maci203 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 So, i've posted on here before with an old username that i cant remember but basically the backstory is i had been with my ex for around 2-3 years. We had a lot of arguments, issues, we would break up all the time and get back together and after I found out he had hooked up with someone while we were together he apologized and after a couple of weeks I forgave him but I became very attached. I spent the next 2 years of our relationship doing everything for him and being extra caring so he wouldnt do it again but of course it didnt work out and in May 2014 we broke up again for good this time. I moved for a 6 month job in August so I knew I'd never really have to see him again. We haven't spoken since May, it is now February of 2015. Yesterday, the day after Valentines day I got a long winded apology text from him basically saying how he was so sorry for everything and I'm a great person blah blah blah.. I know it's all bs but I'm wondering if I should respond. I am honestly over it and he doesn't affect my life at all anymore, but he sent a follow up asking me to at least let him know I read the text and didnt have him blocked. I probably won't respond, but I just wanted to hear from any advice you guys have on what you would do in this situation. In a way it makes me kinda happy that he's been thinking about it this whole time and it wasn't just me (it took so long for me to be over the whole thing) but I also know he and i are just one vicious cycle and I don't wanna get dragged into it again. I'm not even sure what he wants out of this apology because last I checked he had a girlfriend so ?? Yeah, I'm just confused. Help!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Sounds like he's between girlfriends and looking to see if you're available as a possible backup plan. Just me, but I wouldn't reply unless he's asking to reconcile. Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 He has no ties to you anymore. I think you finally deserve a break from catering to a man who is not even significant to you anymore for the sake of HIS closure. Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 (edited) Talk about redemption. Good for you girl, for having moved past this. I'm sure it was a long road to get to where you are. You definitely don't owe him anything, so I can understand why you've ignored him. At the same time, I can't say definitively as to whether or not you should respond. Maybe think back to how he made you feel and act accordingly? Did he ever leave you hanging? If not, you could respond but be brief about it to ensure there is closure. Then again, it all depends what you want and need. Only you can truly decide on the best course of action at this point. I think your reflection on the situation shows that you're strong enough to make a smart choice, whatever it is you decide to do. I wouldn't blame you for ignoring him...or not. Edited February 16, 2015 by dyna85 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HowWillICope Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 ....OR maybe he isn't between girlfriend. Maybe this isn't a reflection on his current relationship with his girlfriend at all. MAYBE it's just a SIMPLE apology because he feels bad about how he treated you in the past. And that's it. I don't really know why everyone is reading so deep into this. During my relationship with my ex, I did think about how badly I dumped my previous ex before him & wanted to apologise to him for it. It DIDNT mean I wanted him back or anything! (I was in love with ex and no way wanted to go back to the ex ex I just simply wanted to say sorry). It shows you are actually a decent human being. If you want to forgive him & you want him to know you've forgiven him, reply. But leave it at that. I don't think that would make you look weak or like you still want him at all. If you don't want any contact whatsoever from him, let it go. This one is really up to you OP. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maci203 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 thanks everyone. i think for now im going to just leave it alone and not reply. if i do, i already know how its going to end: if i say something bitchy, he'll just say nevermind and that'll be the end of that if i say something nice (like i forgive you) he'll just say okay and that'll be it so it's like, why bother saying anything when it doesnt matter. i have no ties to him whatsoever and i don't want a conversation to start but i also dont want to be disappointed if he doesn't try to continue one. part of this is stemming from the fact that i really don't think that after everything we had gone through a text message almost a year later is even worth it... why bother you know.. the ship has sailed, just leave it alone.. if all youre going to do is send a measly text to apologize then you really dont care at all. if this was right after the breakup id be more inclined to answer but its just so far gone that it makes no sense. so im not responding. if for some reason that upsets him- i couldnt care less, he can consider it payback for all the times he let me down before Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Agreed. An apology message -- sent ten months later -- the day after Valentine's Day? Ooof. Either he's doing it to test the waters, or to assuage his own guilt after being dumped himself by someone else. A genuine apology sent when you were still genuinely in pain from the breakup would've meant something to you.... this was classic breadcrumbs. Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 thanks everyone. i think for now im going to just leave it alone and not reply. if i do, i already know how its going to end: if i say something bitchy, he'll just say nevermind and that'll be the end of that if i say something nice (like i forgive you) he'll just say okay and that'll be it so it's like, why bother saying anything when it doesnt matter. i have no ties to him whatsoever and i don't want a conversation to start but i also dont want to be disappointed if he doesn't try to continue one. part of this is stemming from the fact that i really don't think that after everything we had gone through a text message almost a year later is even worth it... why bother you know.. the ship has sailed, just leave it alone.. if all youre going to do is send a measly text to apologize then you really dont care at all. if this was right after the breakup id be more inclined to answer but its just so far gone that it makes no sense. so im not responding. if for some reason that upsets him- i couldnt care less, he can consider it payback for all the times he let me down before I was actually thinking this too upon further reflection. I agree with this wholeheartedly. It is just a measly text, after all, as you've stated and I think you guarding yourself against further hurt and disappointment is understandable. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 No, do not reply. It will undo the progress you've made. Whatever hurt he's dealing with is his and his to deal with alone (just like yours was). Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Little too much analysing going on. It's all about him. You even see how is he panicking now when his ego is compromised. On this I would never respond. My signature pretty much sums this up. Link to post Share on other sites
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