InLoveButDepressed Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Hi All, I was wondering if anyone has ever gone through a depression and while in it they doubt everything in their life? Here is my story: I recently graduated college in May, and have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2.5 years now. Everything was perfect until this past October. I had never been so in love with someone in my life. He makes me so happy and is just an all around great guy. From the very beginning I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. i never had any doubt about us. I am head over heels. In may, after graduation I decided I want to move out. So in order to pay for that, I got an internship working all the time because my full-time job was not set to start until later in the year. So, I worked all summer and took classes (my ful-time position required more credits than I orginally graduated with). I barely had time to do anything and I did not get to enjoy my summer at all. Not to mention everyone I knew was warning me about how miserable accounting is and especially being in a top firm, i would be miserable, hate my life, and be distanced from my boyfriend. That really scared me. i honestly did not want anything to change in my life. I was starting to feel really down in the summer dreading leaving the internship i liked, not having enjoyed my summer, and starting a job I already knew I would hate so much. My boyfriend, myself, and my parents decided to take a last minute vacation before I started my new job. After this vacation I would have a week then off to the full time job that i Dreaded so much. I was all excited and everything was good and then i started to think about work. That night i went to bed. The next morning i woke up hysterically crying and panicking. I felt as if i needed to break up ith my boyfriend. Lose all attachment from my family and just move far far away and start a new life. I felt completely empty. No love for anyone. If you knew me, i am the most romantic happy girl in the world. I found myself now crying all the time, not wanting to leave bed and not wanting to do anything. I stopped going to the gym, gained 25 pounds and was just horrible. i went to the doctor and they prescribed medication because I was depressed. The meds made me worse. I did not understand how I could just feel so much one day, and then next feel absolutely nothing. The part that scared me the most was wanting to leave my family and my boyfriend. Because, again, just the day before i did not feel this at all. My boyfriend moved in with me a week later, after coming back from vacation. i was feeling whole again. But then back into my slump once the job started. I went to see a therapist and got off my meds. She diagnosed me as extremely depressed, and maybe a thyroid problem. Thorughout my depression, I have pinned all blame for my depression on my boyfriend when I know that is not the case. There is no reason to. He is such an amazing guy. i can whole heartedly say he is not the reason i am depressed or anything liek that. So thoughts that I need to leave are killing me inside, because i dont want that. Also, just to mention I have been in two other relationships and been cheated on in both. they both lasted two years and we broke up at the two year point because i found out about the infedelity. My two year approached with my current boyfriend and i think i subconsiously thought i needed to leave because thats what i have done twice already. But I DO NOT want to leave. I was just kind of wondering if anyone went through this. I have never had doubts before, and my mind keeps telling me to leave. No reason at all to leave just leave. I don't have interest in anyone else, and i am constantly having a battle wiht my heart and my head. I love my boyfriend and the last thing i want is to not be with him. Is it normal to have doubts and feel like you need to break up just because like things are getting really serious? How can i convince myself its just a hard point in the relationship because things are getting very serious and not that i actually want ot break up. He is honestly an amazing person, and I do not want to lose him. Thank you in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 OMG. I feel so bad for you. Getting your 1st real job, especially such a prestigious & coveted one, is a great thing! Those people who filled your head with dread were probably just jealous. If you love what you do, you will never work a day in your life. That is the beauty of having a profession. How is your job going? You need to get that settled, because it not your relationship is the source of your discontent. Don't make any rash decisions right now. Don't break up. Don't get engaged. Just be & work on your career. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
slizl Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Sounds like it's real life that you want to break up with, not your boyfriend. He is just the scapegoat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TintedChrome Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I'm curious about 2 things. 1. Exactly who is "everyone I know" and why do they so uniformly believe that a career in accounting would be so bad for you? 2. What medication were you on and who prescribed it for you? What dose did you take and how long were you on it? Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 I'm confused too. You seemingly went into a deep depression overnight just because a bunch of people said you would hate your job. Like you got depressed about the job before you ever even started it. Then you never indicated if the job was as terrible as everyone predicted it would be or not. Do you hate the job? Is it as awful as everyone said? Why did they say you were going to hate accounting? Why did you go into accounting if it isn't something you enjoy? Link to post Share on other sites
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