Here is what I deal with, suggestions ! (Updated)

[Gaeta]

He put his pictures back up. What a coincidence he does that after I said no to coming over.

 

I sent him a text that him inviting himself over killed it for me and I did not wish to pursue.

[writergal]

He put his pictures back up. What a coincidence he does that after I said no to coming over.

 

I sent him a text that him inviting himself over killed it for me and I did not wish to pursue.

 

What a tool! Jesus. You dodged a bullet there, Gaeta my friend! Eww. Told you. He's an ass. Let some other poor woman be his next drive-by dating victim. You have better boundaries, higher standards and deserve a helluva lot more from men.

[Gaeta]

What a tool! Jesus. You dodged a bullet there, Gaeta my friend! Eww. Told you. He's an ass. Let some other poor woman be his next drive-by dating victim. You have better boundaries, higher standards and deserve a helluva lot more from men.

 

Thanks for cheering for me lol, so far having boundaries and standards keep me single lol

[Gloria25]

Thanks for cheering for me lol, so far having boundaries and standards keep me single lol

 

"Mejor sola que mal acompañada"

 

"Better to be alone, then to be in bad company"

 

I found out yesterday that someone I know was crying on V-day and I suspect it was cuz that piece of trash she was seeing let her down again. I felt so bad for her, but was like "oh, what's new? he's always been a jerk-off".

 

So, hold up your standards or be with some loser who will break your heart, make you miserable, and/or let you down every chance he gets.

[writergal]

Thanks for cheering for me lol, so far having boundaries and standards keep me single lol

 

Hey look at it positively! The flip side is you could be attached to a real loser of a guy. There's pros and cons to online dating (more cons in my opinion). If it's the platform you want to use to find men to date, as you have been doing, continue onward. When you meet *the* right guy, you'll know it and there'll be no doubt in your mind about him.

 

"Mejor sola que mal acompañada"

 

"Better to be alone, then to be in bad company"

 

I found out yesterday that someone I know was crying on V-day and I suspect it was cuz that piece of trash she was seeing let her down again. I felt so bad for her, but was like "oh, what's new? he's always been a jerk-off".

 

So, hold up your standards or be with some loser who will break your heart, make you miserable, and/or let you down every chance he gets.

 

+1! Agree with you Gloria25 100%!

[Leigh 87]

There are some men who will suggest an " at home" date for the second or third date, and yet still be into the woman in question; it doesn't ALWAYS mean he sees you as fun as opposed to dating material.

 

It is a huge problem when a guy doesn't respect your wishes though!

 

First date sex initiated by a guy usually almost always means that he just isn't that into you and doesn't see you as dating material. Or, he is testing you out to see our easy you are and will promptly rule you out if you sleep with him on the first date (when he was into you to begin with).

 

I hope you can meet a decent (non French!) guy who actually respects your boundaries - but I would give a guy a chance if he invited you over second date - PROVIDING he accepted your wishes NOT to, and he immediately offered up alternative suggestions....

 

So give it a chance next time but only if he graciously accepts your invitation to get to know you OUT of the home for the first few dates....

 

This guys reaction was priceless, LOL. Putting his pics back up when you declined his charming offer of inviting himself over:lmao:

 

I would have thought paid sites would yield slightly better quality...

[kendahke]

#1: I did not counter offer because just the fact he finds it proper to invite him selves over + suggest I cook for him indicates he is not into treating me like a lady.

 

I'd have played him off by saying "No. How about we meet at (coffee place/bistro) instead, Mr. Goodbar?"

Edited February 17, 2015 by kendahke

[kendahke]

I need to reply something to him. I hesitate between offering dinner in a restaurant on me, or simply dumping him. That's the thing with being 49 and having done online for a long time, I got NO patience left.

 

Also this guy is 41. As much as I used to love dating younger men now I run away from them.

 

 

wow, that cooking schtick is getting a bit played out now. He doesn't have better material?

