Girlfriend received filthy text in middle of night

[umirano]

I need to mention that she is the sweetest girl I have ever met so seeing her get this text was gut wrenching and completely out of character from her.

Red flag.

 

and she is very jealous of me.

Red flag.

 

She was also a little drunk when she texted him.

Red flag.

 

This girl loves attention and is keeping all her options. Dump her and invest your time in someone with a shred of loyalty in them. Or bace yourself for a long and increasingly painful ride of drama, smoke screens and manipulation.

[Diezel]

her ex: "Have you married your bf yet?"

her: "Nope : ) How are you?"

 

This worries me. A LOT.

 

This part of the interaction should have gone VERY differently.

[kendahke]

When we first started dating she went out on Halloween without me (I wasn't feeling well) and kissed a guy and then a different guy walked her home and they "snuggled in bed for a sec" but nothing happened. We hadn't been dating long at that point but we were spending a lot of time together. She felt bad and told me about it. She said she did it cause she heard I was still seeing my ex.

 

Wow, so instead of asking you directly if you were seeing your ex, she decided to exact revenge based upon speculation by kissing one man and then bringing another man into her bed--yeah, sure all they did was snuggle. This is a woman who cannot do right who is telling you that.

 

She is incapable of appropriate behavior, then and now.

 

What is her excuse for not having blocked her ex? I take it you two aren't in the dating phase, but are in the exclusive, committed relationship phase, right? So what is her excuse? Your ex?

[Spectre]

Nothing happened huh? Here we go

 

Of course nothing happened! It was just one of those random cuddlings that men and women do, you know how it goes.

[CrystalShine2011]

From the text, it sounds like she has talked to him and explained that she isn't "allowed to talk"....RED FLAG.

 

I would sit down, get answers...but. Just be prepared for worse...

[Friskyone4u]

Your GF is either lying her ass off to you or she needs some real work on her boundaries with men. Either one is not good.

I don't believe this ex just texted her in the middle of the night looking for a booty call, and if you had not been awake or with her do you really believe she would have told you. The reason she made like the text was from some idiot was because she was hoping you would not look at it.

You are headed to finding out at some point that she has cheated on you with someone. If she is going out partying with her friends that's when it will happen

She has no respect for you if she is fine with ex boyfriends taking a run at her every few months to see if they can get in her pants. She should want to block him without you telling her to. But she does not . You are in trouble here my friend. Get your head out of the sand

[PegNosePete]

I asked her not to talk to him anymore. She agreed

her: "Nope : ) How are you?"

You have caught her in a blatant lie. She even told the guy that she's not allowed to talk to him any more - but clearly she still does.

 

Whether there's anything "going on" or not, she is lying to your face, playing you for a fool and totally disrespecting you to her ex.

 

So what are you going to do about it?

[Justanaverageguy]

Reading the above details .... it almost sounds like she has basically already checked out and is now testing the waters with other guys. Is she being manipulative in other areas of the relationship ? Has she been initiating more arguments lately ? It sounds like the balance of "power" in the relationship is totally on her side which is not a good thing.

 

I need to mention that she is the sweetest girl I have ever met so seeing her get this text was gut wrenching and completely out of character from her. She's not a flirt either and she is very jealous of me.

 

Something I learnt through past experience is the people who get most jealous generally are the ones who cheat themselves. I've seen this with both male and female friends and also based on previous ex's. Maybe if you have been totally screwed over and burnt before it might be an exception. Normally however most people tend to think their relationship partner will act the same way they will. If I am a person who cheats and plays up when my partner is not around - I tend to assume they will do the same and I become jealous in situations when I would do something. If I am an honest faithful person .... then normally I would tend to think my partner would act in the same way. We project our own ideals onto others. Being overtly jealous is a massive red flag for me and I learnt that the hard way.

[Spectre]

From the text, it sounds like she has talked to him and explained that she isn't "allowed to talk"....RED FLAG.

 

I would sit down, get answers...but. Just be prepared for worse...

 

This is another good point. If she wasn't allowed to talk to him then she wouldn't of been allowed to actually inform him that she wasn't allowed to talk to him. I mean, as a general rule of thumb, if you are going to cut someone out of your life you don't go and tell them..you just do it, like ripping a band aid off.

