predator8u Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 Let me know what you think... just an honest opinion. I don't get offended Alright, I'm 20 years old and I have never been with a girl. I feel I should be at least in love before I have sex and it should be someone I plan on spending my life with.. It seems though that many (all of them actully )of the girls that I talk to are turned off by this. I guess I'm conservative.... but my question is is it more manly to have sex and give up your values and beliefs or is it more manly to stick to your values. I consider myself attractive, funny and I'm on my way to being successful. I'm usually pretty confident so this should not be a problem. I like to have fun and all, but I never "seal the deal" And when I do do it someday it won't be anything conservative haha (like through a hole in a bed sheet hah) I don't lead anyone on,,, I usually tell them from the start about this. But i'm really starting to wonder whether this is a waste of time. I really can't find anyone that shares these values with me. I mean there are girls out there that may have the same beliefs but I'm not attracted to them... and I can't just go around asking everyone if they are a virgin and have the same values. I'd prefer my girlfriend to be a virgin, but I'm realistic about it and I wouldn't really mind if she has been with a guy or two before. It seems like most people lose it at like 15 16 has anyone experienced something like this before? what are your thoughts? Thanks a bunch Link to post Share on other sites
BrwnEyz13 Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 hey man i hear ya, that's pretty good uve been able to keep it that long. I'm 17 and am still a virgin. Hell I'm still a prude maybe im too scrupulous i dunno. I fidn this very admirable, and this is coming fro ma guys perspective. Good luck and wish me luck too Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 don't be afraid to be an independent thinker, to cherish your values, but don't give up on the thought that the woman mean to be your mate is out there. Just remember, she might not be the ideal you have in mind (i.e., possibly has been sexually active in the past, maybe even a parent, etc). Link to post Share on other sites
gridiron Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 It takes a man to stick to his values. This may put you at a competitive disadvantage with some girls, but if you are true to your values, that should not matter, although it can be hard at times. I really can't find anyone that shares these values with me. I mean there are girls out there that may have the same beliefs but I'm not attracted to them... and I can't just go around asking everyone if they are a virgin and have the same values. Have you had chances to go out with girls that have the same beliefs who are moderately attractive (but not gorgeous), but shot them down? Have you concluded a girl you are attracted to probably does not share your beliefs, based on very limited information - maybe because she seemed a little to flirty or maybe because she curses? I have a friend who is a devout Christian who sabotages opportunities to meet women because his standards are a little too perfectionist. I am not saying you or anyone else should lower their standards, but just as I roll my eyes when I hear a woman complain that there are no good men left, and have a list of 40 "must haves" in a guy (and many of them contradictory), I would say to be a little more open to the whole idea of dating. It is not a contract, it is a chance for you to get to know someone better to find out whether you are compatible or not. Get involved with your Church and Christian organizations. You may also try some singles/dating sites for Christians, if that is your cup of tea. Make lots of friends who share your beliefs so that you may also be introduced to someone you may like. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
latesleeper Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 to me, it's not a matter of being manly sticking to your values or not. it's what kind of a person you want to be. a person who does what he believes or just says the words? you seem like a sensible person who is upholding a value he believes in. it will do you well in any future relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 Originally posted by predator8u is it more manly to have sex and give up your values and beliefs or is it more manly to stick to your values. Personally I think it is far more 'manly' to stick to your values. 20 may seem like 'old' to still be a virgin in this day and age, but its not. You know what you want and you won't settle or break under peer pressure and that is something about which to be proud. To me it sounds like your parents raised you right, and I'm not talking about sex, but about being your own man. I think you will find sex much more fulfilling when you wait for the right person and have an emotional connection. I also believe that there are many women who will be thrilled to have found another virgin! A lot of people do have problems with their partners having more experience than them--there are posts on LS about "should I catch up". Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 I find it very noble of you to stick to your values. I admire your strength, and I can only hope that there are more sensible young men out there such as yourself. I know my teenagers haven't lost their virginity yet, and they plan on staying pure until they are married. This is by their choice, noone sat there and convinced them and it only came up because as parents we remain open when it comes to sex, drugs or drinking. I'd rather they feel comfortable coming to us for advice than to fear us with possible punishment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author predator8u Posted April 5, 2005 Author Share Posted April 5, 2005 hey thanks a lot all of you i appreciate all the encouragement (sp?) its good to know people value these types of things... Anyway good luck to all of you that have mentioned you are doing the same! thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 I also think it is really admirable and you should stick to your guns. My friend just got engaged to a guy who was a virgin when they met (age 27). Also, my bf was celibate for 7 years before we started dating, because he had decided to not to have sex again until he met "Mrs. Right." (me ) Anyway, don't feel silly for still being a virgin. The right girl will love you for it! Also, follow that other poster's advice and look for a girl with similar values through the Christian dating scene. There are websites and groups and everything. There are tons of girls out there looking for a guy like you! Link to post Share on other sites
