I don't know if I'm attracted to my girlfriend's face??

[matman89]

I want to preface this by saying that I am a very sensitive individual, and this thread my come off as shallow, so please go easy on me.

 

I love my girlfriend. We have been dating for 1.5 years now. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, we're both 25. We don't live together yet. But she has so much in common with me, and she is so sweet and nurturing. I love being with her, and I have a lot of fun with her. I can't see myself being with anyone else. Our romance life is good for the most part too. But..

 

Here is my problem:

 

We have had great sex many times. However, as of recent (a few months ago) I've reached this dilemma where despite having great sex with her, and having fun exploring her body, occasionally I feel not attracted to her face. Like tonight when I drove by her house to pick something up, she had gotten off of a long day at work, and her hair wasn't done the way it usually is, and it was hard to see her in the dark, maybe she didn't have makeup on , and I think given that "perfect storm" of events, I said to myself "hmm, she's not looking so hot tonight". But other times, I've strongly felt that she has a beautiful face, and even expressed it to her during sex (including times when she doesn't have makeup on). Her eyes, her delicate eyebrows, her smile

 

It's silly because sometimes this will happen where I'll think her face doesn't look attractive, and then 10 minutes later, I'll see her in the light and think "What the heck was I thinking, she's gorgeous!" . I'll often think about her when I'm about to go to bed, and that gets me hard. We'll kiss and I enjoy it. We'll snuggle, and I enjoy it. We take showers together, and I really enjoy it.

 

It wasn't a problem before. Now I feel like I'm evaluating her face to see if it is attractive or not. And sometimes, when I'm in that "evaluation mode" I'll feel it is not attractive. Other times, I'll think to myself that she's the prettiest woman I've ever met. (Which is weird, because how can someones face change that dramatically?)This was never a problem when I didn't worry about it.

 

I don't want to break up with her =(. Everything else is going great, and this is only an occasional problem. Please offer me your input!

[mightycpa]

Wow, and I thought that only happened to me!

 

The second time I fell in love, I remember the moment. We were making out in her apartment, and the moonlight was streaming in through the sliding glass door.

 

This girl was a 7.5, maybe an 8 on a good night. Anyway, we're swappin' spit, and I open my eyes, and the next thing you know, she turns into a 10 right in front of my eyes. Then, she's back to a 7.5, then back to at 10, back and forth, back and forth, and finally, she landed on 10. If I think about it, I can still see her that way, but I have to think really hard and remember her eyes. That was the night I learned that falling in love was an illusion.

 

That lasted about two years. Then she dumped me and six months later, I woke up one day, and I knew I was out of love. I took her to lunch that day just to make sure. It was a good day for her, she was about an 8.

 

Weird.

 

So, long story short, I think your love goggles are starting to wear out, and you're seeing her for who she really is. That's a good thing. Keep your eyes open. Now is a critical time in your relationship.

[rocketman122]

everyone is shallow. everyone wants to date an attractive person. no one is any different. everyone wants someone attractive to them. men or women its the same.

 

uh..every girl is a 10 in doggy style. head down, azs up..haha

[Buddhist]

There's a very simple answer here. Your relationship has reached a level requiring more commitment from you (not saying she's expecting anything else or asking you for it) but the hormonal high has worn off and you are both beginning to see each other as you really are, rather than the ideals you saw in each other when you first met. It happens to everyone.

 

Given you've been with her since a young age it's entirely possible that your mind is doing the.....No, no, no.....we haven't seen enough of the world, done enough stuff, had enough freedom for you to settle down yet! That's a subconscious thing that most people never are fully aware of but it strikes them as odd impulses like waking up in the night in a panic for reasons they can't understand and the suddenly feel of suffocation or loss of freedom even though nothing much has really changed.

 

It's a normal thing. A transition in which you will shift your focus away from sex, her face, her body and more to the other things which make you great together. You will still have enjoyable sex, still enjoy the way she looks. But there will be new things to appreciate as well.

[matman89]

It just scares me because we plan to live together soon. Sometimes, I'll have this problem during sex where I'll critically evaluate her face (and this has probably only happened maybe 4 times out of like, the 150 or so that we've had sex) and I'll feel bad for doing it, and go into a state of panic and won't be able to get hard.