 

I would also wonder..the guy asks if she married her bf yet and her response is "Nope" with a smiley face next to it. Uh, kinda sounds like she was implying she was super happy to not be married to this guy. I don't know, I find that weird. Even if she truly wasn't ready for marriage, why the smiley?

[Keke1]

This is another good point. If she wasn't allowed to talk to him then she wouldn't of been allowed to actually inform him that she wasn't allowed to talk to him. I mean, as a general rule of thumb, if you are going to cut someone out of your life you don't go and tell them..you just do it, like ripping a band aid off.

 

I would also wonder..the guy asks if she married her bf yet and her response is "Nope" with a smiley face next to it. Uh, kinda sounds like she was implying she was super happy to not be married to this guy. I don't know, I find that weird. Even if she truly wasn't ready for marriage, why the smiley?

 

Getting into the i tell you who you can talk to thing is bad imo. The boundaries should be clear up front though. Myself. No to talking to exes if you can't deal we aren't for each other and that's cool. The sneaking around is grounds for getting away from this chick tho. I wouldn't even think twice. I've dealt with that headache before.

[smackie9]

It's not appropriate, but it's nothing to be alarmed about. She has him in the friends zone. She isn't the one keeping in communication, it's her ex. They both have some attachment but it's not romantic. Since you are not OK with it you are just going to have to revisit your "relationship boundaries" with her. If she doesn't see it from your perspective, then you two are not compatible because you both are not on the same page and see things differently. That would mean relationship termination.

[Blade96]

That kind of talk might be ok among just friends. sometimes people who are just friends might be vulgar with each other.

 

BUT - the fact he says you married yet? and then says I need some pussy - the warhammer ya know" makes me think he's trying to flirt. And that's not ok.

 

He's not acting like someone who's just a friend.

[smackie9]

I have buddies who will talk like that to me too so don't kid yourself, and there is nothing romantic about what he was saying. You just don't like the fact they are still chatting with each other and you are trying to find something to win your case.

[katiegrl]

Agree with all the others. OP take off the rose-colored glasses...this girl is not as "sweet" as she has duped you to believe.

 

That is as clear as the sky is blue.

[LoveRefreshed]

I am in agreeance with smackie here. You need to just remind her that she said she would respect your wishes and cut contact from him. I would remind her that you still are uncomfortable with this guy and the way he talks to her. I would then ask her to block him and go no contact. It doesn't matter how sorry she is for him, his problems are not her concern anymore.

 

If she is really sweet, then I can understand that she probably does genuinely feel sorry for him, but it isn't worth the problems it will cause in the relationship.

 

I once broke up with a girl and started dating someone else. I cottled my ex because she had no other friends and tried to maintain civility and friendship with her... while it just made her hurt longer and caused nothing but issues in my new relationship.

[whichwayisup]

She said that she broke up with him because he talked like this. She says she simply felt sorry for him so she would help give him relationship advice from time to time. She said he was trying to start drama by sending that message.

 

This guy is not a friend, he is fishing and hoping to get some from her, though she isn't taking the bait. the thing is, there's NO reason for her to be talking to him at all. Ex's are ex's for a reason. Time for her to tell him goodbye, wish him well and then block him. Oh and obviously she's told him she's not allowed to speak to him because of you...That is not cool. She should take responsibility and tell him "I am happy with my boyfriend and it's just best we don't keep in touch anymore." instead of making it seem like the only reason why they're not talking more often is because of you.

 

Also him texting her at 4am is NOT cool.

[PegNosePete]

Guys it's been over a week and 2 pages of posts since the OP posted anything. I doubt he's still reading.

[TexasMan68]

When we first started dating she went out on Halloween without me (I wasn't feeling well) and kissed a guy and then a different guy walked her home and they "snuggled in bed for a sec" but nothing happened. We hadn't been dating long at that point but we were spending a lot of time together. She felt bad and told me about it. She said she did it cause she heard I was still seeing my ex.

 

Sweet girls don't talk about "pussy" with their ex boyfriends that they broke up with 4 years ago. In fact sweet girls don't stay in touch with ex boyfriends unless they still feel something for them. Nor do they kiss random guys and "snuggle in bed" with another!! You got yourself a DIRTY GIRL in a sweet girl wrapper!!! Open your eyes and smell the truth!!