Too Soon to get back together?

[Stan]

I had been dating Stephanie for four months. Our relationship became very intense very quickly. I just turned 30 and Stephanie is almost 28.

 

From the get-go, I had some reservations about our relationship and the way I was feeling, generally (including an aspect of physical attraction). After grappling with the way I was feeling for a long time, I broke up with Stephanie on Friday. I spent the weekend miserable and then this morning I woke up with a clarity I haven't had in a LONG time. I love this woman and don't want to be without her.

 

For a long time I struggled with whether my reservations were completely internal or about the relationship and I've come to realize that it's ALL ME!!

 

I can't wait to call her and hug her and talk about our future together (assuming she's willing to talk to me - which I believe she will be) but I wonder whether I should wait a while (few days, weeks) to make sure this feeling doesn't disappear as well.

 

Any advice??

[Tony T]

Good quesiton.

 

There's an old saying, "Love knows not its own depth except in the hour of separation."

 

It could be that you are just missing her presense...this may have nothing to do with love. You ought to take a bit of time to seriously inventory your feelings. There was a good reason you broke up with her and that reason isn't likely to disappear overnight.

 

Now, very often we take a lot for granted in the day to day routine of a relationship. We can get used to someone being around, the big bomb of passion defuses and we figure there's somebody out there who will much better satisfy our need for excitement.

 

Some men go more for what is not readily available and what is right there for them gets old quick. You will have to decide whether you're that type.

 

Take some time to see what your real feelings are. Do you feel very good and special when you are around her? I don't think any sane man would break up with a woman he felt truly great around.

 

This will be a tough one for you to figure out. Are you just missing her because you were used to her being around all the time or do you really love her? Think about this before you call her and give her hope for something that may not be there.

[Stan]

You raise a good point! I miss much more than Stephanie's presence. I've had a weekend trip planned for a while and when I planned the trip all I could think about was how fun it would be to be single out there. And now - that is absolutely the LAST thing I want. That really tells me something. I think about being single and looking for someone and I keep turning back the the traits of Stephanie. She's got it! I'm beginning to understand that I've been very hesitant about letting myself 'go' in this relationship and it has created a nasty cycle of not being happy. And through all of this - Stephanie has stood by me with patience and support. She's a wonderful person and I want her!

 

. . . I'm going to try to last one more night just to validate my current feelings in the morning.

 

Thanx!

Good quesiton. There's an old saying, "Love knows not its own depth except in the hour of separation."

 

It could be that you are just missing her presense...this may have nothing to do with love. You ought to take a bit of time to seriously inventory your feelings. There was a good reason you broke up with her and that reason isn't likely to disappear overnight. Now, very often we take a lot for granted in the day to day routine of a relationship. We can get used to someone being around, the big bomb of passion defuses and we figure there's somebody out there who will much better satisfy our need for excitement. Some men go more for what is not readily available and what is right there for them gets old quick. You will have to decide whether you're that type. Take some time to see what your real feelings are. Do you feel very good and special when you are around her? I don't think any sane man would break up with a woman he felt truly great around.

 

This will be a tough one for you to figure out. Are you just missing her because you were used to her being around all the time or do you really love her? Think about this before you call her and give her hope for something that may not be there.