[insert_name]

While I agree that inviting himself over to your place was rather bold, not all women would be turned off by this. The problem with being bold is that while it may pay off really well, you can also fall flat on your face. I think the guy could either be half joking by suggesting you to cook him dinner, I know I have said similar things in the past, or he just wanted to get laid, and didn't much care if he was turned down. If I had to guess, I'd say it was option number 2. He probably doesn't like to put much time into women before the conquest.

 

 

 

I really don't see the problem here. While it may take quite a bit of time before a failed marriage is settled legally, it may not take as long before it is settled emotionally. You may have passed up on a really good guy here, just because you were impatient with his marriage.

 

 

 

I think you are taking things too seriously. I can easily see someone sending a text like this as a flirty joke.

 

 

 

I don't think the problem here is with the men you are meeting, I think it is with your expectations of them. It seems to me that once a guy says the wrong thing to you, which could be just about anything, you automatically cross him off your list. Not every guy can be smooth and charming, saying the right things to gather attraction without scaring a girl away. I don't think these guys stand a chance with you from the beginning.

 

The scary thing is the number of women in this thread who agree and think that these guys sound like losers to them too.

 

Okay number 1 has proven himself to be a douche but 2 and 3 have done nothing wrong at all and yet they are held up as evidence of the lower tier men that are available on OLD.

 

So its not just OP, the general attitude of women on OLD seems to be a bit skewed if they can find fault in the slightest things that men say via the medium of text. In fact I would point to this thread and say that this is a classic example why telling men to change their profile pictures and profile text and that the problem lies with them is like re-arranging the deck chairs on the titanic. As a guy on OLD you have 0% margin for error so most are going to fail no matter what they do.

[travelbug1996]

I only read your OP and if you've gone out on 100+ dates it appears to me that you're going out with everyone and not really picky. If that is the case you will meet a lot of frogs before you meet one worth kissing. I can tell by the way a man approaches me online as to whether I even want to have a conversation with him.

 

Best wishes

[rester]

The scary thing is the number of women in this thread who agree and think that these guys sound like losers to them too.

 

Okay number 1 has proven himself to be a douche but 2 and 3 have done nothing wrong at all and yet they are held up as evidence of the lower tier men that are available on OLD.

 

So its not just OP, the general attitude of women on OLD seems to be a bit skewed if they can find fault in the slightest things that men say via the medium of text. In fact I would point to this thread and say that this is a classic example why telling men to change their profile pictures and profile text and that the problem lies with them is like re-arranging the deck chairs on the titanic. As a guy on OLD you have 0% margin for error so most are going to fail no matter what they do.

 

I don't know. I'm a guy and #1 sounds like a complete tool to me, too. And the guy saying she's the woman of his dreams? That's a pretty standard thing to not say to someone you barely know.

 

And #2? I wouldn't date a woman that isn't completely divorced, so I don't think Gaeta is wrong about that one, either.

[Maleficent]

Cooking is the way to a man's heart...

...or so they say.

 

Call me crazy, but I still see a difference between wanting to cook for the man I love and having a guy I'm seeing demand I cook for him...

[Gaeta]

Enigma and insert_name

 

Prospect number 2: Told me while we were face to face that I seemed a really good person and did not want me to end up hurt. He would love to spend time with me, do the dating thing, but he's not ready to give a commitment and I have to be aware of that.

 

Prospect number 3: I will give him a break and meet with him. I've frowned upon his comment that I don't need to be searching any longer that I found him but I will let it slide.

 

You 2 have to understand that I have been doing for a long time. At first I gave chances and chances and it amounted to nothing. People kept telling me Gaeta stop giving chances to these creeps! When you come across 20 men that invited themselves over for a 2 date and it turned out they expected sex, and some of them I had to ask in a strong manner to leave my home, well now when I come across those I have no patience.

[Maleficent]

Lets see.

 

He just cancelled tonight and asked to reschedule tomorrow.

 

At our first meeting he asked me if I had noticed he took his pictures down already, that he likes to concentrate on one woman at a time. If he had done that after we met ok, but before? hhmm.

 

Well I guess it's pretty clear he had the whole night planned out. Food, movie, sex, out the door. Looks like you dodged a bullet there.

[Maleficent]

The scary thing is the number of women in this thread who agree and think that these guys sound like losers to them too.

