NGC1300 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 if they hate clingy men then how can they agree to get married? Or do they just expect their future husband to cheat and the thought of this makes them wet??? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Being married doesn't have anything to do with either party being clingy... How do you link the two in your mind? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 The two concepts are unrelated. If you have a correlation in your mind, can you please elaborate. Marriage is about joining your lives but for most people that is from a place of strength & self-confidence: I have a good thing going but I would enjoy doing it with you. Clingy is more like I am unable or unwilling to function without you so please save me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I was kind of wondering the same thing. Obviously if someone marries someone else who is super clingy, they've been with the other person long enough to realize these issues exist and either A] put up with them, or B] don't care.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Moreover, the idea that a spouse would cheat makes most people angry or hurt but not aroused. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Being married doesn't mean you're clingy. Being unmarried doesn't mean you're not clingy. Clingy is being unhealthily dependent on someone else for your happiness and not liking yourself well enough to be happy on your own and then demanding and whining for constant attention. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Being married doesn't mean you're clingy. Being unmarried doesn't mean you're not clingy. Clingy is being unhealthily dependent on someone else for your happiness and not liking yourself well enough to be happy on your own and then demanding and whining for constant attention. "Nailed it" -Jack Black 1 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Clingy is considered a flaw, but I prefer it over others. Definitely. Link to post Share on other sites
Ethan78 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Moreover, the idea that a spouse would cheat makes most people angry or hurt but not aroused. While I don't agree with the clingy part of the OP's post, I have to say that women are sometimes turned on by a man who they think is desired by other women. It would seem to be a slight contradiction to be turned on by it before a relationship but to consider the man acting on it to be an outrage during the relationship. It is ultimately the risk the person takes when choosing a partner. Kind of like me employing someone because I know they are highly coveted and will be headhunted for another job and then being outraged when that happens. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 if they hate clingy men then how can they agree to get married? Or do they just expect their future husband to cheat and the thought of this makes them wet??? I don't think you understand the concept of what a "clingy" means. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 if they hate clingy men then how can they agree to get married? Or do they just expect their future husband to cheat and the thought of this makes them wet??? Your post does not compute... Anyway, I am not a fan of clingy women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AVarma Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I'm surprised so many people are responding. I didn't even understand the original question. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 While I don't agree with the clingy part of the OP's post, I have to say that women are sometimes turned on by a man who they think is desired by other women. It would seem to be a slight contradiction to be turned on by it before a relationship but to consider the man acting on it to be an outrage during the relationship. It is ultimately the risk the person takes when choosing a partner. Kind of like me employing someone because I know they are highly coveted and will be headhunted for another job and then being outraged when that happens. Being desired by others and cheating are separate issues. Wanting a desirable partner isn't the same as wanting a partner you feel is going to cheat on you. Men and women like to know they have a partner that is "valuable" and that others may like BUT want it to be that even though the partner is highly desirable they only have eyes for them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AVarma Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Being desired by others and cheating are separate issues. Wanting a desirable partner isn't the same as wanting a partner you feel is going to cheat on you. Men and women like to know they have a partner that is "valuable" and that others may like BUT want it to be that even though the partner is highly desirable they only have eyes for them. What if he's not desirable by others but still has an eye only for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Camaro Guy Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 What if he's not desirable by others but still has an eye only for you? Game over. Link to post Share on other sites
Ethan78 Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) Wanting a desirable partner isn't the same as wanting a partner you feel is going to cheat on you. In reality these probably aren't separate issues. The person who is desired will have the option and temptation to cheat and the partner will be aware that the risk is there. To say you don't 'feel' they would cheat is to ignore the person's sexual / social value and hence to delude yourself. I'm just saying it is a contradiction to be turned on by other women wanting the guy you want, but then to pretend that when it happens it was an unexpected and outrageous thing to happen. I don't accept your point that men necessarily want a woman who is desired by other men. It would be the same if a man only went for a glamorous women who he knew other men were tripping over themselves to get to know. If he wants less drama why go for that woman? Edited February 21, 2015 by Ethan78 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 In the bible it says when you marry you cleave unto the one you are with over any other...over parents over everyone..bar god an djesus themselves....that might be considered clingy...i think it actually means to love and support the person you are with....and being supportive means not whining for attention because by this attention you get should be complete and satisfying... simply being there ...you choose that person that person chooses you to bond with for life and beyond.... again i say ...could be considered clinginess....but in reality, it means not to cheat or destroy or hinder the other person but enhance protect, defend love and abide by.... then lastly serve who you are with in a holy matrimony...well....that what marriage means to me...old school..deb Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 What if he's not desirable by others but still has an eye only for you? OK, maybe I'm odd, but if I am into a man and he is with me, I don't even pay attention to who else may or may not be "desiring" him. I don't understand this line of thinking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 What if he's not desirable by others but still has an eye only for you? Many people like that too. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) In reality these probably aren't separate issues. The person who is desired will have the option and temptation to cheat and the partner will be aware that the risk is there. To say you don't 'feel' they would cheat is to ignore the person's sexual / social value and hence to delude yourself. I'm just saying it is a contradiction to be turned on by other women wanting the guy you want, but then to pretend that when it happens it was an unexpected and outrageous thing to happen. I don't accept your point that men necessarily want a woman who is desired by other men. It would be the same if a man only went for a glamorous women who he knew other men were tripping over themselves to get to know. If he wants less drama why go for that woman? Your idea is that because other people want you and you have "options" you are automatically always trying to exercise them or are at greater risk to cheat thus no one should be surprised that because their SO is attractive to others they will cheat. Nonsense. Cheating is not simply a matter of other people thinking you're attractive. It's about you, your values, your choices, your respect for your relationship etc. Simply because you can or because others are attracted to you does not mean you are automatically going to jump ship to go cheat. It really isn't that simplistic. Also, cheating isn't only a problem among the highly desirable among us. All kinds of people cheat and get cheated on. You only need to have one other person that is attracted to you and willing. Read the other woman and other man forums or the many threads on cheating....it is rarely a case of having some god or goddess of a SO that everyone loves who had to succumb to the temptation of many people throwing themselves at them. There was no special risk...they were mostly average people who, like most folks, at least one other person is interested in. Cheating the way you portray it is a purely opportunistic venture where if someone else or many find you attractive you simply go along with it...that makes no sense. Whether or not other people think you are attractive doesn't matter in terms of your choice to cheat or the temptation. Ugly people cheat and get cheated on, so do average people, which most folks are...therefore it stands to reason that it's not merely a matter of you being overly attractive and desirable but lots of other choices that go into that decision. Sure....men want women everyone thinks is unattractive. Sounds legit. You cannot control if other people find your SO attractive. Your SO controls themselves though and I know for me, I'm not an ugly chick, and I get hit on often, even in relationships, yet I only have eyes for my guy so it doesn't matter how many men hit on me. That's the point. The men I'm with are flattered that other men, not just them, think I am good looking but they know I am faithful and have eyes for them so they aren't worried that I'm going to exercise my options and neither do I with them. They don't just value me for looks but that's part of the package and most people want a SO that is someone they are proud to be with as a package. Your SO says a lot about you, and while it's not a matter of having a trophy bf/gf, most people want someone they feel is valuable in the eyes of others, and valuable isn't just looks only. Which person genuinely wants someone they feel is a bottom of the barrel person that all others have rejected??? Only the chronically insecure have the mentality that they should only date unattractive people or people they think no one else wants so they won't get cheated on. I had a friend who did this...she dated men she felt were unattractive physically as well as beneath her in education, social status etc. because she felt nobody would want them and they'd be faithful to her and worship the ground she walked on....wellll that didn't go over so well when one of these guys cheated on her anyway, with a woman she was livid about because the woman was less good looking and I guess more on the guy's level. Edited February 21, 2015 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Unrelated. One doesn't marry someone if the thought of them being "clingy" every popped up. I usually equate that to when you are starting to date someone, getting to know them and perhaps they like you more than you like them. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 if they hate clingy men then how can they agree to get married? Or do they just expect their future husband to cheat and the thought of this makes them wet??? Huh? Being clingy and marrying someone don't correlate. Getting married doesn't mean a person is clingy. Link to post Share on other sites
Ethan78 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Your idea is that because other people want you and you have "options" you are automatically always trying to exercise them or are at greater risk to cheat thus no one should be surprised that because their SO is attractive to others they will cheat. Nonsense. Cheating is not simply a matter of other people thinking you're attractive. It's about you, your values, your choices, your respect for your relationship etc. Simply because you can or because others are attracted to you does not mean you are automatically going to jump ship to go cheat. It really isn't that simplistic. Also, cheating isn't only a problem among the highly desirable among us. All kinds of people cheat and get cheated on. You only need to have one other person that is attracted to you and willing. Read the other woman and other man forums or the many threads on cheating....it is rarely a case of having some god or goddess of a SO that everyone loves who had to succumb to the temptation of many people throwing themselves at them. There was no special risk...they were mostly average people who, like most folks, at least one other person is interested in. Cheating the way you portray it is a purely opportunistic venture where if someone else or many find you attractive you simply go along with it...that makes no sense. Whether or not other people think you are attractive doesn't matter in terms of your choice to cheat or the temptation. Ugly people cheat and get cheated on, so do average people, which most folks are...therefore it stands to reason that it's not merely a matter of you being overly attractive and desirable but lots of other choices that go into that decision. Sure....men want women everyone thinks is unattractive. Sounds legit. You cannot control if other people find your SO attractive. Your SO controls themselves though and I know for me, I'm not an ugly chick, and I get hit on often, even in relationships, yet I only have eyes for my guy so it doesn't matter how many men hit on me. That's the point. The men I'm with are flattered that other men, not just them, think I am good looking but they know I am faithful and have eyes for them so they aren't worried that I'm going to exercise my options and neither do I with them. They don't just value me for looks but that's part of the package and most people want a SO that is someone they are proud to be with as a package. Your SO says a lot about you, and while it's not a matter of having a trophy bf/gf, most people want someone they feel is valuable in the eyes of others, and valuable isn't just looks only. Which person genuinely wants someone they feel is a bottom of the barrel person that all others have rejected??? If women want to be turned on by a guy having a lot of options and then wonder why those options have affected his behaviour at a later date, then that would seem to be nonsense. It's no different to a company hiring a guy they know is being headhunted then wondering why he isn't as loyal as the guy who isn't in demand by other companies and doesn't have the same options. If I was a recruiter it would be a silly choice on my part to employ such a person and expect his honour and a traditional ceremony to stop him from working elsewhere. Men are not attracted to women because they are in demand. I don't care if the hot blonde with big boobs is desired by other men. That makes her no more or less attractive to me. I had a friend who did this...she dated men she felt were unattractive physically as well as beneath her in education, social status etc. Wow! The 'beneath her' part is quite a statement. I find this stuff repugnant, but then it is a sexual marketplace. You seem cynical enough to be OK with the ruthless nature of this marketplace in general, but you then switch to very honourable about cheating. The reality is that the sexual marketplace doesn't care for selective honour. Have you thought that maybe commitment and loyalty is 'beneath' the guy who has lot of options? Link to post Share on other sites
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