Women who lie about the pill?

[tpham18nm]

I once had a girlfriend who told me that she had a miscarriage at 18, of course, I still dated her. While I dated her she was still quite depressed about the whole event. I understand that could be a very traumatic event for women, but I think she's been trying to fill an empty void ever sense. While we were dating she got on birth control and we had unprotected sex. When we got close to breaking up she eventually got off the pill and didn't tell me. A month past and we had sex once again. After the last time she eventually told me and I made her take a plan B.

Why can women just get away with that without any consequence? As men we pay for child support and father our illegitimate child for 18 years. Why is it okay for women to entrap men?

She stated that sometimes it takes months to get pregnant and that it wasn't a big deal. Two months later she started dating some guy, she got pregnant and had a baby. I'm so glad I dodged that bullet. From a women's perspective, isn't that wrong?

[preraph]

I completely agree with you. In the last 20 years, trapping a man with pregnancy seems to have gained in acceptability. The only thing I can tell you is once you know a woman is indiscriminantly trying to have a baby and all they think about is baby, baby, baby, get out of the relationship. Even if you like the girl, that shouldn't come before finding the right man who is ready to father.

 

Meanwhile, I can't stress this too much: Do not trust birth control to them. Use a condom or if you don't ever want kids, a vascectomy. You cannot trust all women in the regard. Many of them just want a baby in the U.S. so they can then qualify for welfare, etc. You have to be very aware and make sure she's working and wants to work, not looking for a way to get free support either from you or the government.

[d0nnivain]

It's not OK to lie about BC. That's why smart men don't believe women initially & always use a condom. Yeah I know it's better without one but since there are women out here who do crap like what this chick did to you, you are better off being responsible for yourself. After you have been exclusive for a while and are in a situation where you can check that she takes her pills, it's OK to believe but not before and especially not in the beginning.

[123321]

Put some young fresh soldiers in a bottle and get a vasectomy. For extra hilarity don't let on about it and laugh your ass off when they try to say you got them pregnant.

[Gloria25]

At the end of the day, "you" are responsible for your actions - not the other person.

 

If you are sleeping with someone and you aren't married to them - and even "if" you were married to them yet know you can't afford kids, then you have to check yourself.

 

Women are always gonna want kids. Some cuz they want someone they can "hook", some think that they know best for you and a baby is gonna make you "grow up" - so they decide when you are ready for a baby.

 

"You" decide when you want a baby...period.

 

My dad got mad every time he knocked up someone, blamed her, and he had kids all over the place. I wonder at what point was he gonna figure out how kids get made?

 

I also had friends, siblings tell me they had an "oops" pregnancy. Really?

 

When I was young and my parents didn't ever teach us about the birds and the bees, I knew enough to go and seek info/advice. I went to not like "Planned Parenthood" but like social entities that told you how/where to get BC. So, IMO, ignorance is not an excuse.

 

Oh, and don't believe the people who claim they "thought" they couldn't have kids. I heard both guys and gals spew that story and have an "oops" pregnancy. Well, even if they at some point in their lives couldn't conceive - some people's bodies change and "oops" comes the baby....

 

BTW, I recently found out that I'm gonna be an "aunt" again... I'm kinda upset cuz they got money issues. But with her getting older and wanting another kid, this is probably the right timing. God will provide and I will do what I can to support them - cuz I got no kids of my own and do not intend to.

[autumnnight]

I'm so glad I live on my little desert island of lala lad instead of with these myriad of women who are constantly thinking up ways to trap thousands of poor unsuspecting men......I'm glad I live in my little world where the women around me actually like each other.

 

I guess I'm just lucky. I am not surrounded by evil bitches who are out to get a man....

[Timshel]

Put some young fresh soldiers in a bottle and get a vasectomy. For extra hilarity don't let on about it and laugh your ass off when they try to say you got them pregnant.

 

That's a start but ask a doctor. While vasectomy is as good as a man can get, it's not foolproof. Married family friend had twins with a vasectomy. Yes, they are his and yes the doc informed him that while rare, it happens. It's his wife, they're still together, all good.

 

OP, It is so wrong on every level. Money that in 5 yrs. everything comes home to roost. Not wishing her ill, just reality. When things happen that way rarely do they have the desired effect. Glad you did dodge that. Be Careful.

 

I am also glad I have never had these kind of women in my circle (stratosphere.) I don't think I could be friends with them if I knew.

[ktya]

When we got close to breaking up she eventually got off the pill and didn't tell me. A month past and we had sex once again. After the last time she eventually told me and I made her take a plan B.

