Author miggsbucks Posted April 5, 2005 Author Share Posted April 5, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie I did it because there was incredible chemistry. Maybe this girl wanted to hook up for sex but felt a connection after they slept together and she wants to explore it. Thanks Pixie, thats what i was thinking. There was a chemistry I felt, and it was a personality thing as well as a physical attraction, and the following day, all the PDA's would suggest that it wasn't just sex? (for her? - as it wasn't just sex for me) Originally posted by Mz. Pixie Now, I will confess the internet cam thing freaked me out, but that's just me. It freaked her the following morning but we had a laugh about it, as that was fueled by alcohol - although I remained fully clothed. Originally posted by Topaze She hasn't responded to any of your requests for communication. Her silence speaks volumes. She has contacted me Topaze (albiet, non-politically):- her text today and it is just Tuesday, and we were last together Sunday night. Originally posted by Topaze The fact that she was RIGHT BACK on-line... The thing about the online thing, when we were at my place, we logged in under her profile and she showed me her friends on there, and was very open about it at the time. And she said that she goes on it for a laugh sometimes. Originally posted by Topaze create a fake profile with a fake photo and try to see if she will communicate with you and agree to see you. I couldn't do that, never.. I do appreciate this feedback even though some of it's maybe not want I want to hear. On the date as well, she was making comments about her hoping that I would be her type in the long haul.. So a pair of boots, a returned text, maybe its not all doom and gloom yet.. (hope not!) Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 It's good that she answered you. She probably waited a day to save face about getting so close so quickly. Sounds like you might have a connection. But guard your heart and don't get ahead of yourself before you have any long-term proof. Also, I am surprised that you are so willing to get involved with a mother of three who is not quite divorced. But I don't think you'll listen to anyone's warnings anyway! Just be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 it seems there are still wierd old fashioned people out there who think nice girls dont have sex on the first date and 'mommys' shouldnt have a good time. theres nothing wrong with being a little wild from time to time and letting off steam! Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 How ya been? Long time no see. Sounds to me like she may just have been looking for a one night stand. I wouldn't let yourself get all hooked on her after only one day. God only knows how many other guys she may have done this with, even though she probably told you differently. Don't trust what anyone says, only what you see. I wouldn't rely on text messaging all that much. A lot of times texts don't even go through, so who knows if she saw it or not. A follow up phone call would have been better, but I would think by now you would have seen her online. If you haven't, she's probably ignoring you. Don't contact her. I'm betting you'll hear from her within the week if you haven't already. Link to post Share on other sites
Pendawn Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 Just looking at it from a different point of view. There has to be a first time that someone does something like this, this coudl be her first time. If after the event she was embarrassed by her actions on the webcam, sounds like it was a real spur of the moment thing and she was carried away with emotions/lust. That could be why she's more reserved about contacting you. In the cold light of Monday morning when she's back to being "mum" to her kids, the idea that SHE could have had that weekend, may seem very foreign to her. It coudl be that she was embarrassed and unsure of what you would expect from her after that weekend, or just feel awkward about her boldness over the weekend and no longer feel that courage. I would send a text in a day or so, something that suggests you're not just after sex but you enjoyed spending time with her on the Sunday holding hands etc and you hope to do that again. Good luck, I hope it works out well. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 Miggs, I met my BF online. For two weeks we spoke on the phone every day and viewed each other's cameras. He flew all over from the US just to meet me. Before he arrived I told him we wouldn't have sex on the first night. I didn't want him to think me an easy girl. But I didn't keep my promise. We stayed just one day in my city then the next morning we were supposed to fly to another place together. He said to me: "You better don't come back to the hotel room tonight cuz I'm going to rape you!" Mmmmmm...needless say whether I came back to the room? I practically raped him! We spent the next week together and it's been the time of our lives for both of us. He visited me two more times in the next 6 months and we're still in love spending long hours every day online. I think the sex on the first night prove how fast we clicked in our case. It wasn't like when you get drunk and do it and then want to forget about that person. I think your case is romantic and passionate as well. A good start for a great relationship. She is probably ashamed for getting drunk and sleeping with you on the first date and is afraid that you only want her as a sex toy. Send her flowers or a gift to show her that you're more serious than that. Are you? Call her on the phone and ask her to go out, not to go to your place so that she figures out that it's not just sex. It's not, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 Send her flowers or a gift to show her that you're more serious than that. Are you? Call her on the phone and ask her to go out, not to go to your place so that she figures out that it's not just sex. yes, do this. Texting is lazy. She might be thinking "if he really likes me, he'll call me." Link to post Share on other sites
