justmebev1 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Hello All! It's been awhile. To those of you who have had conversations with me, am I better? No, actually I am worse. 7 mos. N/C and I don't feel any better than D-day. I'm probably a statistic, or maybe I just hold on too long. Anyway, somehow by the grace of God I landed upon MHMM post about him being the MM and how he felt about the OW. It was an amazing post, so old, back to 2010 I don't even know how I found it. I was wondering if anyone new if MHMM comes on anymore or if anyone has any contact with him? Thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Do you have a link to his post? I would like to read it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justmebev1 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Share Posted February 20, 2015 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/243828-mm-s-perspective Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 According to his profile, he has not posted since September 2010. A very enlightening post he made. I half agree and half disagree, however since the OP is not here to defend his view I guess I shant comment on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justmebev1 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Share Posted February 20, 2015 I would love to hear where he is at now 4 years later. I'm sorry he didn't come back! But he did say what every OW would want to hear and it was nice of him to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 OP, it takes awhile. It took me more than 3 years to fully get past it - meaning you feel like you can live without him, are "over" him, or at least that you can move on. I was mostly a disaster during those 3 years. It's tough to admit, but there it is. Hang in there and don't give up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 (edited) I honestly believe that it takes married other women and men longer to get over it. Mostly because the affair was an escape for them, and when it ends they lose their place to escape to. It's also harder, ime, no matter what type of relationship it is, when you were the one who was dumped. Something about unfinished business. Edited February 20, 2015 by Popsicle 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 OP, Can you please explain in what way you are now worse? And why you think that may be? Link to post Share on other sites
Author justmebev1 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Share Posted February 20, 2015 And Hello SolG...I was reading your post. I know how you feel. Well many of us do. Why am I worse? And why might that be? Well, I'm back on the dating sites looking, nothing is measuring up because I am comparing MM to everyone, looking for the same connection and not finding it yet. I never give up, thankfully. It also depresses me to be out there looking again, because deep down I am still in love with MM, and get very depressed that I have to look for it again because I had found it, but it wasn't mine it's M. The N/C for 7 mos. is just awful. I lost my best friend, the person who knew my good parts, my faults, just everything and to be without it is painful. I'm very depressed. I have moments of peace, can't call it happiness because I am not, just maybe moments of less thinking about him. I have been sleeping more because when I sleep it shuts my brain off from thinking. I miss his smell, his face, his voice, his kiss, his touch, his playfulness, his humor, how loving he is, just everything. The memories are wonderful, but that's all they are is memories. I'm still waiting for my Pretty Woman ending where he pulls up into my driveway.....and that is just a night in shining armor ending that will not happen. I feel very hurt to not be able to talk with him, almost inhumane for a person to have to be put through that (even though I know most would say N/C is best, cause it helps you move on) as if I don't exist, never existed, after such a great relationship and an amazing connection in every way, it's a crime for it to be swept away. As other say, it does take time, some people more time than others. I read somewhere that the average time to get over a break up is 17 mos. I hope that answers your questions, if you have any other questions just ask. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartWon'tHeal Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 How can you be sure this is your xMM and not someone else's xMM? If this is your xMM post and you liked his post do you think you broke NC? Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I relate to all you are saying. xMM has written much the same to me . He is still pining after almost a year. So am I. Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justmebev1 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 No, it's def not my x MM I just appreciated what he wrote. Link to post Share on other sites
Mabelblue Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 This post is just what I needed today. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 There's no magic time table. You are grieving and that takes time. I just made a post that it took me 27 years to NOT remember a former MM of mine birthday. You may still have moments. I have times where I just disappear from Loveshack because it dredges up thing for me. I get stuck in a rut remembering crappy ex boyfriends, the neglectful ex husband, the lousy way different people have treated me. I'm kind of lucky in that my married friend and I can still talk, but we can't see each other. It helps to be long distance, but the primary reason we can't see each other is I know we would be in bed. I don't have to cross him out of my life, but I do have to exercise a helluva lot of self control. The conversations are maudlin, we did just talk last weekend and much of the focus was on 50 Shades of Awful. Throw in a little work talk, discuss family life, free time activites, give good wishes and we are done with our chat. The most sexual thing about the conversation was me telling him, Ana is naked a lot and the actress barely has any breasts. Dating sucks and it is so hard to make a connection, to find someone who genuinely cares about you. Yet, keep trying, keep doing it. I'd actually encourage you to be a bit aggressive and meet for coffee or drinks or supper. You may not meet your next boyfriend, but it gets you out there, going through the motions. I know it is a hassle. I usually go on two dates and when the man wants a third or a few days after the second date I tell them, "my last relationship ended X number of months ago. I thought I was over him, I thought I was ready to date. I'm just not." It amazes me how few men actually ask me about previous relationships. When they do ask. I say I have been divorced for over ten years and they rarely ask about recent history. Oh - I also pay my own way on the dates and I do try and make it enjoyable for them, even though they aren't going to get anything long term or sex out of it. Just keep moving forward. Go ahead, sit down and write a list about what moving forward looks like for you. Then set some realistic goals. Baby steps! Link to post Share on other sites
Author justmebev1 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 Thanks Lady! Very good advice. That is exactly what I am doing. At least at this point I can say I am comfortable in my own skin, doing what I want when I want, and not jumping into anything. I will no longer be wearing my heart on my sleeve. It does make me wiser. Mabel Blue - Why is that? Link to post Share on other sites
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