big_girls_rock Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 I agree with everyone else- I too am a 20 yr. old Christian virgin and Im really surprised that there are guys like that left. My problem is when I start dating- having that guy who will respect my wishes cause nowadays sex is basically expected in dating relationships is pretty hard to come by. And I don't know about your posistion but Christians are brought up to limit who we date as in the same beliefs. Being a virgin is a hard thing to be in todays society but please stick to what you believe. It will all work out in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
lunarbabe Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 First of all, I can't believe that big_girls_rock is a virgin. her location is 'in your bed'. But lets get back to the point at hand. I think that even if you are only thinking about changing this , you should first decide to be OK with any decision you make. Just the fact that you've brought it up in an open forum like this says to me that you are considering the change. If you do change your mind about being a virgin, don't ever regret it. Its your life and you get to make all your choices. I know it sounds silly, but I've made many decisions in my life by creating a pros and cons list. Just see if it helps. Link to post Share on other sites
animo Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 I was 19 untill i lost my virginity... There were oppertunities to lose it before that but i had already decided it was going to be with the love of my life. Then i finally found her...or thought i did. The relationship wen't sour and we broke up. Nevertheless i'd like to believe that i stuck to my values about this, since for years there were plans of moving in together, raising a familie, the whole nine yards, it just didn't turn out that way unfortunitly. But i have no regrets, we were and still are closer then i have ever been with anyone. I still care for her deeply, albeit not in a romantic manner... I guess i could have waited for a ring on my finger but then we may have still become devorced at some point.... the point is... It's hard to determine wether or not you are with the 'right' person. In your point of view i suppose you believe the right person is the person you spend your life with but the truth is you can't really know this for 100% certain untill you life is over I think it's great that you want to stick to your values, just bare in mind that you may still end up losing your virginity to someone you will nto spend your entire life with and you should remember the same thing rings true for everyone. That includes the women you may want to date. They may have had sex already with the 'right' person but then later found out he wasn't really the right person. I don't think you should activly exclude these women from your 'roster'. Which does not suggest that you start sleeping around. You can still hold out for who you perceive to be the right person. Just remember, it's only a perception. Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 I'm 19 soon to be 20 in 2 months and I'm still a virgin. I really believe in being inlove with the person before you sleep with them. I went to this party one night... I got drunk and my ex was drunk. I pulled a great trick on him because I knew the only reason he wanted to get me to this party and get drunk was to get me to have sex with him. So, the last trip I made to the bath room I went and put a pad on so I would fake my period. I know that is wierd but it worked. He had his hand in my pants and felt my pad and was completely turned off!!! It was a great moment. I tried not to laugh to hard. LOL!!!!! Those who are Virgins need to United!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 Well, there are virgins and not so virgins. I mean some are sort of skimming the edge there But, the main reason I can think of to not have sex is because of a religious belief that a creator expects this of you. Second, perhaps because of idealism and wanting to have a unique relationship with someone. Also, there are very practical reasons such as avoiding STD`s and pregnancy. Link to post Share on other sites
Nubemeister Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 I say stick to you values.. I know a guy that is 22 or is going to be and he is virgin and there is nothing wrong with that. He's just really wanting that girl he can marry and so on... Im a virgin myself so..and I am 21. So I say keep on with them and keep your beliefs:) Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 My favorite aunt in the world (I named my oldest daughter after her) was a virgin until she married her husband at 30. That's right THIRTY. And it's not for lack of opportunity, the woman was (and is) built like a brick house. It was just something she felt strongly about. Her husband was not a virgin. Do you have any idea how honored he felt? What an extra gift it was that he was the one she deemed worthy enough to give all of herself to. The only one? She's only 10 years older than me, so we kind of grew up together. Man, I admire her so much. So much that I named a child after her. I say, you go with what you know to be right. The right way is rarely the easy one. Shoot, if it was easy, everyone would be doing it, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Blackfrost Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 good on those that believe in keeping values It's our values who define who we are and what we believe. I waited until I was 21, not for lack of opportunity, but for not believing in sleeping with someone purely for the sake of not being a virgin. I wanted to actually love that person, and I think it took until I was 21 to understand the difference between love and lust. It was worth the wait, because it made the moment twice a special when it happened. Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 My b/f was a virgin until he was about 21/22....he had sex with someone who kind of pressured him into it, and went right to sleep afterwards. They didnt talk after that. It really crushed him, and affects him to this day. My point is, stick to your values and dont let anyone talk you into it. If you DO have sex b/f marriage, make sure that you've been together for a long time and that she's a wonderful person, deserving of sharing that with you. Since your beliefs about this are so strong, I really think you should take a long time in your relationships, otherwise you will live with a lot of guilt and sadness if its given to someone who doesnt truly love you Link to post Share on other sites