 

Okay number 1 has proven himself to be a douche but 2 and 3 have done nothing wrong at all and yet they are held up as evidence of the lower tier men that are available on OLD.

 

So its not just OP, the general attitude of women on OLD seems to be a bit skewed if they can find fault in the slightest things that men say via the medium of text. In fact I would point to this thread and say that this is a classic example why telling men to change their profile pictures and profile text and that the problem lies with them is like re-arranging the deck chairs on the titanic. As a guy on OLD you have 0% margin for error so most are going to fail no matter what they do.

 

Yet, when a man puts a woman aside, he has preferences and values...

[insert_name]

Yet, when a man puts a woman aside, he has preferences and values...

 

Not necessarily- it cuts both ways. If you are having trouble with OLD during the getting to know you/first date stage whether you are male or female then you have to look at whether the criteria you are using for ruling people out is fair. The problem for a lot of guys is they dont even get to the getting to know you stage in the first place.

[insert_name]

In short a guy can't win.

 

If he has baggage, bad.

If he doesn't have baggage, most be something seriously defective about him, worse.

 

If he's not in above average shape, bad.

If he has a belly, bad.

If he has a bald spot, bad.

 

If he's in great shape, no belly, full head of hair, bad because there must be something seriously wrong with him.

 

If he brings up sex too early, bad.

If he's respectful and waits, bad because its not normal for a man.

 

 

And on and on and on.

 

Oh boy is that bit about the sex true! You honestly cant make it up sometimes.

 

With regards to guy number 1 last summer I would have said he was a creep who was chancing his arm. Since then ive been on a few OLD dates where the second date always lead to bedroom intimacy initiated by the woman. The joke of it all is that the first time this happened I objected and made sure that nothing happened as I dont agree with hook ups. I then offered to take the girl out for dinner so we could do the courting phase properly, she ditched me! So us guys soon learn that for the most part going for sex early on is expected and par for the course and we have to accept or we wont get another chance. So in light of this I dont blame him for inviting himself round as that is the way modern dating is going with women totally complicit. His reaction to refusal was a dick move though, Ill give him that.

[Gaeta]

Oh boy is that bit about the sex true! You honestly cant make it up sometimes.

 

With regards to guy number 1 last summer I would have said he was a creep who was chancing his arm. Since then ive been on a few OLD dates where the second date always lead to bedroom intimacy initiated by the woman. The joke of it all is that the first time this happened I objected and made sure that nothing happened as I dont agree with hook ups. I then offered to take the girl out for dinner so we could do the courting phase properly, she ditched me! So us guys soon learn that for the most part going for sex early on is expected and par for the course and we have to accept or we wont get another chance. So in light of this I dont blame him for inviting himself round as that is the way modern dating is going with women totally complicit. His reaction to refusal was a dick move though, Ill give him that.

 

I would have much less problem if he had invited me to HIS place instead of inviting himself to my place. If a man invites me to his place for a 2nd date and I accept I know very well there is a risk he'll expect sex. If I am willing, good. If I am not willing then I will decline but I will keep my cool and not accuse the guy of anything because I was well aware accepting his home invitation implicated maybe I'd have to decline sex.

 

Now a man inviting himself to a woman's house for a 2nd date is impolite, overly confident and up to arrogant.

[insert_name]

Just seen that number 3 is being given a chance, I feel like my reputation is at stake here now!

 

I certainly think it deserves more text conversation at the very least to see how he goes on from here. I probably speak from a male point of view here where I dont see social awkwardness as that much of a buzz killer but it seems to be a real beef for women as its the opposite of a guy who exudes confidence and understands social cues. I think guys like that are worth a bit of perseverance but then its not such a big deal for me if a girl is a bit off-beat in what she says. If her character is otherwise good and I am attracted its worth seeing how it goes.

[Gloria25]

In short a guy can't win.

 

If he has baggage, bad.

 

It isn't a deal breaker, but it does make it harder. I mean, a guy with kids is gonna have trouble giving you attention w/o neglecting his kids and I don't want some guy to neglect his kids. He also may not be looking for a lover, he may be looking for a substitute mommy.