Author miggsbucks Posted April 5, 2005 Author Share Posted April 5, 2005 Wow - the response here is great, so much female perspective, I must feedback to you all, here goes:- HoldOn (Post 27) "Guard your heart" hehe - I have had this said to me in the past by friends over other relationship mis-haps. The thing about wanting to get involved with somebody with 3 kids is that the marketplace is narrowing so fast when you're reaching 35 like me. My date is 31, and we actually chatted about children, I told her that ideally I would like to have one (as I don't have any), and she said she would be open to the possibility of one more, but only after she finished her nursing studies in one year. Newby (Post 28) Yes i do agree there's nothing wrong in her doing what she did by sleeping on a first date, there's no rule that says "mommy's can't shag" Lonestar (Post 29) Hi there thanks for getting my message in your recent thread, felt a bit awful hijaking that thread just to get you to read this! (get put off by the warning messages in private messaging, so did it that way instead) must catch up on your posts, bit embroiled with this situation - you know how it is! My head is telling me it may have been a one night stand, but all the PDA's holding hands, smitten looks the day after made me feel like I was in love, and they were being done by both of us. I'm amazed with the feedback I'm getting here Lonestar, aint this site such a great thing to have to fall back on in times of emotional turmoil. Pendawn (Post 30) It was the first time I'd ever done anything like this, and she told me that it was the first time that she had done anything like it too. I do want to convey my emotions to her in terms of me really enjoying her company like you say, and your advice was great. It is stuff I've been thinking, but when people tell you it, it makes it all the more valid. We all think don't we about "should I have done this, should I have done that?" Its great to be able to do it while asking people on here. RecordProducer (Post 31) Thanks for the nice comments about it being a good start to a relationship. In your case, I think you were right to do it as you had been chatting for quite some time, that comment perhaps invalidates mine and my date's case as we had met online - for the first time - at 3.00am Sat Morning, met in the flesh at 9.00pm the Saturday night, and we were having sex by about 3.00am the Sunday morning. I know to the more traditionalists that does look bad, but it was the day out we had on the sunday that I think more about when I look back on the weekend. HoldOn (Post 32) Yes I think I will phone her Wed or Thu Nite. I do want to hear her voice again so much, she was so funny and babbly. I just want to appear as though I really do like her and want to pursue it more, but just don't want to appear too eager. As I have made mistakes like that in the past. I guess we all grow into the people we are as we age though our experiences, and we do "toughen up" more as we get older. I think hopefully my past experiences are helping me in this respect. I do honestly believe though that these days, women do seem to have more choice when it comes to the online method. It was funny because my date on Saturday came out of the blue (as you have read), but the party I took her too was my former next door neighbours' leaving party. They are emigrating to New Zealand soon, and they were going to try and fix me up with the girl who lived next door but one to me. This girl was quizzing my date about me in the ladies toilet (sorry restroom!!) and about how we met etc. Me and my online date concocted a story to avoid the judging reactions we may have got lol. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 Miggs, just look at it this way: when you sleep with someone right away and you never see them again, it sucks (or whatever). But when true love starts like that it has a different name - "we were passionate from the very beginning!" All you need to do is show this woman that it wasn't meaningless sex for you, that you want a relationship. I don't know if you've been married before, but being just separated with three young kids is very hard. She went bananas, but it doesn't mean that she's an easy girl otherwise or that she wants just sex at this moment. I think your next task should be to chase her a little bit. Women love when men love them. The more tender and caring and loving you are the more she will be hot for you. Just call her and be all over her. Good luck, dude! Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 but just don't want to appear too eager too late! I think you were a bit "eager" on Saturday night. I agree that you should chase her a little bit. Be a man! If she is like most other girls, she is feeling a bit insecure right now as she gave it up very easily. She might be thinking that you'll never take the relatinship seriously now. I think you should call her earlier than Wednesday or Thursday. What's wrong with calling her tonight, I mean you did sleep with her. Normally, even after waiting a long time to have sex, a girl expects a call the next day. Calling after sex isn't going to make you a stalker. Of course you don't want to look desperate. Here's how you do it. Call her 1-2 days after each date to ask for the next one. Plan ahead. Have a nice dinner planned. Even better, ask for the next date during the last date. Repeatedly calling when she isn't answering... that is stalking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miggsbucks Posted April 5, 2005 Author Share Posted April 5, 2005 just spotted that she was visible to me in messenger then, but when i looked again she had gone, god knows how