EIN Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 I too am a virgin at soon to be 24 (in 3months) and I say stick to your ideals. ITs not like I never had the chance to lose it just I felt it wasn't the person to lose it to so if you ever feel that way, do not let anyone else change your mind. We are all born as individuals, do not die as a copycat. GO VIRGINS all over the world!!! Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 is it more manly to have sex and give up your values and beliefs or is it more manly to stick to your values. I'm neither a Christian nor a virgin - nor have I ever been married. I can tell you, it is always more manly to protect your values. And to hell with anyone - woman or man - who tries to stomp on your values. The only caveat to that is that you respect the values of others in return, and that you judge them fairly. Don't think of people who have sex before marriage as immoral; it's just for whatever reason 'right' for them in a way that it isn't right for you. But no, don't ever feel like you've got to compromise your virtues just because you feel like you're at odds with the majority. The only thing I'd add is that you should also make sure that you occasionally check and re-check your value system. Don't be afraid to question your own values and beliefs from time to time. Some people think that this is weak, but I feel it's a sign of strength and wisdom. Maybe if you reflect, you'll adapt your value system. As long as it's really you who's making changes to your value system and not someone else, and as long as you know why your value system is being changed, and why it exists in the first place, it's all good man. Link to post Share on other sites
clandestinidad Posted August 20, 2005 Share Posted August 20, 2005 I totally agree with everything that stupid american said!!! Link to post Share on other sites
gigilani Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Continue to uphold your beliefs and God will reward you for it. I am a 37 year old Christian virgin. I do not flaunt it, but, am proud of it. My 2 younger sisters were also virgins when they married as was my brother when he married at 22. A 23 year old coworker was also a virgin when he married another virgin recently. Most famous virgin, Jessica Simpson. We are becoming more and more of a novelty, but, I do not regret my decision for a minute. Virgins don't have to deal w/the heartache & pain of past relationships, nor the concern or worries of stds, "who's your babys daddy" & the lot! I have been tempted, but, the consequences aren't worth, I will wait till marriage, not until I'm engaged or think that I've met the "one", because nothings concrete until the preacher annouces you man & wife. It would devastate me to have waited this long & give my precious gift to someone I think I'm going to marry, only to have him walk out of my life (i know people this has happened too). Do I expect to marry a virgin? No, that would be unrealistic of me, but, I know that our relationship will be more special because I loved him enough to wait for him & that I won't be able to compare him to anyone or any of the other baggage that comes w/premarital sex. Link to post Share on other sites
NewLee40 Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 The only time to have sex is when it feels like the right decision for you. If its not right at the present time because of your values, the weather, or the person you are with, there is no good reason to have sex unless it is what you want to do. Values aside, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about your sexual choices. The only "meaning" to your decision to have sex or not to have sex is the one YOU attribute to it - not what someone else thinks. FWIW, I was 20 and a virgin when I got married. I abstained because of religious values, and now that I'm a 40 year old woman, I don't hold those same values and therefore I don't feel like I want to wait until marriage to have sex. But, those are my values and not anyone elses. My decisions, my choices, my consequences. The only real question here is what do YOU want to do? Link to post Share on other sites
big_girls_rock Posted September 19, 2005 Share Posted September 19, 2005 First of all, I can't believe that big_girls_rock is a virgin. her location is 'in your bed'. But lets get back to the point at hand. I think that even if you are only thinking about changing this , you should first decide to be OK with any decision you make. Just the fact that you've brought it up in an open forum like this says to me that you are considering the change. If you do change your mind about being a virgin, don't ever regret it. Its your life and you get to make all your choices. I know it sounds silly, but I've made many decisions in my life by creating a pros and cons list. Just see if it helps. Lunnarbabe Im sorry if me joking offends you but just because Im a virgin dosb't mean I can't joke around in my profile. I am a virgin- whether you believe me or not because of a joke isn't my problem. Yet- it would seem hipocritcal so I'll change it. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Coyote Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 dude, all i have to say is that you're choosing a very difficult path- temptation is a pretty strong thing, and obviously since you've been questioning your beliefs, you'd probably agree. i don't think anyone could say for absolutely sure whether or not beliefs mean a damn thing in the long run - i personally believe that there's some sort of higher power, but i don't accept the idea that denying all the experiences life has to offer is the way we're supposed to live our lives. on the other hand, without a code, a man is nothing. and i can respect that that might be something better to live for. i can respect that. keep the faith, man. Link to post Share on other sites
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