break up

[meow]

Hi...

 

I'll try to make this as short as possible:

 

I'm 18, my bf of about a year is 19.

 

He is my first bf.

 

Qn 1:

 

Since he is my first one, i am curious about other guys. I'm realizing more and more that even though i know i could have a lovely future with my bf, i need to satisfy my curiosity first... problem: we go to the same college, we have classes together.... it would be SO hard to break up right now, esp. since we still love each other... sometimes it seems my stupid curiosity isn't worth losing him... other times i think that i will break up, but in the summer, when we don't _have to see each other every day....

 

I'm also a bit afraid i dont wanna lose him more as a friend than as a bf... (we're RLLY close. i can tell him antyhing, literally)

 

Qn 2:

 

He didn't go to the college best for his profession cuz of me (so he could stay in the same town), or so he says (it was a slightly complicated story, so there might be more to it, but i know i was a major factor in his decision)

 

I feel bad about it. I know it was his choice & all... but esp. if i break up - i'll just feel rlly bad for basically screwing up the beginning of his career... not that our college is bad... but the other one is better... and his teacher is still upset that he didnt go to the better one (that one also gave him chance to do international competition, unlike my college) ......... Anyway, i know this shdn't be an issue i think about when i think about breaking up... but the way it happened was - he liked me, but wasn't sure if i like him back... so he decided to go to the good college... and then that hurt me, i tried to reduce contact with him... he obviously noticed it and figured out that i'm just upset cuz he's leaving.. and that's now it started.........

 

Any thoughts/ advice/ anything?

 

THANK YOU

 

PS he senses my confusion and he has even said that sometimes he feels like i'm trying to reduce 'us' to just friendship...

 

I keep thinking - maybe he'll tranfer to his good college and just be happier and better without curious me??

 

But i know he rlly loves me, he's trying to make this work as hard as he can........

 

I'm afraid of jumping into committment at my age... it seems to early to get serious....

 

I'm also sometimes wondering if he rlly loves me that much or he's also scared of being single, of the "post-break-up" period... maybe so am i...

 

Thanks... i felt good to at least type all that out ..

[Tony T]

Let this guy move on as quickly as possible. There is just no way you are in love with him and no way you are ready for any kind of committed relationship.

 

At least you realize all the consequences of this relationship. You are right in that you are not responsible for his decision to go to your college. That was pretty foolish on his part. He needs to learn to base his decisions on what his best for his purpose. You do not attend college for the purpose of a relationship, you attend for the purpose of preparing for life and for a career. He should have known if the two of you were meant to be together, you would be.

 

You have no say on whether or not he decides he still wants to be your friend. But you are doing him absolutely no favor whatsoever having him hang on to the idea that he is going to have a long term relationship with you. You are wanting to go out with other guys, to have a good time, and to enjoy your college experience.

 

Cut him loose immediately. Like tomorrow sometime when the two of you can get together. It would be very dishonest to wait until the end of the term. The two of you can see each other on campus as honest friends. Continuing to mislead him just so things won't be unpleasant for you running in to him in classes and on campus is a pretty lame excuse. You are now an adult and you must conduct yourself as such.

 

Cut the fraud and come clean with the guy. That's the least you can do.