 

I just hope, Buddhist, that I can stay with her without being too freaked out about what I am experiencing. I hope that I don't make myself break up with her, just because I'm feeling confused.

[Stargazer47]

I want to preface this by saying that I am a very sensitive individual, and this thread my come off as shallow, so please go easy on me.

 

I love my girlfriend. We have been dating for 1.5 years now. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, we're both 25. We don't live together yet. But she has so much in common with me, and she is so sweet and nurturing. I love being with her, and I have a lot of fun with her. I can't see myself being with anyone else. Our romance life is good for the most part too. But..

 

Here is my problem:

 

We have had great sex many times. However, as of recent (a few months ago) I've reached this dilemma where despite having great sex with her, and having fun exploring her body, occasionally I feel not attracted to her face. Like tonight when I drove by her house to pick something up, she had gotten off of a long day at work, and her hair wasn't done the way it usually is, and it was hard to see her in the dark, maybe she didn't have makeup on , and I think given that "perfect storm" of events, I said to myself "hmm, she's not looking so hot tonight". But other times, I've strongly felt that she has a beautiful face, and even expressed it to her during sex (including times when she doesn't have makeup on). Her eyes, her delicate eyebrows, her smile

 

It's silly because sometimes this will happen where I'll think her face doesn't look attractive, and then 10 minutes later, I'll see her in the light and think "What the heck was I thinking, she's gorgeous!" . I'll often think about her when I'm about to go to bed, and that gets me hard. We'll kiss and I enjoy it. We'll snuggle, and I enjoy it. We take showers together, and I really enjoy it.

 

It wasn't a problem before. Now I feel like I'm evaluating her face to see if it is attractive or not. And sometimes, when I'm in that "evaluation mode" I'll feel it is not attractive. Other times, I'll think to myself that she's the prettiest woman I've ever met. (Which is weird, because how can someones face change that dramatically?)This was never a problem when I didn't worry about it.

 

I don't want to break up with her =(. Everything else is going great, and this is only an occasional problem. Please offer me your input!

You don't know? When do you think you will know? Inner beauty is the most important. Always remember that. Physical attraction is a big plus, when their inner beauty is beautiful as well. Hope you see all her beauty, beyond the small physical issue....

[Buddhist]

It just scares me because we plan to live together soon. Sometimes, I'll have this problem during sex where I'll critically evaluate her face (and this has probably only happened maybe 4 times out of like, the 150 or so that we've had sex) and I'll feel bad for doing it, and go into a state of panic and won't be able to get hard.

 

I just hope, Buddhist, that I can stay with her without being too freaked out about what I am experiencing. I hope that I don't make myself break up with her, just because I'm feeling confused.

 

All normal transition stuff. Moving in together really isn't a huge step. In my country it's not even really a sign of commitment. I've lived with basically every boyfriend and it was done for convenience (share rental costs, food, utilities) than anything else. You can start freaking out when you're purchasing an engagement ring.....

 

Just breathe, you'll be fine.

[barcode88]

Physical attraction is important, but remember everyone has imperfections. Try and look past her face and into the person behind the face.

[mightycpa]

Sometimes, I'll have this problem during sex where I'll critically evaluate her face ... and I'll feel bad for doing it, and go into a state of panic and won't be able to get hard.

 

So, the real question is if you go soft because you feel bad about it, or if, when it is all said and done, you go soft because you know you're not attracted to her even when you have your **** inside of her.

 

I think it's one thing to realize that you don't date the most beautiful woman in the world. After all, who really does?

 

But I think it's quite another to have those thoughts while your knocking boots. I think, re-reading this, that you have a different problem. You wrote this:

 

But she has so much in common with me, and she is so sweet and nurturing. I love being with her, and I have a lot of fun with her.

That's a long way from being in love with someone. I had a GF, and to this day, I call her the best GF I ever had. Beautiful, fun, self-sufficient, kind, loving, educated, f*cked like a porn star, and loved me to death. On paper, she was probably the best I'd ever expect to get. But there was one thing about her that allowed me to let her go without any real regrets: I didn't love her.

 

I get the sense you're in the same boat. You realize she's a catch in many ways, but you're not really attracted to her. You should start asking yourself questions like "could I live without her". For me, the answer was yes, even though I knew I'd miss her. I moved on and I'm glad I did.