 

A guy who is divorced might have issues. He may have gotten burnt emotionally, financially, etc.

 

If he doesn't have baggage, most be something seriously defective about him, worse.

 

I didn't say that. Look at me. I've never married. And, when you get to know me better it's for various reasons - like me not being able to trust people. Me liking my single, selfish life. If a guy is at a certain age and is perpetually single, you can't help but wonder why. I have "yet" to meet a guy who is single at my age for the reasons I am single.

 

If he's not in above average shape, bad.

If he has a belly, bad.

 

Yes, lack of fitness not only makes him physically unappealing - but also raises concerns about his health and self-esteem.

 

If he has a bald spot, bad.

 

I've dated guys bald and/or with thinning hair. But some guys on OLD have the bad combovers, the George Castanza look, etc. Look, IMO, cut it off if you are balding/thinning and starting to look like George Castanza. Oh, and BTW, while I can work bald and/or thinning hair, usually these guys are also out of shape.

 

Look, we cannot control what we were born with (i.e. looks, balding/thinning hair) but work with what you got (i.e. staying fit). If you just sit there getting bald and/or with a ridiculous hair do and getting fat/flabby - that says a lot about you. You are sedentary and gave up on yourself.

 

BTW, I've also dated guys with bald spots that made me mad when they shaved their hair off. I should have never told him I was ok with it. But he was a good looking dude and in shape. He also looked good with/without the hair but didn't wanna deal with the hassle of it graying on him. I still thought he looked great even with the graying hair.

 

If he's in great shape, no belly, full head of hair, bad because there must be something seriously wrong with him.

 

Like I said, guys seem to keep up with their appearances within certain age brackets - but for some reason, after they marry and/or hit a certain age, they take a step back. So, many of the guys that I met that actually still care about their looks are usually superficial. Sorry, but that's just been my experiences.

 

I also am picky the same way with younger guys. I love fit guys, but I do steer away from guys who spend too much time in the gym. I don't want to be with someone who is on a restricted diet, lives at the gym, and/or spends too much time in the mirror.

 

Look at Arnold Schwarzenegger. I respect the guy cuz he was ambitious. After I saw Pumping Iron, I understood and respected the body building industry a little more. But dude was/is a self-absorbed jerk. Even in the competitions he'd play games and manipulate with people's mind to throw them off. Mind you, while he has and will continue to be a successful guy, he is a very insecure person. His dad was a jerk to him - hence his drive to perfect his body and his ambitions. I mean look at the maid he cheated with...that's a sign of a self-loathing dude.

 

So, I am very weary of guys who work too hard on their looks. I don't need an insecure and/or self-absorbed jerk.

 

If he brings up sex too early, bad.

 

Well yeah. Who wants a guy who just wanted to get laid? More often than not, a guy who is ready to jump in bed too soon with you cannot control his impulses and will probably get turned off from getting to know you, cuz if sex happens too soon w/o him getting to know you there's nothing for him to stick around for.

 

If he's respectful and waits, bad because its not normal for a man.

 

Well, some guys aren't holding out on sex cuz they are "respectful". They are insecure and/or have some issues (i.e. sexual abuse, questioning their sexuality). If a guy levels with me and lets me know "why" he is waiting (i.e. religious beliefs) than that's cool with me. But, while he's waiting, he's gotta show romantic interest.

 

If end a date w/o any physical contact (not even a hug and/or kiss) then that means I'm not interested in him. You "claim" a woman when you are intimate with her. Studies show that a chemical reaction takes place where a woman bonds with the guy she's sleeping with (unless she's got issues too). So, sit back all you want and "wait". Biology says that the guy who bangs her, claims her.

 

 

And on and on and on.

 

 

Please see my responses in bold ^^.....

[insert_name]

I would have much less problem if he had invited me to HIS place instead of inviting himself to my place. If a man invites me to his place for a 2nd date and I accept I know very well there is a risk he'll expect sex. If I am willing, good. If I am not willing then I will decline but I will keep my cool and not accuse the guy of anything because I was well aware accepting his home invitation implicated maybe I'd have to decline sex.

