I'm completely messed up.

[drunkensquid]

So here's my life.. I spent 6 years with my high school girlfriend. The latter 3 were pretty much ****.. but we ended up having a son together. He is my entire world. By far the most important thing to me. His mother and I split up due to a multitude of reasons when he was about 8 months old. Shortly after we split I got involved with a good friend of mine. She and her man split and they had a child too. He wanted nothing to do with the kid and left her because of it. So, being that I was sleeping in my parents guest room, she in her parents, we decided to give things a shot.. We both had kids, we both needed to get out of our parents and neither of us could afford to do it alone, we had been close feiends, etc. Child care was a big concern for both of us (I have my son every other week).. So here we are a year and a half later and I think the whole thing was a huge mistake. She's incredibly insecure, dramatic, and down right disrespectful at times. That being said, I've been no angel. I open my mouth before I think a lot of times, etc. Now all of that could probably be worked through.. but here's the catch.. I don't want to. I want to get out on my own. I want to leave. Live life. Find myself. I'm only 24. She's 22 and I feel she should do the same thing. Get some ground under our feet.. And I don't think we can do it together. This relationship feels like tire spin. Burning rubber and going nowhere fast. I feel like I've bit off more than I can chew. I want to experience independence because I never have. I went from my parents to living with my high school gf, back to my parents, then on to my current. My biggest problem is.. I'm afraid. I've never been alone. This is making it hard to leave her. I do care about her too.. But I know better than to let that cloud the truth, which is we are terrible for each other and probably shouldn't be with anyone, especially each other where we were draw together by codependency, and that's where are staying due to comfortability. I signed a lease for my own apartment two days ago. It's nothing special, but I can afford it. I have a vehicle and a full time job.. I won't be able to see my son as much.. And I've never been alone. I have yet to even move anything over there. I have next to no real, true friends.. Has anyone else been through this? Any advice? Sorry for the novel.. I'm going through a lot. I feel like I should have turned in my man card years ago.. How do I get it back? How do I gain indeoendence? Is this fear irrational? Normal? Help!

[d0nnivain]

I lived in the dorms in college & at my parents house in grad school. Then I moved in with a BF. We were still together when I moved out to be closer to a new job & I bought my own house.

 

 

The 1st few nights I spent alone in my house I was petrified.

 

 

But I got through it because it was a sense of accomplishment. I was proving my independence to the world but more importantly to myself.