long she'd been on there. but i did that last night and sunday night and was visible to her, but she never made herself visible to me! i bet people just feel like grabbing me and giving me a good shake now! lol its just i swore to myself i would always next take the same advice that my parents gave me last time i had a difficult time in a budding relationship, i pursued the last one a little, and don't ever want to do that again. i think perhaps as people say, is to have a plan in mind about what our next date will be, and invite her on it, pure and simple. no mention of "i was going to call you but hoped you would call me" mumbo jumbo crap. i more or less indicated to her on the date that i thought i was the one who was dating up, but she still let me have her even though i said that, even though i thought i shouldn't have said that Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 just spotted that she was visible to me in messenger then, but when i looked again she had gone, god knows how long she'd been on there. but i did that last night and sunday night and was visible to her, but she never made herself visible to me! Dude, just call the woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miggsbucks Posted April 6, 2005 Author Share Posted April 6, 2005 well i just foned her then cellphone to cellphone, and it hung up and i feared the worst.. however when my fone started ringing back straight after, it was a feeling of elation, but i composed myself. she sounded very pleased to hear from me in the tone of her voice, she was in the middle of trying to get somewhere on the hospital campus, so it was very brief but very nice, she asked whether i'd got her text from yesterday, i said i'd call her later at home and she said "ok well i'll be in at 5 if you want to call me then" JOY!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 Great! Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 Keep us updated! Link to post Share on other sites
Author miggsbucks Posted April 6, 2005 Author Share Posted April 6, 2005 well i phoned her and was on the fone for 65 minutes, as i made a point of looking at the timer, as she can babble on and on about nothing in particular lol. i couldn't really get a word in edgeways, i did mention going out again this weekend, and she's keen on meeting up again but it may just be the sunday this time round as she's not sure about childcare on the saturday. she was incessantly talking i never managed to actually arrange anything for the sunday with her. but she seems really relaxed gabbing away to me. she was going on about the boots - well she called them shoes, saying she didn't know where they were "could they be here, could they be there, i looked in blah blah...." she never realised she could have left them at my place. managed to tell her they were here still. she was in the kitchen doing stuff while she was on the phone to me she was also telling me that her friend knows her password for her dating profile and uses it! all my fears of phoning her seem to be unfounded now, but that phone call where i never managed to hardly say anything has left me a bit puzzled. she asked whether i'd be online later as she would email me some nice photos of her, but she said she might or might not be on as she has this 5,000 word assignment to do... i kept thinking about what pendawn said on here about it getting back to normal etc, and in a way - thats what it felt like on the phone call, its like i'm only just starting to get to know her. there was no talk about the sex, it was as if we both didn't want to talk about that, which is for the best probably. we did talk about the sunday and she said that she thought when we were in the pub that was really nice. so yes, it seems like everything's ok and my fears about her not wanting to see me again were unfounded. but am a bit puzzled as to how to play it now. guess i should figure out a plan for sunday.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miggsbucks Posted April 6, 2005 Author Share Posted April 6, 2005 i just came off a messenger conversation with her that lasted about ten mins. she sent 8 lovely pics of herself, i stayed online with her unblocked all night (i tend to keep everyone unblocked, and choose who's online to speak to), she logged off as soon as she sent the pics w/out sayin nite Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 she logged off as soon as she sent the pics w/out sayin nite Well, did you already talk to her today for an hour! Don't worry about it. I don't understand why you can't get a word in edgewise to ask her on a date? Link to post Share on other sites
Author miggsbucks Posted April 6, 2005 Author Share Posted April 6, 2005 she talks non-stop, it's a banal, stream-of-consciousness yarn about the traffic, the crowds at the mall and the prices of shoes, i don't mind it - its quite a lovely thing, she did it when we were on the date, but to do it on the phone when she must have known i was ringing trying to arrange a date, i'm wonderin whether she's trying to put me off so she doesnt have to let me down (i am an extreme pessimist!).. to not ask me to elaborate when we chatted on the phone when i said "do you fancy doing something at the weekend?" other than just to say it would only possibly be sunday, and then something happened while she was on her cordless that made her go into another stream of babble.. i kept thinking about them PDA's on sunday.. girls don't do that if they don't want to do they? i reckon i'm thinking more about her than she is about me. i actually felt like writing a few thousand words about last weekend before, it really was such a wonderful time.. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 Guess you have to be more assertive! (I'm surprised that you enjoyed her babbling. Is this something you can live with in the long-term?) "Wait! Stop for a sec. I need to ask you if we can go out on Sunday? Can you?