[stillafool]

Oh, Brother!!!!!!

[GemmaUK]

OK.

Go find a movie/TV sow with the woman in whom you find most beautiful.

 

 

Then when she is on screen press pause, then play, then pause..etc etc.

 

 

No one is perfect looking all of the time.

 

 

I actually like the stage where I find a man less facially attractive because it elevates my feelings when I fall for his face all over again. With my good ex relationships I did..over and over and I am 100% sure they had the same feelings as I did.

I'm surprised it has taken you so long to get to that stage to be honest.

Have you got to the stage where you hate the back of her head or how she walks yet?

It'll come.. Both of those ^^^ are random thoughts which come and go too.

 

 

Have you ever considered that she might feel the same about you too sometimes?

I have no doubt she does.

 

 

She sounds like a lovely girl and you two sound like you have a good thing going there.

[preraph]

I think attraction can wax and wane depending on everybody's mood and what's going on and yes, women can have very bad days when they didn't bother with makeup, and it makes a big difference in how most of them look. Why don't you spring for a "day of beauty" next special occasion like her birthday and I bet she comes home looking and feeling great. She may just not be taking as much care of her appearance now. Either think it doesn't matter to you or whatever OR could be a little depressed or distracted. So be sure you praise her and compliment her when she does look great because that is the best way to be sure she keeps going to the bother.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Of course people don't look their best all of the time. Even the hottest model on the planet will probably look like sh*t when sick and tired or after a long day.

 

Frankly, I think my bf is one of the most handsome and sexiest men ever. Of course there are days when I come over and I could tell he hasn't had the best sleep or the best day and he looks worn. No, he doesn't look his best but I am still unequivocally attracted to HIM.

 

If you love your gf, the attraction should't be conditional. Look, it's normal to not think your gf looks stunning 24/7 so stop feeling bad and letting it interfere with your interaction with your girl.

 

On the other hand, if you're feeling like this is a problem...perhaps there are other issues within the relationship.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Haha...so true. I love my bf but there is this sound he always makes when clearing his nasal passage that drives me craaazy.

 

It's a beautiful thing when you get to the stage in your relationship that Gemma posted about. The stage where the honeymoon has worn off and despite the annoying habits or things that bother you about your significant other, you still love them. I've gotten to the point where I find those annoying things about my man funny and kind of cute.

 

OK.

Go find a movie/TV sow with the woman in whom you find most beautiful.

 

 

Then when she is on screen press pause, then play, then pause..etc etc.

 

 

No one is perfect looking all of the time.

 

 

I actually like the stage where I find a man less facially attractive because it elevates my feelings when I fall for his face all over again. With my good ex relationships I did..over and over and I am 100% sure they had the same feelings as I did.

I'm surprised it has taken you so long to get to that stage to be honest.

Have you got to the stage where you hate the back of her head or how she walks yet?

It'll come.. Both of those ^^^ are random thoughts which come and go too.

 

Have you ever considered that she might feel the same about you too sometimes?

I have no doubt she does.

 

 

She sounds like a lovely girl and you two sound like you have a good thing going there.

[pteromom]

Have you ever considered that she might feel the same about you too sometimes?

I have no doubt she does.

 

Right. In certain lighting, you are probably hideous. Everyone is.

 

Nobody looks like a 10 at all times.

 

You need to start consciously changing your thinking on this. When you find yourself evaluating her face, force yourself to think of something else - a nice thing she just did for you, the sounds she made last time you were intimate, the way she laughed at a dumb joke you told...the things that make your feelings grow for a person.

 

You need to work on this now, because whether you are with her or with someone else, whoever you end up with will have good days and bad days, and eventually as life progresses, the bad days will outnumber the good.

 

The way someone's hair looks doesn't make them a good or a bad partner. It doesn't make them good or bad in bed either. See beyond the exterior and keep forcing yourself to do that until you no longer think in that way.

[todreaminblue]

i dont know if it is because i have extremely bad eyesight....but i can honestly say i have not had this happen to me with guys i have been with.....or guys i fall for......i can say that i was attracted to their physical presence...but over time i grew to be physically attracted to them...the more i learned the more i fell....and its always been this way...they have to have that inner beauty......

