Loss of identity

[wanderingandorlost]

I'd love to get your perspectives on how to handle this.

 

A couple of years ago, I left everything I had spent my life building -- my old city that I LOVED, my old career. My old friends dispersed (some of me moving, some of them moving). I got married, changed my name, moved to a place I hate (which I had to do for school, unfortunately), and started professional school. It's all been a rush.

 

But I've found myself digging up and clinging to old stuff lately - trying to reconnect with old friends and coworkers with the minutes I don't have, pining for the days when I could just see my friends after work, missing sights and smells of my old life. As I've thought about it today, I can't help but feel that some of this reaching out is coming from feeling that I am really losing myself. I wasn't ever a big deal or anything, but I was at least a little bit known and respected in my field. I belonged to something, and I was recognized for being a hard worker. I had a healthy social life and close friends I actually I had time to talk to. Now in med school, it's like I'm just another completely replaceable person. We're all the same and we're all interchangeable. No matter what we did before we are just a bunch of dumb kids. I just feel like a weird kind of shell of myself and I'm not really adjusting well. I'd been doing great in all my classes and suddenly I feel like I have just hit a wall. I really need some ideas on how to resolve this total loss of sense of self in a way that doesn't put everything I care about at risk. I feel so adrift right now, clinging to memories of anything that was less depersonalizing than my current existence.

Edited February 16, 2015 by wanderingandorlost

[Michelle ma Belle]

I think it is normal to "hit the wall" as you say and entertain those kinds of feelings. You're in med school which I'm sure is pretty stressful all on it's own. Add to that a new city, new marriage, new friends and few things from your past to ground you, it can make for a challenging concoction.

 

Are you unhappy in your marriage? Are you happy with your situation overall? Or are you just wishing you didn't abandon quite so many things you loved for something you thought would be better?