfect but we are going in the right direction. Intimacy has improved as I realised I too have to make the effort and I realised that for sometime without noticing it I had been pushing him away long before any of this started. Mm was still there in the background. A phone call every few days on a private number. I just get so used to it I let it ring out. It's always on silent so this is the way it was. One day he left a voicemail and boy I wish I hadn't listened. Wow. It took me 3 days to stop crying in private. Very malicious stuff. How I'm so ugly so unattractive so fat and he detesets me and doesn't know how he got it up to get it up. Very horrid stuff. That he had to keep his eyes closed and that he was physically sick At the sight of me. That I have the ugliest skin he has ever seen. Ect ect some of it so horrid I dont want to repeat. I've never ever felt so low in my entire life. I suffered years of bullying at school and years of depression because of it. ThIs has really set me back. I cry every time I look in the mirror and I am detesting what I see. To the outside world I'm such a strong woman. I hate myself for allowing him to have this control over how I feel. I just needed to get this off my chest as I'm so cut up inside and feeling like a complete idiot! Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 I've stayed nc since posting this originally. My marriage is getting back on track. I have had a few ic sessions. Still have not disclosed the affair to husband and never will. It would kill him. But things are hugely improved. There was a period where I was really sick for 2 weeks and he took care of everything. I looked at this lovely man with fresh eyes. I saw what was right under my nose and I was a fool to nearly push all of that away. So marriage front it is going very well. Not perfect but we are going in the right direction. Intimacy has improved as I realised I too have to make the effort and I realised that for sometime without noticing it I had been pushing him away long before any of this started. Mm was still there in the background. A phone call every few days on a private number. I just get so used to it I let it ring out. It's always on silent so this is the way it was. One day he left a voicemail and boy I wish I hadn't listened. Wow. It took me 3 days to stop crying in private. Very malicious stuff. How I'm so ugly so unattractive so fat and he detesets me and doesn't know how he got it up to get it up. Very horrid stuff. That he had to keep his eyes closed and that he was physically sick At the sight of me. That I have the ugliest skin he has ever seen. Ect ect some of it so horrid I dont want to repeat. I've never ever felt so low in my entire life. I suffered years of bullying at school and years of depression because of it. ThIs has really set me back. I cry every time I look in the mirror and I am detesting what I see. To the outside world I'm such a strong woman. I hate myself for allowing him to have this control over how I feel. I just needed to get this off my chest as I'm so cut up inside and feeling like a complete idiot! I am so proud of you for staying in NC...and for putting forth the effort in your marriage. MM is saying all those horrid things because you have hurt his ego.....don't let him control the progress you have made with your ending the A and with your husband. Like some of the OP have said...we have to figure out our own self worth. Stay on track..and when you look in the mirror know that you are beautiful and loved by your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnie33 Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 You should be so proud for staying NC. This guy sounds like a real douchebag who can't handle his ego being hurt and rejected. He only said those things to hurt you and get a response from you. Screw him, anyone that can talk to someone like that, especially a man towards a woman is a real piece of crap and can go fly a freakin kite. Be happy you got away and remember you have a great husband that loves you. Don't waste anymore time be upset over what this idiot said. He's not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Change your number. Forget what exMM said to you. His opinion and thoughts do not count. He is being a jerk-off and nobody should listen to a jerk-off!! Sorry that he said things that you hurt and brought up painful memories from your past and caused insecurities to come forward. Continue with your therapy and take back your power. You're strong and can fight this. My only concern here, since you've chosen not to tell your husband and your exMM seems very malicious, be very careful as he might be one to tell your husband just to cause you trouble. He could very well send an annoymous note to your husband about you having an A behind his back. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 I've stayed nc since posting this originally. My marriage is getting back on track. I have had a few ic sessions. Still have not disclosed the affair to husband and never will. It would kill him. But things are hugely improved. There was a period where I was really sick for 2 weeks and he took care of everything. I looked at this lovely man with fresh eyes. I saw what was right under my nose and I was a fool to nearly push all of that away. So marriage front it is going very well. Not perfect but we are going in the right direction. Intimacy has improved as I realised I too have to make the effort and I realised that for sometime without noticing it I had been pushing him away long before any of this started. Mm was still there in the background. A phone call every few days on a private number. I just get so used to it I let it ring out. It's always on silent so this is the way it was. One day he left a voicemail and boy I wish I hadn't listened. Wow. It took me 3 days to stop crying in private. Very malicious stuff. How I'm so ugly so unattractive so fat and he detesets me and doesn't know how he got it up to get it up. Very horrid stuff. That he had to keep his eyes closed and that he was physically sick At the sight of me. That I have the ugliest skin he has ever seen. Ect ect some of it so horrid I dont want to repeat. I've never ever felt so low in my entire life. I suffered years of bullying at school and years of depression because of it. ThIs has really set me back. I cry every time I look in the mirror and I am detesting what I see. To the outside world I'm such a strong woman. I hate myself for allowing him to have this control over how I feel. I just needed to get this off my chest as I'm so cut up inside and feeling like a complete idiot! lou, no marriage is perfect. No person is perfect. If you are looking for perfection, you will be disappointed. Every marriage ebbs and flows...good times and trying times. No one should be responsible for another person's happiness...happiness comes from within each of us. As for the xMM...you are seeing a side of him that is ugly...he is only saying hateful things to get you to respond..probably feels if he is nasty enough, you will respond to him in some way....yet, you are stronger than you think. You are NOT giving him the attention he wants and it pisses him off. His words are said out of anger because you won't have sex with him anymore. Don't let his hateful words impact you. He is a gigantic douche and an A S S. Stay strong and continue focusing on yourself and your famiy Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Block his number and block his emails. It will take a few days to "kick the habit" so return to this board just white-knuckle your way through those days by reading and re-reading what you see here. As each day clicks by, you'll feel stronger and more in control. I'm in the camp of NOT telling your husband, though I agree that it helps if you find someone else to talk to to stay accountable. This board can be useful for that. Or a pastor, a trusted confidant, a counselor, someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author louloulau Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 Thanks for everyone's responses. It sure helps just to get this off my chest and get it out there. I'm still at the stage off rolling through in my head his words......I really hate that. Today is better than yesterday and yesterday was better than the day before so I just have to keep telling myself tomorrow will be even better. I know he's a complete douche and I shouldn't give him the satisfaction of having any control over me but my god they sure know how to zoom in on your insecurities and pick away at them because they know that's where it will hurt us most. I feel like such a fool. But I think I welcome this feeling as silly as it sounds it really has made me aware of the awful mistake I made. It's like thinking of another person. Did I really do that to my family? I can only hope he won't be malicious enough but to be honest if he is calling at midnight knowing my husband is asleep next to me then yes I definitely think I have to consider this fact. I just wanted to quickly log on here and vent and think a little bit but I'm not going to let him occupy anymore of my thoughts today. Hope everyone has a wonderful Easter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author louloulau Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 lou, no marriage is perfect. No person is perfect. If you are looking for perfection, you will be disappointed. Every marriage ebbs and flows...good times and trying times. No one should be responsible for another person's happiness...happiness comes from within each of us. As for the xMM...you are seeing a side of him that is ugly...he is only saying hateful things to get you to respond..probably feels if he is nasty enough, you will respond to him in some way....yet, you are stronger than you think. You are NOT giving him the attention he wants and it pisses him off. His words are said out of anger because you won't have sex with him anymore. Don't let his hateful words impact you. He is a gigantic douche and an A S S. Stay strong and continue focusing on yourself and your famiy Hi My H and I are at least sleeping in the same bed now so our marriage is going in the right direction. I think the low ebb that we went through is starting to lift and boy do I appreciate what I have lying next to me. HeE eally is wonderful. Not perfect but definitely the BS. We will get there I am confident to that. I feel like my mind is in a different place these days to how I was 2 months ago. I see him with new eyes as such. Thank you for your kind words and reply. I agree MM Is a giant a s s Link to post Share on other sites
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