 

sex doesnt have anything to do with me falling for a guy or finding them attractive..........and once i do fall.....it is long lasting...they will always be attractive to me......deb

[xxoo]

It's normal for the shine to fade as the honeymoon phase wears off, and to start seeing the faults alongside the beauty. At this point, you are seeing her more fully as a whole person. That's a good thing.

 

 

If you love her, enjoy her, and great sex, and think she's the most beautiful woman some of the time, that's amazing. To expect looking into perfection all the time is fantasy. A lot of the honeymoon phase is fantasy. The question is, do you truly love her now that the blush of newness has worn off? Forget evaluating if she is the most beautiful face. Is she your favorite face?

[PogoStick]

I generally separate physical attraction into: face and body. I think the face carries more value. It's easier to overlook body imperfections with a cute face, but a nice body with an ugly face just isn't going to work.

 

I then consider the 3rd attraction to be personality. A girl needs passing scores in all areas, but higher in one can make up some for the others.

 

The question is, do you find her face unattractive/ugly or just plain/average. Average can be worked with.

[CrystalShine2011]

Tough one....is it a deal breaker?

 

I think everyone has those moments of not looking great...

[Buddhist]

A girl needs passing scores in all areas, but higher in one can make up some for the others.

 

The question is, do you find her face unattractive/ugly or just plain/average. Average can be worked with.

 

There's any easy filter to get rid of a guy who is overly focused on superficialities. Just show him your no makeup face early on. If it bothers him then he'll eliminate himself and stop wasting your time and go waste someone else's time.

 

It's a silly move for women to hide their natural face from potential suitors in case he's turned off. Get rid of him now because he's only going to pressure you the instant you no longer look as he expects and in most cases he will run at some point anyway. Who wants to shack up with that?

 

One of my ex's criticised me for not wearing makeup one day. I told him flat out that he had no say in the matter. Coming from a guy with a fairly unattractive face that he could do nothing about, I found it rather hypocritical and I decided then and there he was one to dump.

[aussietigerwolf]

Actual toys? Or is that a sexual joke?

[katiegrl]

Don't worry OP...you'll be fine. Just remember to always look YOUR best cause trust me, SHE is doing the SAME exact thing to you...

 

So instead of wasting energy evaluating *her* face...spend that energy evaluating your ENTIRE self...in an effort to be the best man you can be...for her!

 

No doubt she's having her own doubts about you....men don't have the market cornered on that one....

[NJ123]

There's any easy filter to get rid of a guy who is overly focused on superficialities. Just show him your no makeup face early on. If it bothers him then he'll eliminate himself and stop wasting your time and go waste someone else's time.

 

It's a silly move for women to hide their natural face from potential suitors in case he's turned off. Get rid of him now because he's only going to pressure you the instant you no longer look as he expects and in most cases he will run at some point anyway. Who wants to shack up with that?

 

One of my ex's criticised me for not wearing makeup one day. I told him flat out that he had no say in the matter. Coming from a guy with a fairly unattractive face that he could do nothing about, I found it rather hypocritical and I decided then and there he was one to dump.

 

Just curious but if you flat out thought he was unattractive, than what were you doing with him in the first place? Seems odd you'd date someone you don't find personally attractive.

[Erised]

Just show him your no makeup face early on..

 

That's the only face I have!

I never wear makeup. Usually get complimented for it by guys interested in me. (There's someone for everyone.)

 

Then, I've never had someone be attracted to me and then not, either.

 

Still, the OP said it's not related to makeup or not and he doesn't know what's causing it. So I'm guessing mental, and wondering what is nagging at him.

[katiegrl]

That's the only face I have!

I never wear makeup. Usually get complimented for it by guys interested in me. (There's someone for everyone.)

 

Then, I've never had someone be attracted to me and then not, either.

 

Still, the OP said it's not related to makeup or not and he doesn't know what's causing it. So I'm guessing mental, and wondering what is nagging at him.

 

What's nagging him is fear of commitment. The closer he feels to her emotionally, the greater the fear...so he starts looking for things to distance himself emotionally.. such as finding flaws that never bothered him before (before he started feeling so emotionally bonded to her)... begins picking things (like her face) apart...and questioning whether she is the right girl for him and this is the right relationship.

 

He's in the "ambivalence" stage...which is actually pretty normal.

 

It's just his fear....and it will pass. Women experience it too sometimes but for different reasons...