Why can women just get away with that without any consequence? As men we pay for child support and father our illegitimate child for 18 years. Why is it okay for women to entrap men?

 

I've had a similar scenario pulled on me twice. One lied and said she was on the shot (depo-prevaria). Wasnt. Got through that, same girl tried to inseminate herself with a used condom from the bathroom garbage can. Another said she was on the pill but it "must not have worked", I learned later, she wasnt.

 

I got dragged through family court by the first one, I was very suspicious that it was even mine, because her ex husband was lurking around and after the first incident I was quite careful.

 

I'll tell you as a guy with experience, there are absolutely no consequences whatsoever and it is something frigging awful when you are navigating the system. I am not sure the laws in your jurisdiction, but here's what you could expect here.

 

1. If you were cohabiting or married with the woman 250 days before birth, you are by default the father in the eyes of the law.

 

2. If you do not beleive you are the father ("putative" is the term) you must pay for the DNA test to prove your own innocence. Failure to pay for the test means you pay the child support. Cost is about $900 for a court-admissable test. If you are on low income you might get it for $400.

 

3. If the woman does not properly serve you or says she doesnt know where you are, you are the father and support payments are ordered by default because you didn't show up to court.

 

4. If for failure of 2 or 3 you get an order to pay support, and make any payments and later prove you are not the father, the court may order you to continue paying because it's in the best interest of the child that you keep paying; especially if the actual father is unknown or can't be found.

 

5. If you prove that the child is not yours and make payments, it is very difficult to get your money back. You can try suing the bio-dad, but suing the mother is like going down a rabbit hole and you may never get a cent because it may not be in the best interests of the child to force the single mother to fork back over the money.

 

6. The fact that she lied about her fertility, birth control, or even if she took a used condom and inseminated herself without your knowledge means absolutely nothing. By ejecting semen in her presence you de-facto consent to fatherhood, regardless of what she said or what evidence you have to the contrary. The DNA is yours, you pay.

 

7. In an interesting twist, women have the choice to deliver the baby, abort it, or adopt it. You cannot force her to have an abortion or adopt the baby if she doesn't want to, and any agreement she gives you that she will assume 100% of the responsibilities for the child isnt worth the paper it's printed on. In effect you as a man have 0% of the choice and 50% of the responsibility.

 

8. If she gets pregnant and leaves you, she can easily apply for an ex-parte restraining order (meaning you arent there to defend yourself) on flimsy evidence, which remains in effect until you go to family court, which can only happen after the baby is born. This prevents you from seeing your baby, and if you violate the court order you can go to jail. When you appear in family court looking for shared custody, the fact that you have not seen your own baby since it was born is held against your custody request and you might be lucky to move up in graduated supervised vistitation.

 

9. If you get visitation or partial custody, she can illegally deny you access and the law will do practically nothing. The order isnt worth the paper it's printed on. If you fail to make a child support payment on the other hand, they can issue a bench warrant and have you arrested and detained until they can have you appear in court.

 

10. If you get a girl pregnant and do not know about it until later, and she does not proceed with the standard family court process, you can attempt to file and she can deny the child is yours. If you want to prove it you must get a court order for a DNA test and pay for it yourself (odd how the man always pays for the DNA test). She can violate this court order on grounds of "privacy", and until you get the DNA test back you cannot proceed in family court to get awarded access. Oh and yes remember #8 since you have not seen the child your access will be very limited.

 

11. Here's a good one. If you are married and have a child with a woman and think it's yours, she can simply sign your responsibility onto the birth certificate. If later on down the road you realize it's not your kid and get a DNA test, if you divorce her for cheating she can move in with the affair partner and you will be forced to pay child support for a biologically intact family, due to how the Marriage Act works.

 

12. In family court, perjury is a completely unenforced crime. It may have a maximum sentence of 14 years but even if you have hard proof good luck getting anyone to persue the charges. She can accuse you of abuse, lie about police reports, say completely fabricated things. Nothing will ever happen.

 

Paternity fraud, whether misrepresented paternity or misrepresented fertility, are horrible crimes for which there is very little ability for redress.

 

Luckily not all women are horrific snakes who work the system; unfortunately the ones that do destroy not only the life of the man they played, but also bring a child into the world who does not have all the advantages a child should have from the date of conception.

 

Until the laws are rebalanced, it's a rough world out there when it comes to pregnancy and kids for men.

[ktya]

At the end of the day, "you" are responsible for your actions - not the other person.

 

If you are sleeping with someone and you aren't married to them - and even "if" you were married to them yet know you can't afford kids, then you have to check yourself.

 

While the rest of the tone of your message implies that you do not support paternity fraud, I have heard this answer that "the guy is responsible for his actions" enough times that it makes me puke.

 

A relationship that gets to a stage where sexual intimacy is on the table is based on mutual trust and understanding. When someone has their clothes off, and you have your clothes off, and your about to do "the act" for someone to tell you flat out that they are "on the pill", "on the shot" or "infertile" when they are not is summed up in a simple word: fraud.

 

For a woman (or man) to knowingly say that conception is not possible when fully knowing it is, does not fall under the regard of " you are responsible for your actions - not the other person ".

 

It is not unlike if a car salesman sold you a car and told you that the brakes worked, then you buy it and drive down the street and get in a 10 car pileup; saying it's the buyer's fault for not ripping the wheels off and doing a 10 point brake inspection. Given that a three lives are involved, the metaphor isnt far off the mark.

[No Limit]

Why don't you use (your own!) condoms (which you never let her take to the bathroom to 'open' them aka pick holes in them) or try to enforce birth control yourself?

 

Kind of ironic that back when the pill for women was made they invented the pill for men too but stopped when the sale numbers just didn't make producing them worth the effort, and today we have men who would probably gladly pay 50$ for a package of those because they're still cheaper than paying for a kid which gets brainwashed by a borderline girl.

 

Now I know this doesn't just happen with short-term GFs who were fishing for guys, after all it's probably the new female way of professing their love to a man when they "accidentally" miss a pill 3 years into the relationship, but whatever trust you may have in your GF 50% are your own fault. Same can be said for men who end up raising affair babies since we live in a world where that can be checked fairly easily (although judging from many "my boyfriend doesn't trust me ugh"-threads in different forums it's becoming pretty common now to test the baby right after it's born).

 

Besides... politicians know damn well that there would be a gigantic poverty wave if they didn't force men to pay. Nobody wants young girls with their babies in their arms in the streets begging for money.

 

 

But, since you ask for a woman's perspective - my personal opinion is that yes, it is wrong. I'm afraid I can't even comprehend the mind of someone who would just randomly decide to get kids. Sorry but if I gave birth to the child of someone I didn't care about I'd probably take massive mental damage. And missing out on get-pregnant-sex by deception? No way.

Edited February 17, 2015 by No Limit

[Got it]

People need to take responsibility for their own sexual health and wellbeing. This means, unless you are in a very committed relationship with STD testing you should wear a condom at all times. And if you do not want a pregnancy you should wear a condom all the time.

 

There really is no two ways around this. Same advice goes to women, insist on a condom. Pregnancy isn't the only thing you can "catch" and there are many lovely things that can make lasting parting gifts.

[Gloria25]

While the rest of the tone of your message implies that you do not support paternity fraud, I have heard this answer that "the guy is responsible for his actions" enough times that it makes me puke.

 

A relationship that gets to a stage where sexual intimacy is on the table is based on mutual trust and understanding. When someone has their clothes off, and you have your clothes off, and your about to do "the act" for someone to tell you flat out that they are "on the pill", "on the shot" or "infertile" when they are not is summed up in a simple word: fraud.

 

For a woman (or man) to knowingly say that conception is not possible when fully knowing it is, does not fall under the regard of " you are responsible for your actions - not the other person ".

 

It is not unlike if a car salesman sold you a car and told you that the brakes worked, then you buy it and drive down the street and get in a 10 car pileup; saying it's the buyer's fault for not ripping the wheels off and doing a 10 point brake inspection. Given that a three lives are involved, the metaphor isnt far off the mark.

 

I understand your point, and that's why it's hard for me to trust people...hence, why I'm perpetually single and have never married. Relationships require a level of trust and I've seen people flip so much, came from a broken home - difficult, if not impossible - for me to trust people.

 

Fortunately, I am a woman and have more control over the contraception issue than a guy has. And thankfully I've NEVER had a preggo scare. I once joked to the obygn's assistant that nothing but "sand" comes out of my lady parts and she almost died laughing. But, I still take BC precautions.

[Got it]

And, yes, it is a very scummy thing to try and trap someone into parenthood. It is a major betrayal that few really recover from.

 

I had a guy friend in high school, an ex boyfriend, that actually cheated on me with another girl and broke things off with me to date her. They were dating for a number of months and she becomes pregnant. Says it is his and turns his world upside down. He is 17 and is going to be a parent. Her mother was pushing them to marry, his parents were horrified, hired an attorney (the girl was a little crazy anyway), and it tanked his relationship with his parents for as long as I knew him. Baby is finally born, he was in the room at the birth, and the child is of an ethnicity that there is no way could be by him. She finally confesses she cheated on him but was sure it was his.

 

This whole event caused his life to do a 180 and drastically changed the trajectory of a guy, who prior to this, was definitely a "golden boy". It impacted his popularity, some of his friends, his mental state, etc.

 

I greatly sympathized for him and all he went through that was really all for naught. I "understood it" with someone who is 17. I don't understand it when someone is an adult.

 

So rubber up everyone!

[Gloria25]

And, yes, it is a very scummy thing to try and trap someone into parenthood. It is a major betrayal that few really recover from.

 

I had a guy friend in high school, an ex boyfriend, that actually cheated on me with another girl and broke things off with me to date her. They were dating for a number of months and she becomes pregnant. Says it is his and turns his world upside down. He is 17 and is going to be a parent. Her mother was pushing them to marry, his parents were horrified, hired an attorney (the girl was a little crazy anyway), and it tanked his relationship with his parents for as long as I knew him. Baby is finally born, he was in the room at the birth, and the child is of an ethnicity that there is no way could be by him. She finally confesses she cheated on him but was sure it was his.

 

This whole event caused his life to do a 180 and drastically changed the trajectory of a guy, who prior to this, was definitely a "golden boy". It impacted his popularity, some of his friends, his mental state, etc.

 

I greatly sympathized for him and all he went through that was really all for naught. I "understood it" with someone who is 17. I don't understand it when someone is an adult.

 

So rubber up everyone!

 

I don't feel sorry for him...that's "karma" for him cheating on you.

 

Funny how they wanna treat you like poop, but loose all common sense (i.e. putting a rubber on) with the chick that's really playing them...go figure.

[Got it]

I don't feel sorry for him...that's "karma" for him cheating on you.

 

Funny how they wanna treat you like poop, but loose all common sense (i.e. putting a rubber on) with the chick that's really playing them...go figure.

 

Gloria, for goodness sake he was 17. He was a kid and I really don't think that is fair. It destroyed his life. Yes cheating on me sucked as he was my first real boyfriend and I really liked him but I disagreed that it warranted that.

 

Ultimately she would have sex and I wasn't going to. He could have handled it better but that is what you learn when you are young, you make mistakes.

[autumnnight]

Some of you just don't know how to pick quality people to surround yourselves with. Either you are all blowing this "women running rampant to get secretly pregnant" stuff out of proportion, or you need to pick better social circles.

[No Limit]

He could have handled it better but that is what you learn when you are young, you make mistakes.

 

But there are some 'mistakes' that will come back at you which you have no power or control over. The long-term effects aren't nice of course but, well, he got unlucky - or should I rather say lucky that the kid turned out to be from someone else?

 

Some of you just don't know how to pick quality people to surround yourselves with. Either you are all blowing this "women running rampant to get secretly pregnant" stuff out of proportion, or you need to pick better social circles.

 

Judging from OPs post that girl was known as the crazy type. Unfortunately many men (of all ages) seem to be drawn by them and then end up getting burned. That guy was young and saw an opportunity for cheap and easy sex, so he went for it and almost paid 18 years of child support.

 

I don't know any case irl of something like that either to be honest, but my area is pretty... traditional. Cheaters get shunned pretty fast, if someone tried to pull off a stunt like getting pregnant randomly they'd probably have to move away.

Edited February 17, 2015 by No Limit

[stillafool]

Please, please OP do not trust women with birth control. Always use your own condoms not hers. I can tell you all kinds of horror stories of women punching holes in their own condoms, lying about being on birth control, etc., basically anything to get pregnant. A man would be insane to have unprotected sex these days if he isn't married and doesn't want a child.

[Maleficent]

Gloria, for goodness sake he was 17. He was a kid and I really don't think that is fair. It destroyed his life. Yes cheating on me sucked as he was my first real boyfriend and I really liked him but I disagreed that it warranted that.

 

Ultimately she would have sex and I wasn't going to. He could have handled it better but that is what you learn when you are young, you make mistakes.

 

There comes a point where we have to take responsibility for our actions.

 

If you're going to have unprotected sex, don't come complaining when someone gets pregnant.

 

I really don't get some men. They are all complaining when they get a girl pregnant, that they have no control over whether or not a girl gets pregnant.

 

Guess what, they do! They just jump at the first occasion to not have to wear condoms as soon as the girl says she is on the pill. If I was a man, I'd be so scared to get a random girl pregnant, I'd use condoms, spermicide and would pull out and nothing the girl says would make me do otherwise.

 

Start thinking with your actual brains dudes.

[Got it]

There comes a point where we have to take responsibility for our actions.

 

If you're going to have unprotected sex, don't come complaining when someone gets pregnant.

 

I really don't get some men. They are all complaining when they get a girl pregnant, that they have no control over whether or not a girl gets pregnant.

 

Guess what, they do! They just jump at the first occasion to not have to wear condoms as soon as the girl says she is on the pill. If I was a man, I'd be so scared to get a random girl pregnant, I'd use condoms, spermicide and would pull out and nothing the girl says would make me do otherwise.

 

Start thinking with your actual brains dudes.

 

I agree, absolutely. In this scenario I think he paid 10 fold for what happened and learned a very in depth lesson on not taking care of one's sexual well being at a fairly young age. It also should have taught him better dating choices as well.

 

And I agree, it isn't just pregnancy. Men and woman need to worry about STDs and even condoms won't prevent everything.

 

I can't say I have always made amazingly wonderful decision but one thing I am happy about is having only had sex with two people. I was so afraid of getting an STD or pregnant I just couldn't have sex with someone. It honestly just seemed too scary.

 

But I do sympathize with my friend, maybe because we stayed friends afterwards (and he was the type of guy who made a much better friend than boyfriend), it was just a sucky time for him and changed his relationship with his parents. His fault, absolutely, but when you have some fast tracking to almost any college, shining in sports, friends, etc. and then tanking so bad. It is hard not to feel some empathy.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Why can women just get away with that without any consequence? As men we pay for child support and father our illegitimate child for 18 years. Why is it okay for women to entrap men?

It's not okay of course, it's awful, but if you are going to have sex you have to be 100% responsible for your part of birth control if you don't want any babies, also it's not only the man who has to support and parent the illegitimate children!!

[Maleficent]

I agree, absolutely. In this scenario I think he paid 10 fold for what happened and learned a very in depth lesson on not taking care of one's sexual well being at a fairly young age. It also should have taught him better dating choices as well.

 

And I agree, it isn't just pregnancy. Men and woman need to worry about STDs and even condoms won't prevent everything.

 

I can't say I have always made amazingly wonderful decision but one thing I am happy about is having only had sex with two people. I was so afraid of getting an STD or pregnant I just couldn't have sex with someone. It honestly just seemed too scary.

 

But I do sympathize with my friend, maybe because we stayed friends afterwards (and he was the type of guy who made a much better friend than boyfriend), it was just a sucky time for him and changed his relationship with his parents. His fault, absolutely, but when you have some fast tracking to almost any college, shining in sports, friends, etc. and then tanking so bad. It is hard not to feel some empathy.

 

Not me!

I have made some pretty darn stupid stuff in my sex life and I am thankful every day I am healthy and don't have a kid or two. I was extremely lucky.

 

It's one thing to feel empathy for someone, it's another to blame ABC for XYZ.

 

Everyone does stupid stuff and gets away with it until something bad happens.

I know people who drive drunk all the time. They keep getting away with it until someone is killed. Then they are all so sorry when they knew all along driving drunk was dangerous.

 

It's kind of the same thing here. Men know having unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy. They get away with it then boom! pregnant woman.

Well boohoo. lol

 

Didn't you say the kid wasn't his though?

[StanMusial]

The only foolproof method is to keep it in your pants.

[Got it]

Not me!

I have made some pretty darn stupid stuff in my sex life and I am thankful every day I am healthy and don't have a kid or two. I was extremely lucky.

 

It's one thing to feel empathy for someone, it's another to blame ABC for XYZ.

 

Everyone does stupid stuff and gets away with it until something bad happens.

I know people who drive drunk all the time. They keep getting away with it until someone is killed. Then they are all so sorry when they knew all along driving drunk was dangerous.

 

It's kind of the same thing here. Men know having unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy. They get away with it then boom! pregnant woman.

Well boohoo. lol

 

Didn't you say the kid wasn't his though?

 

Yep the kid wasn't his. So 9 months of drama, lawyers, etc. all for nothing. All because a dummy 17 year old kid went after the girl who seemed exciting, seemed intriguing, and came with a whole lot of baggage. Cray cray is a little fascinating. His karma was dealing with her craziness prior the pregnancy, I think it went above and beyond after that.

 

And, yes, it was just mean of her to do that. My friend was the "better" guy so she hung her hat on him and at 16 was willing to do whatever it took to continue along that path. Even her mom got in on the craziness, tried to MAKE them get married, there was just so much craziness on their side. I felt sorry for her as well. Just an f'ed up situation all around.

 

Lesson in life people, stick with the virgins.

[No Limit]

I wonder what the real father must have thought when she suddenly knocked on his door and presented his baby.