xpaperxcutx Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I recently got back in to contact with my ex and after some long drawn out conversations, he said he will only get back together with me if the new girl ****s up. He doesn't see her or anything; all they do is text each other. He says she makes him happy because she gives him his space, which was something I never did for him. She's also a lot closer to his age, and has a good job and is a responsible person. He talks to me and and says he can see me once in a while (as a friend). I really want to make things work with him. We have been together for 3 years, and NC doesn't work because I know he will contact me regardless. I feel like I'm at an impasse, because I do still have feelings for him and while he has told me he does care for me, a lot of things I did to him in the past has made him resent me and he feels like I'm not the one for him. While I have been one to advocate NC before, I feel like NC in my case will not work. My ex is naturally a caring person and he will try to reach out to me even if he's with another girl. I can't move on because I love him but at the same time it hurts to know, I've become the back-up girl, if and when things don't work out with the new girl. Honestly, can someone please give me a second opinion to my situation and how I can try to make things even a little better for him and I? Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 The first thing you posted answers your question. He only wants to be with you if his new girl ****s up. That will always be his excuse to make you #2. If you truly want to heal, you need to block him and really go NC. It seems like you go NC and then he breaks through and you respond. He has no reason to make you number 1. Don't you want someone who makes you their priority? And doesn't dangle you along? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 20, 2015 Author Share Posted February 20, 2015 The first thing you posted answers your question. He only wants to be with you if his new girl ****s up. That will always be his excuse to make you #2. If you truly want to heal, you need to block him and really go NC. It seems like you go NC and then he breaks through and you respond. He has no reason to make you number 1. Don't you want someone who makes you their priority? And doesn't dangle you along? It's not that I don't want to heal, the thing is I'm still in love with him. I was a very horrible girlfriend to him in the beginning and he had stuck out with me through thick and thin. I want him back but I can't force him to leave her for me. I begged him back before and he just got angry at me. I know I should value myself more, but I'm very scared to lose him. I had an ex before who ended marrying the girl after me. So I'm scared my current ex will do the same and marry her. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 It's not that I don't want to heal, the thing is I'm still in love with him. I was a very horrible girlfriend to him in the beginning and he had stuck out with me through thick and thin. I want him back but I can't force him to leave her for me. I begged him back before and he just got angry at me. I know I should value myself more, but I'm very scared to lose him. I had an ex before who ended marrying the girl after me. So I'm scared my current ex will do the same and marry her. Trouble is here that even if the new girl ****s up, he will just go and find another girl. He doesn't see you as No. 1 and that is huge problem for you. In fact he has told you how he feels very clearly. "a lot of things I did to him in the past has made him resent me and he feels like I'm not the one for him" Listen to him. He says you are NOT the one for him and as you say he RESENTS you. That is not going to change. Do not waste your life hankering after people who do not want you. Life is short, go look for someone who will think you are No.1 and treat them really well; learn something from this experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Sofarris Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I'm afraid I share the opinion of the other commentors. The fact he only wants to give it a go with you if the other girl ruins it is all you need to know. He doesn't seem to care enough about you to make any real commitment. I know you still love him but if the love will never be reciprocated the best thing to do would be to just cut him out. If he tries to contact you tell him not to. Simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Trapito Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Is this the same guy who smacked you with a bottle and pulled your hair? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 I'm afraid I share the opinion of the other commentors. The fact he only wants to give it a go with you if the other girl ruins it is all you need to know. He doesn't seem to care enough about you to make any real commitment. I know you still love him but if the love will never be reciprocated the best thing to do would be to just cut him out. If he tries to contact you tell him not to. Simple. Hi Sofarris, thank you for you comment. I have to believe what alot of people are telling me- that a person can love you but not be in love with you anymore. All this time I was holding on to a dead love and I realize that i can't change anything except myself. I'll have to cut him off no matter what. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 You can do it, it'll get better. Link to post Share on other sites
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