Author PrettyEmily77 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 So I've decided not to go through with it in the end. Nothing to do with how attractive he may or may not be. I've been reading on LDRs and the level of commitment required to make it work once we've met and I don't think it's for me. I've just told him; he's not best pleased and I feel guilty but I'd rather end it now. Not feeling too good... Link to post Share on other sites
whatcanitellyou Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 *Appear* shallow? Based on what you've wrote, I'd say your a card-carrying, life member and poster child. Actually, I think you should go see the guy so that he *knows* what sort of person you really are. Would be hilarious if *he* wasn't impressed with you in the flesh. My guess is that would be a new experience for you. TMichaels What a nasty, unhelpful comment. Men are encouraged to find women they're attracted to, so why shouldn't she? Because she's a woman? Can I assume you date nice women you're not attracted to? OP, please end this. Too many women go with guys they're not attracted to and it ends up sexless with both unhappy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whatcanitellyou Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 So I've decided not to go through with it in the end. Nothing to do with how attractive he may or may not be. I've been reading on LDRs and the level of commitment required to make it work once we've met and I don't think it's for me. I've just told him; he's not best pleased and I feel guilty but I'd rather end it now. Not feeling too good... You did the right thing. It's expected that men should have someone they're attracted to but somehow women should only be concerned that the guy is nice. He'll find someone who is excited by him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PrettyEmily77 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 You did the right thing. It's expected that men should have someone they're attracted to but somehow women should only be concerned that the guy is nice. He'll find someone who is excited by him. Thanks, that's cheered me up. I'm feeling really bad but I can't really force myself into something I'm only moderately interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I was expecting a reaction like this one. People who think physical attraction doesn't matter in a relationship (especially in an LDR, in my opinion) are really lying to themselves - I never said he was unattractive, he's just not my type at all and I don't know whether I can adjust to that. We live in different countries in Europe and I can see I'm going to find it a challenge committing myself to someone that doesn't do it for me physically, and all I wanted to know was if someone went through the same thing and was able to overcome it, if this is usual fear before meeting someone for the first time and if this can be overcome with time. I tried this once. The guy was really into me, and he was a great guy all around. I wasn't attracted but I wanted to be attracted. The bottom line was, it wan't fair to either of us, because I just did not want him in "that way." I think it is possible to grow in attraction if it is there to start with, but I don't think you can create it out of nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PrettyEmily77 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 I tried this once. The guy was really into me, and he was a great guy all around. I wasn't attracted but I wanted to be attracted. The bottom line was, it wan't fair to either of us, because I just did not want him in "that way." I think it is possible to grow in attraction if it is there to start with, but I don't think you can create it out of nothing. That's what I've come to realise in the last couple of days. It did feel forced in some way because he's such a great guy, but an LDR is too much work for something I'm not completely excited about. Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 What about confidence? Lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author PrettyEmily77 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 What about confidence? Lol What about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 There's nothing wrong with choosing not to go ahead with it - in fact, it would be unfair to both of you to get his hopes up and put time and money and effort into this if you already know it isn't meant to be. LDRs are hard enough with someone you really, really, really want to be with. They're pretty pointless to go through for someone you're meh about. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 If you he has sent you a most current picture and your not attracted to him then don't bother to go see him. Got to go with your gut on this. He's not your type that you would date. No matter how perfect he is and you get along on phone you just don't like him as someone you would date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 . . . It's not "shallow" to care about your potential mate's physical appearance. It's realistic. A sexual relationship needs sexual attraction. If you're not sexually attracted to the bloke, you're doing him a favour by being honest and cutting him loose. The worst thing to do is "settle" or string him along. Who cares if some people think you're shallow. Those people are naive. You can't force yourself to be attracted to someone and it would be folly to enter into a relationship with someone for whom you have almost zero sexual attraction. My advice would simply be to let the guy know gently that you're not feeling the physical spark. If he's a man and not an insecure little boy, he'll thank you for your honesty. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PrettyEmily77 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Thank you all so much for the replies, they really helped make me feel better!! I started dating 8 months ago after a LTR and gave myself a year to get over it. It's not been as difficult as I thought it would be but after 8 months it still feels like I'm navigating through a fog!! I now know more than ever that I don't want to compromise on being physically attracted to a guy no matter how nice he is. I also know LDRs are not for me. I told him that having thought about it, an LDR is not the way for me and that I didn't want to waste anyone's time on something I wasn't 100% committed to. He seemed very disappointed, and tried to argue that we should first be meeting before I make my mind up. TBH if it weren't for the distance I would have gone for a coffee or something but the fact that I'm not physically attracted to him, and that isn't to say he's not attractive, just not to me plus the fact that I have to take a plane to meet him are too much for me. I know I should have seen it coming but hey, lesson learnt! Now back to the dating pool it is! Link to post Share on other sites
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