 

Now a man inviting himself to a woman's house for a 2nd date is impolite, overly confident and up to arrogant.

 

Yeah thats a good attitude to have and I can see how you would see it that way about him inviting himself. For me the cooking bit was a bit pushy...

 

The last girl I dated off OKC when I offered her a choice of going to the cinema or going for a drink for the second date she said she wanted to come round mine on a friday night and watch a film. My reaction was similar to yours!

[Gaeta]

Just seen that number 3 is being given a chance, I feel like my reputation is at stake here now!

 

I certainly think it deserves more text conversation at the very least to see how he goes on from here. I probably speak from a male point of view here where I dont see social awkwardness as that much of a buzz killer but it seems to be a real beef for women as its the opposite of a guy who exudes confidence and understands social cues. I think guys like that are worth a bit of perseverance but then its not such a big deal for me if a girl is a bit off-beat in what she says. If her character is otherwise good and I am attracted its worth seeing how it goes.

 

I'd like to speak more to him but he's sick with the flu that is why he cancelled our last night 1st meeting date. He text once a day and he's keeping in touch and I like that. We won't meet till next weekend probably.

 

I am a bit suspicious and this only based on his looks, I am embarrassed to admit so. He body builds, he's impressive, you see self-confidence in each pictures and men like that approaching a woman with 'Good morning woman of my dreams'...eeeehhhh!you get the picture?

 

What makes me give him the benefit of the doubt is that he was married 22 years and raised 4 sons. He knows what is involved in long term and probably understand the meaning of commitment. He divorced 10 years ago (like me), he played the field, he got his fun, now he's ready to settled.

 

He's a frenchman, he's the last man in earth I want to date lol, I bet you he will sweep me off my feet and everyone will say TOLD YOU.

[Rejected Rosebud]

While I agree that inviting himself over to your place was rather bold, not all women would be turned off by this.

Really?? I'd be surprised, inviting yourself over to somebody's house so they can cook for you when you only just met them just sounds like really really bad manners to me. I could see if he was inviting HER over and HE was going to cook for her, a lot of ladies won't go for that on the 2nd date because of, well, you know , but at least it's not rude manners.

[RedRobin]

I need to reply something to him. I hesitate between offering dinner in a restaurant on me, or simply dumping him. That's the thing with being 49 and having done online for a long time, I got NO patience left.

 

Also this guy is 41. As much as I used to love dating younger men now I run away from them.

 

 

This has nothing to do with his age...

 

 

I'd ignore his suggestion, then see if he'd be willing to meet you doing something else you both enjoy that is cheap or free. No way would I offer to pay for a guy's dinner. I don't expect him to pay for mine either. Why would you offer to pay for him? That seems very desperate at this stage.

 

 

Although, I've learned long ago that any guy who led with that suggestion is looking for something else from me... So, I either ghost on those guys now, or say "Sorry, doesn't look like a match" and move on.

 

 

Edited: I went back and read the middle pages and see that he is not in the running anymore. Good for you!

 

 

As for #2 and #3. Most men fresh out of a divorce tend to want to relive their adolescence. Takes at least a year or two before they get a clue. Most of them are divorced for a reason. Usually it is because they cheated. 90% of divorces happen due to infidelity. Not substance abuse or even physical violence... Even if none of that was there, it takes awhile to process. I'd thank him for his time, then tell him you'd be interested in talking to him after things settle down a bit more.

 

 

... and #3. Yea, I don't take that kind of talk too seriously. I'd laugh it off, change the subject, and see what else he was about. If he still was hell bent on trying to 'swoon' me, then yea, it's not going to work.

 

 

Other suggestions... definitely do more prescreening before agreeing to meet someone.

Edited February 17, 2015 by RedRobin

[Toodaloo]

I don't know. I'm a guy and #1 sounds like a complete tool to me, too. And the guy saying she's the woman of his dreams? That's a pretty standard thing to not say to someone you barely know.

 

And #2? I wouldn't date a woman that isn't completely divorced, so I don't think Gaeta is wrong about that one, either.

 

Hurrah a sensible man!

 

See Geata they are out there!!!

 

Restor - your married aren't you...