Chasing_mya Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I personally knew someone who was in an affair for almost 10 years. I was wondering for those who are or were involved, how long was it for you? Do you regret it & would you do it again? Link to post Share on other sites
Babs22 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Two years and two months, still in it. Regret it? Yes Do it again? No way Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) 8 months physically, then I ended it. We didn't speak for a few months, because I was under the impression that the whole thing was something it wasn't (there's a back story). Then we recently had a very honest conversation about the whole mess where there was a lot of tears and heightened emotions and we realized we are at a huge impasse. He wanted to remain friends, I know better than that and I refused for a laundry list of reasons (I always reference them on my posts advising OPs on the same thing). So now, it's done for good. My closure finally came. I would never do it again. I know better now. Edited February 19, 2015 by GoldieLox 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Almost 20..ea....never ever again...all regrets here Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chasing_mya Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 Goldielox, I agree I don't think you can remain 'friends' after something like that. To me there's just no way. I'm sure there have been exceptions, rare of course but I can't imagine having a friendship after an affair like that. I'm glad you are moving on and wishing you the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
neverdonethisbefore Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 7 months. I regret it bitterly. I will never do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Goldielox, I agree I don't think you can remain 'friends' after something like that. To me there's just no way. I'm sure there have been exceptions, rare of course but I can't imagine having a friendship after an affair like that. I'm glad you are moving on and wishing you the best. It's terrible, especially after it was revealed there were apparently some strong feelings on his part. I still have to work with him unfortunately, but I explicitly told him we could not remain friends. If I could go back to being friends with him before the whole affair started, I would in a nanosecond. I miss his friendship the most. I'd trade it for the sex any day. Thank you for the kind words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Affair has been on/off for a little over 4 years now. I regret this more than anything and if I could go back in time I would slap the ever loving crap out of me so I wouldn't have entered into this mess. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaintedLuv Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Seven years for me. Recently went NC. Never again. Literally traumatized myself for eternity. If I could go back, I would make sure to never even know of his existence. Years of torture to be left to rot. *Sigh* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 An affair is a sexual relationship or a romantic friendship or passionate attachment between two people. A romantic affair, also called an affair of the heart, may refer to sexual liaisons among unwed or wedded parties, or to various forms of nonmonogamy. - Wikipedia I use this definition, not the usual implied clandestine or illicit interpretation. Since my "affair" is not illicit or clandestine, fully consensual, and falls within the parameters of ethical nonmonogamy perhaps you'll want to discount my post. I've been having an affair for over 3 years, and it has been great. No regrets, I'd do it again, and I expect it to continue. Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 My affair was 8 months, we were physical with each for the first 2 months. So I guess the rest of my affair would be considered an emotional affair, only communicating via our social media page. My other affair was a 2 time meetup. Do I regret it? Yes with all of my heart would I do it again? Never again. I will never be the same person because of it. I never knew I would ever be capable of such betrayal and I hate myself everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Should be pinned, A are regretted with a passion. Great learning for those who are contemplating it. It seems like it's simply not worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Should be pinned, A are regretted with a passion. Great learning for those who are contemplating it. It seems like it's simply not worth it. I wish I would have thought about it before I dove right into it. At the moment, it just seemed so right. It ridiculous, I know. And hard to explain and even sounds disgusting. But i was so wrapped up in it and my mind was so warped. Now, looking back, like you said, simply not worth it. I wish I could take back every single moment I shared with him, every single second I thought of him. I wish I could take it all back. Absolutely not worth it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Not sure. Maybe 6 months... Don't remember dates or anything. Not sure if say regret.... I regret a lot of things that got me to this point. Will I do it again? Depends. Hope not. But can't rule it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria_Smellons Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 About 18 months for me, still involved. I'm not really big on regretting things in my life so I'm not sure I'd use that word. I can't change the past, only my future, so regret feels like a bit of a wasted emotion. That isn't to say if I could do it all over again I'd make all the same choices - I wouldn't - but as awful a choice as it is, being involved with a MM is still a choice I made, and keep making. I know at some point I will have to be the one to end this farce, but I'm just not there yet. Would I do it again? For my own mental and emotional health I bloody hope not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Two years and two months, still in it. Regret it? Yes Do it again? No way If you regretted your behavior you would end such behavior and tell your BS the truth. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Affair has been on/off for a little over 4 years now. I regret this more than anything and if I could go back in time I would slap the ever loving crap out of me so I wouldn't have entered into this mess. You do not have to go back in time to slap yourself silly. Just do it now and end your affair. Your actions show that you do not want to end your mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 You do not have to go back in time to slap yourself silly. Just do it now and end your affair. Your actions show that you do not want to end your mess. I'm attempting to now, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I'm attempting to now, thanks Good for you. First step is NC. Lets make that happen today. Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 5-6 mos EA, with the last two lightly physical (no sex). Regret it deeply. Would not do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Shaun777 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 7 years, I'm a MM, the OW was BPD, I'll never do it again, I don't regret it because if it didn't happen I wouldn't have discovered how messed I have been. A lesson learned. I now understand what happens when you are in a relationship with a Narcissistic person BPD, HPD etc. She taught me a lot about insecurity, dependency and habitual lying. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. If you ever have the misfortune of finding yourself in a relationship with a personality disordered person, run and don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Nattie Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 2 and a half years, before we left our spouses. We're currently together. It is a VERY mentally draining experience, changes who you are as a person. I can't say I regret it, as I genuinely believe he is the love of my life, but would I ever enter into another affair? Absolutely not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
janetl Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 2 years including the very good friendship that started it all. Regret it? No. But would have if it turned physical: we both kept it from crossing the line. There were parts of it that were so precious to me; the deep connection, the mutual care. Would do it again? No way. Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Below 5 years and still in. Do it again? I'd be torn, our relationship evolved from D/s to a full blown romantic/emotional affair over time. Link to post Share on other sites
snl Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Hi. 8 months for me. Tough question..there were so many special moments and great memories that might take you always back to THIS person (if you let it)...but when there is no decision you should not wait and wait and wait... the great pain that comes during/afterwards made me promise myself never ever go through a similar experience again. I can only recommend to stay away and don't become OM/OW. İ can't and don't want to make the past "unhappened" but now I gained experience and for my happiness need to protect myself in the future Link to post Share on other sites
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