arami99 Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 This is my first post. Please help me understand what to do next. My wife and I are headed for a divorce after 5 years and we have 2 kids. I know that I still love her. She filed for divorce after I moved out and stopped communicating. I tried like hell at first then realized she needed room. I stopped telling her I loved her and no longer push my feelings on her. These days I just listen her and I chose my responses carefully. In the last 4 days we started communicating more but she is still angry with my family for abandoning her. She wishes I would stand up for her and I do but she doesn't believe me. The other day I offered to help her. She resisted at first but finally accepted. For months she's rejected any idea of dinner, but yesterday she let me buy her lunch. I spoke to her mom today and she said "Shannon complemented me on how much I helped out with the kids and her crisis." I know that if I bring up the past she might start to pull away as before. I still want to work things out but I just don't know what to do next. My only hope is this forum and the people who have been through this before. Can anyone help me? Thanks in advance Angel Link to post Share on other sites
miggsbucks Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 i have no experience of that type of scenario, and am guilty here of just blabbering, but as you have been selective with your answers, then you are really not being true to yourself as well as her. my gut feeling from reading your posts is that the situation does not look good, i know people have to be sensitive to other people's needs, but you have to be sensitive to your own equally if not more so in this situation. i would suggest to approach the issue with a tad more focus upon your needs, and act accordingly, maybe hint to the estranged one about your own situation.. as i say i'm not in your situation, but hope my gut reaction to your text may provoke a positive response within you Link to post Share on other sites
miggsbucks Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 when i said it doesnt look good, i didnt mean it as in terms of the revival of the relationship, i've just read your post again actually, and it seems ok on 2nd look, the compliment was a good sign. maybe focusing on your needs is a little rash. the reason ive re-posted is because there's a guy i work with who's wife asked him for a divorce. he told me this about 4/5 weeks ago, i asked him how it was going for the first time today since he told me, and he told me it was ok, but she was on antidepressants and was under a lot of stress in work. so bcos he lay low and let everything wash over him, it seems theyre not off to the courts now, so hang in there is what i would say.... whats the alternative.... there probably is none if you want your marriage resurrecting Link to post Share on other sites
Author arami99 Posted April 5, 2005 Author Share Posted April 5, 2005 Last night I finally acknowledge the issue with my family. In short I explained that they had in the beginning been supportive and then just out of nowhere came after me. I suffered the same attacks as she did. I moved away from them in an effort to end these senseless attacks. Today I mentioned that the meaning of our conversation was to acknowledge that there was an issue and ways that might make it possible to resolve the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
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