Met up with an ex

[DannyCA]

So I posted this update of sorts in a previous thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/490466-ex-wants-see-me-first-time-long-time

But I feel like 5 pages of thread was a bit much to get to an update.

 

So I'm probably going to get crap for this, but I thought I'd post anyway. I saw my ex (lets call her Carly) for the first time in more than two years last month. Yes the Carly that pretty much every single post of mine has been about.

 

Keep in mind I'm posting this not because I want advice, but just to share. I just love reading people's responses and opinions.

 

Lately, I've been spending a lot more time by myself even though I am still in college. I have been doing a lot of hiking and camping by myself as a sort of self-reflection method. Thanks to a poster on here named Grumpybutfun, I checked out this book called "Man's Search For Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl. It is quite possibly one of the best books I have ever read.

 

So on to Carly. One of my camping and hiking trips I planned over my 5 week winter break from school was close to where she lives now (we were long distance 1,000 miles.) So I gave it a shot and contacted her one week prior to me going up there. To say the least she was very excited to hear from me. It was a complete shocker to me.

 

So when I contacted her, I told her what days I would be there. On her own accord, she planned days for us to go to bars and breweries together. She planned the movies and dinner for us. She wanted to join me on one of my hikes. And she even offered to let me stay at her place if I needed. I didn't.

 

So the week before I went up there she would initiate contact every day (we haven't spoken that much in two years.) The day I drove up there she kept texting me all day asking where I was and what time I would be there. After about 14 hours of driving and it being 1am, she knew I was tired so she told me to call her if I was getting too sleepy to drive even though she had school the next day at 7am. I'm not sure if I was just exhausted from all the driving, but when I called her, the second I heard her voice I could smell her old perfume. Don't ask me how the hell I could, I just did...

 

In the past two years she has never been so cordial to me.

 

So when I get there the next day we get drinks and dinner. We catch each other up and talk about what has happened between us the last 2 years. She admitted to being childish and told me everything she thought she did and handled wrong in BU, and so did I (because she wasn't the only one to make mistakes). After a few hours we go back to her place, she made me food, we hung out a little more (nothing happened) then we planned the hike for the next day.

 

So the next day she bailed on the hike (even though she invited herself and was excited about it). After my hike, we met up for the movies and more drinks.

 

The two days we hung out were great. Quite frankly, we got along just as good if not better than when we dated. It was like we were a combination of our old selves and the newer improved versions.

 

I should note during our two days together some things happened that I didn't expect. She brought me around her parents and they were super excited to see me again. She told me she's pretty sure her parents still want us to get married. She told me that she still sleeps in my old t-shirt and hoodie sweatshirt I gave her. And I noticed all her tendencies come back from when we first started dating like her stuttering laugh when shes nervous around me and her starry eyed look. Also in the past when we would talk she was so adamant about never leaving this new place she was living because she loved it there. Now apparently she hates it there and can't wait to move back to where I live once she's done with school. She must have told me that she's going to move back like 10 times when we hung out.

 

Now is the weird part. The third and last day I would have been in town she bailed on me completely. She had school, but she said she was feeling sick from all the drinking we were doing. I offered to hang out with her at her place and keep it simple and she told me "she would rather be by herself and just sleep early."

 

The last time I heard that exact phrase, we broke up 3 weeks later.

 

The reason I bring up the book by Frankl is because it has taught me the value of being honest to not only others but also to yourself. Of having a goal that sets meaning to your life. In this I have realized I have no business being in a RS until I feel I have become the best man I can be on my own. I can honestly say Carly is the only woman I want to be with. While I can whole-heartedly agree that might sound foolish, it's how I feel. With that being said I still have much more learning to do, much more growing to do on my own. So if she told me tomorrow she wanted to get back together, I can honestly say I would decline.

 

When we spoke I can see how much she has grown as a person over the last two years. She didn't have to say, but I know her, I could tell her growth had come from personal trials she's faced on her own up there and mistakes she's made. Growth that could only come from being single. Same goes for myself. Despite all the growth I have done over the past two years, I would have never done so if she didn't break up with me.

 

But still two years post BU, after all the time I've spent alone, after all the fun I've had being single, after all the dates I've gone on, after being in a RS after Carly, after all the women I've slept with, Carly is still the only one on my mind everyday.

[Ruby65]

I hope you found some closure for yourself.

 

I couldn't help feeling kind of sorry for *all the women* you've dated and slept with while still being hung up on your ex, though.... I hope none of them had feelings for you!

[DannyCA]

I hope you found some closure for yourself.

 

I couldn't help feeling kind of sorry for *all the women* you've dated and slept with while still being hung up on your ex, though.... I hope none of them had feelings for you!

 

You know what, I hope so too