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author miggsbucks Posted April 7, 2005 Author Share Posted April 7, 2005 i really do quite like the babble - on the date - but not on the phone, when she was at my place on the sunday morning, i was like running a bath for her, and had to check the water - and she was shouting babble thru the corridor from the bedroom, she must have known i couldn't hear her, so i was just shoutin "oh rite.. etc" when i didnt know what i was saying "oh rite" to. i suppose she's still just acting the way she always does, as you say i've got to be more assertive, i was a bit of a puppy dog on that hour long phone call. when we met online last friday, i seem to recall i was extremely assertive with her, and apparently we had 2 sessions on the cam, she had gone to bed and i called her to get back on the cam, and she did, maybe thats what attracted her to me in the first place, a bit of assertiveness. i remember that she did say on the last phone call prior to ever meeting her "if i'm babbling too much, just ignore it etc etc etc..." Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by Topaze This is why I say it over and over again. Don't get physical too fast. It's the only way that you will be able to tell if the person really cares about YOU or is just using you for sex. To be frank, any woman who would hook up with a guy on-line and spend most of the weekend having sex with him has done this before, has no morals and is likely to give you a good strong dose of AIDS or some other STD. Yet, the nice girls go without dates. ***ahem*** that's discrimination against internet-lovers and nymphomaniacs. try to be a little more accepting. you're judging this girl without knowing her, and that's not very fair, now is it? she has no morals? how do you know? maybe she's had all the morals in the world and is sick of being a good girl and took a chance with someone she connected with. and as for her having done this kind of thing before, that's not necessarily true. obviously, there has to be a first time, and this could have been it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miggsbucks Posted April 7, 2005 Author Share Posted April 7, 2005 thanks girldown for adding to this thread, u must have read it all, i'm the guy in this situation, what do you reckon my chances are of seeing her again??? i really loved that weekend, it made me feel like i was 18 again,maybe the next time wont be but i'm smitten on her, ive not told her this - i am - the way i feel after that w/e i just feel like proposing Link to post Share on other sites
Author miggsbucks Posted April 10, 2005 Author Share Posted April 10, 2005 well this time last week we were getting it on, this has been the longest week of my life, a friend of mine came up with this expression "she rocks my boat" well she violently shook it.. now i'm trying to come to terms with the conversation i had with her tonight. she said she really likes me and definitely wants to see me again. she said she felt bad because she hadn't been in touch, but it was because she didn't know what to say. she said it was a "back-to-reality" scenario in the week, and that last w/e was a one-off in terms of her going for it and wanting to get a peice of enjoyment for herself for once in ages and ages. she's banging on about not wanting to get into a relationship, but all i want is to see her again, i just don't know what to do, i'm madly in love with her, haven't told her this, maybe i should. we were supposed to be meeting tomorrow but now she has plans with her grandmother to go shopping. she has hinted about this fear of getting into a relationship, and wants us to stay friends, so i guess thats something i should take some comfort from. she said i can call her anytime, but she has not once initiated contact since last w/e. oh my god i've got it bad over her, i want to be with her so much, but i can't. guessi should be patient and let her come round.. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted April 10, 2005 Share Posted April 10, 2005 OK, my thoughts... She was looking for some single action and is probably still doing so. Do not get too involved here or you will get seriously hurt. I'd think that staying away from her completely for awhile is the best way to handle it. As long as she is clear that you want to see her again, let her set the time frame. Depends on what you want I guess. If you want sex, call her in a week and ask her out. If you want a relationship, you are going to have to wait awhile before starting that. DO NOT tell her you are crazy about her. No pressure at all. She's in classic post divorce swinging stage. Are you going to want to date her while she's dating around? Most likely she is dating other guys now. She is NOT going to stop doing that and commit to you. She's not going to be ready for a relationship until she gets her ass dumped hard by some guy she really likes and starts to rethink what she's been doing. Until then the party girl phase is going to seem like a great escape to her. Wait a minute.....this is an internet hookup? 90% of the women on the internet webcam chat sites are looking for sex because they are recently broken up, easy, trash and horny. It's the modern, quick sex, no commitment option. Dial a f**k. I know a 25 yr old guy that was regularly getting 18-20 yr olds, who after an hour online would invite him over. He'd drive 20-30 miles, get laid and come home and never see them again. This was 1-2 times a week. They don't care about his kids, or his wife (separated) or anything, just if he can show up. He's white trash, they're white trash, it's a match made in internet heaven. Hopefully you got one of the 10%. Every once in awhile a nice girl wanders into those rooms and either gets turned or leaves when she figures it out. hehehehe Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts