I want to be a better son to my mother

[robaday]

Hey. I just spent three weeks with my mum (we live in different countries) and it was amazing. However for the first time in my life guess the realisation she is getting older dawned on me and a few things occured to me - up until this point our relationship has been somewhat one way with her supporting me selflessly (not financially just doing what mums do best) but also I began to look at her as an individual instead of my mum, if that makes sense?

 

She had a divorce a couple years back from her marriage with my dad. He didnt treat her well and didnt appreciate her and cheated on her. He also put her down a lot. She had a hard upbringing and was incredibly poor as a child. She has also experienced a lot of tragedy in her life, including the death of one of my siblings, as well as a lot of her own family. But through it all she has been a rock and has supported me through intense personal problems of my own.

 

Now, however I want to be a more supportive son and make the most of the next years with her and learn more about her as a person. Most of all I want her to be happy, to experience joy, to experience all the things she has been cheated out of. My Dad cheated her of a number of years of her life, if hed been straight with her all those years ago, she would have been much younger and had a lot longer to really discover herself and maybe find someone else.

 

How can I start this process without making her worried about her age? I want to give more and take less

[anika99]

Your post is touching. It's nice that you have matured to a point that you see your mom as a real person instead of just your mom. I think if you start being supportive and attentive to your mom she will really appreciate that and it won't make her worry about her age. If she's the type to worry about getting older then she will worry about that with or without your support. I'm still middle aged but I worry about getting older sometimes and I can assure you that nothing my sons do or don't do has any bearing on that.

[preraph]

A mother would be happy to hear from her son any time, so don't worry about making her feel old. I'm speaking as someone old enough to be a grandmother but who doesn't have kids. Here's what she would probably really appreciate, besides just spending time with you. Take a vacation and bring your tool set, and go stay with her and fix little things around her house and maybe paint or whatever needs done. It's hard to afford those things and you can't do them yourself once you're old. From a distance, if you have any disposable income, you can stay in touch by telephone and ask her if she's needing anything and hire someone to go do it, or send her gift cards, etc.

 

Ask her about her happier days and let her relive those with you. She had some, but they've been buried in tragedy and life. Look at photos with her. Just be interested in her. There's no greater gift. Good for you.

[CrystalShine2011]

Very sweet post, don't be afraid to show that to her...contact her and show that you love her.

[lgspot]

Nice thoughts....

Do it while you can as soon as you can.

My mom has long been gone. I wish quite often I had been a better son.

She'll appreciate anything you do for/with her.

I suggest starting with cards and letters. Your written words will last her a lifetime....

[Sofarris]

What a fantastic post and sentiment. I think one of the best gifts you can give your mother now is your time and your heart. Ask her if there's anything she wants to do, go to or see. If she's not forthcoming make suggestions. She may just want to go for a coffee with you once a week and talk. Or maybe there's somewhere she wants to go on holiday? Ultimately I think your maturity and the change in how you view her will combine well with you listening to what she wants and create some fantastic times for you to share.